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No Church If House Is Dirty

My husband told me I could not go to church anymore because I work through the week and he says I'm using time going to church that I should be cleaning and doing things around the house. What say you?

Moderator - Clean the house and go to church. Suggest that he does his part in helping out unless he already is.

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 ---angea4937 on 1/3/10
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What it all comes down to is this woman (the writer of the question) is married to a chauvenist--and I feel for her.
---Mary on 1/13/10


I have nothing against cleanliness (in fact, I think it's a Good Thing). I am just pointing out that we shouldn't let that overshadow the fact that it's merely a small part of the big picture, and we shouldn't forget that and miss the forest for the trees.

Some of the worst monsters in history have been some of the most neatly dressed and minicured, while many saints have gone around in little better than rags.
---StrongAxe on 1/12/10

Axey: My appologies. I should have written "Why do you appear to defend it so?"

I get your concerns about earning salvation as a clean freak and the pharisee's obsession with clean cups, but the lesson Christ was teaching was not one against cleanliness, but rather one against man-made rituals.

I have noted that Christians who are filthy in their personal hygeine and home surroundings (due to laziness) generally manifest rottenness in their fruits of the spirit.
---jerry6593 on 1/12/10


Please point out where I defend filth. I think it is bad, but there are many other things that are worse. It is bad to obsess over anything, cleaning included. Many people confuse cleanliness and godliness. Jesus spoke about the Pharisees - they washed their hands all the way up to their elbows - yet inside they were like whitewashed tombs.

Whenever we focus so strongly on one thing that it can make us go directly against God in other ways, warning bells should be going off. For example, Jewish youths in Jesus's day not supporting their parents because they had donated all their money to the temple, or churches today denying people entry because thir clothes are dirty.
---StrongAxe on 1/11/10

Axey: Are you a filthy person? Why do you defend it so?
---jerry6593 on 1/11/10


You're missing the point. While cleanliness may be next to godliness, cleanliness is not, IN ITSELF godliness. It is a work. Works may be all well and fine, but they don't get us any nearer to heaven. Just as spending a lot of time obsessing over keeping ourselves healthy benefits us little, obsessing over keeping our houses germ- and dust- free similarly benefits us little.

Note how the Pharisees objected that Jesus and his disciples didn't wash their hands, as Jewish law demanded. Evidently, Jesus didn't consider that to be nearly as important as some other people did (and still do). Many people still waste too much time on superficial things, and neglect more important things.
---StrongAxe on 1/10/10

Axey: Do you think that Jesus was a filthy person? Did He not fold his graveclothes neatly after His resurrection? Do you not want to follow Jesus' example? Do you think that you will be given a new character when you "put on immortality?"
---jerry6593 on 1/9/10

Angea4937: Prayers to you,beloved. You are caught in a very hard place and a very hard rock. Life can be so unfair sometime. And sometimes we have to live with the consequences of our bad decisions. You made a bad decision when you married an unbeliever. But I don't have all of the facts either. We have already been told to not be yoked with an unbeliever. There is a very good reason to NOT do this,beloved! Living with a believer is hard enough! Trust me.
I am almost in a situation like yours. Needless, to say, I am getting more fed up everyday. I can do bad all by myself. Is your life really worth so little? Don't
know about you but I don't have time to waste. I am determined to enjoy life and not be taken advantage of. God bless you
---Robyn on 1/8/10


No, but why is that relevant? We aren't in heaven yet. The streets of heaven are paved with gold, yet I don't recall paving your own floors with gold being a prerequisite of salvation either. The people in heaven are sinless, yet being sinless is also not a prerequisite of coming to Christ. If we were required to attain perfection by our own personal efforts first, we would have no need of Christ at all.
---StrongAxe on 1/8/10

Axey: Do you think the floors of heaven will be filthy?
---jerry6593 on 1/8/10

Angea4937,thank you for sharing. In this case,joined to an unbeliever,you must use wisdom to deal with him. I agree you need one thing in life for yourself,to give you a break and lift your spirit. Just how disabled is your husband,so bad he can't cook,wash dishes,do laundry,dust furniture the light parts of housework? Have you seen the doctors orders on what he can and can't do? I would check that to be sure exactly how disabled he is. I am disabled with severe pain from a bad back,a metal cage on a nerve, and there are things I can do,I may hurt when I do them, but it doesn't injure me. I would be wary and wonder if he really is worried about the house or wants to cut you off from the God he doesn't believe in. Not a cut and dried situation.
---Darlene_1 on 1/7/10

Yeah, I will tell you more about it. I work on a production line in a factory. I work 45-55 hrs per week. I do all the food shopping, I pay all the bills, I put oil in the car, I buy all the supplies for the house. The only thing he does is stay with our son at night and help him with his homework and make sure he gets to bed on time. I do all the laundry too. My husband is disabled because of a back injury. I feel like if I want to do one thing for my self I should be able to. I enjoy going to church and I am trying hard to stay in church. My husband does not believe in god at all. My son does not go because his dad tells him to just stay at home with him and watch tv, so of course-he does. It is not a good situation.
---angea4937 on 1/7/10

Mary,thank you. You are right that no woman should be "squashed" under a husbands thumb and I say not under anyones thumb. I would like to throw out Societies words of chauvenistic,feminism and all other labels. It would be so nice to go back to the good old days when if a girl child spent her time riding around with her Dad and all the men in the family,as I did,she wouldn't be labeled Tomboy. There wasn't room at the table for all the family so the men sat at the table and the women in the living room eating and visiting. I sat with the men. The men didn't do that because they demanded it as their right,the women controlled it and put them there. What was in operation then,but seldom now,Love. Love seeks not its own way.
---Darlene_1 on 1/6/10

Okay, Darlene makes some good points. Nonetheless, I still say that chauvenistic men are in the wrong to be that way--very wrong. It doesn't make it okay to squash a woman under your thumb just because the woman's priorities may not be totally in order.
---Mary on 1/6/10

Thank you Moderator.
---Darlene_1 on 1/6/10

Well said Darlene.
---Moderator on 1/6/10

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A rebellious attitude will only bring trouble and the Bible says it is as the sin of witchcraft. Too many women jump into church activities whole hog with no concern or consideration for anyone elses feelings and they do it under the guise of serving the Lord. That is not serving God. Putting church first isn't the same as putting God first. Been there done that and God showed me how wrong it is. I had my priorities out of place. Married ladies first loyality is God and next to husband,home,family or it should be. Church is not God. Women don't realize they are serving God when they are serving their family. Our husbands,children,and home are a ministry in and of themselves. God gave them to us and we are to take care of them.
---Darlene_1 on 1/6/10

Some of these responses are very contentious and will only cause a fight. Instead walk in love. If your husband isn't a Christian, he will not want your God unless you walk in love. Ephesians 5:22-33.
---Moderator on 1/6/10

Well, who does he think he is, God? Your first duty is to God, and not to your husband. You keep going to church all you want to. Never work too hard on earthly stuff, sos, you will be too tired for God. Church can take a lot out of you if you are there for other than sitting and looking. Perhaps, you could pick-up as you go through the house, and ask your husband to pick-up his stuff as he goes through the house. Wammo, your house is clean until you have more time to scrub the floors. Have a "blessed" day
---catherine on 1/6/10


Yes, remember, Jesus himself said "And he whose floors are dirty cannot inherit the kingdom of God."

Oh wait - he DIDN'T say that, did he?
---StrongAxe on 1/5/10

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Both of you can clean the house and then, go to church, together. What will be his excuses(s) then? And where does he get off telling you what to do? Is this part of his submit program, for the wife?
---Robyn on 1/5/10

How long is your church service?

Is it an ENTIRE DAY???

How sad dictator "christian husband" misuses and no understanding of his leadership role

maybe you should suggest your husband make more so you stay home full-time to care for house

unless of course your husband is working full-time AND HE takes care of household - the kids, cooks, shops etc

sadly men who suggest banning their wife from church under guise of "housecleaning" may be hiding something ...preferring to spend church-time socially without you - rather than spiritually

church should be family time to spend together with God growing together spiritually
---Rhonda on 1/4/10

Cluny,I attended a Baptist College,and took Bible studies from a teacher with a good sense of humor. He told me this and it is so true. A woman went to her Pastor very excited and eager to talk. The Pastor asked what he could do for her. She replied " Pastor,I have been called by God to the Mission Field". He looked at her firmly and answered,"yes you truely have been called to the Mission Field,to your 10 children". I really think people look at the far off until they can't see the closeup,and get so busy planning for tomorrow,they can't see what is going on today.
---Darlene_1 on 1/4/10

Angea should tell us more.

The case I recall is the opposite of the one that Cluny relates.

The woman worked. The husband did not work, but lounged around the home making a mess everywhere.

Whilst the wife was out at work she had to do the shopping. when she came home she had to cook the meal, then wash up the dishes, then clean the house, all the time whilst he watched the TV, or went down to the bar.

Seems a bit unbalanced?
---alan8566_of_uk on 1/4/10

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It would be interesting to know how many hours a week this husband works. Hopefully, Angea will continue in this conversation. The "What say you?" phrase at the end sounds a whole lot like Mima!!!
---KarenD on 1/4/10

I can't believe no one has said it yet: if this is a true account, and I'm sure it IS, then the wife should tell the husband where he can stick his chauvenistic and sick demands on her and telling her she can't go to church!
---Mary on 1/4/10

From one full-time working woman to another, I used to split the house chores and cleaning with my husband. He was in charge of changing the sheets, vacuuming, and taking out the trash which is less than half. I cleaned two bathrooms, did all the laundry, cooked the meals, cooked him breakfast, lunch and dinner on weekends, I took out the trash on occasion, I scrubbed the kitchen floor once a month. I unloaded the dishwasher, put the dishes away, and kept up with paying the bills, including his bills too (car payment, his car insurance, his health insurance, etc.). Split the chores or give him a list of what you think he can do. It makes it go quicker when two share the chores.
---Donna on 1/4/10

Moderator is right. The husband,if problem is exactly as stated,should take an equal share of the work. A woman who contributes to making a living for a family should be treated with respect,but so should a man. There is no church on Saturday,ask your husband to pitch in and help you that day and make it a habit. I wonder just how much the husband is already doing. If he already is doing work at home and you aren't that could be the problem,he resents you aren't helping. This is how things should line up. God first which means setting a time to get alone with God,pray and praise,and read your Bible,not partaking of the sinful things of this world,your family,job,home,and last is church.
---Darlene_1 on 1/4/10

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Of course, it's entirely possible that there is more to this story than the original poster is telling.

I know a woman who did just that. She was so busy with the activities at the church that she was neglectful of her own children and husband.

She herself years later admitted that this particular church held her in bondage.
---Cluny on 1/4/10

Amen Moderator! There is no excuse for an able-bodied Christian to live in a filthy house. Even dirt floors can be swept and household items neatly stowed.
---jerry6593 on 1/4/10

Is your husband a believer, or unbeliever? If he is an unbeliever, then your testimony to him is to do your best to keep the home together. If you and he both work full time, ask for his assistance in keeping the house clean, or get a maid.
---Trish9863 on 1/3/10

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