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Husband Loves His Mother

My husband loves his mother more than me. What do I do?

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 ---ameenah on 3/3/10
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Buy DVD "Everybody loves Raymond":D I think it simply isn't healthy for your relationship to let ANYONE interfere between you two and everything you build together.First of all,live far away from parents.They are full of love,but that kind of love can be killing.All in good intentions,but parents sometimes don't realize boundaries that should exist.And those boundaries are reflection of respect and good manners.They can't occupy their child who has his own family.It's just not right.They should let them know they are here for ANYTHING they need and that's it!Enough.If any of spouses stick too much with a parent,it's just proof he/she is immature.Parents like feeling powerful,but they don't notice their claws getting bigger..
---coco on 5/3/11


Why do you say this?
---Cluny on 2/28/11


Do you love your father? There is nothing wrong with loving your parents. Perhaps his mother is giving him something he likes, like his favorite foods or something. But have a talk with your husband about it, and let him know how you feel. He married you, he did not marry his mother.
---Eloy on 2/28/11


I also feel this with my husband. So I am supposed to love his mother more so that he loves me more? Huh? He should love me more no matter how I feel about his mother. I am not being selfish either. Sometimes men just need to get used to the fact we are not their mothers. We do things differently - household chores,cooking, raising kids, disciplining ect. He gushes about how his Mom did things. The things he says make me feel like I am not at her level. I have wanted things done around my house for years. Never gets done, but as soon as mom calls,he is gone. Same goes for his Dad.
---jj on 2/28/11


Love his mother more than him of course?
---Carla on 3/27/10




Donna: We can only comment on the question at hand, but whether Ameenah's appraisal of her situation is accurate or not, we can be sure that this is not a unique occurrence. Men have a biblical duty to love their wives as well as themselves, and aren't men neglecting their duties today? To make a commitment is to make sacrifices. Have you noticed how the god of media, that is Satan, is promoting adults acting like children, and vice versa, all in the name of cuteness? It's most influential in mollycoddling mothers and one cause of adolescence arriving later and later in their sons? Also, aren't friends being portrayed as more important than a spouse, who should be one's best friend with a blessing? They are no longer two, but one.
---John_II on 3/27/10


How can we KNOW what to do?
Does he really love his mother more than his wife? Or is she a bit possessive in wanting him "all to herself" all the time?
We can't tell from this post.

"leaving mother and father" on the part of either husband or wife, doesn't mean cutting off all sentiment or association.
I agree with those who advise to nurture a relationship with his mother. If you come to like her, or she comes to like you, you're way ahead. And your future children are real winners.!
---Donna66 on 3/26/10


Before cleaving himself with you, he should have separated himself from his mother (and father). Only then are you both released to become one flesh (provided you have separated yourself from yours), otherwise you cannot be truly united. Then you can start your own disparate family with its own autonomy and direction, only to be enclaved by the extended family. If/ when you have children, this will become even more of a disruption: by not being a united front, the mother will use the boundaries defined by her son only - much to your annoyance. Your husband's love for you should be giving you peace of mind, if his attitude is "I need my mummy" then he's not grown mindfully or spiritually. Genesis 2:24 is for reasons such as this.
---John_II on 3/23/10


Make a list of what you consider acts of showing love. Sometimes our views of what is love is really only showing respect and honor to a parent. Love for a parent should be very different from love between spouses. Ask yourself if your husband's expression of love to his mother is normal or is it a little bit unnatural. Some parents are very demanding and children end up doing things they expect just to keep the peace. Pray for wisdom and then talk to your husband honestly abuut your feelings. Just a thought. If you think your husband loves her more because of what he does for her,then I suggest you start doing those things for her before he gets the chance. Thats positive action which builds bridges instead of negative which builds fences.
---Darlene_1 on 3/18/10


Move away from where the mother lives.
---Jan on 3/12/10




Usually if a man loves his mother then he is going to be respectful of women. You should be happy.
---Alan on 3/12/10


Is this something your husband told you or you just feel? Our emotions can cause ALOT of problems. You need to discuss this with your husband. Did you know how close his relationship with his mother was before you got married? If so, what did you think would change? And why? Why dont you spend more time getting to know this fabulous woman who raised a man you valued enough to marry? You may find yourself loving her as much as your husband and when your husband sees how much you care about his mother, his love for you will only grow deeper. Its a win, win either way.
---Linda on 3/10/10


Thank God you know that. Start showing more love, attention and affection towards his mother. Your husband will start viewing you as a special person who is sharing his life with him. Try and let us see if you will have some more goodness to thank God for.
---Adetunji on 3/10/10


Both Fay and a friend gave great answers.
Communication is vital in solving any problem in a marriage. Too often we think we know how our partner feels or thinks. But we only know for sure once we discuss the problem with them.God Bless and please keep us updated. Sandy G
---Sandy_G on 3/7/10


Jealousy is not a good thing in life. It makes you bitter, angry and old before your time.
---KarenD on 3/5/10


There are many variables in your situation. My late fiance loved his mother so much he took me to meet her on our second date, and he called her every night. I've heard other women complain about things like that but I figured she was the one that raised him therefore she was the one who helped make him the man that he was, the man that I loved so much. After my fiance died I tried to call her every night because I knew she missed him so much. After 20 yrs. she still treats me like a daughter. Maybe you could try loving his mother as much as he does.
---Fay on 3/4/10


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That is a big problem for you and him. It is wonderful to respect and love our mothers but not to the detriment of our love and relationships with our significant others. There needs to be a balance.
Either you and he work out a compromise or I would move on. competing with mom is a tough assignment. You will probably lose in the competition. Mom already knows this and you need to wise up and be ready to move on,if need be. Let some other unfortunate being deal with this man and his mess.
---Robyn on 3/4/10


Did your husband tell you that, or do you just feel like he loves his mother more? Don't get confused thinking he loves her more because he spends a lot of time with her or does a lot for her. Also remember it is a different kind of love. He may be afraid that she may not be with him much longer. Have you talk to him about this at all?
---a_friend on 3/4/10


I fill that if a man loves his mother more than his wife there is a problem. Because the wife comes firt before any one in a mans life.
---kesha on 3/3/10




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