Wife Found Me Depressing
Nine years ago, my wife left me (NOT for my unfaithfulness, but she had become terribly depressed felt she could no longer live with me, felt that God would not have her live with someone when she found it so depressing) and then divorced me. Five years later I remarried. Should I not have remarried?
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---Peter3594 on 3/8/10
Helpful Blog Vote (4)
I am not going to touch it with a ten-foot pole!
---catherine on 3/14/10|
peter3594....Why keep looking back? Why not look forward and spend your time witnessing for the Lord, reading the Word of God or praying? What would you do if you decided that the remarriage was a mistake?
---KarenD on 3/13/10|
KarenD: I am sure that I would feel better by ignoring the past, yes, but I put this up on the blog because, well, the term 'till death do we part' still makes me feel maybe there is something wrong in what I am doing, so I thought I'd soound it out with others as well
---peter3594 on 3/12/10|
Peter3594...You have two things you can do. You can stop worrying about your current marriage and serve the Lord with all your heart. Or you can divorce your current wife and feel pathetic and guilty for doing it and not be serving the Lord by divorcing her.
---KarenD on 3/11/10|
Donna: I can see why you say that, but no, that is not the problem (not still in love with her). The reason why I started this blog is my concern that maybe I was wrong in remarrying, perhaps God's desire was that I remain single. I think you say that about 'maybe you are still in love with her'? because I am trying hard not to blame her for the divorce - that is just because I have tried for a long time not to place the blame on her or anyone else, because I do not want to blame others. I am just trying to see if my current life (current marriage, which is good) is acceptable to God - that is my question
---peter3594 on 3/10/10|
peter, it sounds like you may still be in love with your first wife. Are you?
It sounds like you really didn't want the divorce, but because she felt she could no longer live with you, she divorced you, but you really didn't want to be divorced - right?
Okay now I'm getting why you're asking this question.
Are you in love with your second wife? And if your first wife isn't healed, why would you want to go back? Pray for her. Sounds like there's some type of demonic stronghold on her because you say, "she felt" "terribly depressed" these are things satan can do to a person - break that stronghold over her life in Jesus name.
---Donna on 3/9/10|
Donna, thank you for you later comment about my ex wife, but I do not feel able to accept that she really rejected Christ. There are often some teachings of Christ that we reject (not directly, she never told me that hrist is wrong about this') but by finding 'excuses' that are not real excuses, which is what I beleive she did - she felt that her depression (which was genuine depression, she was taking enough medications for bipolar disorder') was hirting her so much that she beleived that God would allow her to ron away fro things that were hurting her (incluting our marriage). I do not bear any grudge against her, and I am not asking about her - she must have the benefit of the doubt (for me at least)
---peter3594 on 3/9/10|
Paul says, "I will not be brought under the power of any," in 1 Corinthians 6:12. So, she would be wrong to allow things about you to have power over her to get her depressed. Paul says he took "pleasure" in "infirmities" (2 Corinthians 12:10). So, *if* a depression is really a medical *infirmity*, we can take "pleasure" in it, because deeper than a medical problem we can be in the joy of the Holy Spirit.
Also, Paul is very clear that we Christians must not shame the Church by bringing our problems into secular courts (1 Corinthians 6:1-8), but trust how God has His leaders rule (Hebrews 13:17) about our problems with each other.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/9/10|
Christ told us to obey civil laws. Marriage is only a Civil proceeding and contract. You had to get a civil license to marry. Your divorce was likewise a civil proceeding in a court action. If you are legally divorced you can legally remarry. Nothing else matters!!!
---Friendly_Blogger on 3/9/10|
Peter, you asked: What do I do if the ex wife declares herself Christian but rejects Christs words about divorce?
If she is rejecting Christ's word, then she is rejecting Christ. Jesus is the Word and the Word became flesh and dwelt amoung us.
I was in the same situation as you are now. My ex-husband rejected and never ever lived by the Word of God, never forgave, beat me up, had a root of bitterness and yet I stayed with him until the beatings got unbearable. I can't tell you what to do, only the Spirit of God can tell you. Pray and I will pray for you also. I know this is hard for you, so let's all pray, okay? Ask Father God what you should do and togive you understanding in your situation. (((huggss))).
---Donna on 3/9/10|
Something tells me that at that point in her life, she would have thought that being married to a multi-billionaire with the looks of a movie star, the talent of Yo Yo Ma, and the brains of Einstein was depressing.
One thing depression does is make it difficult to think clearly about anything, including realizing the good things one has.
Unless she got professional help, including medicine, she's not any happier now.
---Cluny on 3/9/10|
Donna: My ex wife was a Christian, but DIDN'T accept the comments from the sermon on the mount about divorce, but when she demanded a divorce informing me that if I refused she could still get one even, I cannot be sure, after comments about 'do you think God will give you 'brownie points' because you refuse to divorce'. If she was (still) a Christian when she left me, maybe I should just wait for her, while if her comments attacking me for wanting to keep marriage permanent suggested that she had rejected Christ's comments on marriage, should I move to what Paul writes about 'if an unbeleiving husband/wife leaves you, you can remarry'. What do I do if the ex wife declares herself Christian but rejects Christs words about divorce?
---peter3594 on 3/8/10|
Donna this issue may have been bothering Peter for these past 5 years.
Peter your other marriage had ended. No matter how, it was/is over.
Your new marriage is fine. Others here will tell you different. Yet, even if what they say was true they have no solution to offer you.
The same God that gave the rules for marriage gave the rules for divorce. Again your old marriage ended. Build and enjoy your new marriage. Let the past stop affecting you and prepare for the future.
---Elder on 3/8/10|
Peter, don't you think it's a little too late to be asking us this question? Why would you ask after five years of marriage? Are you having problems in your marriage?
Some on this site say that you can remarry if you got divorced for reason of adultery.
Yet Paul tells us if we leave our husband, we are to remain single. But I'm not sure what the man should do and not do. Ask the Lord this question and then spend time in His word and God will answer you. Did you fall out of love or something? or are you having marriage problems now? Just curious, not asking judgementally...just curious.
---Donna on 3/8/10|
Don't beat yourself up over the past. There is provision for you if the unbeliever desired to depart. You are not bound in such a case for God has called you to peace. Be free in Jesus' name and enjoy your family now. If you journey off into condemnation now, you will never enjoy anything Jesus died and rose again to give you. That would be the real tragedy.
---Linda on 3/8/10|