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Husband Forgot Our Anniversary

My husband got me nothing for our ten year anniversary. As I just had our third child, and received nothing, I am feeling hurt. He said Happy Anniversary before he went to work and gave me a hug. We went to lunch and he told me he had no money so I had to pay. No forethought into this day.

Moderator - Do you have separate monies? If not he brought you to lunch or did he? Did he know you were expecting a gift? Every woman is different. For example, my wife says to never waste money on that type of gift and truly means it.

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 ---Petunia on 3/12/10
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My heart goes out to you Petunia. It is really sad to be tied down to a man like you have. Talking plainly to him may help, but I doubt it. And you have just had a baby to top it all off. So sad. You are stuck with a young baby to raise for the next 18 yrs without much help from him, I am sure. I hope you had your tubes tied and burnt off! Don't go down that road again with this cold and insensitive brute. I have been disappointed a few times in my marriage like this.This kind of behavior really hurts a woman. I mean---hurt! The really bad part is: we have fallen in love and trusted these guys and then be treated this way. It makes for a disrupted and unhappy life.
---Robyn on 4/8/10


Please understand that men do not attach much importance to anniversaries as women, though some men may be exceptions. Prior hints or discussion about the anniversary before the date does help men to do what will please their wives. Sometimes i remember my own birthday on the day itself.
---Adetunji on 3/17/10


He had no money, but did he show you he loves you by giving you a hug?

Some women would love to have a hug from their husbands instead of a material gift.

My husband didn't give me anything for Valentines day our first year married. He said he ordered a candle for me, but it wasn't in. Four weeks went by after Valentines day and still no candle.

I explained to him, one rose would have sufficied. A card even. He just didn't understand how I felt left out..because he had many presents to open from me. But I got over it and knew he loved me, now we are divorced due to reasons of Domestic Violence.
I truly believe if you tell your husband it hurt you, that he will be more sensitive in the future, don't ya think?
---Donna on 3/15/10


StrongAxe has made a good point.

The typical male response out of this dilemma is to say, "Simply tell me clearly what you want."

Women, generally being more intuitive, expect their men to pick up on their desires, even when these are not explicitly expressed.
---Cluny on 3/15/10


Different people have different so-called "Love languages" - things that they consider important. These include words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch.

It can cause problems if two people both speak different "languages" and don't understand this. For example, a harried wife whose husband brings her candy on her birthday, when what she REALLY wants is for him to take the kids so she can have one single day of rest for herself. He should know that she is always busy, and help her with that instead.

Or here, a woman whose husband remembers their anniversary, when what she REALLY wants is a gift. She should know he can't afford a gift, and appreciate his good memory.
---StrongAxe on 3/15/10




One trick of a happy marriage is not to tell all the bad things that happen in a marriage. The same applies to life in general. If you spend all your time harping about all your ills, trials, etc. you will be a very unhappy person. Let's have a What Good Thing is Happening This Month blog.
---KarenD on 3/14/10


Cluny ... RebeccaD did as well, but she's no longer here.

Sadly, happily married ladies seem to be in a minority here. And happily married men as well.

Perhaps married Christian men and women are too busy being happy together to spend time on the web!

I think if I setteld doen with a new wife, I'd probably be here much less often.
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/14/10


Congratulations, KarenD.

You are really blessed.

You're also the first woman here who said nice things about her husband.
---Cluny on 3/13/10


OK Cluny. Here goes! My husband is a Godly man who never forgets my birthday, anniversary, Valentine's, Christmas or any other day he feels like giving me a little gift. He even helps me eat the chocolates he gives me, but he always buys the ones with nuts because those are my favorite. He has excellent taste and even helps me pick out my clothes because I have no idea what I look like in clothes. I get more compliments on what he picks out than what I pick out. He wakes up every morning about 4am and prays for one to two hours and reads his Bible and studies for his sermons on a daily basis. He's a keeper!!!
---KarenD on 3/13/10


I love posts like this. Makes me feel very fortunate. Like one more bullet that I've managed to dodge.
---ralph7477 on 3/13/10




\\Also, if I recall, we are to answer the questions asked in the blog, not pick on other people's responses\\

Please tell me exactly what question Petunia asked. There is none in her own posting.

BTW--I do have a doctorate. Do you?
---Cluny on 3/12/10


It sounds as if you are more upset with not getting a gift, You said he gave you a hug and kiss and said Happy Anniversary before he left for work. So he didn't forget. I have been married for ten yrs as well and I am blessed to have a very attentive husband. Yet I didn't receive a gift either and that was okay with me because having him as my partner and best friend is the gift. It would seen that as christian women we are to love the person that we have been blessed with even if it means sacrificing our own emotions and thoughts about how something should have happened. yes gifts are nice but there not everything
---Traci on 3/12/10


Petunia, your question reminds me of my x. On our 10th he gave me a box of artificial roses(my sister made him get)with a card that read, "These will last longer than we do?" You'd think that of any day of the year he could at least tell you how much you mean to him on your anniversary, not just Happy Anniversary." I understand where you are coming from which is why I always say it is easier to be lonely because you have no spouse than to be lonely with one. But honestly, what we have to understand is that all relationships on this earth are only secondary. Jesus Christ can and will satisfy every need if you turn to Him. Make Jesus your husband. He will never disappoint you. Then it won't matter so much when someone else does.
---Fay on 3/12/10


John, I don't think (at least I hope not) that the real problem was the money part. I took it that it was that she takes the gift as an indication that he was at least doing some effort (even a cheap card could have been OK), while the lunch was nice, he could at least have told her before 'I'm sorry, don't have any money left, do you want to go out to lunch if you have to pay?'. She does remark on foresight
---peter3594 on 3/12/10


\\Now let me play doctor with you- when you correct people with such harsh criticism, do you think that glorifies the Lord? How? In what way?
---anon on 3/12/10\\

I've noticed that very few women here say ANYTHING at all nice about their husbands. Why is that?
---Cluny on 3/12/10


Petunia, I won't be as hard, but I believe the Mod, Cluny, Rod also, and so does Shawn in his answer to Anon. As far as what I think, I believe you were emotionaly expecting him to think about you and make every effort no matter what, to give you a gift, not that you are a materialistic person but just any gift would have really made your day. In your eyes, you are having a baby and all the things woman go through and he should be more considerated. I understand your point, but he didn't have any money. Most man do not remember such things as woman do. It's big for me because I don't want my wife to think I don't appreciate her. But really, it is not that big a deal after so many years. Maybe at 50th, or 60th.
---MarkV. on 3/12/10


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Also, if I recall, we are to answer the questions asked in the blog, not pick on other people's responses - which Cluny, you do all the time. ---anon on 3/12/10

LOL anon. And just are you doing but picking on another person's response. And just am I doing? The same thing!
---Gary on 3/12/10


To Whosoever Has An Ear To Hear?

I recall, we're to answer the questions asked in the blog, not pick on others responses which Cluny, you do. Why is that? Pride maybe? Now let me play doctor with you --Anon

Brethren, There's nothing that says we can't respond to the post of others !!

... Anon, If the recollection of your Heart is we're not to respond/pick on the responses of others, then : Why beholdest thou the Mote in thy Brother's Cluny's eye, and attempt to pull it out, without first casting out the beam in thine own eye, which Pridefully wishes to play doctor & pick on Cluny's response, instead of just answering the Blog Question ??

Petunia, Pray on Rom.14:5-6.
---ShawnM.T. on 3/12/10


RIGHT ON CLUNY!

A dose of Dr. Laura would help with her vainity and denial!

Lady.... the man is broke. Is you marriage made of gifts or love. If gifts then you should have married a rich businees man who is never home and cares more about making money than devotion to you.

"For richer or poorer".

A kiss and a hug is worth a ton of diamonds, unless of course you are "The Material Girl"

You make woman looks bad with that attitude towards marriage. Most especially Christian woman. Christain woman care about the heart of their man and their G-d.
---John on 3/12/10


I forgot once, out of 34 years.

Now I know how important this is to her. Special days including birthdays are important to her. They are not to me, so it is very hard to make it special for her.

I have to make a special effort, which is totally out of my comfort zone, to do something that is meaningful for her.
---Rod4Him on 3/12/10


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LOL Cluny has turned into a psychiatrist...LOLLLLLLLL too funny.

Cluny, give the woman a break. Doesn't your bible say to love one another? Bear one another's burdens?

Also, if I recall, we are to answer the questions asked in the blog, not pick on other people's responses - which Cluny, you do all the time. Why is that? Pride maybe? Now let me play doctor with you- when you correct people with such harsh criticism, do you think that glorifies the Lord? How? In what way?
---anon on 3/12/10


IF he told you he had no money when he went to lunch, then he had no money for a gift. Did you think he meant he DID have money by those words?

What did you give him? Or were you expecting to receive a gift and not to have to give one?

Maybe the fact you've just had a third baby might have something to do with his not having money for an anniversary gift, you think?

Or do you think you deserved a gift for having a child, too?
---Cluny on 3/12/10


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