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Husband IMs A Girlfriend

Both my husband and I lost our spouses to cancer and married. Now he is on line after 2 years with match dating. A so called Christian woman IM's him each night. They think it's ok. We are divorcing. Isn't what he is doing considered adultry?

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 ---lorraine on 4/16/10
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Lorraine, I think, though what your husband is doing is wrong, that that in itself is not sufficient for divorce.

I would strongly suggest that both of you [you and your husband] re-consider

I would take Christ's comment, though it is listed with the verb 'looks', to mean any action that involves lust. However, that sin is [I think] between him and God, not between him and you - there [I think] it is only the physical action that is grounds for divorce [though all the other actions are grounds for you to be VERY VERY upset with him - I think I do not need to tell you THAT!!!]
---peter3594 on 4/20/10


My last comment seems not to have appeared, maybe I pressed the wrong button. MarkV, you are completely right, the actions of her husband are wrong..... match dating is TOTALLY improper for a husband, as that moves into the romantic state!

I have one good female friend, and my wife has one good male friend (both married), and sometimes we meet up one on one for a coffee (just becase the other spouses do not know each other, so they get bored!), but that is only because both of us trust the other one - maybe even that is not a good idea?
---peter3594 on 4/19/10


\\Isn't what he is doing considered adultry?\\

By whom?

Adultery (note the proper spelling) at civil law as grounds for divorce requires sexual interaction.

Do you actually think that mere cyber communication constitutes adultery?

And contrary to what candace said, Jesus said that for a man to look at a woman WITH LUST constitutes adultery, not merely looking at another woman, which is difficult to avoid in modern society.
---Cluny on 4/19/10


Peter, you did well in correcting Candice. Can you imagine that if a husband looks at another women its grounds for devorce? Then most who are married can devorce. My goodness, I don't know of any man who does not look a woman. That is his nature. He would have to have blinkers on all the time or blind physically. I believe she meant if they flirt with other woman but even that is not grounds for devorce. But it sure is wrong.
The blog question is that the man in question should not be having a relationship with any other woman. He already has a relationship with his wife. It is not grounds for devorce though, it is grounds to see a counselor, if not its grounds for separation, but separation is for time allowed to correct the wrong done.
---MarkV. on 4/18/10


I believe that a marriage is base on trust, and without it's doom. It's adultery when a person is talking to someone on dating site, when they already is marry. I think it's disrespectful and hurtful. However, I do feel that it can be repair by seeing a Marriage Counselor who can Spiritually guide you'll in the right direction. Too me, it's not grounds for divorce, it's workable if the individual involved are willing to heal from it.
---Kimbe7395 on 4/18/10




\\He knows that something bugs you, yet he keeps doing it.
---amand6348 on 4/17/10\\

I wonder how many things lorraine does that bugs her husband.
---Cluny on 4/18/10


CANDICE - you misquote Jesus, please be careful. You miss the MOST important words 'to lust after her' (KJV), or 'looks lustfully'(I think that's how the NIV translates it). If a man looks at a woman as a friend, as a sister in Christ, that is NOT adultery.
---peter3594 on 4/18/10


What your husband is doing can be considered a form of adultery, or at least, serious lack of consideration for you, but divorce is not the automatic and final answer. You should address the issue with him in a "peaceful," non-argumentative manner and ask him to go with you to a christian counsellor. God prefers restoration to the relationship over divorce but, as Jesus said to the Pharisees of His day, divorce was "allowed" because of the hardness of the heart.
---tommy3007 on 4/18/10


YES! Jesus said if a man even looks at another woman he has commited adultery.
---candice on 4/17/10


If he refuses to stop, and she does not know he is married, or if he just refuses to stop, yes I think that you should get a divorce. He knows that something bugs you, yet he keeps doing it.
---amand6348 on 4/17/10




Lorraine, you my not care for you husbands Internet correspondence. But so far nothing you have described can be considered Adultery or Fortification.

I hope you husband had you sign a strong prenuptial agreement.
---Friendly_Blogger on 4/17/10


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