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How To Stop Abusive Husband

I hit my abusive husband last night on the shoulder as I became enraged. How do I get him to stop being abusive?

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 ---kerry on 5/16/10
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Amen to the prayer of faith.
---Linda on 6/3/10


I lift up Aurora & her family Lord. I command depression to fall off now in the name of Jesus.I demand unforgiveness fall off & Lord I ask that you fill them all with your Healing Presence and so much forgiveness that they actually forget the pain. Give them love to replace the fear. Lord you promised that you would be true to your word, so I speak this with full knowledge that you are who you say you are and you will do what you say you will do. I ask that you place all their sins in your sea of everlasting forgetfulness & they be granted the same forgetfulness of the things that beset them. I praise you Jesus for you alone are worthy to be praised and I thank you that you have already set this prayer in motion. AMEN THANK YOU JESUS
---fay on 5/31/10


Hi, I am : auror8858. My late father was educated yet he abused my mother and my eldest brother physically. He abused all of us with sarcastic words. He left us for another woman.The scars still inside. Three of my younger brother and sisters were depressed and can't live by their own. I am the only one (from 6)can become the breadwinner.All of us loose our self confident . Don't doubt to leave satanic man. Be positive, no time for self pity. Think of your and the children future. The longer you stay with abusive man the more difficult the scars from the terror cured. Bring everything to the Lord, HE understandth u, HE knows your fears, your weaknesses. Jesus also set aside while it was not yet HIS time being killed. Look for prayer meetings.
---Aurora on 5/30/10


Donna, I apologize for my delayed response, I have been on vacation for the last ten days. I am pleased that you took no offense. I agree completely with your post. 'My', and I repeat, 'my' advice to her, as one who has experienced abuse, would be similar to your own, she should get out of an abusive situation as soon as possible. As it is with any volatile situation, it may come to a point, if we choose to remain there, that the only option we may have is to kill or be killed, and of course as children of God we would want to avoid being placed in either of those scenarios', by any means necessary.
---Josef on 5/29/10


Perhaps the reason a soft answer doesn't turn away wrath in an abuser is because the motivating drive in an abuser is actually control. The anger is an excuse to abuse more and try to intimidate the abused into bowing to the abusers domination and control. The anger itself is the means the abuser uses to instill fear into the abused and give him/her a weapon to gain the upper hand and complete control of the abused. A person with that goal cannot be reasoned with,or deterred from his/her desire to have total control over every aspect of the life of the abused. The best thing to do with an abuser,so you don't add fuel to the fire of anger and violence,is be silent. Then leave quickly when he/she is gone.
---Darlene_1 on 5/19/10




Joseph-- I took no offense. " A soft answer" is indeed godly advice in most ordinary situations.
I just wanted to share that this is a different situation. And I'm sure you can identify, when you think of your own feeling of helplessness as an abused child.

When I read God's instructions about marriage, I don't believe He intends an adult woman to be subjected to physical abuse in her marriage...especially if she has children of her own.

She cannot retaliate. She must find a way to remove herself and her children from harm.
---Donna66 on 5/19/10


Joseph: I attribute your suggestion to ignorance of the nature of domestic abuse. A soft answer does not turn away the wrath of spousal abuse. The abuser is on automatic pilot and cannot be calmed down, except by someone stronger than him/her. There are many graves containing women whose only fault was saying, "I do" to such an abuser. Scripture has its place, but in this instance, the soft answer idea is not appropriate.
---Trish9863 on 5/18/10


No one can stop them except yourself. Next time he hits you, go to the hospital and make yourself examine and have your medical records and file a case against him. You have to be firm with your decisions and be strong, because you gonna face another stage of your life.
---myrna on 5/18/10


I'd leave him. Then I would get a restraing order against him for as long as I can. God did not create us to b punching bags. Leave this man. If not it will only get worse.
---Rebecca_d on 5/17/10


Donna66, Trish9863, I apologize if my post offended you. Certainly not my intent. I was physically abused as a child, and could have retaliated, but knew that if I did, chances are I would have had to kill him, or be killed, so I choose not to. Eventually I left that situation, and I must admit that hated him, until the Father opened my mind to the futility of that hatred.
Having never been abused since, nor ever having abused, perhaps I have no place in any attempt to advise anyone who is currently being abused. All that I have to offer anyone in the way of advice, is what is written. I live by the wisdom shared in proverbs coupled with the influence, insight, and inspiration of Father's indwelling presence. It is from there that I share.
---Josef on 5/18/10




Pastor John Hagee once remarked-

"A woman strikes a man to be heard-
a man strikes a woman to quiet her."

Abuse merely perpetuates more abuse. Both of you need to discover adult communication and grow beyond these childish tactics. It will only get worse on this track.
---Elaine on 5/17/10


Josef-- I know you intentions are good. And in many cases "a soft answer turneth away wrath"....but in some cases, such as in physical abuse from a spouse, such an approach simply invites further abuse.

Often the abused wife comes to believe That she is as worthless as her husband says she is. If he threatens her with injury or death, she doesn't dare speak any way BUT gently, ever. No need for him to see that he's hurting her...he knows he is, and that's the way he wants it. (oh, if she leaves, he will apologize, swear to change)
but nothing changes. He feels his life is out of control (his temper surely is) and seeks to have absolute control of everything his wife does, wears, thinks and says. Believe me. I know.
---Donna66 on 5/17/10


He won't change for you. Get a divorce.
---amand6348 on 5/17/10


I agree with Trish. It happened to me and the only way I could stop him (after letting him beat me for 8 months because I believed I was emotionally stable enough to take it, but I wasn't. and I also believed the lie that this will heal my husband's anger from being angry with everyone from his past who hurt him - that was a lie I believed).

I had to LEAVE. The Police had to come and remove him from the house - he would not go peacefully. I left him twice. Went back both times. Loved him to no end, never hit back. One day he called 911 and lied and said, "my wife is beating me"....the police came and removed him permanently. I had had enough abuse to last a lifetime. They don't stop unless you leave.
---Donna5535 on 5/17/10


Josef: Your advice could get a woman killed. Abusive men, who physically abuse their wives, are not changed by a gentle, soft wife. They kill, because they get caught up in their rage.

I know of nothing, short of being arrested, that can stop an abusive husband. If you are physically abused, move out now, and seek shelter at a shelter for abused women. Seek legal counsel about your options concerning property, and if there are children involved.
---Trish9863 on 5/17/10


you can not stop someone froming being abusive, its in their nature to be violent that the only way they know how to vent, once someone becomes abusive that mean that they arent able to control their anger in a respectful non hostile manner, so the answer to your question. how to stop your husband from being abusive is to leave his ass
---victoria on 5/16/10


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"How do I get him to stop being abusive?"
Keep in this mind, a gentle response turns away aggressive anger, but offensive and hurtful words, causes the anger to accelerate. A man or woman prone to angry aggression excites and promotes the same, but one who is patient, and is slow to anger, will bring peace to contention. By self restraint and patience, your husband can be opened to understanding how he may be hurting you, and restrain himself. Remember a gentle way of speaking is disarming, and one who trusts in the LORD will succeed at anything that is done His way.
---Josef on 5/16/10


I doubt that hitting him will accomplish anything.

Is he physically abusive? Or verbally? Or both?

And how long have you been married? And how long has the abuse been going on?

Believe it or not, my 5'1" mother repeatedly physically abused my 6'4" father, until he finally left.
---Cluny on 5/16/10


The is never any reason for putting up with physical abuse from your spouse. You need to see an attorney and determine your legal options formulate an action plan and implement it.
---Friendly_Blogger on 5/16/10


Personally, I recommend divorce for any woman that is being beaten. I know thats not scriptural, but I dont believe a man that smacks his wife around is loving his wife according to how Christ loves the church. That is how we are instructed to care for our wives.

I haven't known a woman yet who was beaten by her husband but yet that same husband could claim he was faithful. Id check into that and divorce him for unfaithfulness fi he is indeed cheating. That is OK with the Lord according to scripture.

How much you put up with is based on the strength of your faith I guess. All you can do is pray.
---JackB on 5/16/10


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How does he abuse you? Physical, emotional, or what?
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/16/10


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