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Don't Live Together Anymore

I want Gods will in my life. I am married and my husband has made it clear that he does not love me. He wants to stay "married" for our child's sake but we don't even live together anymore. I know the bible says I should stay with him but I am so lonely and need a real husband. What should I do?

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 ---Julie on 5/29/10
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Julie: Was it by Christian counsel that the 2 of you "don't live together anymore"? Did you quit because he said he doesn't love you anymore? Did he decide to leave you and the children alone? Is he a christian? Have you been a Christian woman to him?
---Adetunji on 6/7/10

Yea Linda,good explanation.
---fay on 6/3/10

We live in a mortal body. As long as we live in a mortal body, we should be believing God every day of our lives, even when we don't have symptoms of sickness. It would be good to rise up every morning and thank Him that His Spirit does quicken our mortal bodies. Many times we wait until symptoms show up or we get a diagnosis to begin to believe. Through Christ, He has done the work. We are on the receiving end. To be carnal doesn't always mean someone did an act of sin. It also pertains to measuring everything by the five senses. If what we could see with our natural eyes was to determine what we have received, then what could a blind man believe?
---Linda on 6/3/10

Julie, I also believe in what Catherine stated concerning waiting on God. Many times people are in a hurry and take matters into their own hands. Why not just go on with your life as if nothing has happen? Move on, and let God in time correct things. Even if you lost your love for your husband, God can bring it back. Spiritual healing comes from Christ. And remember you are not alone, so many others are going through the same trails.
---MarkV. on 6/3/10

Fay --I'm a five year cancer survivor. I'd be dead now if I hadn't had a mammogram.
Nobody would have known it was cancer without the God given knowledge of normal and abnormal cell structure.

I had no symptoms or signs.
I could not pray about, nor cast devils out of, something I didn't know existed.
---Donna66 on 6/2/10

Fay ... You have not really answered my question ... or perhaps you have?>

Are X-rays wrong? Are Hip transplants wrong? Is it wrong to have a scan to detect cancer? Is it wrong to have dental treatment? To apply a plaster to a wound? Kidney transplants? Anti-biotics? paramedics and blood transfusions & surgery following an auto accident?

Would you refuse all these?
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/2/10

Julie, Married, or divorced, living separated lives has no benefit for the children involved. Do you and your husband think your children are too stupid to realize things aren't RIGHT in your relationship? The main question that should be asked is, Is your husband a christian? If he is, he needs to understand that he is denying his relationship to his "Master" by refusing to be the head of the household and training his children by example. I am not a "counsellor" nor am I any kind of example of how it should be done as I did wrong in my past. I can say that the children suffer when the parents refuse to work together.
---tommy3007 on 6/2/10

Fay: I don't see anywhere in the Bible that says we should go to doctors for cancer or diabetes. Let me know which verse that is.
---Trish9863 on 6/2/10

alan8566 of UK,in Ezekiel dry bones came to life. The instructions were to speak to them.

In Luke 10 Jesus sent 70 out to heal the sick. He told them anyone who accepted them accepted him, anyone who accepted him accepted the father. He told them anyone who despised them despised the Father. 70 returned amazed that every devil was subject to them with just the mention of his name. He sent them to heal. They returned calling the sicknesses devils. If you don't accept this you don't accept Jesus or God.

X-rays, scans, kidney surgeries, etc. are man made solutions. God's solution is to pray over them, telling the devils to leave in the name of Jesus, believing WHEN you pray. No side effects w/Jesus.
---fay on 6/1/10

Julie, Isaiah 54 says, "For your maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is his name."

Jesus said, I am the vine and my father is the husbandman.

In Jeremiah, God said, "I will betroth you to me." Betroth means marry you to me.

Allow Jesus to become your REAL husband because that's what Jesus wants to do. Befriend him as you would a real man. Jesus is real, He is the most handsomest, most precious, gentle, caring husband you will ever meet.
When you take him as your husband, then you will meet an earthly husband to marry. (((huggss)))).
---Donna5535 on 6/1/10

Fay ... I don't read anywhere in the Bible how to emnd a shattered limb, or anything about X-rays, or Scans, or brain surgerym or kidney transplants or... or ... or ...

Are they all wrong?
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/1/10

Trish9863 where in the Bible is anyone told to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? I've been looking but can't find it. Perhaps because the answer to every problem is in the Bible? I mean no disrespect but if you understand creation then why consider any other instruction manual than the Bible? Jesus always quoted scripture, not medical books. And he is the same yesterday, today & forever.
---fay on 6/1/10

FriendlyBlogger, I do understand where you stand now. Thank you for explaining. It is true that Christians are the only army that shoots their own. They tend to be so judgmental. I've been guilty of that myself. I so don't want to do that anymore.

Catherine's last post is helpful. I agree You must hear from God.
---fay on 5/31/10

YOU MUST WAIT ON GOD. Even if it takes forever....God wants to rule man, but, man will not be ruled by God. So He chooses only a few, who needs Him and really has no choice in the matter, for one reason being you are really His. He'll make a believer out of you. He is a very determined, GOD. You must wait on God and His timing. You really belong to Him, you have no choice, in this....A little advice: Stay in prayer, listen to God, obey Him, ask Him questions, GROW in these times. God is very BIG in this growth thing. If you get outside of God's timing, if you do as you please, I can promise you on my life, IT WILL NOT WORK.
---catherine on 5/31/10

I would find out why he got married in the first place. I could be wrong but he may have another woman on the side. I would talk to him and find out. It sounds like he already made his choice. According to someone on this blog love has nothing to do with it. (I think they have been listening to Tina Turner to much). But if the two of u aren't happy, and he says he don't love u then why stay together? If your not happy then u can't worship God like u need to.
---Rebecca_D on 5/30/10

\\A Christian counselor would given Godly guidance, not worldly guidance.\\

Not necessarily. Being a Christian does NOT stop one from making mistakes, even in issues involving prudential or professional judgement.

But may I point out that the original poster already has a real husband, even if he doesn't follow her agenda.
---Cluny on 5/30/10

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Get marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, let him go.

Just because you didn't catch him cheating doesn't mean that he hasn't.
---amand6348 on 5/30/10

"Licensed is much more important because there are too many unqualified, incompetent counselors and therapists who are Christians who have no clue about psychology and therapy."
Licenced by who? The liberal God denying State Government system maybe? Surely you are misinformed.
Too many State "Licensed Professionals" have libral agendas in mind. They also councel from their prespective just like Christians do.
A license proves that you have passed test to qualify not that you are compentant. I know those who have cheated to get licensed. Are they more qualified?
Is anyone really suggesting this lady leaves God out of her problem?
God gave the rules for divorce. She has reason and right to seek one.
---Elder on 5/30/10

It occurs to me that there are certain promises made when you marry.
I wonder if you can rememnber what the husband promises? Things like honour, love, cherish, protect.
Is the husband in this case adhering to the promises? I suggest he is not.
Whilst there is apparently no proveable adultery, there is certainly abandonment, and he has destroyed the marriage. arriage.
I suggest that divorce is justified.

I would be doubtful that he has remained faithful ... he has probably been unfaithful, in which case remarriage is allowable
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/30/10

Friendly Blogger --The very FIRST words of Julie's post were, "I want God's will for my life". She posted her question on a Christian web-site.

There are many competant counselors, but not very many who are interested in "God's will" or helping others to find it.
I understand that advising a counselor "unbiased toward Christianity" is good "safe" advice when given by a church representative.

But most of us here are not representing anybody (well, we hope we are representing Jesus, though quite imperfectly at times).Julie need feel no obligation to accept any advice she may receive from those who post here. If she rejects what we say, that's OK, and we never need to know.
---Donna66 on 5/30/10

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Fay: I would also advise someone to be sure that the person is licensed, not if they are Christian. Licensed is much more important because there are too many unqualified, incompetent counselors and therapists who are Christians who have no clue about psychology and therapy. Being a Christian is not a magic wand that says a person is automatically qualified to help a person.

IF a person is a licensed therapist who happens to be a Christian, like myself, then you have a bonus. We usually do not advertise as Christian therapists. The ones I know have their practices, and happen to mention our faith if asked.
---Trish9863 on 5/30/10

FriendlyBlogger...Thank you telling us your credentials. That explains why you would not recommend a Christian counselor. A Christian counselor would given Godly guidance, not worldly guidance. Any qualified counselor would tell Julie to get her life straight before she starts looking for another man. She cannot focus on healing the hurt if she is focusing on finding another man.
---KarenD on 5/30/10

Julie: It may be, though you will surely not like it, that even if you do not want it, God will want you to stay married with your husbane, even when you cannot live together (or when you husband does not want you to live together)

That will be very upsetting for you, but there are times when God may give us something to do that we really do not like

The only thing I can say is that, if God gave you this cup, it is the proper one for you

Blessings, and my condolances
---peter3594 on 5/30/10

Fay, On May 29, 2010 with in 10 day it will have 40 - 50 comments most of which will be negative against her and criticizing her for not sticking it out until the children are older, which is all ready starting to happen.

She need some one who will pay attention and listen with an neutral prospective and she is not going to be able that from any Christian counselor. Christian counselors are not unbiased they will generally only present a christian solution oriented solution and that is not in a operable solution set in this case. The trick to being a good advisor is knowing what type of resource to recommend. for a solution and that is what I did and why I made the recommendation. I am an Elder in the Presbyterian Church (PCUSA)
---Friendly_Blogger on 5/30/10

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Friendly Blogger, are you not a Christian? Why would you tell someone not to see a Christian counselor? If you are not a Christian, why are you coming to christianet? I'm not condemning you. I just don't understand. Please explain.

Julie, If your husband has chosen not to live with you he has made his choice not to be married & you are free. He can't have his cake & eat it too. That is not what God is about. Unless he is saying he wants a trial separation. I am thoroughly convinced the answer to every problem is in the Bible. If you decide to see a counselor please be sure it is a Christian counselor. The way of the Word is not the way of the world. Then ask God to give you an answer so you will never doubt it is Him. He will!
---fay on 5/29/10

I can't see any way it is God's "will" for you to divorce, though it seems to be "your" will. How miserable can you be, if you aren't even living together? Are you SO miserable that you cannot maintain the status quo a few years for your child's sake? Divorce is traumatic for a child, even if you aren't living together.

Paul's advice is this
1Cr 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

So you see, even if you divorce, you will not be free to look for somebody else no matter how "lonely" you are.
---Donna66 on 5/29/10

The Bible says that God hates divorce. It doesn't say that you are condemned if you live separate from your husband because that is what he wants. If you are lonely, make friends with women instead of men. You need counseling to deal with this problem, not another man.
---KarenD on 5/29/10

I can not conceived of a reason to ask such a question on ChristiaNet. All you are going to get is a virtual Bible bashing and little practical information you can actually use.

1. See a good clinical psychologist not necessarily a Christian one to talk out your issues for a while.

2. Then make an appointment with an attorney to see what your legal options are jointly decide what you want to do, formulate an action plan then implement it.

There is never any reason to be stuck in a bad scenario. You are are not in an abusive situation but your mental health is in poor condition and will continue to retrograde until you decide to do something about it.
---Friendly_Blogger on 5/29/10

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