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Divorce Prison Husband

My husband is not saved. He's been in prison 6 times, due to drug abuse, which he served 10yrs all together. Ive been with him 18yrs. We have 4 children together. Hes in prison again for violating his parole. How far does a wife have to go, before leaving him and divorcing him?

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 ---melissa on 6/2/10
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Hello,Sister, a guy keeps(playing) REVOLVING Door! In & out Dept.of Prisons? He' NOT serious!coming home ( could be alot of reasons but, NONE good! )

parole violations means - NOW (USA) Must do all his time.

truth: DON'T count on someone, that keeps goin' in & out the system... Be more concerned you & your kids. Stay with the Lord,most important.

social wrkr at prisons are honest, his behavior,attitude,his disruptions,fights,etc..

Stay prayerfull. Seek the Lord,don't give up on God. No matter, how you may feel or be stressed..
---Lidia4796 on 1/4/14


So what was the final answer, is it ok or not?
My husband keeps jeopardizing his possibility for release, is disrespectful(verbally-emotionally)and has found ways to stop participating in the programs, including church.

Thank you.
---Dmoneyswife on 1/1/14


Sister. If you are fed up with this childish man you have married, why don't you leave? This man has made his life choices and they are not in line with yours. You can leave this marriage. Its your choice. If you a born again lady, you cannot remarry until the demise of this man but you can separate. God hates divorce, not separation. If this man is not making you happy,find some for yourself. Try to talk with your spouse first. Be real and let him know you have needs that are not being met. If he does not have long to get out of prison, try to wait on him. But only if he seems repentant and wants to make this marriage work. Otherwise, I would be making plans for a better life for myself. Without him! God bless,beloved.
---Robyn on 7/28/10


Francis, If you understood the Scriptures that I posted you would know that this issue is all about fornication. It is clear that you don't know what the real meaning of the word means.
I am wondering if you are not or may have been involved in something like this yourself. You have danced all around the truth with your excuses and off the wall statements.
You say you are not a fool. You get my vote that you are not. But, remember I have lost elections before.
---Elder on 6/20/10


Francis, how can you continue on in your misapplication of Scripture? ---Elder on 6/14/10

There is NOTHING in the blog question about fornication or anything except violating parole, and imprisonment.

And thereare no scriptures that give ground for divorce based on this.

If this man had commit fornication why did not the questioner ask about divrose based on adultery? why imprisonment?

I am not a fool.
SHe is looking for grounds to divorce, MAYBE added the fornication thing LATER.
Ofcourse fornication / adultery wold be ground for divorce, but now i doubt it ever happened, since she brought it out so late.
---francis on 6/19/10




Trish, I believe you are right again. You know, I really don't care if Francis hears, believes or reads I Cor. or not. I don't like the confusion that Francis places on the victim in this issue. It is Melissa that is in the active crisis not Francis. So, Francis can post all the "sweet" you oughta do's that may come to a misunderstanding mind. It is Melissa and the children that have to endure all of this foolishness and mistreatment. And, there is no doubt that "Jailbird Jim" has a wife in prision or he is one. All of that must be taken into consideration.
There are some people that do know the right way for her to go.
Trish, your wisdom in this matter shows that. I Hope she will listen to you.
---Elder on 6/16/10


Elder: Francis is selective about what he reads. He refuses to read anything you have posted from Corinthians about the unbelieving husband leaving the believing spouse. I think Francis chooses what to read based on his feelings, and posts just for the sake of argument. I refuse to argue with people that act like children, unless they are children.
---Trish9863 on 6/14/10


Francis, how can you continue on in your misapplication of Scripture? It has been pointed out that the husband committed spiritual, physical, and mental fornication against his wife. Study the word "fornication." You will find that it includes wife beating, desertion and a number of other things. Trying to make Trish wrong is not going to change this issue.
If you feel so strong about someone visiting this guy in prison then get his address and go yourself. He is not in prison wrongfully. He committed crimes against the State and his family. He was the one that left his family many times.
---Elder on 6/14/10


I love you too Elder!
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/14/10


"Hi Elder ... no I was not trying to impose any kind of order. Just correcting a misapprehension. It's so easy to assume things about other people." alan8566
Sure, Alan, I "know you didn't mean anything wrong." I do guess by your above statement that things being done proper and in order was not your intent. But, anyway, tell me why you didn't "correct" the "misapprehensions" of those who were gving flawed and wrong advice to Francis? Notice the proper spelling this time. Maybe you accomlished something after all. No one ever has to "assume" anything about you Alan. The proof is in the pudding....
PS. CN has asked you not to double space. It helps them edit. Try it they will like it.
---Elder on 6/14/10




My personal belief is that if the spouse has chosen a life of crime, that means they are choosing prison over their responsibilities to their family.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/10

I know this is your personal beliefs. I get that.
What does the bible say?
Since when is imprisonment grounds for divorce?
and since when did imprisonment becomes grounds for divorce rather than grounds for visit?


Matthew 25:42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:

Matthew 25:43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
---francis on 6/14/10


Hi Elder ... no I was not trying to impose any kind of order. Just correcting a misapprehension.

It's so easy to assume things about other people.
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/14/10


Sorry Alan, I should have known that you were just concerned that all things should be done properly and in order.
Now back to the real issue.
The Hebrew word for "Right" is "yashar." It means to be level or upright. It discribes the perfect righteousness of God. It speaks of integrity, lifestyle and motives. It is a quality that becomes the standard. This quality/rightness must be used in all activites we are involved in or we are wrong.
All of the jailbirds spoke of here are not anywhere near right so they don't care about their marriage, mates, children or real responsibilities.
II Chron 20:32
---Elder on 6/12/10


My husband just arrested 2 people who where smuggling drugs into WV. Both of them had families belonging to others, the only thing they cared about was where was themselves. The amount of cocaine they got from them was enough to put 3-4 kids through college.
So Francis, don't tell me that these people r in their right minds cause there not. Grounds for divorce yes, I think so. Don't get me started on the rest of the story.
---Rebecca_D on 6/12/10


Elder ... I was not condemning your spelling, just showing you that your "I wish this guy was married to you" was not quite right!
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/12/10


Trish you couldn't be more right. This man was jailed for willful lawless activity, turned to it again and cared not to his familys needs. But notice that some have to be "right" no matter what is wrong. If some would study they would understand too.
Alan contributes nothing to this but condemns my spelling. On another blog he wrote, "on naother blog" & "I beleive..." Spelling doesn't apply to him maybe.
I don't know if the keddle is black or just smutty.
"Advice" comes from the Hebrew word 'etsah. It means, Counsel and/or Plan. The best place to get advice is from God through His Word. The next best place is from His servants who follow His Word.
Francis & Alan are not using either.
---Elder on 6/11/10


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Francis: More childlike, all or nothing thinking. Did you know that most people outgrow all or nothing thinking by the time they graduate from high school?

Not all spouses would have grounds for divorce upon a spouse's imprisonment. Elder could correct me on this. My personal belief is that if the spouse has chosen a life of crime, that means they are choosing prison over their responsibilities to their family.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/10


Abandonment: To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility, desert:

That is the definition of abandonment.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/10

So every spouse who has an imprisoned mate has grounds for divorce?
---francis on 6/11/10


Abandonment: To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility, desert:

That is the definition of abandonment.

This man did just that. He no longer supports his family, in spite of his supposed vows to do so, and he has deserted them.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/10


Frances if you really read the entire text why is your understanding so flawed?

---Elder on 6/10/10

Read the text, prisonment is not abandonment
---francis on 6/11/10


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Francis: I have seen first hand the devastation of women whose husband's have been imprisoned for criminal activity. I have a child who was in prison briefly. He no longer does illegal activities, because he never wants to be in prison again. I pity any woman who has to support a family because the husband has blown off all of his responsibilities to the family for a life of crime.

As you are male, you lack empathy on the wife's situation.

Also, there is the danger of losing her home and other property due to drug related crimes. Most district attorneys repossess property in drug crimes.
---Trish9863 on 6/11/10


Elder ... "Frances ... I wish this guy was married to you"

Elder ... It's Francis, not Frances.

And Francis is a man's name!

So I don't think your wish is proper!
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/11/10


Francis: Alcohol is legal and there are many in prison who are there for DUI. Your answer is specious.
---Trish9863 on 6/10/10

Is DUI and imprisonment for multiple DUI cause for divorce?

How christians can say that multiple imprisonment is cause for divorce in beyond reason.
How you can say that imprisonemt is abondonment is simply hypocritical, you all are looking for loopholes.

That is the type of thing that not even a pharasee would do.

You all should be very much ashamed.
---francis on 6/11/10


Frances if you really read the entire text why is your understanding so flawed? I wish this guy was married to you. No matter what he did you would say he is not a Christian.
You did not read "my I Cor 7" text. It belongs to God. You don't even understand what the text means when it speaks of fornication. You are trying to tell someone something with no wisdom or understanding at all.
By the way, the one without sin did cast the first stone. It was God, and He gave the guidelines for divorce. You have rejected the Spiritual side of the issue from God's Word. It doesn't surprise me that you reject the professional side from Trish. You need to do more study before you give advice.
---Elder on 6/10/10


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Francis, If this man had it his way, u r right, he would not be in jail. But still he would not be there for his family because he choice would be drugs. He will steal anything that has any value to sell for drugs. No doubt he will use the money for bills and food to use for drugs. Even though his body is at home, his mind is somewhere in lala land. So techinaclly he still isn't there for his family. I would rather this man and others like him be in prison instead on the streets, where our children are. At this rme prison is where he belongs, at least there he has to get help, judge orders.
---Rebecca_D on 6/10/10


Francis: Alcohol is legal and there are many in prison who are there for DUI. Your answer is specious.
---Trish9863 on 6/10/10


What most here fail to agree with is this: If this man had it his way, he would continue to use drugs and stay in his house with his family.

If this man lived in another part of the world were drugs are legal he would continue to use drugs and be at home with his family.

Therefore, we can conclude that while the government is not responsible for his actions, it is only by the law of the goivernment that he is imprisoned.

Thus there is no cause for divorce.
---francis on 6/10/10


Francis: Not all prisons allow conjugal visits. But, for you to say that this man has not abandoned his family is ludicrous. He abandoned them six times. He does not support his family. He is not there for birthdays or holidays. He cannot be there to help with homework, or drive them to the doctors. He is absent, by HIS CHOICE. Abandonment comes in many shapes and sizes.

And another thing, some prisons are a far ride for the family to visit, especially a mother who is working to support her kids.
---Trish9863 on 6/10/10


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I NEVER said relapse was a reason for divorce. As Elder has pointed out, abandonment, by an unbeliever, is reason for ending the marriage.
---Trish9863 on 6/9/10

Imprisonment is by no means abandonment.
Many christians go to prison, some repeatedly, the prison system allows conjugal visits, some prison systems allow the inmate to work at some jobs.

I fail to see how imprisonment can be the same as abandonmenet.
It is just a lame excuse to leave her husband. ANd don,t get me wrong, i believe it is touch on her. Gut where is her stance as a christian? Where is her love and compassion?
---francis on 6/10/10


Melissa, you said, "How far does a wife have to go, before leaving him and divorcing him?"
The answer is, as far as you let it go. This is about you and the children. About what you feel your conscience wants you to go. In the end it will be what you feel in your heart is the right decision. God speaks to you spiritually. Listen to what Elder and some others say, study it, and if that is what you believe is best for your family, go for it. The fact that many say never devorce, there is many situations where you have to. God knows this already. Everything you are about to do, He already knows. Trust in Him, and you will never be wrong.
---MarkV. on 6/10/10


Francis: Like many children, you have selective thinking. You failed to read ALL of my post.

I NEVER said relapse was a reason for divorce. As Elder has pointed out, abandonment, by an unbeliever, is reason for ending the marriage. This husband chose to return to prison with his illegal activities, thus violating parole. We do not know what his illegal activity was. Some have assumed it to be drug relapse. Whatever the case, he made the choice to break the law, violate his parole and return to prison, for the sixth time. He abandoned his family, and is shirking his responsibilities as a wage earner, husband, and father.
---Trish9863 on 6/9/10


Francis, Your all or nothing thinking is very childish. How old are you? Who said they do not repeat sins? If I choose to relapse, which has happened, it comes with consequences.
---Trish9863 on 6/7/10
Good, now as a christian can you honestly say that relapse is grounds for divorce?
---francis on 6/9/10


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KarenD: Why would a Christian sin at all? If a Christian does not sin on purpose, are you saying that they sin by accident?
---Trish9863 on 6/8/10


KarenD: The prison is only going to offer him a 12 Step oriented program. Plus, AA and NA take meetings into the prisons. I participated in these types of meetings years ago. I never said treatment program. I said, NA. If you want the prisons to offer him a Christ oriented program, good luck trying to get that passed. The prisons are going to offer drug and alcohol treatment. If you want him to have Jesus, take it to him.

Don't criticize me for stating reality. I did a lot of research on the drug and alcohol programs offered in institutions during my grad work. I was just stating the facts, not pushing an agenda.

It seems you want to jump on my case any time alcohol or drug treatment comes up.
---Trish9863 on 6/7/10


Trish...You are so right. Get that treatment program. Forget about Jesus and HIS delivering power. Why would a Christian sin on purpose?
---KarenD on 6/7/10


Francis, Your all or nothing thinking is very childish. How old are you? Who said they do not repeat sins? If I choose to relapse, which has happened, it comes with consequences.


This man not only relapsed, but broke the law. I never did illegal drugs. He had choices, instead of violating his parole. He could have gone to an NA meeting, called for help with his urges. Besides, we do not even know what his parole violation was. He could have been selling drugs, which I have no pity for drug dealers. Lock them up, and throw away the key. They have Bible studies in prison, so he can get all the love and forgiveness from the good Christians who bring in the studies.
---Trish9863 on 6/7/10


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Well, i amplease to report that non eof you repeat any sin more than once.

That is comendable.
You may proceed stone this man for commiting the same sin more than once
---francis on 6/7/10


Francis: Once he gets treatment for his addiction, which is available in prison, he has no excuse for violating his parole and returning there. Thus, he has abandoned his family, and his responsibilities to them. He cannot earn a living to support them, nor can he train up his children to be morally upright citizens. He chose to violate his parole and return to prison.

I am an alcoholic/addict, and if I pick up again, clean and sober. If I pick up again, it is a choice I make. I am working toward staying clean and sober. This husband chose prison over his family, and has abandoned them.
---Trish9863 on 6/7/10


It is no doubt very difficult for her. Her husband is constantly imprisoned.

Yet even if he had a life sentence, that is not cause for divorce. There is no indication that he has abandoned her.

He is imprisoned for something that the state has deemed illegal. He may even have a drug addition habit. But there is no indication that he has abandoned his wife, or saught another female.

Elder i did read your 1 cor 7 texts. My respond was this: Imprisonment is not abandonment. He can still be visited, and when he gets out, no matter for how short a time he is out, he goes home to his wife.

Let you who have NO SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE.

your sin and my sin may not be drug abuse, this man's sin is.
---francis on 6/6/10


Francis: This man is being selfish. All he cares about is when and where he can get his next fix. This man has put his family through he'll. For u to say he didn't leave his family is absurb, cause he did. You may say that u would not divorce your husband if u was in this situation, but I'm sure u would. While we must obey Gods word, he would want use to use some common sence. Ya know your not a very compassionate person. Your responses to a question, show no love at all. What gives?
---Rebecca_D on 6/6/10


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Frances you say your source of guidance on matters of spiritual issues is the Bible.
Then why do you not use it. We have seen the "wacked out" advice you give. You disregard the Scripture I gave? Are you a "surface Christian" only? You need to get into the deep things of God and learn spiritual knowledge. You reject meanings of Bible words.
None of the Apostles were jailed for illegal drug activity. They were jailed and beaten for their stand for Christ. I think you will never be jailed for that.
If this woman were to murder her husband you would say God would forgive her. Divorce is her option and right. Which would you rather she do? Divorce is the right choice and she will not need to be forgiven for doing it.
---Elder on 6/6/10


First of all you have a obligation to your children. He is not going to have them follow the right direction.
He chose the life he wants and it is not you and your children.
You on the other hand shouldn't of had anymore children after you knew he does drugs and wasn't going to stop.
Do you want your children to end up in prison like their father.
Find a church that will support you and give you the help you need to start a new life. Quit thinking about only yourself.
Ann
---Ann on 6/6/10


---Elder on 6/5/10 --Rebecca_D on 6/4/10
Many of the aposttles were imprisoned, and God encourages us to VIsIT those in prison.
---francis on 6/5/10

Francis.. how can you even begin to compare the imprisonment of the "aposttles" with this woman's sleazy drug abusing husband.

He left her many years ago when he choose drugs over her.
---NurseRobert on 6/6/10


---Elder on 6/5/10 --Rebecca_D on 6/4/10

As a christian, my only source of guidance on matters of spiritual issues is THE BIBLE.

In the bible imprisonment is NOT A CAUSE FOR DEVORCE. Many of the aposttles were imprisoned, and God encourages us to VIsIT those in prison.

Yes it is very hard on her that her husband in constantly in prison. Yet still, this is cause for visitation not divorce.

We cannot use the bible only when it is to our advantage.

2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

And no scripture sasy imprisonment is cause for diovorce. Sorry guys I know it is hardon her.
---francis on 6/5/10


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Francis your answer "amazes" me. You said the husband didn't leave this wife. Where is he when the children are sick and she is ill and has to go to the pharmacy and gro store?
Where do you get the "For better or worse" statement? This is not in marriage vows in the Bible for vows are not there. This is something that man has put together for a service.
This "husband" is not in war battle which would be different. He left for a life of crime and drugs caring nothing for his family.
Next this wife did not leave her husband. He left her. How long do you think she should suffer?
---Elder on 6/5/10


Francis, Okay for better or for worse, how is this man. Holding up his vows? He is the one who got messed up with the law, it wasn't the wife's fault. So I think u need / re- track your steps and stop blaming everything on the wife
---Rebecca_D on 6/4/10


Again we have a quote from I Cor 7:10. Why do people forget the rest of the passage? It is because it serves their purpose. Paul didn't just write this one verse.
Then the forgiveness issue. This husband can be forgiven by the wife but he also may have to pay the cost of his sin. Why should any woman be a doormat to her husband to bring STD to her body because of his lifestyle?
The fornication in I Cor 7 means, idolatry, incest, harlotry, and it includes adultry. The word covers all natures of sexual sin to include beating your mate physically.
In an issue this important I would think you might want to know what you are talking about before telling this woman to stay in this marriage. Divorce is the God given option. You can take it.
---Elder on 6/4/10


The question is not if he's a Christian. The question is are you a Christian? The only reason a person can get a divorce is for fornication. Married people commit adultery,unmarried commit fornication. Bibical fornication is the turning from following God and running after the world. If you are a Christian you have not the right to leave, neither are you to stop following God if it be that you are following God. Read 1 Corinthians 7:10 (King James Version) But if both of you are lost and have not been saved according to the scriptures whether you leave or stay you are still lost and headed away from heaven instead to heaven. Denomanational salvation will not get you to heaven. The Gospelheraler
---Ls on 6/4/10


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Nobody can make this decision for you, except you, Melissa.
---amand6348 on 6/4/10


KarenD: Forgiveness can still occur in a divorce. Life and behavior have consequences. This husband chose to risk his freedom, and the ability to support his family and be there to help raise his children, by violating parole He has to realize that there are consequences. He abandoned his family for his life of crime. Elder is right.

My husband forgave me, but still filed for divorce. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
---Trish9863 on 6/4/10


How many times did JESUS say to forgive?
---KarenD on 6/4/10


Imprisment is not a cause for divorce.
Your husband may be unbelieving, but he has not left you.

It amazes me when christians try to find loopholes to leave thier spouses.

For better or worse, at this time you are just getting the worse.

But you have no just cause to leave your spouse.
---francis on 6/3/10


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Alan I agree completely. This goes to the, "Not under bondage" statement that Paul made.
God gave the rules for a divorce. This woman needs out of this rat trap quick. She meets the Spiritual requirement to put this guy away from herself.
And, just maybe, this guy she is married to needs to see/realize the gravity of his actions.
---Elder on 6/3/10


Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. How many times will you let him fool you. Elder's words have great wisdom, and I would heed his guidance.
---Trish9863 on 6/3/10


Melissa, You have giving this man chance after chance to get cleaned up, just like the law has. God too will give a person so many chances before he will stop dealing with that person. I would divorce him. You and your kids deserve better than that. Your kids Dont need to be in a home where that is all they see of their dad. Your family needs to be free from this pain.
---Rebecca_D on 6/3/10


Melissa....Do the children live with you?
---KarenD on 6/2/10


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"Doesn't St. Paul say the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife?"
Cluny
Yea. Paul also said, "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." I Cor 7:15. Why did you not include that?
The part passage you used wrong is plainly speaking of an unbelieving husband that is pleased to stay with his wife, I Cor 7:13-14.
The lady here has the Scriptiual and legal right to divorce this one who loves illegal things and jail more than his family. She can seek peace without this bum that people like to take up for. He doesn't provide for his family. He is worse than an infidel-- God said that.
---Elder on 6/2/10


I agree with all of what Elder has said.

I'm not sure though that he would agree with me when I go on to say that you will be free, after a few years getting used to life as single woman and mother, to marry again should you meet a worthy and honest man.

---alan8566_of_uk on 6/2/10


Elder,
Amen and Amen!!
---pg1 on 6/2/10


Friendly Blogger
I agree with you as well except on one statement. His abandonment became voluntary the day he decided to violate parole. He knew the consequences of his actions would lead him back to jail yet the still made the choice.
---pg1 on 6/2/10


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Doesn't St. Paul say the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife?
---Cluny on 6/2/10


melissa, you are going to hear from some here that "God hates divorce." What they are not going to tell you is that God gave the rules/laws for divorce. This man has abandoned you and his children. This is a form of fornication. See your lawyer and end this mess if you want.
Women in general have put up with this type of foolishness for too long. It is because they have received misinformation from those who are supposed to know. It sounds to me that you have given this man space to repent and he hasn't. Do what you need to do and make a real life for yourself and children. You can't be any worse off than you are now.
---Elder on 6/2/10


Melissa, the Bible Bashers here are pouncing on you all ready. You have been involuntarily abandoned due to the criminal justice system. You husband is likely classified as a habitual offender so he is not likely to be out any time soon. If you are in need of subsistence for yourself or children you need to see a state social worker then you should probably consult an attorney to discuss options.
---Friendly_Blogger on 6/2/10


KarenD:

Great Advice! I know from experience that divorce just isn't worth it. It is always better to "wait on God" and let Him work things out.

Yes, we will all pray for this marriage. The situation is difficult for everyone involved.
---Augie on 6/2/10


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Melissa....You can't leave this man. He isn't even with you. The Bible says that God hates divorce. Pray for your husband and we will pray too. God can still save your husband and change him into a good husband and father.
---KarenD on 6/2/10




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