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Secretly Attracted To A Man

For two years, I've been secretly attracted to a man at church. I'm not sure how he feels, we don't hang out except for youth events(he's 30, i'm 23). God is teaching me patience, but I'm stressed. I've prayed like crazy about this. How can I truly discern God's voice? I only want God's will, not mine.

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 ---Ebony on 6/7/10
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Have you tried being friends with him? Ask him to join you and your friends on an outing or something of the sort. Of course, God has His will for you, but He made us relational beings so we can relate with one another. He's not going to come down and strike up a conversation between you two.
---Olivia on 8/9/12

i think you should talk to God about your feelings ive heard of similar cases tell him if he is not for you let him remove those feelings
---maureen on 5/15/12

Hello,be carefull..better,keep your eyes on Jesus! emotions are just that "emotions are just another plot of the enemy get you distracted. If the Lord (which he really knows this guy) people now a days you can't go by emotions or "feelings!" If he is the one,some way & it will be the right time,he will let you know (see how his relationship with God! First) alot of good Christians been led down to path of destruction..."bedazzle 'n the ocean of emotions!" wish you well. In Christ Jesus you got everything...don't accept a counterfeit!
---ELENA on 4/30/12

2 good years, my dear, you are indeed patient but don't be misled by your emotions, find out about him if he is bethroted or engaged, if he is your ideal man and ask God to direct you. sometimes it could be mere attraction. why dont you be friends with him and get closer to him to know him better, with time, you will know if he feels any thing for you or notices you. follow your heart and let God direct you. good luck
---goody on 7/26/11

When I was 30 I met a beautiful, devoted Christian girl who was working at a Christian book store. I was instantly smitten, and in one conversation she invited me to her church. I also found out that she was 18 years old, whereas I thought she looked to be about 5 years older than that.

I started going to her church, got involved, and had overwhelming attraction to her. I also could tell that she was attracted to me.

Her dad, the youth pastor, came up to me in the parking lot one day to just chat, get to know me a little, among other things.

But I just couldn't shake the thoughts of what others in the church might think of a 30 year old man with an 18 year old girl.
---James_L on 7/20/11

I prayed so many times I couldn't even count.

I thought I knew for sure that God was telling me that she would be my wife.

But I still couldn't get past what others might think. And I also began thinking maybe I couldn't live up to what she or others might expect from me financially. Thinking I wasn't good enough. Just a mess.

This went on for almost four years and I never asked her out because of one thought or another.

Now I'm 40. I got caught up in a whirlwind romance with a different girl, got married on a whim, had a kid, and then went through a divorce.

My point is this - what if this guy is like me? He will never ask you out if he thinks he's not good enough.

Ask him to go to lunch after church
---James_L on 7/20/11

To clear things up.. I'm not incessantly praying for this man to like me.. I believe if its meant to be, it will.. my issue is simply getting through our firiendship.. its hard to be around people that you like no matter how Christian you are
---Ebony on 7/19/11

also, i want God's will done (whether that includes this guy or not).. i have prayed and fasted over my feelings for him, not his concerning me.. so far my feelings have remained.. when i try to "give him up" God brings him back to me.. whether through a phone call or whatever.. also i cant to "flee" him.. that is my church too, my family in christ
---Ebony on 7/19/11

We do not agree and I stand by my position

of course you would stand a position ...most never CARE TO understand how idolatry works in subtle ways ...being stressed because someone hasn't noticed you not GETTING who you want?

like MANY in religious christianity who believe Gods "will" is like a magic fairy wand or genie in a bottle ...rub it often enough with fanatical prayers to GET something or even more frightening someone ...God grants your wish and "change the mind and heart" of person one WANTS essence ONE'S OWN WILL over another's mind understands God not in this equation

God says flee idolatry ...flee from this man and allow your life to be stress free again
---Rhonda on 6/25/10

We do not agree and I stand by my position.

Be Blessed.
---pg1 on 6/24/10

Here is the reality. Feelings/attractions cannot be turned off or on

never indicated feelings simply turned on or off or ever declared I was MORE spiritually mature - you implied these ideas

when someone states they are stressed and incessantly praying OVER someone else (for SOLE purpose of GETTING that person to FEEL same for them) THAT is obsessive and selfish ...most never understand destructive nature of idolatry - feelings become distorted when lived through infatuation becoming so powerful in ONES MIND they cloud actions and reality

in essence praying for "Gods will" to MAKE this man feel the same for her and she can stop being stressed GETTING what she wants

Gods will is not about GETTING
---Rhonda on 6/24/10

Here is the reality. Feelings/attractions cannot be turned off or on. You don't know that she is not putting herself in the position to meet other people. You also cannot say for certain that he is not interested in her for sometimes men are slow to act. Two years is nothing in the time of God. I prayed about a situation for more than ten years and God eventually answered. Perhaps you cannot relate to her experience because you are so spiritually mature that you no longer have certain struggles/desires. If what she is feeling is not of God it will pass in time. However her story ends, my prayer is that she will have learned something about herself and God- For He causes ALL things to work together for good...
---PG1 on 6/23/10

Moreover being attracted to someone does not make her emotionally immature. It makes her human with God given desires.

having an attraction of 2 years is absurd and foolish

an emotionally immature adult has infatuations

emotionally STABLE adults are putting themselves in situations where they can MIX with lots of singles to find a suitable mate

when someone has prayed like crazy over a man that DOES NOT NOTICE THEM they are emotionally immature

AGAIN The Father in Heaven is not out to torture people with desires that are not based on reality

REALITY is this man takes no notice and her fantasy has become an obsession
---Rhonda on 6/23/10

To Alan8566 of Uk: If you want a foolproof way of attracting women do this: carry a nice, fat leather wallet full of cash or debit card. Credit card(s) might do the trick nicely,also.
---Robyn on 6/23/10

Cease from worrying. You have two options. You can express your interest in him or you can wait for him to make a move. Either way he will make it known if he is interested in you.
---pg1 on 6/22/10

Rhonda and Robyn,
What are you saying? Ebony has only indicated that she is attracted to the man. She has not given any details about his status. Moreover being attracted to someone does not make her emotionally immature. It makes her human with God given desires.
---pg1 on 6/22/10

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Ebony. You need to mature emotionally. Is this youth pastor married? A girlfriend? You need diversion in your life, hobbies,school or something to take up your time. Get your own boyfriend and you wan't have to love someone in secret. This is torture to you. Brought on by yourself. Never desire something you cannot have. don't even entertain such thoughts. That,s like weaving a web that you might not be able to escape from. Its kind of like having a "death wish" A pitiful way to live. You can do much better than this. You are young(23) what a lovely age. Don't do this to yourself,love. God loves you and made you a beautiful butterfly. Go spread your wings and find someone worthy of you.
---Robyn on 6/22/10

Dear Ebony, in such a case you should see your pastor, and ask him advice, prayers and intervention,
---Andy3996 on 6/22/10

Ebony how sad two years of devoting your life to a man that is unaware of you??

what is wrong with women today? waiting patiently on the sidelines for an unavailable man?

God is not teaching you patience my dear - you are simply not allowing yourself to experience men who are single available ...Gods "will" is not about torturing you with a man who does not see you - 2 years is WAY TOO LONG to be unnoticed

remove yourself from the youth event immediately and become involved in events that will allow you to experience MANY single men date and find a suitable mate who is ACTUALLY interested in YOU

rather than worshiping a man that by his actions of TWO VERY LONG YEARS is most likely very uninterested in you
---Rhonda on 6/20/10

Karen ... I imagined you to be no more than in your 40's, particularly as you referred to that couple expecting a baby together!
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/20/10

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alan8566....You don't like women in their early 60's? I have lots of friends in their 50s and 60s who prefer older men.
---KarenD on 6/19/10

KarenD ... What type of woman do I want?

A Christian lady, who would like to be married and share her life and mine.

She's need to be a bit older than you, and most of your friends, for I am just turned 70
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/11/10

Follow the good PRAYER-plan advised by "Donna5535" below, it will relieve u of the "stress" u feel, know that after Hannah poured her heart to God 1Sam.1. she was no longer disturbed till she received boy-Samuel 1 yr after. DO NOT follow "francis" plan. francis do not believe that God gives spouse to people, francis stresses MAN's way Prov.14:12, do not take action based on your thoughts on this, read what God said in Isaiah 65:2.
---Adetunji on 6/10/10

"What i am saying is this:
If a man is not faithful to God, do not expect him to be faithful to you."

God is faithful whether we are or not. You make it sound as though His very nature and character could be changed by the unfaithfulness of people. Not even unfaithful Israel could change His faithfulness. The faithfulness of God was Israel's testimony.
---Linda on 6/9/10

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If in the US, it is easy.

1. Every morning, rub money on your body instead of cologne.

2. Either be a bad boy or 'mysterious'(your accent helps) or be a doormat.

3. Based on 2. Keep your whole paycheck or remit all of it.

4. Never say the word, "Jezebel".

5. If they go to church, double no. 2.

Just kiddin'.

Watch and Pray!
---aka.joseph on 6/10/10

What i am saying is this:
If a man is not faithful to God, do not expect him to be faithful to you.

If he does not respect God, do not expect him to respect you.

now all this is said in context.
Remember this is a man who goes to her church. Remember the context.

Luke 19:17 And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities.
---francis on 6/9/10

Francis...Just because a man puts money in a tithing envelope does not mean he is a Christian.

Alan....I introduced a good friend of ours who is a minister to a woman I met through CN a few years ago. They spent a year getting to know each other through trips to each others' homes. They have been married a couple of years now and expecting their first baby together. He was a widower with teenage children and she had never been married. What kind of woman are you looking for?
---KarenD on 6/9/10

Hi guys ... Do you have any foolproof way of me attracting a female?

---alan8566_of_uk on 6/9/10

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francis, I really like your fool proof plan.

Next time I need advice regarding a man, I will make sure I post and make sure you give me a fool proof plan for me too, okay? LOL
---Donna5535 on 6/9/10

Whatever you do, be sure his returns to God are consistant. If they are not, that is a sign of financial instability, and future problems
---francis on 6/9/10

francis, I really like your fool proof plan.

Next time I need advice regarding a man, I will make sure I post and make sure you give me a fool proof plan for me too, okay? LOL
---Donna5535 on 6/9/10

Ebony -- I think Francis has the best suggestion. It is said that even God can't steer a parked car. You need to take some kind of action. Maybe all the guy needs is a good opportunity. Maybe he's a little shy.
(I, myself, wouldn't think of spying on him to see what he puts in the collection plate.
You don't know his financial affairs. How would you know if he is "cheating" God.) Of course, I don't believe in the "tithe" anyway.

But sitting next to him in church, finding reasons to start a conversation, sound good to me. It will give you a clue how interested he is. If you sense you are being rebuffed...then quit agonizing over this and get on with your life.
---Donna66 on 6/8/10

Have you let him know you're interested?
---Cluny on 6/8/10

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You are thinking way way too much

Here is MY advise
1: Sit next to him see if he is returning a faithful tithe. Yes look at him carefully if he is not faithful to God move on. If he cheats God move on.

2: When you have determined that is he faithful to God. "Forget" your bible at home, ask to share his, then borry his pen, keep it till after church, that will give you a reason to talk to him later.

3: Invite me to the wedding

This is a fool proof plan.
---francis on 6/8/10

Lay the desire down at the feet of Jesus. Say a prayer like this:

Lord I lay my feelings down for this man. You know I have them but I do not want to act against your will, so I will wait for you to show me if he is to be my huband or not. I lay down my desire for this man and cast this anxiety upon you in Jesus name and I trust YOU Lord that You will work this out if it's meant to be, in Jesus name I pray.

If you release something over to God and ask Him to handle it for you, His ways are PERFECT and He will bring it to pass if it's His will for your life- that's what you want, right? HIS will, not Your will, so let HIM bring it to pass, amen?
---Donna5535 on 6/8/10

(1)In life you will be attracted to more than 1 person at different times of life, it may not mean they are to have a close relationship with you in God's plan, do not take any action towards the brother until God tells/shows you something about him 1 Samuel 16:7. (2)Thank God you want God's will, may God grant you HIS choice, do not go into vanity Ps.127:1. Waiting on God is the best even if people jest you for it.
---Adetunji on 6/8/10

There have always been many lies and irrationalities taught in Christianity.

YOUR will/desire is to be close to God, therefore having a will of your own cannot be BAD.

Having a will of your own is GOOD (VERY good). The teaching that 'SELF will' is bad is a lie put forth by satan to confuse and dehumanize humanity throughout the ages. It doesn't even make sense (how can a person "want God" if they are going to deny their "self will"???????).

Self will is what makes a person a human being and allows them to choose God. Self will IS YOUR "spirit"....

Romans 8:16
"it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God".
---more_excellent_way on 6/7/10

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