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I Am A Divorced Man

I am a divorced man. Matthew 18:6 says that "It is better that you be drowned if you hurt others who believe". Does this mean that I will be punished for the "hurt" that my divorce caused my family, children, and relatives?

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 ---Augie on 6/9/10
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Augie: I do not believe you will be punished for divorcing. You, wife and children are the ones involved in this. Not your relatives. Understand this first of all. When you divorce was there another woman/man involved? Did you make provisions for your under age kids? How did you leave the marriage? If you left in the right way then you should not have any guilt feelings. You are not to remarry until your wife dies or you two, can go back together, at a later time. But only if you two agree,to that. Otherwise you will do better to stay single(in obedience to God). Are you a christian? If not-why would you even care about divorcing. This applies to christians only. You can remarry if your wife cheated on you and you caught her.
---Robyn on 6/22/10


Trish:

Today is Father's Day. My uncle lost his wife to breast cancer last month. I was overjoyed that my uncle stayed with his wife until she died. It wasn't always easy, but commitment to a spouse is COMMITMENT.

I do believe that God understands the challenges we face in this SIN stained world. However, I also believe that he expects Christians to follow "HIS ways" more strongly than does the world.

I don't know if your ex-husband is a Christian. However, I think that he should have "stood by" you. But his choice was his choice. All we can do is accept that.

I believe that God will give EVERYONE their "just reward", good or bad, when we stand before HIM, after we die.
---Sag on 6/20/10


Carla: You misunderstand. My children are grown, and living in different parts of the country. One has children herself. When my children come to this area to visit, they stay with their dad, as he has a large home. I have a tiny apartment. He invites me to his home when my kids are there, especially the grandchildren, and on holidays and birthdays.

As for the reasons for the divorce, he did forgive me. He suffered trauma throughout various stages of my past mental illnesses, and could no longer live with me. I have been getting better, and we are friends now.
---Trish9863 on 6/19/10


Love is unconditional it hold no malice, keeps no records, loves all, forgives all, and is obedient to the grace of God. If your husband was saved he would have known that. As for the children you can visit them of course but You never disclosed that your children were not with you, and so the ignorance you accused me of is unmerited.

I'm sorry you do not have your children with you, and knowing that changes the answer some what although it does not mean you are not a child of God. You do not stand beneath their circumstances you stand once forgiven above that, So there's no need to put them up there and yourself below, you are child of a king and for that, no money can buy salvation.
---Carla on 6/19/10


Sag: I understand what you are saying. I fully understand the scriptures that apply to divorce and remarriage. I studied them in depth during my divorce, and I sought Godly counsel concerning my future through the divorce. Once he remarried, my kids were hurt that I refused to see their father or meet his wife, and I could not hurt them.

Peace and love reign with my kids, and with us now. My grandchildren have helped tremendously.
---Trish9863 on 6/19/10




No..with response to God divorcing Israel....actually in Isiah He asks "where is your bill of divorce?"....as for human failings,well they are just that,I think a more important point to bear in mind is that "if your right hand offends you ,cut it off"...legally viewed this would be fair,but due to Gods grace (that we have access to through His Spirit,paid for on the cross),there is a way to repent then grow (in the way that all christians have to all their lives) ..Gods mercy is greater than His judgement or shall we remember the old Christian badge?..70x7..
---richard on 6/19/10


Carla, Trish:

I believe that BOTH of you are correct. I believe that the context, in which something occurs, determines how we should view that. Let me explain:

Carla, your verses from the Bible are good. God's original plan was for life-long marriage for EVERYONE. Deviations, like remarriage, are Adulterous. However, we must remember that God planned all of this before SIN entered the world.

Trish, God understands that we live in a SINFUL world where often his plans, like for marriage, get disturbed. God PERMITS remarriage in certain situations.

In conclusion, God would like everyone to follow HIS ORIGINAL PLANS as much as possible. When things go wrong because of SIN, God PERMITS exceptions to his rules.
---Sag on 6/18/10


Carla: You are ignorant of the application of scripture. The ministers told me that once my ex was remarried, it was time to move on. Yes, it was adultery to remarry, but that is it. It is a done deal. For him to divorce her to live alone would be just as bad.

You were ignorant to suggest I not visit my children and enjoy birthdays and holidays at his home. No scripture supports hurting my children. Love is what has been called for in this relationship, and there is love now for everyone.
---Trish9863 on 6/18/10


Mat 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mat 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
---Carla on 6/18/10


Mar 10:11
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Luk 16:18

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.

If I'm ignorant then the word (God Forbid is too)pray try reading what the word says the fact that your pastors are preaching an accursed gospel is both yours and their folly.

You have a responsibility to look things up for YOURSELF daily and not accept Everything someone tells You.
SalomeX
---Carla on 6/18/10




aka: Thank you. I struggle when ignorant people misuse scripture to encourage me to sin against my children.
---Trish9863 on 6/17/10


Trish,

If you take the single verse in 1 Cor 5:9, it says not to hang around sexually immoral people. But, in context, with the rest of the verses in the chapter, it is talking about an immoral person within the church body who has a continual immoral lifestyle as opposed to outsiders.

Romans 12:9-21 is a great way to love those on the inside and outside of the church.

It appears to me that you do this. Your in physical pain and I am sure you heart hurts too, sometimes. But, ignore the detractors and do not spend so much time defending yourself. The scriptures speak for you.

God Bless, and enjoy the July 4th holiday weekend with ALL your family. :~)
---aka.joseph on 6/17/10


Carla: Your twisting of scriptures would require me to hold my ex at a distance, causing my children and grandchildren unnecessary pain, and bearing an unforgiving attitude in front of them, which hurt them when we were married. Why would I want to hurt them now that my ex and I get along as friends. Your suggesting destruction and hurt for people I love and gave birth to.

My grandchildren are blessed by a sweet spirit on my part, and that I can visit them at their grandfather's when they are in town. I would not get to see them as often, as they stay at his house, because I only have a one bedroom apartment.
---Trish9863 on 6/16/10


Carla: I never said we go on holiday together. I said, we celebrate holidays and birthdays together to allow us more time with our kids when they are in town, and to allow my grandchildren more time with each of us. This past year, my ex and his wife invited my entire family to Christmas dinner with our kids and his parents because I was moving the next day, and he knew I would not have the opportunity to visit with my grandchildren as much as usual.

When my brothers died, his wife, before even meeting my family, scanned photos of my brothers, and made CDs with all of the photos on them, and made copies for each one of my family members, and my mother. When her father died recently, my family sent her flowers of condolence.
---Trish9863 on 6/16/10


Carla: My ex is a believer. I sought the wisdom of two Godly pastors when I went through my divorce, and was advised by both that once my ex was remarried, it was a done deal, and I should move on. My ex did not commit adultery, he remarried. His wife did me no harm. My ex did not meet her till our divorce was final. My ex had reasons to leave me that were the result of my mental illnesses, and he is not obliged to me any longer as a husband. Three men of God told me that after my husband remarried, I should forgive him and his wife.

What blesses my children is that he and I get along much better now, than when we were together as husband and wife. He also made sure I was taken care of prior to leaving me.
---Trish9863 on 6/16/10


The scripture speaks about not having anything to do with a brother who commits Fornication, Adultery is no exception. As for having relationships with the unsaved it also speaks about what communion does someone who is saved have to do with sinners. My guess here would be purely a relationship that defines clear boundaries, you say this woman has done you nothing, except commit Adultery with your Adulterous husband, that's pretty serious. No one said hate or despise hurt or harm but going on holiday is being yoked with unbelievers for which there is no excuse.
---Carla on 6/16/10


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Trish, thank you so much for explaining that the "spiritual" lives of children, and our ex's, are the Holy Spirit's business. The "best" we can do is leave them in the hands of the Holy Spirt.

I'm sure that most, if not all, of us divorced parents feel very bad about what we have put our children through.

However, I believe that the Bible says that we shouldn't just sit around and feel sorry for ourselves and our children. Paul tells us to "leave the past in the past" and "look forward to what JESUS CHRIST brings".

We can't undo our pasts, but we can yield our lives to JESUS CHRIST and his promises.
---Augie on 6/16/10


Carla: Your assumption that I have not discussed forgiveness and repentance with my ex is wrong. We reconciled our animosities. As for his wife, her spiritual life is not my business, as she has not done anything wrong to me.

My children appreciate our relationships, as it makes things easier for them when they come to town.

Forgiveness is what God asked of me for them. Their spiritual lives is the Holy Spirit's job, not mine. Mine is to live out Christian love and forgiveness. The Holy Spirit is responsible for their repentance.
---Trish9863 on 6/16/10


Carla ---

In this imperfect world, Divorce happens because of Sin. I believe that the Bible says that people who have been through Divorce, like myself, should remain single.

The Bible DOES NOT say that we cannot get remarried. The Bible only discourages doing so and warns about the challenges of Adultery. Few remarriages work out and I believe that that PROVES that the Bible is "correct".

My children have already been "hurt" by my divorce. I don't want to increase that "hurt" by remarriage. From other folks that I have talked to, "Divorce & Remarriage" is definitely hell-on-earth for adults, but it is the WORST form of child abuse. I want to spare my kids from that trauma.
---Augie on 6/16/10


Carla2: Another thing about my ex. His marriage is 7 years old, so she is not his new wife.

Again, their spiritual lives are not my responsibility, I am told in God's Word to forgive and love my neighbor. No place in God's Word does it tell me to distance myself from them.
---Trish9863 on 6/16/10


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I hope I understood your statement about treading on eggs shells as it seems that way in the weight of things, one should never be afraid of saying the right thing according to what is written in the word. The way people live today is just like accepting Darwinism as the creation story yet forgetting long before Darwin was God.

Accepting a myth rather than the first word of God. If you are reading daily, you know what the bible says and you have no option but tell it as it is. You either love God for his word or hate him and loose your life.It will reflect in their response.
That last statement wasn't directed at you sag. There's always hell to pay from people who cant accept the word, they hate Christ they'll hate you.
---Carla on 6/15/10


Carla:

I agree with your advice to Trish. I also have relatives that have been involved in Divorce and/or Remarriage. Painful.

I have tried to inform them that a "new" marriage won't be any better than the "old" one if there isn't any repentance. There are children involved and it is tricky trying to show "unconditional" love for the children, yet get their parents to understand that God's standards for marriage haven't changed at all. Ever.

All I can say is that everyone has to "do their best" to uphold God's rules and also "do what is best for the children". Sometimes, it seems as though I am "walking on eggshells".
---Sag on 6/14/10


Trish,

playing happy families with a spouse who supposedly has a new wife!!! I'm pretty sure that's not bible advice. God is not mocked, what kind of statement or advice is that? He'S committing Adultery and so is she, both their souls are in trouble, with hells gates held open ready to receive them without repentance.unless you gave him permission to remarry and committed an unfaithful act, then that would be pretty brave!

One can sustain a relationship without such intrusion.

It would be more acceptable to invite them to repent and get right with God, partying with them means your no example to their adulterous lifestyle.
---Carla on 6/14/10


Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ:

I'm not sure what the particulars are surrounding your divorce so it's hard to say much. I will tell you that The Almighty hates divorce, but, according to Christ, there is only one reason acceptable for divorcing one's mate and that is infidelity. The Almighty divorced Israel because of her perpetual infidelity but groomed His Only Begotton Son to take on a new bride...The Church.

I realize many Christians get divorced for this, that, and the next thing, but most reasons are unacceptable before The Almighty thus they end up living in sin through adultery.

I am not sure what happened, but I think that, in time, you will receive forgiveness from your family if you sincerely repent.
---Higgins on 6/11/10


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Augie -- You cannot live without hurting other people at times. You could hurt them if you remained married, you could hurt them by not. Adults can handle this hurt. Children find it difficult.

But children can handle it IF they understand that both parents still love them as much as ever, and that they were in no way to blame for the divorce.

Whatever you do, you should avoid speaking ill of their mother (and hopefully she will
take the same position about you.)
---Donna66 on 6/11/10


--- aka.joseph ---

Thanks for providing the KJV scripture and interpretation for us. Very helpful.

Children, at all ages, are learning about the world around them. They seem to remember a lot of what they witness and experience. That is "good" when it comes to school and academics, but it can be a "problem", either now or in the future, when kids experience traumatic events: divorce, death, crimes, etc.

Many children who have been through stressful events end up showing signs of those hurtful times: criminal activity, relationship problems, alcohol and drug abuse, etc.

I've learned that I need to be careful to be as "positive" an influence on children as I possibly can.
---Sag on 6/10/10


While my ex-husband left and filed for the divorce, I learned that the best thing I could do for my children was to be friendly, and kind, to him and his new wife. We are like an extended family now on holidays and special occasions when the kids come to town. It has made for a world of difference in the lives of everyone.

God is not out to punish us, but His mercy is never ending.
---Trish9863 on 6/9/10


I do not know what version that you use, but KJV says, "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

The word for offend is 'skandalizo', which is where we get the word 'scandalize'. The gist is that if we cause one to sin (and not hurt them), then...

ESV "but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."
---aka.joseph on 6/10/10


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God mercy is limitless (Ps 103:12), and ours should follow suit (Mt 18:21-22).
---Max on 6/9/10


God is always ready to forgive, your spouse may see things differently. Return unto God draw near to him and he will draw nigh unto you. Ask for forgiveness and work on what you did wrong. Be sincere in what you do and don't take life for granted you only live once, so you better get it right. You can only do so by giving your life totally to God and allow the process of salvation to work your life out. your not responsible for coming into this life but you are responsible for how you leave. Time is short, just remember when you first went to school how long ago did that seem ago. Repent Quickly time is short!
---Carla on 6/9/10


If this is the worst thing you believe you have ever done. Then yes!
And you should be! But, for believing this is the worst thing you have ever done.

Maybe you should be asking them for forgiveness. Just say Im sorry.
I was 7 years old, then it happen to me. I am now 58, I still remember the little boy crying day after day!
I dont think about him as much. But, yea I remember him.
Maybe if someone had said they were sorry. I dont know, no one said they were sorry.
This is me 51 years later and all I can think of is no one said Im sorry
But above all this I want you to know God love you!
---TheSeg on 6/9/10


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