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Friend Was Being Rude

I made plans to take my Dad out to have breakfast today. Father's Day. A female friend -- platonic relationship -- asked me what I was doing for the day and I told her. She asked if she could come along. I got the idea that my friend was being rude and inviting herself. Was I wrong to tell her NO?

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 ---Sag on 6/20/10
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Sag, You were absolutely not wrong in telling your friend No regarding her inviting herself to go with you and your father. It's not so much "rude" for her to invite herself. "Audacious", yes, but, "rude", No. What is "rude" is if she were to throw a fit or cause some kind of a stink towards you when you told her No. For, this is personal time 'tween you and your Dad. And, it would be solely up to you (and your Dad) as to whether your friend accompanies you two. If you both were okay with her going along, then, that's one thing, that would be cool for all involved.
---Gordon on 5/2/12


Elena, Thank you. It's my pleasure. Amen. God has good things for you sister. You are very precious to him.
---Eloy on 5/2/12


hello,bless you Bro.Eloy,thankyou very much,yes! It makes me feel encouraged.Let all my family know I be so,busy now at church,bro.ELoy,honest I have not had hardly NO pain. I go to church almost everyday and I am gratefull you could not imagine how good I feel the blogg you wrote bout all different churches,cultures..You right.The pastor did a good thing when he told me to pray...It works! I'm the one always want to participate alot more.Smiles! God bless you and all my family on ChristiaNet! Love of Jesus!
---ELENA on 5/1/12


Elena, Keep leaning and resting on Jesus. He will sustain you, he will strengthen you, and he will revive you. Jesus wants the very best for you, sister. Praise Jesus!
---Eloy on 4/30/12


hello,family got to tell you my stance got to take care emotionally,yourself!Agree with John post 8/8/10 hope got it right! Yes! I talk to folks when we have coffee hour at church,or goin'to store. I changed my # fon, friends wearin' me "thin "problems! battling cancer Don't Need any more Drama! sometimes not feeling well they didn't seem to care!all my friends were loading me with problems. God wants us to use wisdom.
---ELENA on 4/30/12




No. I am guessing you said it in a nice way. I would pray for her feeling of lonliness. I have been in a codependent friendship for years, and finally God I think put a stop to it. My friend was verbally attacking me, I felt as if I was being blamed for all her anger, at least I am the one she took it out on. I was betrayed ect. But: God thankfully has taken that bitterness away and we are now speaking. I love her as my sister, but I now understand the word "boundries". talk with her about it in a loveing way, all will be fine
---Jennifer on 8/12/10


SAQ,

Be very very careful she does not take you down with her as she drowns in her problems. This happens to Christians who try to help those who are lonely, desperate depressed ,or otherwise miserable. Only to find themselves taken in the same cesspool of misery.

When a Lifegurad goes to rescues someone. The technique they use is to FIRST kick the person away, so they can control the situation. Otherwise that person will grab the lifegurad (Take control) and drown them both.

DON,T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO USE TOUGH LOVE AND NOT ENABLE THAT PERSON MISERY.
---John on 8/8/10


She probably wasn't being rude, just thoughtless, unless your relationship, in her "eyes" is more than "platonic". Your telling her, "no" was not wrong. "How" you did it is not mentioned, but telling her she couldn't come was not wrong. This was your time with your father, and having a 3rd person would cause your attention to your father to be less than it should be.
---wivv on 8/8/10


Catherine:

I told my friend that "I want to have time alone with my Dad". If she didn't understand that to mean NO, than that is her problem.

Some people would probably interpret that as MY being rude. Oh well, I can't please everyone. Besides, I wanted to spend time with my Dad, not my friend.

I hope that all the Father's here on ChristiaNet had a great Father's Day 2010.
---Sag on 6/24/10


Well, perhaps you could had explained to her that you wanted to be alone with your dad on Father's day. Did you just flat say no. or did you give her an explanation?
---catherine on 6/23/10




Sag, this friend thought they knew and was close enough to you to ask if they could come along. I see that you thought that you knew and was close enough to them to answer no.
They should understand. I guess that they do.
It is worrying you because of your gift of helps to others. Maybe you think you should have brought them along. I don't think so.
Stop letting this bother you and go on doing what you always have, helping others.
God Bless your efforts
---Elder on 6/22/10


Donna5535:

Thanks for sharing your experience with a "friend" inviting themselves to the party.
I have had similar experiences.

My eagerness to "reach out" and "help others" has gotten me into trouble. A great example is giving people, who don't have cars, and don't drive, rides to-and-from church.

There is always someone who "assumes" that they are the ONLY other person in my car. Those people get angry that there are others in my car. Complaining while I'm driving. I make it clear to these people that I won't be giving them any more car rides. I don't think that I'm being rude, or unkind, just honest. Plus, I don't enjoy driving with those "distractions".
---Sag on 6/21/10


asked me what I was doing for the day and I told her. SHE ASKED she could come along. I got the idea that my friend was being rude and inviting herself. Was I wrong to tell her NO?

WELL SHE DID NOT INVITE HERSELF, SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD COME ALONG. yU SAID nO, END OF STODY..END OF STORY?
---francis on 6/21/10


Where is Dear Abby when we need her?
---KarenD on 6/21/10


Sag, I do not think you were wrong. The conversation would not be as intimate with your dad as you would like it to be if she were along. After all, it was FATHER'S day, not friends day.

I learned this lesson the hard way. My closest friend invited herself over my house to a 4th of July FAMILY get together. I was trying to bond with my family after my father's death because they hated him and wouldn't forgive him and his death brought us together. My friend came over and took digs at my mother right to her face, hurt her deeply by things she said to her, and it turned out to be a DISASTER. My friend never repented and I got screamed at by my mother for inviting her, which I did NOT invite her. You did the right thing.
---Donna5535 on 6/21/10


Cluny --

Thanks for correcting me. I take that as a message from God that I NEED to improve my outreach to others. Thanks Again!
---Sag on 6/21/10


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\\However, I can't be "everything to all people". Nobody can.\\

St. Paul said that HE did. "I became all things to all men...."

Of course, his purpose was strictly limited: "that I might by all means save some."
---Cluny on 6/21/10


Thanks for all of the replies. I just wanted to spend some "quality time" with my Dad. The Bible does say that we should "Honor Our Parents".

On the other hand, my female friend is much older than me. She has been married and divorced twice. And as someone hinted in an earlier posting, her family -- even her own children -- don't seem to want anything to do with her. I'm not sure why that is. She is very lonely.

I try to be the "best" friend that I can be to people who come across my path in life. However, I can't be "everything to all people". Nobody can. Only Jesus Christ can do that.

Sometimes, we just have to "do the best we can" and let God handle the rest.
---Sag on 6/20/10


You were perfectly right to tell her no (and I hope you explained why.) But she may have just been thoughtless, not rude. Maybe she wasn't listening closely to what you said. She's your friend. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
---Donna66 on 6/20/10


It depends on her circumstances (whether she has or ever had a father, or whether her father just died and she isn't dealing with it well, etc.). You should always try to be sensitive and find out why she has free time on a celebration day, BUT, you did nothing intentionally wrong, you just wanted the special time with YOUR father (you had no bad intentions at all).

It is likely that her dad died and she needs your help dealing with it (MAYBE NOT, maybe she was being insensitive to YOU, find out). If a person is going to rely on you for help/assistance, you have the right to expect them to be honest with you and ASK you IN PRIVATE.
---more_excellent_way on 6/20/10


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Sag, There are a lot of lonely people out there who have no parents (living) that like to share in the joy of someone having an emotional day with his father.
I probably would have said "sure"!
---1st_cliff on 6/20/10


NO, you were not wrong as you had planned to spend some quality time with your Dad on Father's Day and that is really a good thing.
Don't feel guilty about telling her "NO", but don't get upset with her either. She might have been lonely and does she have anyone of her own to share Father's Day with? Special Holidays can be very tough on those who don't have anyone to share them with.
---Vel on 6/20/10


She asked if she could come along, That don't sound like she was being rude to me. but You had the right to say no, if you just wanted it to be you and your dad.
---a_friend on 6/20/10


She was rude to invite herself into your Father's Day breakfast with Dad. You were not wrong to tell her "No."
---Trish9863 on 6/20/10


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I personally feel it was rude of her to invite herself to something you planed for your dad & your family. It wasn't her place to ask to go along.
---Reba on 6/20/10


She asked and you told her, there should be nothing wrong with that. If inmaturity enters into this there may be trouble later.
Happy Father's day.
---Elder on 6/20/10


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