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Parents Said No To Marriage

I am a 20 year old girl and want to marry my boyfriend. My parents said no and his parents said no to me. What should I do?

Moderator - Don't marry. It is unlikely that both sets of parents are wrong.

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 ---jackline on 7/17/10
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Jackline:

It is good that you listen to your parents. The Almighty wants us to honor our parents and there is no expiration date on honor and respect. I believe your parents love you and want the best for you.

Studies have shown a significant increase in divorce rates when two people marry in their teens and early 20's. The rule of thumb is the farther from 20 you are when you marry, the better chance at a successful marriage you will have.

If you can't wait another 5 years and your relationship falls apart during this time, we all just saved you from going through a divorce.

Please remember, we are not islands unto ourselves...when you marry, you marry his/her entire family and vice versa.
---Higgins on 9/5/10


Twenty is far too young to get married. My wife and I were married when I was 26 and she was 25 and we have been married 46 years. (The Honey Moon is not even over yet.) Had I followed through and married the girl I was engaged to at 20 & wanted to marry, I would have been one miserable person. Wait! If you still want to get married when you are older, 3 years of waiting will be worth it.
---wivv on 9/3/10


Wait and watch if you and this young man's love will stand the test of time. Your parent and his are not sure if your love for each other is real and will stand. That is why they do not want to support something that can easily fail, they are not at fault. Their experience tells them to be cautious on your proposal.
---Adetunji on 8/17/10


Wait and watch if you and this young man's love will stand the test of time. Your parent and his are not sure if your love for each other is real and will stand. That is why they do not want to support something that looks shaky, they are not at fault. Their experience tells them to be cautious on your proposal.
---Adetunji on 8/17/10


You are grown and so is your fiance. Why do you and him need permission from either parents? If you are not mature enough to stand up to your parents(together) you need to reconsider, marrying right now. You have to sleep with this man/woman. Not your parents. Parents need to but out of their grown childrens lives, at some point. They won't, if you and your fiancee, does not demand it! I was young. Married older man. Mom did not like it. I married anyway. I was mature enough to make my own decisions.I never regretted my decision.
---Robyn on 7/24/10




What is their reasons for not wanting you to marry? You are adults and should decide on your own if you are ready for marriage.
---a_friend on 7/20/10


lol,You sound like my Sister when She was 18,they celebrated their 25th wedding annversery this year...
---kevin on 7/20/10


PS: Added remark to first message. Tell him you would like to get married in any manner he wants, (i.e. church wedding, justice of the peace, etc.) and see if he will do it for you. If not, send him on his way. (If he can't do that for you, he's not worth keeping.)
---wivv on 7/19/10


God knows, so I need to pray about this. And what I need to do is what you can do, yourself. We can pray and get satisfied with God, about how to see things and what to do. If you are acting on haste and disappointment or other negative stuff, you can't trust this stuff. Wait till you have peace with God.

Generally, it is good to share and communicate with your parents and other people, handle something like this **together as one*** with whoever are the really mature Christian people who have succeeded at seeing through you two and helping you get very needed correction and improvement in how you relate. Do you have people like this???
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/18/10


I believe that both of you need to wait and pray about marriage. It's a big commitment, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. Don't rush into marriage so quickly, because it's a big responsibility. Both of you need to take your parents advice, and wait. Talk to a Christian Counselor who can help to advise you in this situation.
---Kimbe7395 on 7/17/10




As a person who has counseled with young married couples who had serious marital problems, and that usually end up in divorce, I'd say "wait." If this love you two have is serious, waiting until you are at least 24 is more ideal. Doing that allows you to make a more rational decision, and it also allows you to be more focused on your future.
---wivv on 7/17/10


While the final decision is yours and your boyfriend's, I would say in this case that this is NOT a good idea.

As the moderator pointed out, if both sets of parents are against a proposed marriage, that's a bad sign. You could easily be two wonderful people not made for each other.

I know a widow who entered into a second marriage when NOBODY, including her adult children, thought it was a good idea. The marriage fell apart in three months.
---Cluny on 7/17/10


How much of a relationship is there between your parents and his? If both sets of parents know each other pretty well and both feel like neither of you are mature enough for all that marriage entails, it could be they are saving you both a lot of grief. Believe it or not, parents have an almost uncanny way of "knowing" what is or is not good for us. As a parent myself, I often get a sense that something isn't right, and when my kids listen to that it helps them immensely. I wish I had room for examples. Just know this: a long life on this earth is associated with honoring your parents in the Lord. Be patient. Their "no" right now may be a "yes" later if you simply receive their counsel.
---Linda on 7/17/10


Did either of you genuinely ask them why they said no and then really listen when they answered? If not, you may not be ready for a commitment that requires a great deal of genuine listening and communication....and they may see that. If they aren't requiring you to not see one another anymore, then let the relationship grow and mature and then ask again later. You don't have to be in a hurry.
---LindaS on 7/17/10


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