I was looking for a blog like this to see if I were strange. I know these were written a long time ago but would like to comment. I was a mother at a young age and never really had any time for myself until my 4 kids were grown. Now they seem to think I should be wanting and and caring about my grandchildren as much as I did about my own. But I don't. In fact, I don't even like the two oldest (18yo girl and 16yo boy). Their mother left my son. I have had little to do with them for the last 6 years as they live on the other side of the country. For a long time now, whenever I speak to them I feel like I am speaking to clones of their mother, nothing about them is like our side at all. Is it weird that I feel no maternal instincts there?
---Gayle on 5/27/12|
Higgins, let me see if it will be hard for you to understand my simple answer to your question, You said,
"MarkV: Praytell, why is your 8 year-old son going to the grocery store without parental supervision?"
Since I did not sent him there to steal or go by himself, that would mean he went on his own. That's why he went there without supervision. I believe the answer is pretty simple.
Are you a more righteous parent then me? Then you conclude with "good luck" to show how nice you are" after condemning my actions as a parent. "Good luck" you say, I don't believe in luck Higgins, but in Christ.
---MarkV. on 10/11/10|
Praytell, why is your 8 year-old son going to the grocery store without parental supervision?
You then state that you put him in his room and went out and watched tv for a couple of hours. Perhaps a little less tv and a little more parental involvement would make a bigger impact on your son than thinking up clever punishments and mental manipulations? You know, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Anyway, good luck to you and yours.
---Higgins on 10/10/10|
MarkV ... You obviously broght your kids up well! Mine were much the same. We never had stealing, but they knew that if they did wrong, they had an appropriate punishment ... being gated, or no pocket money. We never had to spank them, after the first slight thigh slap when they were toddlers.
I think if kids are brought up too strictly, they never learn to think for themselves about whether something is wrong, & if disciplien is tool lax, they never whon where they are, which may be why there are sometimes great discipline swings between generation and the next
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/7/10|
oh that is funny my parents did that with me and my siblings and my husband and I have done that with our kids too!!
making them think long and hard about what could happen seems to shake them up (me included when I was young) to think straight and behave :)
---Rhonda on 10/7/10|
Rhonda, your right. I never spank my kids because all I had to do was call their name, look at them, and they stopped what they were doing wrong. They always though I would spank them. One time my 8 year old, went to a grocery store and stole some candy and was caught. The manager called me at home. I went to the store to pick him up. When I question him he implicated his older brother. I put them in a room, and told them I would take care of them so that they would never do that again, I then went to watch tv with my wife. They stayed there crying, thinking of what they thought I was going to do for two hours. Then I walked in and told them that their mom and I decided to give them one more chance, and they were great after that.
---MarkV. on 10/7/10|
Rhonda, I'm glad you did not mean me. I think what we forget is that, it is not the responsibility of the parents or grandparents, but of their own children.
oh and MarkV you bring up a very good point
just because a parent raised children who were thought of as considerate responsible etc does not mean their children will raise the same
what I see today (compared to my older children's parents) are parents who were raised with much discipline who now raise their kids with NO discipline
I have even witnessed children TELLING their parents what to do and their parents JUMP
so in all fairness (not saying you) but how could any grandparent want a demanding grandchild who runs them ragged?
---Rhonda on 10/6/10|
Rhonda, I'm glad you did not mean me. I think what we forget is that, it is not the responsibility of the parents or grandparents, but of their own children. If they cannot recognise how hard it is on their parents or grandparents, they should not take the kids to them to babysit. They should find other means. They should take the kids if the parents or grandparents ask for them. If they valunteer only. To put that burden on them if they are old is not fair. I believe almost all parents and grandparents love the grandkids. But they many times are taken advantage of. And the grandparents or parents sometimes cannot refuse for they will feel bad to be put in that spot.
---MarkV. on 10/6/10|
MarkV I never implied anyone who doesn't enjoy grandchildren are unloving ...my generalization is based on what I have seen in my older childrens friends parents and my younger children's (I had children in my early 20's and again in early 40's) and my husband and I have custody of his siblings children.
If you re-read what I wrote it is identifying a particular group who were never grateful for their own children making it twice as hard to be grateful for their grandkids
For those who "feel badly" because they don't want to see their grandkids regularly it seems to be the age old drama syndrome ...if I'm different from others and want different things in life then beat myself up by "feeling badly"
---Rhonda on 10/5/10|
Rhonda, I do not feel badly for the grandkids to come over. We even go to their house to see and play with them. We are not forced to do that, we do it because we love them and want to make their lives meaningful by taking them things to play and playing with them with those toys we take. When we have them here, we have lots of stuff to keep them entertained. But we are not young anymore and we get tired to have them continually. I know some older people have a lot of energy and can do it all day, or all week long, but not I. Sometimes even alot of noise gets to me. But it doesn't in anyway mean we don't love them. We ask for the kids to be brought over so that our daughter and husband get breaks and go out together. We are not complaining.
---MarkV. on 10/3/10|
how sad ...can't get enough of mine and my husbands siblings grandkids ...my children are excited to share the next generation with my husband and I when they begin their families knowing OFTEN would never be enough time to see my grandbabies
most who never really wanted children to begin with (only having them due to warped since of obligation to their families or religion) generally don't want their kids in their homes once they become of age and definately don't want their grand kids around much
why feel so badly - if you don't want to enjoy your family don't - why beat yourself up over it and torture yourself with yet another self-imposed obligation it's your life to do as you please stop feeling bad for being yourself
---Rhonda on 9/28/10|
Mark IV, you took the words right out of my mouth. My grandson wants to spend the night and then play football, gun battle and star wars. I am 71 and can't even keep up with a snail.
---shira3877 on 9/26/10|
Robyn, you are no different then many others. It is your right to feel as you do. Many grand mom's have done enough already with their kids and they don't have to take care of someone else's kids to boot. It's nice to have them once in a while but not all the time. They belong to someone else and they need to be taken care of by them. I sometimes take care of two of my 8 grandkids, 2 years and 3 years and the 3 years one is a load. He wants to do everything and I cannot keep up with him. I love them, but I'm glad when they come to pick them up. When a person gets older, it is much harder to keep up with kids. Some times even alot of noice begins to bother me. I can take it for a few hours maybe all day sometimes but not all the time.
---MarkV. on 9/26/10|
Wow....everyone is entitled to their feelings. I cannot get enough of my grandkids! They are the true sunshine of my life! I am so thankful for them. Good luck to you!
---Penny on 9/26/10|
There are times when I feel like that and they're my kids :) lol
---Carla on 8/2/10|
You are blaming your daughter-in-law for being away for three days without a phone call, but where is your son during that time? Why is he not being blamed for his irresponsibility with his children?
From the sounds of it, daughter-in-law is using drugs, and needs an intervention, to get help. I feel sorry for your grandchild in all of this.
---Trish9863 on 8/2/10|
God Bless You and all of the faithful grandmommies and granddads of the world! Not to criticize you, but perhaps encourage you to stand up for yourself and give your son limits on your time babysitting! Remember: people will only do to you what you allow them to.
---Lin on 8/2/10|
There is nothing unusual about your feelings. That's why parents are younger than their parents. As older people, (I'm 73 and have a 14 yr. old grandson), we just don't have the same engery level or interest level as a grandchild. Kids aren't "dumb", they know we love them and pray for them without having to be dealing with them all the time. In fact, in most cases I know about, they like being around us SOME, but not all the time. We get on their nerves just like they can get on ours.
Don't lose the thrill of knowing your grandchilden by spending too much time wondering if you are doing the correct thing. "Chill!"
---wivv on 8/2/10|
To "grandkids all of the time", Where are the grandkids' parents?
---Eloy on 8/1/10|
let me clarify,I dont like what they do,and what they dont do.
---tom2 on 8/1/10|
I don't know who put that title on my post but I did not. I said I don't feel like dealing with grandkids all of the time. There is a difference. I want time alone sometimes. I want a call before the child comes over. The child is 9 yrs old and very precocious. My son's child. The mom is a user. Wants to drop kid off and return in several days. No phone call or concern for the child. I have helped raise 3 kids and my own 2. I want some freedom for myself. But I do enjoy grandparenting. But not full responsibility. I want the parents to raise their own children.
---Robyn on 8/1/10|
as brief as possible,I have three grown grandsons that live with me 22,20 18,none graduated from high school,and none work.They have all tried my trade ,but the work is to hard for them. I have at times had money taken from my pants while I slept,once 300 dollars,I now hide or sleep with it on me,my 2000 dollar welder,and 600 dollar air compressor were removed and sold by them from my garage,I have 2 five gallon gas cans for my yard work and topping off tractors that even after I fill them are always empty,plus it cost a fortune to feed them.I could go on and on its a never ending list,do I like them? are you kidding,but i love them.
---tom2 on 8/1/10|
Robyn: You said, "I don't feel like dealing with grandkids all of the time." You must define what "All of the time" means. We can speculate, but I really don't have a clue.
My grandchildren live 12 hours away, and I only get to see them a few times a year, and they are preschool ages, so I don't have a problem seeing them all the time when they are in town. I babysit and take the kids to the park for time with me away from their parents so they can get to know me. But, then I rarely have those opportunities due to geography.
---Trish9863 on 7/30/10|
Well, if you are talking about kids sleeping on the floor, and you're doing the sheets and towels and cooking, and you have no air conditioning . . . possibly it's the hot air that is really bothering you. Maybe, if this is the case, you can in prayer "feel" that nice fresh spring air easing and breezing by you and freshening you while you enjoy your grandkids (c:
God is trusting you with your grandchildren. And He is trusting us, also, with any and every other person, to love each and every person the way He pleases. So, God bless us to be more faithful, how God wants us to appreciate having any and all people who are in our lives, for sharing with Him, personally, discovering how He has us loving any person, at all.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/30/10|
You've not said how old you are or how old your grandchildren are, what your actual responsibility is to them, and what you are being expected (rightly or wrongly) to do.
if there parents are simply dumping them on you 7 days a week (especially without notice) while they do their things, it's understandable that they would wear you out and you might feel ill-used. You have your life, too.
---Cluny on 7/30/10|
I would guess a lot depends upon the demeanor of your Grandchildren.
If they behave like little angles and the parents are not abusing you about child sitting, then you likely have the problem, see a mental health professional.
On the other hand if the behave like wild animals and you dare not approach them with out a pistol, whip and a chair, they and their parents have the problem.
Hopefully their demeanor will be between the two extremes. My prayer are with you, good luck and buy a taser.
---Friendly_Blogger on 7/30/10|
Its ok if you don't feel like being with the grandkids some times...Us grandmas need a break too, it does not mean we don't love them.
---a_friend on 7/30/10|