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Divorce On Fire Husband

I got married to a man that is 'on fire for the Lord.' I am a newer christian and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, inadequate, unsaved. He always tells me I am not a good christian. I constantly think of divorce and I toy with adultery. I know it is wrong, but I just hate him. I pray to God to help me.

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 ---Kristy on 8/14/10
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You feel overwhelmed, inadequate, you understand what JESUS did on the cross? HE took that all away. You are focusing on the wrong man. Take your eyes off of your husband and put them on JESUS, the author and finisher of your faith. Always and never are commonly used but in reality are not true. Instead of feeling inadequate try encouraging and recognizing your husband's maturity in the LORD. Do you ever praise him for his passion for Christ? It can work wonders. When constantly thinking of divorce,adultery and hatred where do you think those thoughts are coming from...most likely your flesh or the devil... certainly not GOD. You need to look within and seek GOD for yourself and quit comparing yourself to your husband.
---Frank on 8/26/10

i have...had a friend who did the same thing.

on every plug nickel, there are two sides. and neither is worth more than the other...
and we over-examined only one-side.

before you were married, did you perhaps show a side of yourself that wasn't true? Does he tell you or is that what you are extracting out of what he says? did he misrepresent himself before you were married?

look inside yourself, kristy. did you both set up a scenario to release the hate that was already there?
---aka on 8/16/10

Friend: This man you have chosen to marry is a hypocrite. He is using your immaturity as a believer, to make himself look good. He wants to put you down and control you. So he using whatever tactics he can to do that. But whatever you do don't resort to adultery. You will be doing more harm to yourself. You will not only be jeopardizing your marriage but your health,also. The world has changed. Please be careful. There are many traps for a lonely, unfilled woman to fall into. You need to let your spouse know what you are feeling-first ,also pray and seek the Lord on this issue. You said you pray. Are you listening for the answer(s) from God? You are in a tough situation,beloved. The chaos and pain we bring upon ourselves,in this life. God bless
---Robyn on 8/16/10

wivv on 8/15/10 has given you EXCELLENT advice, if I were you, I'd follow it.

By telling you that you are not a good Christian, that alone right there tells me that 1) He's not walking in the truth of God's word....Jesus never told the woman at the well, "you're a harlot and you're going to hell."

Instead, Jesus led her in a conversation and offered her living water. He never condemned her and you can tell your husband that, but I LOVE wivv's response...I would follow his advice. Ask your husband to show you where that is in scripture that he is to JUDGE you. It isn't there!!!
---Donna5535 on 8/16/10

May God give you a gentle opportunity to refer him to read 1Corinthians4:7 (pls do not be confrontational with this). And let him know that the Lord Jesus Christ has room for everyone, the much-learned and the starter, HIS invitation is for all.
---Adetunji on 8/16/10

Someone who says you are not a good Christian is not using the correct measuring rod - he's using himself as an example of a "Good Christian". He's probably more legalistic than a "good Christian" but as long as he feels that way, he is not going to change. BUT, you do not re-act on a negative plain, because of his actions. Find a Christian woman who can mentor you. One thing you might try with him, but be very careful how you say it is, "I'm willing to learn, where does it say that in the Bible?" The primary downside is he may be pulling Scripture out of context to prove his point. Also, if he's controlling at all, he may resent your challenging his authority. Pray for him daily.
---wivv on 8/15/10

Well, Cuny did bring out some good points. Christianity is under-attack for a host of reasons. One being because of too many pretenders doing their demonic crimes under the name of God and it makes me terribly ill.
---catherine on 8/15/10

If your husband lets you remain unhappy, he is not of God, he should be doing everything possble to keep you happy, not giving you excuses.

He CLAIMS that he is "on fire for The Lord", but it is his seared conscience that causes him to belittle you (he's trying to COMPENSATE for his betrayal).

The marriage relationship is a good indication of the condition of his relationship with The Lord.

A "bad person" would not admit to HATE or the thought of adultery, but YOU ARE ADMITTING (Jesus came for the weak, the just who know it's wrong, and those who are scorned, lowly and sad...the "poor in spirit")....

"Blessed are the poor in spirit" Matthew 5:3, the inner/present kingdom).
---more_excellent_way on 8/15/10

Remind him that Jesus condemned the Pharisees, but did not comdemn the prostitute. He sounds like a Pharisee.

Get the movie "Fireproof" and watch it together. It is a powerful, Christian-based marriage counselor.
---jerry6593 on 8/15/10

I would advise that you take your husband to the book of Ephesians 5:25-30 and ask him if he thinks he is following these instructions from the Lord in his relationship to you. If that doesn't correct his attitude, seek counselling with or without him and follow the Lord's lead. You need to repent of your attitude toward him, as you have confessed here that you have hatred toward him and thoughts of adultery because of the way he has treated/is treating you. There is no excuse for that in a Christian's life, whether new or old in the Lord. Seek Godly counsel, now.
---tommy3007 on 8/15/10

"I pray to God to help me." Kristy, He will, by His grace, His Word, and His love, as you submit to His guidance, empowered of His Spirit.
Your husband does not define you, your reliance upon, trust in, and your adherence to the Christ within you, does.
If you continue in His word, and allow that word to resinate within you, you will come to know The Truth, and The Truth will set you free of all that binds you.
---Josef on 8/15/10

Well, you should speak to him face to face and let him know how you feel. He shouldn't be putting you down. But then again, I only know your side of the story.

And besides, YOUR husband is not a good Christian at times (despite what he is telling you). I know this because NO ONE is sinless. It sounds that your husband has the spirit of over-zealousness (and this often cause a person' destruction), and he should pray for humility

In IC.XC.,
---Ignatius on 8/14/10

He sounds like he has a zeal for God but not according to knowledge. As believers, we are to build one another up, not tear one another down. Honestly, he may be on fire for God but he is still quite immature. What you should do is not make any hasty decisions because a man on fire for God is a good thing and it is even better as he matures. I know it isn't easy to just go to the Word and hear what your heavenly Father says about you, but that is what you should do. Let Him tell you how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are, how beloved you are....and cast down the imaginations that are formed by what immaturity is saying about you.
---Linda on 8/14/10

Kristy..."think of divorce"..."toy with adultery"...."know it is wrong"...."just hate him".... These statements say a lot. Perhaps your "on fire for the Lord" husband is correct. Did you expect that he would be less "on fire for the Lord" after you married him? My advice to you is to get into reading the Bible and praying more with your husband and you should grow in the Lord.
---KarenD on 8/14/10

Part 2 Never forget that a critical, judgmental spirit is not of God and an accuser is on the side of the enemy. That doesn't make him unsaved. It just shows the amount of immaturity and carnality the Holy Spirit must deal with to form him into the image of Christ. That is the purpose of our journey in be conformed to His image. The renewing of the mind to the truth of the born again spirit is important and is the process God uses to transform us. Be longsuffering. You already have it within you as the fruit of the Spirit...and pray Ephesians 1:17-23 for yourself and your husband, believing God that understanding of the Word will come in such a way that transformation will take place in both your lives.
---LindaS on 8/14/10

Being "on fire for the Lord" is NOT necessarily a mark of spiritual maturity. A fire that is not controlled is destructive. Remember, St. Paul referred to "zeal not according to knowledge."

Your husband is NOT the judge of your spiritual state.

And I've seen too many forms of Christianity that some men use to emotionally and verbally (and even physically) abuse their wives.

All I can suggest at the present time is to be patient, pray, and if necessary both of you seek counseling.

You've also not said how long you've been married.
---Cluny on 8/14/10

Read These Insightful Articles About Eating Disorders

Your in big trouble!
---Carla on 8/14/10

Your husband has problems, lady. He's in the wrong. He should go ahead and serve God eyes on him, but, he has no right, absolutely no right to put you down.
---catherine on 8/14/10

I would think that if a person became a Christian, he would not become more abusive, but less so. But I'll let others give you advice. I don't advise people on personal problems whom I don't know.
---ger.toshav on 8/14/10

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