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Why So Many Divorced Christians

Why is it that so many people that claim Jesus as Savior are divorced?

Moderator - Because many of them got divorced and then later in life found Christ.

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 ---ed on 9/2/10
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There is many reasons for divorce couples. As the mod indicated, many got married before either one got saved. Other times one got saved and not the other, Other times it is because they made a bad choice and later the consequences. Another reason is that many times those who call themselves Christian are not really saved at all. There has to be a change in their lives, a supernatural change that only the Spirit can bring. Many times christian woman marry none christian man because they look great, later find out they are abusive. Some of those know they are good looking so they know if you leave they have hundreds more after them,
---Mark_V. on 11/17/12


ed and Moderator:

I think it's the same reason why so many Christians commit adultery, embezzlement, etc. - for all our protestations of being better than the world, deep down, many of us are not REALLY that different.

Look at how many pastors and evanglists (i.e. people who are SUPPOSED to be born again) get caught up in affairs and financial scandals. They can't use the excuse "but this happened to me BEFORE I got saved".
---StrongAxe on 11/15/12


And, our God is a great forgiver. Amazing isn't it? I have often wondered what God sees in any of us. He loves people. And David wondered the same thing. I know what I see in God. He is everything anyone could ever want, or need. Thank you.
---pat on 11/15/12


Just like moderator says. I was not a Christian never back then.My husband was christian. The one was a pastor and I never even knew he was a pastor till day we got married. He live double life. It was a shock to find out.he.was.a pastor.talk about secrets! I don't judge NO one. Try my best not, too.
---ELENA on 11/15/12


Thanks Mary my foster son never came back
He knows I will not have foolishness up in here. God help him straighten out his own
..agenda.
---ELENA on 11/15/12




Folk can claim anything, and we do! Time will tell who goes to Heaven and who goes to ________!!!
---dorothy_sanders on 11/13/12


If the bed is cold. Divorce is not far behind. Even a hug can make a difference.
---Robyn on 11/6/10


My ex took off with a guy she met in a mental health facility, destroying our marriage as well as what was left with his.

Let's face it some people have mental health problems and there is all too often nothing one can do about it but end the relationship.
---billy on 11/5/10


Ha! Jesus answered that one already, divorce comes from the hardness of our hearts.

People just don't have the strength to stick it out.

I think there's also too much emphasis on romantic feelings. that whole 'i just don't love you anymore' nonesense.

Love is a verb, not a noun people. If love was like a flu that you just catch, then the bible wouldn't have given a command to love your wife.
---Joyce on 10/19/10


Steven, all descendants of Adam who are born are devorced from Christ. Separated from God. Dead spiritually to the things of God. They do not devorce Christ, they are born devorced. Second, God does as pleases Him, and is not restricted by man, especially sinful man, as you indicate, that God prefers but man won't let Him. At the end of Romans 11, where the Apostle brings to a close his long argument on salvation by pure and sovereign grace, he asks, "For who hath known the mind of the Lord? Or who hath been His counsellor? Or who hath first given to Him, and it shall be recompensed to him again?" v. 34,45. The force of this is, it is impossible to bring the Almighty under obligations to the creature.
---MarkV. on 10/19/10




Eloy: "It is for the same reason that Christ divorces nonbelievers..,"

Jesus' heart is not hardened. He took the sins of the entire world because of his love for us, for everyone in the world. He would prefer everyone come to the knowledge of God, repent, and be baptised.In fact, it is man who divorses Christ, not the other way around.
---Steveng on 10/18/10


Israel defined-"Yehovah turns His Head" the Very word is a complete sentence.
God married and Divorced Israel-Forgiven and restored-
Jer 3:8-Ez 16:18
Hephzibah-'My delight is in Her"
Is 61-62
Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken
"lift up" (nasa) means to take hold of something and lift it up, either to move or remove it.
Consider mine affliction and my travail,forgive all my sins.Ps 25:18
The forgiveness of sins is the same as lifting it off and removing it-Micah 7:19.
When repentance is made-Yehovah "turns His Head"-looks upon us-in forgivness.
We praise Him for His mercy and Grace-He gave us His Word-In it-We stand(Christ)-repentance to remission.Lk3:3,6:37-24:47,Mk 1:4,Jm 5:9
---char on 10/18/10


Why is it that so many people that claim Jesus as Savior are divorced

It is more cultural than anything.
Western culture allows for divorce without shame.

Infact it is almost a badge of honour to be on your second or third spouse.
---francis on 10/18/10


mark, I live in the west and I am not shallow. No matter where you live there will always be devorce. Many reasons for that. Some very excusable. A wife getting beat up both physically and mentally or her children, is a good reason. Some don't come close. God had conditions, for the husband was to love the Lord our God and love His wife, so if God is not first in his life, he cannot love his wife. And "if" he loved God with his heart, he would love his wife, and she is called to be submissive to her husband, because she sees him submissive to God. But many are not true Christians and are counted as such. If they were, they would know devorce is not permitted. They should take time away in prayer, and learn to forgive.
---MarkV. on 10/18/10


Jesus gave us ONE reason for divorce i.e "hardness of heart" Matt19:8. Many Christians are so hard of heart (unloving) that they easily turn to divorce.

Mark and Rev._Cindy_Falco pointed out that Christians should follow God's counsel for our lives. God is our counsellor ( Isa 9:6.) but many Christians trust worldly counsellors instead. Councellors are very destructive and should be avoided. It's interesting that the divorce rate is so high when there are so many marriage counsellors.

Mark gave us the example from his church where there is no divorce, and I suspect it may probably be due to them following God's counsel instead.
---Haz27 on 10/17/10


It is for the same reason that Christ divorces nonbelievers, and drives them out of his house, and throws them into firey hell. Mostly it is because the Christian spouse is married to a nonrepentant sinner, and the NonChristian spouse continually adulterates the marriage.
---Eloy on 10/16/10


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Lea: "Mark are you from earth? And do you call yourself a Christian, you sure show the love of God by the way you talk about us Christians here in the west, Shame on You hypocrite !!!"

We are living in the trubulation. It is a time when the wheat separates from the chaff, the christians from the christians who are not. This is the delusion that God has sent to make people believe in the lie of thinking they are christians but are not. Even the elite, if it were possible, would believe this lie. While God is pouring out his spirit upon the world, no one is listening. Terror has enveloped the world causing fear in the hearts of christians causing them to fall away from the truth.
---Steveng on 10/15/10


that is nice and all but one problem divorce is unbiblical. The problem is that most Christians in the west are shallow, biblically illiterate and naively arrogant. all problems are theological and thus can be solved theologically. And the theological answer is---disobediance! I've been in a small community of believers of about a 100 people for the paste twenty years just as long as I've been married and I have not seen one single couple in our church divorced past or present. What Bible are you guys reading?
---mark on 10/15/10

Mark are you from earth? And do you call yourself a Christian, you sure show the love of God by the way you talk about us Christians here in the west, Shame on You hypocrite !!!
---Lea on 10/15/10


It only takes one dissatisfied spouse to end a marriage. Sin is the main cause(s) We live in a sin-soaked world. Christians are not exempt. The devil is the prince of this world, for now. Also. No one wants to be unhappy. A bad marriage is almost as bad as being in prison,possibly hell. Some divorced people would rather take a chance on hellfire rather than stay in these type marriages. Marriage is not for the weak or faint-hearted.
---Robyn on 10/15/10


that is nice and all but one problem divorce is unbiblical. The problem is that most Christians in the west are shallow, biblically illiterate and naively arrogant. all problems are theological and thus can be solved theologically. And the theological answer is---disobediance! I've been in a small community of believers of about a 100 people for the paste twenty years just as long as I've been married and I have not seen one single couple in our church divorced past or present. What Bible are you guys reading?
---mark on 10/15/10


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Augie: What I listed are only the top three reasons I've both learned through 47 years of professional counseling & formal training in marital relations. For example: I have one type called: "Going from the frying pan into the fire". But, one other thing I've learned, each marital situation is different and you can't just "box" a situation in and say, "one size fits all". Most of my counseling is with Christian couples who have been sent to me by pastors who take this approach & when it doesn't work, I get them.
---wivv on 9/6/10


Here's why I was divorced: my ex had a heart of ice--all the way through the marriage. His only concern was himself, my concern was both of us. If you neglect and starve someone enough, they'll either continue to suffer or more likely, they'll do what I did and leave. Best thing I ever did and my husband and I now love each other completely and totally with all our hearts--together. :)
---Mary on 9/6/10


Rev._Cindy_Falco:

While I am not a counsellor, one thing I have obseverved over the years is that the greatest cause of breakdowns in relationships (marriages, romances, friendships, business, or any other) seems to be a lack of communications. Problems cannot be communicated, and thus cannot be resolved.

Closely related is a lack of common values or priorities - if two people have radically different notions of how things are or ought to be, it is difficult for one to articulate a problem in a way the other will understand. (e.g. wife says "while you're watching football, grass isn't getting mowed", husband replies "so how is this a problem?")

Most other causes can ultimately be reduced to one of these.
---StrongAxe on 9/6/10


I think one reason so many American Christians are so likely to get divorced (or have many other problems) is that they place their American values ahead of their Christian values. (This also applies to many other affluent nations).

Career, comfort, lifestyle, possessions, culture, entertainment, importance of self, etc. take precedence over self-sacrifice and obedience to God.
---StrongAxe on 9/5/10


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The Three reasons that I have found people divorce are
#1 Selfishness -one partner or both which comes from not choosing to have a close relationship with God and reading The Word his love letters to us .
#2- Needs not being met
#3- Unforgiveness
These are the killers to a marriage. It's not about marrying the right person but becoming the right person in your marriage. Change my Heart oh God, make it ever true. Allowing yourself to be on the potters wheel. To change in understanding, in thinking and in executing both through your actions.
---Rev._Cindy_Falco on 9/5/10


In my counseling experience I've found at least three main reasons Christian get divorced.
---wivv on 9/4/10

Very Interesting! I have never heard of these reasons before.
---Augie on 9/5/10


The Bama Research Group study was conducted in 1999 with a sample size of 3854 adults from the continuous United States. One of the major finding was that conservative Christians had a higher divorce rate than Atheists and Agnostics. The report did not say if conservative Christians polled had their divorces prior or subsequent to becoming Born Again Christians which could skew the results.
Other Statistics from the Study:
Variation in divorce rates by religion:
Religion % have been divorced
Jews 30%
Born-again Christians 27%
Other Christians 24%
Atheists, Agnostics 21%
---Blogger9211 on 9/4/10


It's also very telling that divorce rates are highest among the strictest conservative evangelical denominations - the very ones who preach against divorce the loudest.
---StrongAxe on 9/3/10

Once upon a time, this was a "puzzle" for me. Many church-going men that I asked seemed "uncomfortable" with the subject. Perhaps they had been "burned" by a nasty Christian divorce.

Eventually, a WOMAN teacher solved my "puzzle". She taught that the Biblical "ideals" are not the same as the "real world" lives that men and women have to live. And the USA's legal system is slanted AGAINST marriage because of feminism and such. A prescription for marital disasters.
---Sag on 9/4/10


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In my counseling experience I've found at least three main reasons Christian get divorced. One: too high of an expectation from the spouce. They see them at their best before marriage and think this is the way it's going to be after marriage and when it's not, divorce happens. Two: a lack of proper communication. Married couples often make the mistake of communicating based on their personality rather than of personality of the mate. Third, they have a child centered marriage. They build their ralationship around the children, and when the childen leave, the parents have nothing to relate too. There's more, but these are the main areas. (Very seldom is it a 3rd person that is the bases for the divorce.)
---wivv on 9/4/10


Another BIG reason for the increase among divorced Christians was: the 1972 introduction of No Fault divorce.

Originally introduced by California Governor Ronald Reagan, No Fault divorce was quickly adopted by other States.

Lawyers envisioned that No Fault divorce would make it easier for messy divorce cases to be resolved. Whether that happened, or not, is a subject of constant debate.

Anyway, No Fault divorce made it easier for anyone -- Christian or Not -- to "divorce for any and every reason". Even simple trivial things, like poor housekeeping. The result has been more broken families and little, if any, help in resolving messy divorce cases.
---Augie on 9/4/10


"Speaking the truth" might hurt some folks. Yet, the Bible says -- loud and clear --

"The FIRST person that you have sexual relations with is your marriage partner. Any sexual partners after that FIRST one are ADULTERY".

It was difficult for ME to be "honest with myself" and see the light. Un-be-knownst to me, I had committed ADULTERY by marrying my wife, who is now my ex-wife. We were both Christians, or at least I thought that we were. I don't know about my ex's prior sexual sins, but MY own must have contributed to the failure of my marriage.

The Bible says that a "house built on sinking sand will fall into the water". The same goes for a marriage built upon ADULTERY.
---Augie on 9/4/10


Moderator:

It has been noted that divorce statistics are about the same for Christians and non-Christians in the U.S.

Even if what you say is true - that the reason Christian divorce statistics are so high because most of them got divorced before they were saved, that would only explain half the picture. If the new Christians suddenly stopped getting divorced, it would cause a drop in the statistics. The fact that it DOESN'T suggests that Christians get divorced just as much AFTER they get saved as beforehand.

And it's also very telling that divorce rates are highest among the strictest conservative evangelical denominations - the very ones who preach against divorce the loudest.
---StrongAxe on 9/3/10


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It is wrong to generalize high divorce rate to all christians worldwide.many christian communities around the globe have the lowest divorce rate than other other communities.For example the divorce rate among non christians in Egypt is one of the highest rates in the world while divorce rate for christians in Egypt is the lowest divorce rate in the world.Only 2000 divorce cases for christian in Egypt among 18 million christian egyptians
---Alfred on 9/3/10


Even if a woman was wrong to force a divorce, possibly her husband was so rotten with her, that he *tempted* her to dump him. Then a Bible-claiming man might criticize her . . . after he *tempted* her.

Or, a church woman can get someone off the street to marry her, since guys in her church know how dominating she is and won't touch her. Then when her pseudo-convert doesn't get her the status she wants, she can keep burning him about how she's stuck with him, until he's desperate to get away from her, desperate enough even to commit adultery, force a divorce, and even remarry, just so she can't tell him he's keeping her from having the life she wants.

So . . . statistics may not be telling us everything.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/3/10


Barna report: Variation in divorce rates among Christian faith groups:
Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate)

% who have been divorced
Non-denominational ** 34%

------------------------------
One reason non-denom is at the top is because they are most likely to accept divorced people. At my non-denom church, we have lots of new people who come from Catholic and other backgrounds where they say they were shunned after a divorce.

And, at least 3 of our 5 or 6 pastors are divorced. I have mixed feelings about it.
---obewan on 9/3/10


We live in a world of cheap grace. Many Christians believe they can divorce their spouses because GOD will forgive them regardless. What they don't seem to understand is that there are consequences for their actions. We can fool ourselves and others into believing it is OK to divorce for other reasons besides fornication but be sure you can't fool GOD! The ways of the world have infiltrated the church. And today's pastors are too fearful to get their hands dirty and confront the spouse who is seeking a divorce for non-scriptual reasons. We are too afraid to offend our brothers and sisters so we sit by and watch the devil have his way with our church family. And fewer are worried about the consequences of remarriage after a non-scriptual divorce.
---Frank on 9/3/10


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Each person is different. Someone can see how a Bible claiming church does things and do it all so a lady falls for his showing and telling her what she wants to see and hear, and the pastor can be fooled too . . . if they do not make sure with God. I consider how the Jewish leaders **fooled themselves*** into judging by evidence which was obvious but it was outward, "but they did not ask counsel of the LORD." (in Joshua 9:14)

No scammer can make you trust him or her. You have to fool your own self into not making sure with God. "'Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.'" (John 7:24) With God, we can test reliably.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/3/10


It takes 2 to marry, but only 1 to break wedlock. Just as each soul has free will and God does not violate this freedom of choice by forcing any soul to be with him, so likewise no man nor woman can force another man or woman to stay faithful and married with them.
---Eloy on 9/3/10


Well the bible speaks about when Paul spoke to the people and reminded them of who they were prior to getting saved.

1Cr 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,


1Cr 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.


1Cr 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
---Carla on 9/3/10


Well the bible speaks about when Paul spoke to the people and reminded them of who they were prior to getting saved.

1Cr 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,


1Cr 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.


1Cr 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
---Carla on 9/3/10


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Barna report: Variation in divorce rates among Christian faith groups:
Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate)

% who have been divorced
Non-denominational ** 34%
Baptists 29%
Mainline Protestants 25%
Mormons 24%
Catholics 21%
Lutherans 21%

** Barna uses the term "non-denominational" to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs.
---Blogger9211 on 9/2/10


In the majority of Christian divorces cases we have dealt with as ministers, there has been one party wanting the divorce - not both.
---KarenD on 9/2/10


Some people might claim that they're CHRISTIAN, but in reality, they're NOT. Even truly born-again CHRISTIANS might be at different levels of "spiritual maturity" or understanding God.

My ex-wife, and myself, both thought that we were CHRISTIANS. After all, we both went to church and such.

To those readers who have never been married, the married life brings out the "best" and the "worst" in people. Often, other people only see the "best" part of a person. Like at church. But we all have a DARK side too. The Bible says that we're all imperfect.

I don't want to be sound judgmental of others who have been though divorce. It is worse than dying.
---Augie on 9/2/10


Many are "Christian" in name only, many were, as moderator said, Divorced/remarried before salvation and many are deceived by the "feel good: easy -believism that is preached so much today.
---tommy3007 on 9/2/10


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Moderator: You are partially correct. Here's more:

I have many friends who were CHRISTIAN at the time of their marriages. I never expected ANY of these solid, Christian marriages to end, but divorce still happened to some. :<(

Most of my divorced friends claim that "Satan" was the reason for their divorces. I think that that is a "poor" excuse. We need to STAND UP to Satan and "resist" his temptations.

Adam and Eve went through this temptation [testing] in the Garden of Eden. They FAILED because they made the wrong CHOICE.

Divorce involves the same thing: CHOICE. God lets us CHOOSE and live with the consequences.
---Sag on 9/2/10


if there are christians who are divorced is bec. many lack relationship skills. i am not married but i am one of them. maybe many were brought up from broken homes who only know how to defend themselves from abuse. relationship to people who come from broken homes have an identity crisis. they don't know who they are, they don't know how to express themselves as persons. and their definition of relationship is to get approval to sustain a relationship. and even if they become christians, we still continue the dysfunctional relationship as if we are back home. that's where problem arise.
---mike on 9/2/10


It's questionable if both people in the marriage are "truly" Christian if they are divorcing each other. More times than not only one person is Christian or neither are. Of course if the non-Christian files for divorce, the Christian can't force their spouse not to divorce them. Then as stated above many divorced people find Christ later in life. Then there are people calling themselves Christians when in fact they are just secular.

Therefore, the divorce rate for Christians is not the same as the world. The articles out there that state the divorce rate is the same for Christians have done an incomplete job in their assessment.
---Moderator on 9/2/10


Not always.

The rate of divorce among post-born-again is as high as the unsanctified.
---Cluny on 9/2/10


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