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Is It OK To Divorce My Husband

Been married 2 years, second marriage, my first husband passed away. There is no unity everything is separate, banking, bills, money, he tells me things are personal and not my business etc. He abandoned me for a job in another country. I am tired of trying with him and want a divorce. Is it okay?

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 ---Gina on 9/5/10
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I will let the scripture answer your question. 1 Cor 7:10-11

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
NKJV

According to this passage, Jesus Christ does not permit you to divorce your husband for any reason! Jewish women back in Jesus day did not have the right to divorce their husbands. roman women under roman law did. But jewish women, under jewish law did not! So you have two choices: 1. obey Jesus and don't divorce your husband or disobey Jesus.
---David_Knoll on 10/30/11


Mark_V:
I didn't take those 2 questions from Nana seriously as they were not relevant and were most likely a response in anger.

But I'm not Mexican. I'm Australian. Never been to Mexico. My point was about trends regarding marriage.

Legalist? That was the question I was asking Nana if she was and she threw it back at me presumably in anger. You've seen enough of my posts to know i'm no legalist.
---Haz27 on 10/30/11


Gina: you say 'Abandoned me fora job in another country'. Are you sure he ABANDONED you?

Is there any contact? Is he a Christian?

If not, 1 Cor 7 says that IF he leaves YOU, then you should let him go. It does not list it as 'divorce', but as remarriage is spoken of later, it seems so.

Is he a Christian, though?
---Peter on 10/29/11


Haz, when I answered with Mexican, I was to the questions Nana ask you. I a latino, born in Texas. My great grand parents were from Mexico and Italy.
1. " are you
Mexican?"

2. " Are you a legalist?"
there is many divorces now because there is more people, and more liberals who want their rights. Even pedophile's want their rights. Your right, people who want to divorce don't ask anyone really, they've made up their minds. The one's that ask here is because they want others to agree with them. When we answer, it's ok when abused, then you split hairs to define abuse. It could be made to be anything. Someone not loving enough, not talking much, always working on cars and so on.
---Mark_V. on 10/30/11


Mark_V you are correct, this blogger wants out and is only looking for justification from others to support her on this. She has already made up her mind.

My reference to Mexico's position was to point out the growing trend towards the demise of marriage because of the high rates of divorce.
I recall some years back even reading that it was predicted marriage would be finally die out within the next few decades.
---Haz27 on 10/28/11




No its not ok. God can still work if you believe him. God can change your husband even though he abandoned you. But God wants to speakt oyu about this. Ask him...he promises to guide our lives.
---Karen on 10/28/11


Haz, If you are a Mexican your answers don't count. Not suggesting you are. I agree with your answers. Jesus did not agree with divorce. Most of the questions ask for divorce on CN come from women who want out. And looking for people to agree with what they are going to do anyway. There is cases like abuse and abandonment which should be considered in some cases. I'm sure before this guy married the blogger, he knew she was a widow and that he wanted to keep his own accounts separated from what he was going to have with the blogger, his new wife. Why he left we don't really know. She says, "I want a divorce" seems to me she has made up her mind already. It doesn't matter what anyone answers anyway.
---Mark_V. on 10/28/11


Haz,
I do not observe any Jewish holiday or the Sabbath. Whats with the Meixco's government, are you
Meixican? What is easy is your no accountability "I am not a sinner" cult. I am surprized you
arguing divorce or not. Matthew 19 men were no men at all, "for any reason" put women away!
Moses gave a bill of divorce, not for the benefit of those bastards "for any reason", but for the
benefit of the poor woman that they may find a good husband and have a chance at a good life.
You rather keep a woman waiting for a man that despise her and reject her. Are you a legalist? Hope your sisters and your mother don't have to endure that.
---Nana on 10/26/11


Nana: From the high divorce rate and increasing numbers who don't bother with the failed institution of marriage anymore, it's evident that selfishness does rule. Even Meixco's government is considering whether to introduce short-term marriage contracts instead of life-long.

Jesus was at odds with the divorce justification brigade in Matt 19 and no doubt still is. Do you really reject Jesus's position on this?

I'm surprised at your easy divorce/remarriage stance considering your legalism on 10 Commandments. Your remarried friend would therefore be in adultery (Mark 10:12). What do you advise her now that she is breaking commandments as a lifestyle?
Is it the same consequences as a lifestyle of neglecting Sabbath?

---Haz27 on 10/26/11


Haz27,

I knew a sweet lady whose husband abandoned her and left her without support for a whole year. She asked for my advice as to if she should ask him to come back home. Knowing her Christian background, I told her "Knowing you, you will never be at peace without trying one more time". She asked him back (she did not put him out to begin with) and at his request,
on her knees!

The husband she got back, Matthew 12:45 paints him to a T! After 3 more years of torns, she divorced after being married for a total 34yrs! She remarried and when asked, she says that she is happy and blessed with her second husband.

Don't tell me about the "world's selfishness counsel"...
---Nana on 10/26/11




Nana: Similar marriage questions have been around since Jesus's time.
See Matt 19 and note Jesus response to the divorce justification brigade in verses 4-6.

Nana, your a "Lemon" just like the rest of us. God loved us in spite of this. And He asks us to love and forgive one another too.

Let's follow God's counsel instead of the world's selfishness counsel.
---Haz27 on 10/26/11


Does Christianity have a 'Lemon Law'?
I have no idea..., seriously?
Everytime some christians hear the
word "Marriage", they assume that God
joined that couple or that God will
mend that marriage, seriously?

Of course, we need to be watchfull of
what we say or the 'Lemon Tree Keeper'
(the marriage patrol) will make all
eat the lemons!

Where is Gina? Well, if everything was
and continued as you described and you
left the 'fool' more power to you.

In old times, Parents used to stone
their disrecpectful son...
---Nana on 10/26/11


God cares when His children are hurting and you are clearly in pain.It appears that your husband has already left you and is living in another country. Even if you do not seek divorce, the Bible says nothing about separation.You have been abandoned.Go and live in peace. May God bless you.
---shay on 10/25/11


No it is not ok. God is still able to do a miracle and bring him back to you. But hold true to your vows...and you follow God..Dont try no more. LET GO and LET GOD WORK in his life..sometimes it takes longer than we like..but God is able and willing. Do not divorce him. God hates Divorce. it would be sin to divorce him.
---Karen on 10/21/11


If you are not happy. Leave. Don't listen to what people tell you. If they judge you, they judge you, either because they are jealous of your courage, to defend your right to happiness. Or Because they think of your behaviour as bad. They only see behaviour though. God sees your heart.
---JOHNNY on 5/18/11


Gina: I hope you know this song, "Yield not to temptation...Ask the Saviour to help you...He will carry you through". If you believe and leave this problem in Jesus' hand like Hannah did, God can solve your problem. God can give him a better job at home.
---Adetunji on 5/18/11


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Gina,

marriage is a difficult thing and often we chose our spouse rather than waiting on God's guidance. 1Peter 3:1-2, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,when they see your respectful and pure conduct". Though it is difficult, marriage is not what can you give me but rather what can I give you. Also remember this is a covenant between the two of you and God. You have to stop trying to make him what you think he should be and worry more about what you should be while praying for him. Don't lose heart, there is always hope despite the way things may look.
---willa5568 on 5/14/11


Sorry to hear what you've gone through. I hope that in the months that have passed he's either returned or you've joined him, and that things are looking up.

If not, I'd counsel you to look at 1Cor 7:10-16. In 15 it gives freedom to a believer who's abandoned by an unbelieving spouse. Paul limits it to unbelievers because he just commanded believers not to leave. There's no provision for believers who leave, but if we reason from the principle with nonbelievers, you ought to have the same freedom, as the abandoning spouse is accountable for that decision, not the abandoned.

If there's any chance at working it out, I really encourage you to try, but if he's gone - and only you can really know - then I think you're unbound.
---Charles on 5/13/11


Is it okay? Depends on what or on whom you believe. According to the Bible, you should not dissolve this marriage by divorce for the reasons you have stated.
Mark 10:11, Matt 19:9, Luke 16:18. Read these over and over and pray.

If you do divorce, you may be forgiven by the blood of Jesus. But again if you want to obey God's Bible then you should remain unmarried or be reconciled to this same husband. You are his until separated by death. I Cor 7:11

Most of all I will pray for you and for those giving you Christian advice. Jesus loves you and is a far superior spiritual spouse than any of us can be in this world.
---John on 9/12/10


Gina:

Do everything you can to save your marriage.

By the way, what job did he take in another country? And please don't tell me he's a soldier.

Remember, you gave a solemn promise to honor this marriage (for better or worse) until death do you part. Just because your husband is working in another land does not invalidate your marriage.

Yes, you can divorce him, but if you remarry you will be living in adultery. Unless your husband has been unfaithful, there is not a way for you to remarry under God's grace.

Wow! Only 2 years and you want to call it quits. That's so sad. So many people get married, but only about 10% of them have what it takes to be happily married forever after.
---Higgins on 9/11/10


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Wow quite a judgemental response below. If I remember Jesus always wrestled wtb the self righteous. Wow. To answer your question. Mmmm . Commitment is the issue. When we get to heaven we get asked one question. Did I ( Jesus ) know u ( u )?
If not it is depart from me I never knew u ...
Do u know your husband????? Really know him or does he know u? Has he had an affair on u with his work???? Hmmm. A few things to ponder before just throwing in the towel .
---Davepope on 9/10/10


Making marriage a prison sentence, boy do you have a way with manipulating scripture to make your own point valid.

Post one scripture to validate what you just advised Rhonda and I'll withdraw from the equation. I don't think, cos you cannot and will not, you only add your own misconception to the idea of re-marriage for the abandoned, that is nowhere in scripture. If a man deserts departs he leave the spouse serving God not man!

O ye of little faith, less than a mustard seed, You strain at a knat and swallow a camel.

when Hagar was kicked out who took care of her?
---Carla on 9/10/10


Yes, Glenn, I know and I understand what you are saying brother.


I don't feel it is right to point fingers at women when women can minister to other women. Women can teach other women as long as they are utiliziing scripture to do it. I don't feel like the women giving this woman advice are out of line because of that.

And I love your advice by the way, it is wonderful and very scripture based. You don't find many who are that way.
---ginger on 9/10/10


Gina:
If either of you is not a Christian, please put your confidence in Jesus Christ. If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. Romans 6:6-7, Galatians 6:1-10, Ephesians 4:17-32, Colossians 3:1-17! Pray and be kind, Proverbs 14:1.
Ginger, please look at the Relationships and Marriage Blogs. What is the ratio of 'He's bad' to 'She's bad', which gender is more likely to take some of the blame, and / or repent when rebuked? Phillip could have pulled various verses out of 1Corinthians.
---Glenn on 9/9/10


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Phillip, I just realized you said "females on here can justify separation or divorce with supposed scripture"

WHAT?
No you aren't playing the gender card. Come on brother.

As for your Grandfather, yes that is so amazing.
But we are giving scripture here.

When God says let them go we are called to peace.
He does not say hang in there until they get saved. He says let them go because we don't now if us being saved will cause them to get saved.
Go and read 1 corinthians. You wil see it says nothing about what you are trying to convey.
---ginger on 9/9/10


Phillip, you are right we don't have the whole story.


BUT if her husband truly has abandoned her, then I have to agree with Rhonda.
She speaks the truth.
So does Eloy and JackB and many others.
---ginger on 9/8/10


It's amazing how quickly the females on here can justify separation or divorce with supposed scripture. And I ask all of you, one simple question, isn't there always two sides to a story. My grandfather was not saved until he was 86, should I have given up on him before then? Keep the faith sister, convince him to go to church and convince him again if need be, don't get divorced.
---Philip on 9/8/10


Gina, sadly mainstream christianity has poisoned marriage turning sacred bond of marriage into a PRISON SENTENCE for a spouse like yourself by pervertingg marriage for the NON-SINNING SPOUSE ...simply regurgitating LIES of their false ministers

stay away from LIES telling you that you can divorce but you will be forbidden to ever marry again ...applying this idea to EVERY situation is done by those who have no understanding of Holy Scriptures

The purpose of marriage has been spoiled by a spouse who abandoned you ...He cannot rule his home from another land and by placing you into TEMPTATION by his never ending absence in effect MAKING you practice will worship

...seek divorce and restore your life and find a godly husband
---Rhonda on 9/7/10


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Eloy .. I agree with you ... if he has abandoned his wife, he has abandoned the marriage, and destroyed it. She can no longer remain married in that circumstance, and divorce is merely to legalise the end of the marriage.

However, that is IF he has abandoned her. The questioner is not clear as to actually had taken place.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/7/10


Unity has little to do with banking, bills & money but more to do with being one in spirit. If you were one in spirit these other issues would have been discussed and compromises made. It seems like you have communication problems. His job in another country is just another issue that can be added to the rest. I'd suggest you use the time he is away to get into some Christian counseling and involved with a woman's ministry where you can share your feelings. It seems like you are supressing your feelings and when he makes decisions you feel hurt. I'd suggest you risk sharing your feelings even if they don't align with his opinions. Seek GOD for guidance and to change your husband's heart and stay comitted to your marriage...GOD is!
---Frank on 9/6/10


I agree with brothers JackB and Eloy on this also.
Great and informative post!
---ginger on 9/7/10


I agree with Eloy on this one.

It doesnt take scripture to explain common sense. The Bible doesnt say that (for instance) if your husband is trying to KILL you that would be a good reason for you to divorce him. Its an understood thing.

If he left you, you are free. If he left you it is very likely he is with another woman which means he has committed fornication/adultery, a good enough reason by Christ for us to divorce.

Im sorry for things turned out this way for you sister. Blessings upon your next marriage if you remarry.
---JackB on 9/6/10


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Gina, Pay no heed to the unsaved posters on this site. If your absent husband truly abanded you which is equal to abandoning your marriage, then acoording to God's word you are 100% free to legally divorce him for leaving you, which is abandonment, and according to God's word you are also 100% free to remarry someone whom will stay married to you and not abandon you nor your marriage. If you have his address, you can ask him about your marriage with him, and if he disses you then sue him for divorce so that you are legally free from his infidelity and neglect. Then if you ever desire to remarry you will be free to do so without being legally bound to the infidel.
---Eloy on 9/6/10


Rom 7:2
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth, but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband.
1Cr 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace

1Cr 7:15
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?

This is in terms of saving him, Not divorcing him.

Stop preaching heresy/falsehood, There is NO re-marriage here. Study to shew yourself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed rightly dividing, the word of God.
---Carla on 9/6/10


Frankly, your question just causes me to have more questions. Did you have any premarital counseling? (Most of what concerns you should have been made known to you before marriage. For example: there is nothing that is not your business when you are married, you should have known how he felt before marriage). How many years were you married in your first marriage? Did you wait at least two years before even considering getting married again? Did he give you any type of reason for leaving you for another job in a different country? Does he want a divorce? Is he guily of adultery? These questions need to be answered before I can give an answer.
---wivv on 9/6/10


Abandonment is grounds for divorce, but if you know that he has only left temporarily to do a job and is returning home, then he has not abandoned you. I Cor.7:15.
---Eloy on 9/6/10


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JUst wondering, are you Christian and is He Christian (by Christian I mean Saved)? It makes a differance with regard to doing what God would want you to do. If He is not saved, you are not bound to him if he leaves. Or if he is unfaithful, you are not bound. Otherwise, you are bound until death.
---jody on 9/6/10


You also have legal advice to all manner of evils but is divorce in line with what the bible says with remarriage. Unless your husband is dead although you can divorce him, It will not be a Biblical reason to re-marry and as long as you read what the bible says on re-marriage.

Yes there is not anything which states for a woman to remarry... other than in the event of death. Abandonment is not one of them... you are to remain single or reconcile back with your living marital spouse.

There are too much serial divorcees giving wrong advice and even non divorced/ single people quote this scriptures wrongly.

Read them for yourself and see!
---Carla on 9/6/10


If he truly aboandoned you as not providing for his family, you do have biblical reasons besides legal to divorce.
---candice on 9/6/10


He abandoned you? Do you mean he did not suggest you went with him to this job ib another country?
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/6/10


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Well, you certainly have legal grounds for divorce on grounds of abandonment.

Do you have a right to remarry according to the Bible? This is another issue.
---Cluny on 9/6/10


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