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Can Women Propose To Men

Is it ok for a woman to propose to a man, or should it be the other way round? I'm 25 and interested in a Christian single man whom I've known for 5 years and sometimes get the feeling he's interested too, but he has never been open about it.

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 ---Di on 9/9/10
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agreed, john.us

it is so ironic...usually the accuser is the perpetrator of the very exact thing that they are saying about someone else, and it is usually when they run out of reasonable thoughts. if they have presented this in the first place.

the only thing that i would change about your comment is 'are more dangerous' with 'can be more dangerous'.
---aka on 10/2/12


People who call concepts they don't understand 'stupid,' and people who call those they disagree with 'brainwashed,' have passed the point where a rational discussion can still be had. But peace to you both anyway...
---John.us on 10/2/12


Jed, all ! can say to that is that fixed ideas are more dangerous than lies.

interesting proposal!! believing and following lies is now a good thing and fixed ideas are dangerous? the government thought police have brainwashed you thoroughly!! believing government at cost of having any thoughts of your own, the shut up and put up with existence!! yes fixed ideas could be very dangerous if they contradict lies you pretend are not lies, or do you just passively accept lies??!! how frightening so many most likely hold your submissive slave-like view. you will do well under martial law and a police state because you will be a mindless creature obeying governments demands, all coming soon to a locale near you in the USA!!
---Follower_of_Christf on 10/2/12


I don't see why not. Ruth initiator in her marriage to Boaz. A man has the same opitons as a woman. He can say yes or no when asked.
---pg1 on 10/2/12


fixed ideas are more dangerous than lies.
---John.us on 10/2/12


That has to be one of the stupidist things I've ever heard.
---Jed on 10/2/12




Jed, all ! can say to that is that fixed ideas are more dangerous than lies. And you demonstrate both. But you are always welcome to your opinions. Peace to you.
---John.us on 10/2/12


Even if a president did want to institute Islamic law, and there is no evidence the current president does, the Constitution would have to be amended to that effect. So the idea is just absurd...
---John.us on 10/1/12

You don't actually think this president operates under the constitution do you? Awe, that's so cute.
---Jed on 10/1/12


a women would not ask a man to marry him if she wanted a man who would be led by the Lord. The mystery of marriage is a mystery to Believers who do not understand marriage of man and women represent the marriage of the Lord to his church. If a man must be led by a women to respond to her marriage proposal because she is impatient and he accepts do you believe he is capable of making other decisions, and if not at what point would you obey Ephesians 5:24? If you were impatient at the onset your need to lead will continue to grow. Many women believe they can act once to get the ball rolling unaware their action leads them to continue leading!! If you have known this man for 5 years and he has not proposed he is not interested.
---Follower_of_Christ on 10/1/12


Even if a president did want to institute Islamic law, and there is no evidence the current president does, the Constitution would have to be amended to that effect. So the idea is just absurd...
---John.us on 10/1/12


No, women cannot propose to men. In fact, according to Islamic law (which the U.S. will most likely be adopting soon if Obama is re-elected), women actually have no say who they marry. She is to be sold to a husband of her father's choosing in exchange for a dowry payment. She has absolutely no say at all in her own home.

I just find it ironic that some "Christian" women on this site want to equate middle-eastern Muslims with Christians and want to paint them as some sort of civilized society that should be respected, tollerated, and accepted.
---Jed on 10/1/12




Do woman have feelings if yes then why can they propose to a guy they are interested in and those woman who said it si not right did they have someone they love but they could not be with them becos the poor did not propose shame to all those woman. do woman learn to love or what becos they can choose they have settle for any man who is bold to propose no wonder there are a lot of fall marriages. God help us all
---mashal on 9/29/12


Most women would probably prefer their man to make the proposal because it's a custom. A custom is not a rule. I'm just saying it doesn't necessarily HAVE to be that way. If it doesn't matter to you...it doesn't matter!
---Donna66 on 3/17/11


desperate times desperate measures. I am married and my husband proposed to me, would I have asked him to marry me Never! although I cannot say women marry and asked their husbands are not possibly happily married today after 50 years.


All Im saying is,I just could not be so bare face to do that... just to hear after the 5 year itch or hitch that ''you know honey I never asked you to marry me in the first place so I an't gonna ask you to tell me I can't go see ya later don't wanna be wid ya!'' Nawh give me a real responsible man any time! Like Isaac and Rebecca lol
---Carla on 3/16/11


Rhonda,honey-- I disagree with your statement that //"MAJORITY throw away tradition to be JUST like the younger and FOOLISH generation who have YET to acquire ANY wisdom//

Where do you get this idea so emphatically stated? I've seen a few adults of middle- age copy the ways of youth to convince themselves they are not aging. But the "majority" as you shout? I don't think so.

I'm a senior citizen and none of my peers were ever so serious about the "rules" for marriage proposals as you seem to be. Maybe it's a cultural thing somehow. (By the way, I've known several men who gain recognition in their professions by their individual achievements, not their leadership.)
---Donna66 on 3/14/11


Rhonda,(honey)-- I disagree with your statement that //"MAJORITY throw away tradition to be JUST like the younger and FOOLISH generation who have YET to acquire ANY wisdom"//

Where do you get this idea so emphatically stated? I've seen a few adults of middle- age copy the ways of youth to convince themselves they are not aging. But the "majority" as you shout? I don't think so.

I'm a senior citizen and none of my peers were ever so serious about the "rules" for marriage proposals as you seem to be. Maybe it's a cultural thing somehow. (By the way, I've known several men who gain recognition in their professions by their individual achievements, not their leadership.)
---Donna66 on 3/14/11


I do believe Ruth asked Boaz lol :D
---Mary on 3/14/11


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Donna it is a shame you cling so tightly to all NON-traditional associations and YES it is funny how MAJORITY throw away tradition to be JUST like the younger and FOOLISH generation who have YET to aquire ANY wisdom

as for a man being RUINED by a wife LEADING him ...I don't know very many men who boast of having their wife propose and are leading anyone in their professional lives

men who are inept at leading at home are often very poor businessmen just look around honey
---Rhonda on 3/14/11


Rhonda-- //isn't it ironic how today many in the older generation follow the younger generation// The man proposing may be important to you, but perhaps the custom wasn't as firmly entrenched as you imagine. (are you thinking 1800's?)
I'm of the "older generation". Don't believe that all our marriages began with the man proposing!
Most that I know of, there was just mutual agreement. "Proposals" were a nice, but "quaint" romantic custom.
My parents were married 60 yrs and never could decide who "proposed" to whom!

Are men really "ruined" if their future wife proposes? Even if they don't care for it, "ruined" seems like a pretty strong word.
---Donna66 on 3/14/11


I don't think it should matter who "asks". It's just a custom for the man to do this
***

another timeless custom mankind chooses to throw away to be "in step" with "the times"

isn't it ironic how today many in the older generation follow the younger generation

no small wonder they are setting the TRENDS which are APART from living for The Father in Heaven and His "old worn out customs"

TWO cannot lead ...anyone with reasonable intelligence understands this and would not attempt to foolishly argue this PROVEN concept

when a women chooses to take the lead by asking a man to marry her and he accepts she has essentially RUINED him
---Rhonda on 3/13/11


It's only a fairly recent custom in human history that the man proposes marriage to the woman.

In Biblical times, in both Testaments, marriages were arranged by the families of the couple.
---Cluny on 3/11/11


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I don't think it should matter who "asks". It's just a custom for the man to do this...but is it essential? If you just "get the feeling he's interested too" he's not as eager to marry as you are.
Sometimes couples just find themselves talking about a future together or discussing their expectations about marriage and children....and they just mutually decide. Nobody needs to perform the formality of "proposing" as long as both people agree. But some women look forward to the "romance" of him asking "will you marry me?".
Don't feel cheated if he never performs this storybook ritual. Marriages never follow the "happily ever after" story line either.
---Donna66 on 3/11/11


Di, Some guys are so intimidated by rejection or messing up a good thing, that they can't get out a proposal of marriage. Waiting for the man to ask is not a Christian principle, its tradition. Its not evil for a woman to ask. Its honest and its human. If your relationship is ready for more intimacy and a public pronouncement of dedication to each other in front of God and witnessess, then you should ask for marriage. I did, 23 years ago. We are still BFF. We do everything together and live for Christ and each other. Besides, it is the female of all cultures that does the real selection of a mate. Whether we use womenly suggestion or direct honesty, we do let the man know when we are ready. Go for it, and go with God!
---jc on 3/10/11


Proof the female ego, though different, is no smaller or less sensitive than their male counterparts.

I say this is love Di...get over yourself.


"He's got to come to me first" is not a holy tradition so dump it.
You have not because you ask not.
---larry on 12/1/10


Apparently, Queen Victoria proposed marriage to Prince Albert.
---Cluny on 11/29/10


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GO FOR IT :D
---kevin5443 on 11/28/10


yes sounds like you have been strung along long enough and just want to know if after five years you will spend the rest of your life with your guy, or move on.
---tomi on 11/28/10


If you have been involved with a man for 5 years and you don't know how he feels aboaut you, you have a sizable problem. You should know by now. If he seems not interested in you, you should not, at any cost, propose to this man. You need to make sure he is interested in you--first! But to answer your question: the man usually proposes to the woman. But it does not matter. I did not propose to my husband but I did put it on his mind. He was interested in the relationship. Above all-he was interested in me.We proceeded from that point.
---Robyn on 10/26/10


Don't see why not! Just be prepared for rejection in case he refuses. (Just like a man has to be prepared for rejection if a woman refuses.) I'm assumming you are both eligable for marriage
---wivv on 10/25/10


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Women are suppose to be ladies! So, act like it. It is inappropriate for woman to ask a man to marry her. If He really wants to, he will ask her.
---catherine on 10/25/10


"known" 5 years with "feeling" he is interested - have you dated? ...to answer based upon what you wrote it appears as if you are simply acquaintances with occasional contact

It's heartbreaking to hear women today talk about so called christian men in their lives they are desperately hoping will one day notice them or have CLEAR COMMUNICATIONS

True Christian men are upfront about their intentions ...no game playing or stringing women along - especially for 5 LONG years!!

SEEK a strong man who is capable of making decisions demonstrating CLEAR interest in YOU the rewards are great

with divorce rate close to 60% it's not advisable to take ROLE of a man and LEAD to fulfill your fantasy of marriage
---Rhonda on 9/14/10


One day in 1959 I came home from college to ask my girlfriend to marry me!!! Suddenly my girlfriend ran towards me, leaped on me, and knocked me down(true story). In all truthfulness I have yet to recover and get up.

What a wonderful wonderful blessing my wife is to me. She is a direct gift from Almighty God. I wish to publicly thank the Lord Jesus Christ for my wife!!!
---mima on 9/14/10


You don't have to propose. If you know him well just tell him you want to define the relationship and see where that leads.

Focus on the Family even has a website called Boundless. It is a webzine for Christian singles.

They have developed a thing called the DTR assessment. It is a series of survey questions. I think it is free. One of you or both of you take it and it gives a result by defining the relationship.
---Obewan on 9/13/10


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Carla ... No it is not an intimate question ... I did not want an answer from Di, I just wanted her to consider the question ... and draw her own conclusion from the answer.

And from what hse now says, there is no physical aspect to this friemdship, perhaps not even the tiniest kiss.

I would suggest that if he was interested in her as a prospective wife, he would at least have tried to kiss her.

And does she feel she wants to be kissed by him? If not, it would be a poor basis for a marriage.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/13/10


Di, there is nothing wrong with you proposing to him, but based on your question and comments, I don't think anyone here understands just what your relationship is with this guy.

Do you love him? Does he love you?? Have you ever sat down and had a discussion with him about how he feels? Does he want more than just friends? Do YOU want more than just good friends? What is his feelings? Until we know that answer, Im not sure any of us can give you a decent response.
---NurseRobert on 9/13/10


Alan,

That's a bit intimate ain't it, How does he kiss you, goodness me, what else do you want to know?

Does that matter, or are you from the ole skool,

Oh is it in his kiss, If you wanna know if he loves you so it's in his Kiss. lol


It is in his faith of yes it's in his faith and your not listening to all I say , if you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his faith. that's where it is. :) lol
---Carla on 9/13/10


If you are in secure friendship, you can talk with each other about this. Maybe don't propose, but just ask what he feels and understands. I have a lady friend who I have found to be absolutely beautiful and gloriously loving, and I am proud of how she is loving with anyone, since Jesus wants us to love all people. I told her I have been attracted to her, and she said she has a guy. I think I said, oh, ok. And then we had the most beautiful time I have ever had with her. If I am going to love someone like her, this includes loving others as myself by welcoming her to love others, also, so kindly and generously. And be content with what I have with her . . . like Paul learned to be content with a lot or a little (c: Philippians 4:11-13 (c:
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/12/10


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Alan, by close I did not mean that he and I had anything physical going. We are just really good friends who have been there for each other thru thick and thin, and confide in each other.
But when it comes to expressing interest in each other, I've been the one hinting more than he does and maybe he does get the hints. At times I get the feeling he hints too, but it's too subtle to tell.
---Di on 9/13/10


Sorry Di, you did say on a previous post that you were very close and knew each other well.

That being the case, I think if he was "intersted" he would have made a move. How does he kiss you ... does he ever try to kiss you more tenderly, or to prolong the kiss?

If he does not, parhaps he does not want more. On the other hand, maybe you have put yourself to be disintersted, and he is afraid to make a move, lest in protest you cancle all meetings and he will have lost what the contact he does have with you.

Why not start talking about some other guy that you've been to the theatre with, & see his reaction?
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/12/10


\\Cluny, I guess I need to prepare myself for the possibility of him saying no, if I do decide to make the move and propose. Will have to think about that and how I'd handle that.\\

Di, St. John wrote, "Perfect love casts out fear." (I admit it's in another context, but the principle still applies.)

Sounds to me that if EITHER of you loved enough to consider marriage earlier, we would not be having this thread.

What do you think?
---Cluny on 9/12/10


//Suggest you go the the theatre or just for a meal. Then once you've got to know each other, he may well propose to you. --Alan8586 of UK //

Not sure if you got me right Alan, but he and I have been very close friends for 5 yrs now and there's nothing new we need to know bout each other.

Cluny, I guess I need to prepare myself for the possibility of him saying no, if I do decide to make the move and propose. Will have to think about that and how I'd handle that..Thanks.
---Di on 9/12/10


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Di,

We are still who God designed us to be vulnerable and and weak in terms of going it alone on a subject that women are exploiting because of their lusts towards men.I have used those words because underneath the equality doctrine is the devils plan of failure.

Relationships are deep and complicated especially today, I refused to marry my children's dad underneath all his infidelity because he refused to ask me to marry him.

Things went horribly wrong and I walked into church several years later, I then met my husband so the reality is, if he don't ask, Do not lower yourself to ask either.

Basically Your worth it, do things properly!
---Carla on 9/12/10


\\I don't understand why the people on here are so harsh. All I wanted to know is ok for a girl to propose to a man. \\

Nothing wrong with it.

But are you ready for him to say, "No"?

Could you handle it?
---Cluny on 9/11/10


I don't understand why the people on here are so harsh. All I wanted to know is ok for a girl to propose to a man.
I have at several instances got the impression that he's interested too, but has never made a move and given that we're really close and know each other real well, all i wanna know is if it's ok for me to ask him!
---Di

NO!!!

And put your fantasies back under the pillow. Its ALL in your mind, NOT HIS!!!

AGAIN.....

1) HE IS NOT SHY!!!
2) HE IS NOT AT ALL INTERESTED IN YOU!!!
3) HE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!!!

What part don't you understand???

I'm not being harsh, just trying to wake you up to reality.

Stop the female GUILT manuever. He's not interested.. MOVE ON!!!!
---John on 9/11/10


di ... We are not being harsh

All we are saying is that you don't know each other well enough for either of you to propose.

What you need to do is to start getting to know him. Maybe he is too shy to ask you out to a date. I know at your age, I was too shy to ask girls out, and was fortunate to get thrown inot a situation where I had to start talkionmg to a girls (and then married her)

There is nothing wrong in you taking the initiative and asking him out.

Suggest you go the the theatre or just for a meal.

Then once you've got to know each other, he may well propose to you.

So go for it girl!!
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/11/10


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Hi D . . . i'm ok ubowt riting in a simpl wa. inglish is complicated, wi did tha doo this??? (c:

If you are both people who can be led by the Holy Spirit, I know I have gotten more into prayer about who I belong with. So, now I am not so concerned about if a certain lady is interested but, instead, seeing how we are growing together, to see if this is more and more how the Bible says to relate in love. And I am concerned about if we are growing more in love and the Holy Spirit's leading with our other Jesus Family people. And if God is leading us toward marriage, He can have us realize this, when He wants. There is timing, but I'd say mainly growing in love, together, and discovering who we become that we have not been, before.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/11/10


Di:

You did not mention whether or not you are a Christian, only that your love interest is a Christian. If you are not a believer, then, perhaps, this is the reason why he does not show more interest than he does.

To answer your question, "No", it is not wrong for a woman to propose marriage to a man that she adores. Perhaps you are more adventurous and he is more cautious?

But, perhaps there are other things that have created a barrier to furthering this relationship that you and I do not know about. It's hard to say.
---Higgins on 9/11/10


In Hebrews 13:5, it says, "be content with such things as you have". This seems to be meant to tell us to be satisfied with the material things we have. But, for me, I also get that I need to be content with what I really have in each relationship with each person. And so, instead of wishing for what I don't have, pray in order to see what I really do have with each person, instead of merely trying to *use* people for what I want.

Di, you say, below, that you fear losing your friendship if you propose to him. I'd say a sound friendship will not come apart because of you proposing. But this does not mean you should propose, but appreciate all that you do have, please.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/11/10


I don't understand why the people on here are so harsh about everything. All I wanted to know was whether or not it is ok for a girl to propose to a man. If I knew the answer I wouldnt have posted the question in the first place! So y not just answer that or not even bother responding?!
I have at several instances got the impression that he's interested too, but has never made a move and given that we're really close and know each other real well, all i wanna know is if it's ok for me to ask him!
---Di on 9/11/10


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"Di ... as well as what cluny says, how on earth do you expect us to understand what you are on about? It's like being expected to read in an unknown foreign language!" (alan of Uk)

It seems Di is using texting slangs (i.e., b4 means "before", 4m means "from" or "form"). Yup, you got me. I was guilty of that in High School! LOL!

In IC.XC.
---Ignatius on 9/11/10


VANITY VANITY THY NAME IS WOMAN!!!
(W.Shakespeare)
Why are woman so vain and so much in denial!

So lets see you want propose to some guy the Is NOT NOT interested in you!
Is NOT NOT NOT attracted to you!
Does NOT NOT want to get to know you, much less marry you.

It never ceasing to amaze me how woman like a man, and don't care what he is thinking. Just assume they are a prize. HOW VAIN!!!

So now you want propose him in a guilt corner he can't get out!!!

Then 3 years from now we'll read your post on how horrible your Husband is. "Gee... I had no idea he had such feelings about me..."

Build a bridge and get over it. IF HE LIKED YOU HE WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU OUT AND PROPOSE TO YOU DAH!!!
---John on 9/10/10


\\Have you read how Ruth proposed to Boaz, in the Book of Ruth in the earlier Scriptures? (c: Uncovering his feet, in the dark, while he was asleep, after he had worked and eaten and drank and went to sleep merry, then he woke up and she told him she wanted him to do his "duty" with her.\\

Considering the euphemistic use of "feet" in this and other passages, and the you-know-what symbolism of passing the shoe, it sounds more like she was propositioning him.
---Cluny on 9/10/10


If you have to ask a man to marry you something is obviously wrong with the man!
---Carla on 9/10/10


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Di ... as well as what cluny says, how on earth do you expect us to understand what you are on about? It's like being expected to read in an unknown foreign language!
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/10/10


make you move
---francis on 9/10/10


Di, please write like an adult.

Writing clearly means thinking clearly.

If you write like an illiterate child, it means you think like an illiterate child, and are not ready to even consider the adult responsibilities that go with marriage.
---Cluny on 9/10/10


Thank u Bill_billa 4 ur scriptural response. For those who've Qs bout how wel i know him, we've been very close friends for 5yrs. He's always been der wen i'm in need. I like him very much but am afraid to propose for fear of losing de great friendship v share in case he says no to me. He's 4m another denomination den me but der r very minor differences.
---Di on 9/10/10


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Hi, Di . . . Have you read how Ruth proposed to Boaz, in the Book of Ruth in the earlier Scriptures? (c: Uncovering his feet, in the dark, while he was asleep, after he had worked and eaten and drank and went to sleep merry, then he woke up and she told him she wanted him to do his "duty" with her. What is your relationship? Do you have a growing thing of how you two find you need and depend on each other and are there for each other to help each other stand in Jesus and love all people? It might be your "duty", if this is so, to share more. And appreciate, now, all that you already do have with a real brother of Jesus. "It takes humble to connect with humble." God bless you (c:
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/10/10


You're lame. First of all you're too young to propose to anyone. If you've known a guy for five years you should know whether he's interested in you or not. If you don't then ask him. What's wrong with you women you can't pose direct questions. Ask a direct question get an answer, move forward or move on.
---Andre on 9/9/10


You have not said how close you have been in the alst 5 years.

Have you actually gone out together?

Or are you still casual acquaintances?

It has happened that women have sometimes been the one to propose marriage.
---Cluny on 9/9/10


Far too early for either of you to propose!!!
Why not invite him to share a cup of tea with you somewhere ... that will show him you are interested, and if he too interested he can accept.

THEN you just start converstion and find out about each other.

At the moment you are probably just attracted by bhis looks and perhaps his public berhaviour
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/9/10


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