Old Affair Moves Next Door
I had two affairs about 3 years ago. My wife chose to stay. One of the women now lives next door to us and the other periodically tries to contact me. I have no interest in them, but it's difficult to move forward in my marriage with these distractions. Should we consider moving to another state?
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---Michael on 9/29/10
Helpful Blog Vote (3)
Michael, Move!! Even if you are strong enough to live by this woman and never let anything happen again..Move for your wife's sake.
---a_friend on 10/6/10|
You and your wife should first discuss and table this matter before God, telling HIM in prayer(in Jesus' name) what you want and do not want to have with this new neighbour. If God then shows/instructs you to move, then you should move.
---Adetunji on 10/5/10|
thank you, michael, for clarifying. some of the hardest things that i had to overcome was by sitting still. i spent the last forty tears following a father that always tried to escape his problems, and then imitating the same behavior.
honestly, i absolutely do not like it here where i am. but, the stiller that i am the more that i can hear His voice, and it is fewer things that my son will have to deal with.
for the health of your marriage overcome to leave. do not leave to overcome.
God is giving you a chance to overcome the guilt and pain, so that one day, you do not have to avoid it no matter where you are.
---aka on 10/4/10|
Moving might be the best thing you can do. I am truly sorry for your stress and your wife's pain. God bless.
---Mary on 10/4/10|
Thank you for your responses, I really do appreciate it. Just to clarify something, the woman who lives next door did not live there when we had the affair. She began dating my neighbor shortly after and moved in with him about 3 months after they started dating. We do not speak with one another or the neighbor that she lives with. The issue is not fear of a recurring affair. The problem is that, both my wife and I have a daily constant reminder of the horrible hurt that I caused by my actions. This has caused me to live in constant guilt and my wife to have to relive the pain. I'm really not trying to escape the sin by moving, just wondering if a move is needed for the health of my marriage.
---Michael on 10/4/10|
I think you should silently endure whatever humiliation this affords you. At the same time keep your focus singularly on your marriage as it should be.
Unless she likes the idea of moving without you pushing I wouldn't let any further upheaval enter my wife's life from your actions. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Be at peace, move if you both think it's best.
---Peter on 10/3/10|
You had an affair with your neighbor so that is why she "now" lives next door to you. Another woman periodically tries to contact you which means that you have not gotten the point across to her that you are not interested. You want to do the childish thing of moving to another state to escape these women. These "distractions" are only that because you let them be. If you don't want the woman trying to contact you, delete the email address she uses to contac tyou.
---KarenD on 10/2/10|
If these women are evil enough to still try to get you to betray your wife, then they have nothing of real love to offer you. So, surely there is nothing they have that your wife needs to compete with!!! "So, why would you seek what isn't even love?"
So, if you love your wife and appreciate her and trust her, take care of this together with each other, and enjoy sharing. And I would say the problem of evil women does not need to take up much of your attention.
There are evil people everywhere. "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies," we have in Psalm 23:5.
---Bill on 10/1/10|
This women knew where you lived and chose to move next door? her purpose is not innocent or pure no matter how anyone tries to portray
every year more people become emotionally and mentally unstable don't risk possibility either of these women is not capable of seeking to destroy your marriage - having no interest may work well today but how well during any future adversities in your marriage? maybe they are not seeking you but seeking to sabotage your marriage because they can't "have you"
if committed to your marriage move very far away until then get Post Office Box - begin thinking about how they may get a new address so this doesn't happen again
---Rhonda on 9/30/10|
God is giving you (pl) a chance to overcome. Satan is already in another state waiting for you to run and try to escape. You wife stood up for you...now you stand up for her. therefore, you both stand.
---aka on 9/30/10|
The first thing I'd do is ask my wife how she feels about it.
---wivv on 9/30/10|
One night a young man whom I had been witnessing to got down on his knees in his kitchen and said the "sinner's prayer". The very next day he was in a line at the bank and saw one of the women whom he had been fornicating with less than two days before. He went to her and witness to her, and by doing so caused quite a commotion in the bank. Moral of this story, now might be a wonderful time to witness to your former partners in sin.
---mima on 9/30/10|
Yes, If you can move, and you're both in agreement, and you both are lead by the LORD to move, then, move. It's another consequence for your past sin. So, it's like gouging out your wandering eye that causes you to sin, to keep yourself from ending up in Hell. This may very well help heal your marriage. But, Satan will have other plans of attack, even then, but, you have to stand in GOD's Armour. Do whatever it takes to keep your soul, and your wife's.
---Gordon on 9/30/10|
Get a restraining order against the one who tries to contact you, and make sure you're never alone with your neighbor, or at least have the door between you when you speak to her.
Totally avoiding her will be impossible, and I can imagine some situations where legitimate communication is necessary.
---Cluny on 9/30/10|
No sane person is going to follow after Satan. No sane person is going to listen to Satan. Not enough people following Jesus. Not enough people listening to Jesus....We are living in a world filled to capacity with insane people. ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU SANITY. Stay put.
---catherine on 9/30/10|
"IF" you have been totally honest with your wife, and there is nothing going on that you need to hide, I would suggest that you and your wife go together to your new "neighbor" and explain that you don't want any interference in your lives and move on from there. I don't think you have to "move on" every time your past comes along to remind you of your error, otherwise we would all be moving regularly.
---tommy3007 on 9/30/10|