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My Father Had An Affair

My father had an affair, and had a child with another woman. The child is 5-6 years old when my mom and I found out. Should I forgive my dad and accept the girl? What should I do?

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 ---Cindy on 11/6/10
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This girl came into the world in exactly the same way that you did i.e. she had no say in the matter. She is your half-sister and, unless her mother wishes to keep her away from you, you should try to have a good relationship with her. It will benefit her to know more of her family and it will, long term, benefit you.

Your mother is the one who was betrayed and she will find it harder to accept and might never want the girl in the house. Try to understand her feelings on this and allow her to take time to decide which way she is to go on this matter. Love her and pray for her and forgive your dad because forgiveness is good for the soul. We are forgiven much and must forgive much.
---RitaH on 11/20/10


Your mother needs YOUR support and a lot of time to trust your father again. This child was forced upon you as a half/sibling. His happiness is not dependent upon your acceptance. You have the right to decide how your family should be. You may want it to remain as is, you, your mother and your father. Forgive your father, but love your mother and remember that your father's genetic inheritance and his image is dear to your mother's heart and soul. For her to look at a child's face that may be a blended version of him and another woman may just be beyond the human threshold for pain tolerance for you and your mother because this was done during the holy union of marriage. Please do nothing to cause further pain to your mother.
---Syvannah on 11/19/10


As painful as it sounds..yes. God taught us to forgive or else he would not forgive us. Also remember the harlot that had all the husbands and none of them were hers? Cast the first stone...he told them..if you are without sin. I realize this is a very difficult situation for you to which I am so, so sorry. Biblical you should forgive. Accept the child, which had no hand whatsoever of being born. You will most likely NEVER get over this hurt but as each day of your life passes by, my friend, God will be your burden barer, he also will help you to endure.
---judy6696 on 11/12/10


Cindy, I'm a big advocate for forgiving someone..it's a powerful thing to do.

Forgiveness is a choice, so yes, please forgive your dad or else God won't forgive you of your sins. The hurt of what your father did may still hurt you after you forgive him, but that's where God will need to come in an heal that hurt deep down inside of you. Ask God, okay? Say Father God I ask in Jesus name to please heal the hurt my father caused me. I choose to forgive him in Jesus name, but I am still hurting over this, please heal me.

And be happy you have a half sister. I would embrace her and love her with all of your heart Cindy (((huggss to you too)))).
---Donna5535 on 11/8/10


Yes, you should forgive your father AND accept the girl.

I've learned that we need to take these painful, shocking, unexpected surprises, etc. as a wake-up call from GOD. For myself, that came with my divorce.

GOD will deal with your father for sinning and betraying his family. At the same time, GOD wants you to learn from this. There are probably a lot of other folks who have had to deal with this situation. GOD might be building you up to reach out to them.

GOD can turn a bad situation in a good one.
---Augie on 11/7/10




You should forgive him for you,take it to God, but you donot need to accept his actions. This girl is not at fault for your dads & this womans choice. she is your half-sister, she's family. I would welcome her in showing her it is not her fault.
---candice on 11/7/10


"Should I forgive my dad and accept the girl? Yes & Yes.
Forgive, as the Father, 'for Christ sake', has forgiven you.
As for the girl, she is your sister, why would you reject her for something that was beyond her control. Do unto her, as you would have her do unto you.
---josef on 11/7/10


\\I'm guessing the hardest thing in all of this is that your Father hid a part of his life away from you.\\

That's what hurt me the most when I found out.
---Cluny on 11/6/10


I would say forgive him, even if he does not think he needs to be forgiven. And love your "half-sister", since God wants us to love all people. What your father did is condemned. This is "why" it qualifies to be forgiven. We all have still been doing condemned things, if we still have been sinning.
"Forgive the way we want to be forgiven." (c:
"And love the way God has been loving us."
So, God bless you, Cindy . . . it is good to meet you (c:
---Bill on 11/6/10


I have a similar story.

I didn't know for sure about the other child until I was 24. This sibling and I are still not comfortable around each other.

As far as not forgiving your dad, what good will withholding forgiveness do you now, and especially in the world to come?
---Cluny on 11/6/10




Well Cindy it's not your Sister's fault she was born. I'm guessing the hardest thing in all of this is that your Father hid a part of his life away from you. I'm sure you can't help but feel a sense of betrayal.

Now consider this, you are God, you made the world, and you see that you need to go and teach people how to live with one another, you gave them life, blessed them and loved them even before they were made. You came down to earth and they didn't honor you, in fact they lied against you, beat you, and murdered you...should you forgive them?

Do you think your Father intentionally betrayed you, or was he trying to protect himself and you? He was wrong, but it's wrong not to forgive. Jesus did.
---Pharisee on 11/6/10


Treat the girl just as you would like to be treated if you were in her position. Life takes many turns and we must be ready to forgive and forget and truly love our fellow man. Obviously you could have been in this girl's position so here is your opportunity to love her as you would want her to love you if you were in her position.
---mima on 11/6/10


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