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Husband Wants Me Back

I left my 10 year marriage to an unsaved husband 6 months ago, and fell in love with a saved man, last week my (soon to be ex) got saved...now I am really torn, he wants me back but I also have feelings for new man.

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 ---Cheryl on 11/15/10
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1-If you marry another man you commit adultery.
2-Your ex could very well be playing on your heart strings and look like he saved.
If you were married before give yourself time to heal and if your ex is really save he will have fruit-give it at least a year-is he ready to lay down his life for you just like Christ lays down his life for the church.\
You definitely should end the dating relationship and wait for you ex-husband--I know people will try to argue with what the bible says-
---Sarah on 1/6/11


This is not a matter you should have blogged. I would recommend you find a seasoned pastor and get counsel. There's alot more going on than can be expressed on this site. Therefore, you can't get a fare opinion from a blog.
Every scipture has specific application which makes it work. That's why we call it systematic theology. I would like for you to get healthy counsel, and for you to make a godly decision accordingly. Amen?
---Jay on 1/6/11


Cheryl,
My response is simply for you to read Deuteronomy 24:4,
then decide.
It says,
"Her first husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she has been defiled, for this is abomination before the Lord:..."
With that said, ask yourself how important obedience to the Lord is to you then your decision will be easy.
---Pastor_Phil on 1/5/11


"Do to others exactly what you desire others to do to you." If you were in your husbands shoes, and your husband were you, what would he do if you were to ask him back?
---Eloy on 1/2/11


I haven't been on this blog for awhile. But wanted to give you an update. I tried with my husband to see if he had made changes since his conversion...and I saw nothing, in fact things got worse, he is an alcoholic and although that stopped for a week it resumed, he constantly manipulates me and is horrible in his language and attitude towards me. I have prayed and all I keep telling him is I am sorry Let God Heal us but he will have nothing to do with that and insists he needs a woman, any woman, he can't go without. I have broken off the relationship with the other man some time ago. But my husband is not the husband he needs to be. I am torn now and may just return to my family and let God heal our wounds.
---cheryl on 12/30/10




How do you fall in love so quick?You need to work on that. Seems as though you are emotionally immature. When you mature you won't fall in and out of love so quickly. But anyway. I don't believe your ex really got saved. This may be a ploy to get you back. I have seen this happen many times. Since you say you are in love with the new man, I would stay with him. Let the ex go. He had his time. He's history.
---Robyn on 12/12/10


Cheryl: Did you post your story in an attempt to get approval for your adulterous relationship? I noticed you have not replied to KarenD, or Mark V. I hope that is because you have come under conviction of the Holy Spirit, and realize that your separation from your atheist husband, and subsequent adulterous relationship is sin.
---Trish on 11/17/10


Darline, your advice was great and so were the others. Really, just falling in love with someone else and going out with them is wrong when a person is still married. And more wrong if the person she is going out with is saved. He would be even more wrong, since he is a christian who should know better then to go out with someone who is married. Bringing both in complete rebellion against God. This actions took time to be thought which makes it even worse.
---Mark_V. on 11/17/10


Cheryl....Why attack Trish for giving a Biblical answer? You did not have the Biblical right to leave your unsaved husband. The Bible clearly says that if an unsaved spouse wants to leave, they can leave. It does not say you can leave your unsaved spouse so you and be "happy." Your ex probably only wants you back because he knows you are with someone else. My advise would be to not have a relationship with any man for a few years until you get your head on straight.
---karenD on 11/16/10


Cheryl: I am so sorry that you feel my exhortation lacked love. I spoke from experience in a bad marriage. For 25 years, I was in a bad marriage, where most of the problem was me. I thought I needed to leave, and planned to leave many times, but was rebuked by a loving sister to stay in the marriage, and love my husband. Unfortunately, my marriage ended when my saved husband left me and eventually remarried. During the time that he was single, I did not seek another relatiosnhip, as I believed in the possibility of reconciliation. For three years, I refused to date out of obedience to scripture.

The most loving thing this sister can do is exhort a fallen believer to repent and obey scripture.
---Trish on 11/15/10




Thank you Savannah, I felt what you feel and I appreciate your comments...I have decided to try and work with my husband to renew the lost love and I appreciate what you said and how you said it. I am glad that Trish did not have the last word as she sounds so judgemental and we are only just sinners saved by grace and not perfect.
---cheryl on 11/15/10


I will not leave my unsaved husband for he is sanctified through me. We married in 2000, when I did not understand, "not to be yoked to a non-believer". If my husband became saved, I would expect him to love his family more and his work and money less. Only God understands my situation, as I am one with my husband, I could not be happy in heaven and be separate from my beloved. In other words, there could be no such thing as heaven for me without my husband. Pray to the Father for guidance. I believe God would want you to work with your husband and to restore the love and restore your family.
---Syvannah on 11/15/10


Thanks to the few of you who responded with what I felt was the Love of Christ in helping me with a very very hard situation. As for Trish, perhaps if you cannot administer what could be good advice with sisterly love, as Christ would, you should refrain...I made a mistake posting here.
---Cheryl on 11/15/10


Leaving your unsaved husband was sin. Unless he physically abused you, you should return to him and repent of your relationship with the new man. Where do you get the idea that you can leave your marriage and find someone new? Read 1 Corinthians and learn how to obey scripture.
---Trish on 11/15/10


Yes I was saved and was running from God...also the marriage was very dark at times as he was an agnostic, I begged him to come to church, lived a Godly life and then finally I can't take anymore...and I find a new life...I don't want to be the motivation for his salvation but I am. And so here I am.
---Cheryl on 11/15/10


And were you "saved" at the time you entered into this marriage with an unbeliever?

The Bible says that the UNBELIEVER has the right to terminate such a marriage, not the Christian.
---Cluny on 11/15/10


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Read Matthew 19:1-10 and may the Lord open your heart to understanding through His almighty mercy and grace in you, Cheryl.
---christan on 11/15/10


If the reason you divorced your husband was he was an unbeliever and now he is a believer,you need to take time,and not rush into marriage with either man. If thats the only reason you left him you did not have God's permission to do it,his Word says if the unbeliever wants to stay with you allow him to,if he wants to go let him and then you aren't in bondage to him. You need to wait and see if the husband really has gotten saved. Give yourself time to sort this out. Pray for God to lead you and study the Bible on marriage. The only reason you can divorce is if the husband commited adultry. Do what you need to do to stay close to God. Men may come and go but your relationship with God can go on forever if you live by his Word and obey him.
---Darlene_1 on 11/15/10


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