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New Husband Is Lying

I got married very quickly and discovered that my husband smokes weed. I found this out while we were dating and asked him to stop. He said he would, but much to my dismay, he has not and doesn't want to. I don't want to have a marriage based on lies and him doing drugs. Can I get a divorce?

Moderator - How long have you been married?

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 ---Nicole on 12/5/10
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//tobacco is considered only a problem to the person who smokes, while alcohol is only considered a problem if a person is drunk and disorderly...Any comments?//

peter, in general, i like what you say. but, it sounds like you have never had to deal with a smoker and/or drinker who is not currently smokin' and jokin'.

...may you never have to. God bless.
---aka on 12/22/10


First of all, why would you marry someone you really don't know.
Take it from someone who smoked and drank for years. He is not going to stop because you asked him. Give it to God. Try to work it out. Don't give up. If you divorce him. Someone else will work with him and he will quit. Marriage isn't easy.
Good Luck
Bee
---Bee on 12/14/10


1 CORINTHAINS 7:10 And unto the married I command,but the Lord, LET NOT the wife depart from her husband.

7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife.
---RICHARD on 12/12/10


In your heart, do you want a divorce?
---Trina on 12/8/10


Ah, if that was the Moderator's purpose in asking, then it makes sense, Robyn. Thanks for pointing this out.
---AlwaysOn on 12/8/10




Always On: The length of marriage matters. Some states allow you to seek an annulment instead of a divorce if you have not been married that long. I think the annulment is a lot cheaper than a divorce. Not sure what states allows this and how much the annulment cost. If there is a fee etc...So the moderator's question is relevant.
---Robyn on 12/8/10


Actually, Peter, tobacco and alcohol are not only a problem for users. Tobacco smoke is deadly to those who inhale it in the air or inhale it from fibers where it lingers long after a cigarette has been extinguished. Asthmatic children, in particular, suffer devastating effects from second-hand cigarette smoke. Also, alcohol-related accidents regularly claim innocent lives or leave others paralyzed for life.

Your question is a valid one. In my opinion, it's hypocritical to demonize marijuana and still allow cigarettes and alcohol to be sold. To be clear, I'm not advocating that cigarettes and alcohol be banned, just highlighting the hypocrisy of pretending these are less threatening simply because they're legal.
---AlwaysOn on 12/8/10


Peter you ought to ask a former resident of warez Mexico why illegal drug trade is a problem, they could give you a bunch of dead reasons.
---Pharisee on 12/7/10


A quick question: why is weed considered such a problem, while tobacco and alcohol are both addictive as well, but tobacco is considered only a problem to the person who smokes, while alcohol is only considered a problem if a person is drunk and disorderly

Any comments?
---peter on 12/7/10


I mean no disrespect in asking, but just because I'm curious, Moderator, why does it matter how long she's been married? Also, why the "New Husband" title if the length of her marriage is still unknown?

Nicole, sure you can get a legal divorce. I don't know where you live, but most courts allow you to do so for all sorts of reasons (in some cases, you don't even have to cite a clear reason). However, be aware that divorce is not sanctioned in the Bible, particularly if you're divorcing for the reasons you've shared here. Also be aware that any relationship that you have with another man after divorcing your husband is defined by the Bible as an adulterous relationship.

Still, you have free will and the choice is yours.
---AlwaysOn on 12/6/10




No.. I believe in my heart that you should pray for him and honor and respect him regardless.. Who are we to judge his path..his personal journey to God? As a wife we must be an example of love and forgiveness.. Divorce is crap. You made a vow to Him and you are tied to this man. My husband does the same but I am not and he knows it hurts me but I do not nag . He wants to treat me as well as I do him.. so be a strong person and pray. Have faith. You will be rewarded God bless.
---aimee on 12/6/10


Addicts lie, and they rarely change without major interventions. Depending on your job, you run the risk of being charged with possession, as well as your marital property could be confiscated in a drug bust, should such occur.

I suggest marital therapy, with a discussion of clear boundaries, and limits.
---Trish9863 on 12/6/10


Better divorce this husband quick so you can start working on your next one.
---KarenD on 12/6/10


this is a touchy subject,as many people consider marijuana a nature substance,therefore,they do not consider it a drug.
So before You go running off to the police/divorce lawyer i encourage You to sit down and have a good heart to heart talk about beliefs.
as far as lying You must also consider,He did stop,He probably restarted the next morning sometime after his coffee,but He did stop...
---kevin5443 on 12/6/10


you knew this post marriage, no matter what he said, why did you think he would change, for you, when he wouldnt stop for himself.

and illreguardless lying isnt grounds for divorce, thats whats wrong is everyone is looking for a way out. God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/6/10


oops i ment pre marriage, God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/6/10


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I'd rather see you Narc him out then divorce him. Not kidding here call the cops, make sure he knows your going to do it, and that you'll do it every time. Then if he chooses to leave it's on him.

It may seem extreme, but I assure you it's not as extreme as your idea. Divorce is not so simple a thing as just filing papers and dividing property, the world would have you believe it's so, but the world refuses to address spiritual reality.
---Pharisee on 12/5/10


Oh, you can get a divorce.

The real question is can you remarry according to Christ's commandment.

Probably not.
---Cluny on 12/5/10


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