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How To Serve Your Spouse

My husband told me this morning that I should wake up every morning and ask him "What can I do for you today?" Should I do it?

Moderator - Why not? Of course I would expect him to do the same.

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 ---Susan on 12/17/10
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I would have no problem with that. I would love for my husband to ask me to do that. I usually ask him that anyway. I've asked him to give me lists of things he needs done, but he never does and says he doesn't want to tell me what to do. How do I know what he needs done if he doesn't tell me?
---CJ on 1/1/11


Susan, my answer is almost the same as the moderators. You should answer yes to what he ask. And since he ask you to do that, you should ask him the same question. Just say, "Yes, my husband, I would love to do that for you every morning." Now are you willing to do the same for me every morning?"
And if he say's no, then it's up to you if you are going to ask him every morning, "what can I do for you." The sound of his words and why he even ask is so very important that none of us heard how he ask that question so we cannot tell for sure if he was been demanding, silly, or not serious at all.
---Mark_V. on 12/26/10


from what i understand your husband is opening the channel of communication for both of you..asking this is like knowing what are your husband's needs.being positive about this-this is easier than making a guess on what satisfies him or not..only a few husband will be open to communication..in return expect him to do the same to you.
---mj on 12/25/10


NO!
First of all Susan, it is fake, carnal, and shallow.

One should not have to ask anything in a good marriage. It should be natural and implied. With each serving the other and both first serving G-d.

Marriage is NOT 50/50, but an ebb flow. During normal times its at 40/60...60/40

During bad times and illness it could reach 100/0...0/100

So it is in marriage.

And remember marriage and family structures are but only images for us to understand life in heaven.

Marriage of course is not really about two people becoming one flesh in love,

No. its represent Jesus and his church becoming one in the Kingdom of G-d.

Let not any of you,undermine what G-d had put together!
---John on 12/24/10


NO!
First of all Susan, it is fake, carnal, and shallow.

One should not have to ask anything in a good marriage. It should be natural and implied. With each serving the other and both first serving G-d.

Marriage is NOT 50/50, but an ebb flow. During normal times its at 40/60...60/40

During bad times and illness it could reach 100/0...0/100

So it is in marriage.

And remember marriage and family structures are but only images for us to understand life in heaven.

Marriage of course is not really about two people becoming one flesh in love,

No. its represent Jesus and his church becoming one in the Kingdom of G-d.

Let not any of you,undermine what G-d had put together!
---John on 12/24/10




well, maybe you'r husband is telling you without words that your actions pose the question, what did you do for me today... maybe your too much demanding or he feels neglected. in any case the "joke" doesn't sound as a joke to me. and maybe he feels your not investing enough. on the other hand, maybe he's just al little selfish. that i hope not. anycase there ius a profound reason for your husband's remark and it should not be neglected.
---andy3996 on 12/24/10


is your husband joking? I hope so. If he is not just ignore this comment, because, if you do what he wants then you will turn into a slave and he will not loose all the respct he has for you.
---Dennis_Regan on 12/22/10


If he is willing to do the same toward you. Yes! Otherwise he is a first class heel, looking for a shoe to accomodate him.
---Robyn on 12/20/10


I would like you to tell him that the Lord Jesus ask that we love others as ourselves i.e. we should ask others to do to us what we like to do for them. I think your husband should lead you into this new thing he desires by example. He should start by asking you each day what he can do for you.
---Adetunji on 12/21/10


I would agree. Any husband should be equally ready and willing to serve his wife.
---josep9477 on 12/20/10




A Christian love is unconditional, just like God's love to His elect is. He tells us (man) to love our wife and that our wife through your love demonstrated will submit and love you too. For indeed, in a marriage, the man and woman are one, just like how God's creation of man and woman was intended to be. But through the fall, sin reign.

Matthew Henry says it well, "Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."
---christan on 12/20/10


The Moderator said it all!
Well put!

You're his wife, not his slave. He is not your King.
---John on 12/18/10


A lot of these post indicate that if your spouse expects this that you should expect it of your spouse also.

That is not what service is, Christ did not teach to do unto others as they do unto you, but as you would have them do unto you.

So according to conventional wisdom if your spouse does nothing for you that you are exempt form doing for them, I ask you is that Christ like?

I also read Gary Chapmans Five Love Languages and teach the coarse as well and no where in it does it teach us to expect, but to give. (Great read)

Remember it is more blessed to give then to receive.
God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/18/10


Yes,you should.And he should do the same for you. If you read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman you will discover we all have love languages that certain ways make us feel more loved. For example,if you felt more loved by receiving gifts from him all the time,or quality time. Another one is called acts of service,which means say he feels more loved when you ask him what you can do for him that day,or help him do something. Which can be the same way. I suggest you read it,or both of you read it,and discover your love languages and it will also help you get closer. I agree with the Mod. But you should also advise your husband that if he wants you to do that,that he should do the same for you.
---angea on 12/18/10


I am with the moderator, why not?

I thought this was such a good idea, I fixed and gave my wife breakfast in bed this morning.

I figured if one could expect their wife to do something for him, I could do something for her.

I must admit it was a bit embarrassing. We've been married over 35 years and she said that was the first time I did that, and she liked it. I don't think so, but I didn't want to argue about it...anyway, it had been a long time.
---Rod4Him on 12/18/10


Husbands and wives should do for their spouse every day. Why would I ask my husband what he wanted me to do for him? I would just do it, always something special.
---shira3877 on 12/17/10


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Is he a Christian? How long have you been amrried? Do you have children? Do you both have jobs?

If so, it seems he has listened to only half of what the Bible says about the relationship.

I suggest you say to him something like "Honey, I really need some help with such and such. But what would you like me to do for you?"

I would not agree with the Mod who sugests you follow your husband's demand, because you would just show yourself to be subservient, and you will be taken advantage of for evermore
---alan8566_of_uk on 12/17/10


Yep, by all means.

While others have mentioned what he should also do for you, I'll suggest the opposite. Try asking him what you can do for him, just because your doing so makes him happy. Do it without expecting anything and without asking him to reciprocate.

Assuming he's not abusive, love is about giving freely without thinking "what's in it for me". Try it for a while and if you don't like the outcome you don't have to stick with it, but do give it an honest effort.

In fact, I'm going to take my own advice and give it a try too just because I like the idea.
---AlwaysOn on 12/17/10


Why do Christians want to operate on such an uneven plain?

Husbands always professing the wife to submit and wives always demanding to be loved as Christ loves the church.

While all the time there is a disconnect in the servitude of the relationship.

Serving someone is to commit service to THEM, not demanding service from them.

I see this often in counseling that one is so concerned about their need to feed their own ego through the other one SUBMITTING that the concept of service is lost to them.

I think Christ said it best in Matt 20:28, forget foolish pride and dont wait on someone to do you right, simply do the right thing yourself.
God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/17/10


I agree with Linda that we should all treat others as we'd like to be treated...BUT, I wouldn't let anybody's craziness stand between me and my crown.

Jesus said the greatest among you shall be the servant of all, so the question really comes down to what do you want to be in God's eyes today. You can wait for others to do what God says they should do or you can be like Christ who came not to be served but to serve.
---Pharisee on 12/17/10


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Actually, he should LEAD by example first. He is to love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.
---Linda on 12/17/10


Good point, Moderator.

Tell that to him.

It never says, "Wives, serve your husbands," but it DOES say, "Husbands, love your wives."

And how do you show your love for someone the best?
---Cluny on 12/17/10


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