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Husband Has Poor Hygiene

My husband has poor personal hygiene habits. His habits are causing a lack of intimacy. Should I consider separation?

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 ---XMrs on 1/6/11
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Yes.Sis.Shira bless you.you are right
That very great when I come to know JESUS put in my heart " seek peace and pursue it" always sticks in my mind. Another one that says " try live in peace with all men"..
Thankyou! Love agape ELENA
---ELENA on 11/17/12


elena, tell him to stop talking about his brother. I refuse to listen to any of my brother in laws bs. he has had 4 wives and all divorced him for adultry so you should know I don't want nothing to do with him. as a matter of fact, I don't listen to anyone who bad mouths someone else.
---shira4368 on 11/16/12


Hello,Shira4368 thankyou! You right! Feel same and yes, this one my husband dead too his brother live nxt door.He is similar and he a womanizer too. He used to fight with his brother, I never could tell exactly till he told me he was telling him,I like your woman & his wife left him & he need someone cook clean wash clothes.I try to keep my distance. He bad. Mouths his late brother. He need God/ goes church and. afraid.He jumps church to church/ one thing though he will NOT take communion.he catholic.
..
---ELENA on 11/16/12


ellana, I don't get mad at anyone easily. I have thick skin. I told you the truth about my ex brother in law. me and my sister have a thing going. she says he is my brother in law and I said he isn't my brother in law anymore since I am not married to his brother anymore. when my husband was sick and dying his brother never came to see him but when he passed away, the greased derelic self showed up at my door with his smelly self. I have no use for him at all. I hate being in the same room with him. besides being nasty, he is a womanizer and wanted me to introduce him to my friends at church. I was quick to tell him all the girls at my church are taken.
---shira4368 on 11/15/12


Shira4368 please don't get mad but I guess it was.the way you wrote.it and the last part.
.goodness you had me "cracking up!' Your post where you had the greasy brother-in- law ..you moved and didn't give your address.
Bless your heart
.love of JESUS! ELENA
---ELENA on 11/15/12




my brother in law is a nasty slob too. when my husband passed, he started coming to my house and I couldn't stand to look at him, teeth rotten, hair greasy clothes dirty and he smells. he wanted me to introduce him to someone at my church and I told him they were all taken. well, I sold my house and he does not know where I live.
---shira4368 on 10/29/12


Reading your answer from other people's advised I realized that you need to get outside help from other medical professionals like a psychologist or a psychiatrist.This could be a symptoms of a much serious problems manifesting in his behavior.
---mj on 10/29/12


You may not like what I am about to tell you! First a question: Is this new? Putting everything aside, Your husband might be, either possess with demons, or strongly influenced by them. I would flee.
---pat on 10/29/12


Tell him to wash himself more often! Brush his teeth. Change his clothes. Why live with a dirty slob????
---Heather on 10/29/12


Dear MrsX: My heart goes out to you. Just had to post again on this question. I am glad you are being honest. This blogsite is a wonderful tool to minister to others. You have a very serious problem you are dealing with. I have the same problem, from time to time.So I can relate.It makes you sick to the stomach. Crying,praying, casting out demons.. none of that is going to work for you or this man. He needs to put his behind in some water. Plain and simple. I would give him an ultimatum(bathe) or find another address! Make sure he is not ill and has soap and water available, to him,first. Give him reasonable time to get himself back together before the ultimatum. God bless you beloved.
---Robyn on 1/11/11




What on earth did you see in this man to marry him without noticing that he was such a nasty ogre.

I fell sorry for him he must be depressed and I still cannot understand why you could not have asked this before, or even gone and visited where he lived.

What were you focusing on prior to marriage?
---Carla on 1/11/11


I'm sorry if it's too much info, but it was stated that I didn't point out what does poor issues were. I guess that's good clarity. Imagine what I have to deal with on a daily basis. Reading it is mild, but living with it is too hot to handle. Pray for me.
---XMrs on 1/11/11


XMrs....Too much information!!!!!!
---KarenD on 1/10/11


I have spoken to my husband about these issues. As far as I can see they stem from childhood, but he didn't exibit these habits prior to marriage. I was told after the marriage by his own daughter that she has no memory of him bathing
besides when we were dating. He might bathe once a week and he refuses to brush his teeth. He will only use mouth wash. He doesn't wash his hands. He claims it's over rated. he blames not bathing on dry skin. I have purchased several things in hopes of helping him. Things like toothbrush, sensitive skin soap, but no luck. He uses a wash rag to clean his teeth. He is just unwilling to fix this. I have tried. He has also left his bowels in the toilet on more than one trip.
---XMrs on 1/9/11


\\Should I consider separation?\\

If you want to separate over this, it sounds to me like there's something else going on you don't like that's the REAL problem.

His hygiene is just an excuse.
---Cluny on 1/7/11


Has he always been this way? If not, then maybe you should find out whats going on with him, is he depressed, sick,what?
---a_friend on 1/6/11


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There is an underlying reason as to why he is not keeping himself clean. Has he always been this way? Have you voiced your concerns with him? Not in an accusing way but lovingly? Offer to run his bath water and set out clean underthings and tee shirt, pj's for him. Help him to help himself. How old is he?
This is a serious problem, for sure but don't leave just yet. Do what you can to eliminate this problem. Pray and be led by the Holy Spirit.
Prepare to wear your mask to bed. Spray the room and other actions to help you cope with the fumes. Been there and done that. But it is a sad situation. My prayers to you.
---Robyn on 1/6/11


You have not told what these "poor personal hygeine" habits are.

Is is just that he has a body odour? ... in which case the answer might just be to have a shared shower before you go to bed
---alan8566_of_uk on 1/6/11


Before you consider leaving get your husband to go to a doctor. Have him checked out physically and ask the doctor if it isn't physical could it be mental A lot of times people dealing with depression and/or Mental Illness stop taking care of themselves. If he is just lazy move in the other room because if he doesn't care enough to try to please you I don't hold much hope for him. You can seperate across the house from him. That is unless you pray for change and God intervenes. Frankly I think that may be all that will finally move him to cleanup. Pray,pray,pray and draw closer to the Lord and he can help you see how you really need to respond to this situation.
---Darlene_1 on 1/6/11


No, You'd be better off starting a food fight every night at the table so he has to shower :) It's impractical but it would work, he can't go to bed with mashed taters in his hair.

Seriously have a talk with him and ask him what it is that you don't provide that keeps him from being motivated to want to be pleasing to you. You might be shocked at his answer, or that may lead nowhere, but either way it'll get a dialogue started and give you the chance to express your hurt and sense of abandonment/rejection or whatever you feel. Whatever happens don't act out your anger and keep your tongue still from hasty utterances, each moment is precious and you don't get another chance at them. Purpose yourself to work this through patiently.
---Pharisee on 1/6/11


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Why consider separation when you may be able do deal with this situation without separation. (It almost reads like you looking for a way out of this marriage.) Here are some questions for you to consider: Did he have this hygiene problem before you got married? Why does he have it now? Is he afraid of water? Is his poor hygiene just a "cover-up" for something else? You could also go to a Christian marriage counselor, either with him or by yourself.
---wivv on 1/6/11


It is not an easy subject and it is not about you, when you marry someone they put on their best and when the time comes they revert back to their poor hygiene standards before you met them.

Buy him a tooth brush shower gel and the latest aftershave and have a good talk about his hygiene, and offer him a better response other than no thank you and have fun!!!!
---Carla on 1/6/11


Have you considered just buying him a bar of soap? Do you know why he had poor hygiene? Has he always had poor hygiene? Is he afraid of water? Have you talked to him about it - especially how it effects your entimacy? Bottom line: maybe you should consider the answers to these questions before even thinking about separation. If you are thinking of separation over something like hygiene, it makes me wonder how committed to the marriage you might be.
---wivv on 1/6/11


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