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Difficult To Divorce Husband

I'm really having a difficult time. I've been married for 19 years. My kids are 17 19. My husband thinks he is always right he is emotionally abusive. It's just difficult leave. It's not the leaving that is difficult, it is selling the house. What do I do?

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 ---Mary on 1/7/11
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Pharisee is right:
Stay true to what drew you to this man even if it has seemingly died, I assure you it's still there, but until you dry your tears and get over yourself you won't see straight.
---Pharisee on 1/7/11
---Haz27 on 1/11/11

Mary...Did you ever consider that maybe your husband might always be right?
---KarenD on 1/10/11

I can see that there are some that would have objections to women holding church office, but I cannot hold the view that all women are weak minded - a view held by our friend trav and others that have problems with gender.
---leej on 1/10/11

Robyn - I believe the problem was basically one of mental illness as she agreed to start seeing a professional analyst.

Some very bad things had happened in that family over the years that caused a lot of very stressful situations which the wife lacked the maturity to deal with.

The scene is a very rural environment.
---leej on 1/8/11

Dear, all husbands always think they're right... you're not alone in that one:-D. But that's no reason for breaking up a 19 year marriage. I've been married 29 years. We've known each other since first grade. We were born on the same day,month & year...believe me we've had some struggles, almost like twin siblings. But that's just the way marriage is. Up's & downs. When you've stuck it out with each other through thick & thin, you look back & say, I'm so glad we're still here together. Anyone can give up & quit. It's the determined, faithful few who endure to the end.
---Reba on 1/9/11

1 CORINTHIANS 7,10 And unto the married I command, yet not I , but the LORD let not the wife depart from her husband.

1 CORINTHIANS 7:11 But and if she depart. let her remain unmarried, or let her be reconciled to her husband.and let not the husband put her away.
---RICHARDC on 1/8/11

leej: Your post about your brother is almost comical. But I won't laugh. How old is your brother and his wife? After 50 years of marriage, leave the woman alone! She can gain weight, let the housekeeping go once in a while.Whatever. What else is there to do? Fifty years(50) is a long time to be married. What is he doing? After 50 years, if married, I just want to be left alone and lie around all day eating bonbons. I am glad he wised up and moved back home.
---Robyn on 1/8/11

Gal 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another....15 But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

at this point, consider separation to preserve your spirit and his. then, do what jody suggested. the only reconciliation is reconciliation with the Father. you can't control the other, but if you allow God can take control of you.
---aka on 1/7/11

Before seeking legal advice, seek individual psychotherapy, as well as see if your husband is willing to participate in marital therapy.

Also, seek help from a Godly mature Christian woman, in whom you can confide and receive Spiritual guidance from.
---Trish on 1/7/11

What do I do? It depends? Are you a doer or a hearer only? (James 1:22) If you actually believe that Jesus was the Christ, then you would seek his words for what to do. He says that there is only 1 reason why people seek divorce. A HARD heart. Mat:19. I'm sure your heart is broke, and I'm sorry your husband is a jerk more often than not. But your heart is HARD right now...."Well what about him?" you say. Its not about him. Come Judgement day, you will not be standing next to ANYONE. You made a vow. Did you make a vow with conditions? Seek help from Jesus. Read 2 Cor 12:7-10
---Jimmy_James on 1/7/11

//Emotional abuse leaves wounds,as does physical abuse.

And that is the problem with a divorce as such may simply reflect justice against someone that will not love his wife as she is entitled to.

Does the word of God overrule justice?
---leej on 1/7/11

You seem to be a "material girl" which is going to be your downfall. Detach from the house and go! You can always buy another house or dwelling. But you only have one life. If you allow others to rake you over the coals with their verbal,emotional,physical abuse, that life will be over sooner than later. Your kids are practically grown now. They will be on their own soon. You need to think about yourself because your spouse is certainly not doing so. Do remember also: leaving does not always solve the problems. Pray sincerely and do the right thing.
---Robyn on 1/7/11

Emotional abuse leaves wounds,as does physical abuse. When you're wounded physically you go to a doctor and emotional abuse needs treating too. Pray for God to lead you and heal you. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness,than with a contentious(likely to cause disagreement or arguement) and an angry woman/man. 1 Corinthians 5:11 If any man that is called a brother be a fornicater,drunkard,railer,covetous,idolater,or extortioner,with such an one no/know not to eat. Railer-to revile or scold in harsh,insolent,or abusive language. What you do depends on what you can live with. Don't let anyone put a guilt trip on you. It isn't your fault your husband makes himself feel big by abusive language trying to make you feel small.
---Darlene_1 on 1/7/11

While everyone has the God given right to happy and content you have to ask yourself "what are my christian values". This is to say what do you as a christian value most in your life and your marrage ?
Perhaps councilling with your pastor or an other trusted source could help you decide what you should do. What ever you choose to do remember that in the end it must be your choice. Not a choice that is forced upon you or a choice of convienance. Religeon and it's rules are man made. Spritulism is God made
---Ed_MacDuff on 1/7/11

Pharisee, have you heard the word "gentle"?!
---Mary on 1/7/11

Many become tired of their partners and wish they would have waited longer to marry or have married someone else.

My brother split with his wife and lived in his camper for 6 months because his wife had personal issues - too fat, unkempt house, etc. (she never throw anything away). However, he decided to move back in for their 50th anniversary and make the best out of a bad situation. The wife is under the care of an analyst and has done a few things to clean up her act.

If I were you, I would hold in there and make the best of it. 19 long years is too much of an investment to throw away and it is doubtful if your situation will become much better than it is now.
---leej on 1/7/11

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"Set your affection on things above not on the things of the earth for ye are dead and your life is hid with Christ in God." Seek God in Prayer for your answers:).
---jody on 1/7/11

Separate as a last resort, Divorce is not right for a Christian. Stop making decisions for God according to your version of what he can do. You see this situation as hopeless, do you honestly think that this is how God sees it?

You need to repent of your faithlessness, it starts by admitting that you've stop loving and started counting blame. We are not commanded to love because of (this makes us the judge of another person's worthiness to be loved) we are to love in spite of. I've lived the situation your in so don't bother with excuses.
Stay true to what drew you to this man even if it has seemingly died, I assure you it's still there, but until you dry your tears and get over yourself you won't see straight.
---Pharisee on 1/7/11

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