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My Wife Wants A Separation

What do you do if your spouse of 14 years and two children 11 and 13 says she has fallen out of love with you and wants a separation? She also believes that sooner or later she would like to have a divorce? What type of solution does the bible provide?

Moderator - Look for the signs of an affair. The "I have fallen out of love with you" comment is the clue.

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 ---nathan on 1/17/11
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Nathan, after counseling couples for over seven years, the most common reason given for a breakup is "fallen out of love with you" in the age group of late thirties and forties and many in the fifties. Most of the time it is because of the change of life in a women. Many are breaking up in their late years. Women spent their lives living for the family, and miss out on many things the husbands doesn't. So they want out to do them before its too late. My wife waited till my youngest son was 18. She wanted out also. And she left. That is very common now that women can support themselves. Man live life happy, playing golf, and with friends and never miss out on anything. When both are submissive to Christ, they do things together.
---Mark_V. on 2/2/11


Shawn.M.T.: Your comments are correct, of course - if the wife is willing to follow what is written in the Bible. But what if she is not, but still believes in God?

It seems Paul, in writing to Corinth, did not cover that matter because it seemed impossible at the time (as the church was run then)

But now?
---Peter on 2/1/11


Tell her to "Fall back in love with your husband." And, "No, I am not separating from my 'one flesh', for what God has joined together, let not man put asunder."
---Eloy on 1/31/11


-- Nathan :

Brother, I wouldn't want you or anyone else led astray by what I've shared. 'Unbelieving' in 1Cor.7:15 means not believing in Christ.

What was shared in parenthesis was intended to give context to your situation without presuming she doesn't believed in Christ... That shouldn't have been done. Apologies to all !!!

If she is an Unbeliever, walk-in 1Cor.7:15.

If she does Believe in Christ, I direct you both to walk-in the first verse I shared 1Cor.7:5 not to deprive one another except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Grace Unto You Both & Peace Be Multiplied
---Shawn.M.T. on 1/31/11


I am familiar with the issue as many of us also. A spouse thinks to separate and to divorce. Biblically, God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:15) and biblically, a wife is not to seperate from her husband, but if she does she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7) Unfortunately, it is better that a man never marry. (Matthew 19:10 and 1 Corinthians 7:1)
---Mike on 1/27/11




You haven't mentioned the reason. If she was the first woman (and remains the last - except remarriage for widower) in your life, then do all you can to save your marriage. Do not be discouraged whatever your wife or children say out of rage or ignorance. No effort is a waste in saving it. If she still walks out, devote your life to God. For contexts other than the first marriage let her leave and serve God.
---hop on 1/26/11


God's word is full of strength! Lean on Him. He also says in Mal 2:16 the He hates divorce! Do you still love your husband, your children, are you willing to fight for them? Pray, believe, trust! Search the scriptures and let the Holy Spirit guide you! He will! Pray Hosea 2:6-7, Pray the other woman's words will become bitter and her ways will be unstable. Your husband has been taken captive by Satan! Stand in the gap for him! Seek the Lord to do His will in your marriage. You will never have peace until you are walking in the will of God. See the Lord to have the courage, to do the will of God for standing in the gap for your marriage, for your spouse and for your children. Seek the Lord for His will for your marriage!
---Sheri on 1/23/11


I agree with the moderator!

You MUST concentrate NOW on being a father to your kids.

Take it on full time and with all your strength and concentration.

HELP THEM!!!
THEY NEED YOU NOW, MORE THAN EVER!!!
---John on 1/19/11


I agree with the moderator!

You MUST concentrate NOW on being a father to your kids.

Take it on full time and with all your strength and concentration.

HELP THEM!!!
THEY NEED YOU NOW, MORE THAN EVER!!!
---John on 1/19/11


\\But if the unbelieving(meaning the one no longer believing in your marriage) depart, let them depart.\\

Try again, Shawn.

"Unbelieving" in this context means one who does not believe in Jesus.
---Cluny on 1/19/11




Well, she could tell you why. You haven't asked her? You might tell us, if you want us to help you.

*If* she is involved with another man and he knows she is married - - to me, this would mean she is attracted to a person who would have her betray her family. So, *if* this is the case, what is it that attracts her to a betrayer of trust? Because whatever attracts her to a betrayer has nothing to do with love!!!

So, have you been her example of how to love? Feed on 1 Peter 5:3, Ephesians 5:21, 1 Peter 3:4, etc. so you two can discover how God has us love. Maybe she is noticing how a truly godly husband is, in another marriage, and this is appealing to her. If so, join him in his good example (c:
---Bill_willa6989 on 1/18/11


-- Nathan :

Brother, 1Cor.7:5 shares to not deprive one another, "except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

But if the unbelieving(meaning the one no longer believing in your marriage) depart, let them depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to Peace. 1Cor.7:15

Grace Unto You & Peace Be Multiplied
---Shawn.M.T. on 1/17/11


Also, watch the movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron. It contains some of the best advice for your situation.
---AlwaysOn on 1/17/11


Reconciliation takes the effort of two parties and she is not willing, you need to see an attorney immediately and develop and implement a counter strategy or you will be losing a lot more than two children.

Remember it does not matter if the pitcher hits the stone or the stone hits the pitcher, it is going to be bad for the pitcher, and the pitcher is you.
---Blogger9211 on 1/17/11


The "I have fallen out of love with you" comment is the clue....and if said, she probably was never in love with you.

the more you pursue, the better chance of 'total' loss. treat her with kindness, but as she creates more distance, you create proper boundaries for yourself.
---aka on 1/17/11


Since we don't really know why the wife feels that way it doesn't lend itself to any kind of advice. I will say this.women don't usually "fall out of love" without something having been done by the husband to cause that to happen. We don't know but he could have been an abuser or treated her in some terrible manner or he could be the one who had an affair. It just isn't a cut and dried situation therefore the only resonable answer I can think of is for them both to go to God in prayer and seek his will for their lives. Her leaving may well be the best thing for her and the children and he needs to be honest with himself about why she wants to leave. When things go wrong in a relationship people nearly always blame the other person.
---Darlene_1 on 1/17/11


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Moderator, not every woman falling out of love with their husbands are cheating. I fell out of love with my husband after 3 yrs of marriage,but we worked it out & I fell back into love with him & it's been 11yrs now. What you need to do is see why she has these thoughts? Have you not paid attention to her needs like a husband needs to do,just like a wife should? If she still insists on a divorce & not happy, better to let her go. if she really loves you she wouldn't go that far.
---candice on 1/17/11


You are in a very difficult position and I feel for you.

Ask her what you can do to help her reconsider. Also, invite her to go to counseling. If she's unwilling to go, consider going on your own. Do what you can to keep this from happening.

Is your wife a believer of what is written in the Bible? In the 7th chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul advises to let an unbelieving spouse go if that person wants to. Yahushua (aka Jesus), however, corrects what Moses previously allowed and informs, instead, that divorce was never a part of the Father's plan.

I hope that you two can find happiness again and remain married for as long as you both live.
---AlwaysOn on 1/17/11


If there is another man there is little you can do to stop her. You can however convict her by not mentioning it, and becoming a better Father or husband then even you thought you could be. When your attempts start getting denied it means conviction has begun. She won't feel worthy and so she won't let you show her love and honor.

Treat every moment with you family as if it's your last, it might soon be and you don't want to go out with regrets. I know how it is to be cheated by someone who'll never admit it. It's superhuman but arguing over it will never help and you need to just keep moving forward in faith. There is a way and God will enable it if you walk that road without flinching. Believe in his power and stay close to Him.
---Pharisee on 1/17/11


See if she would be willing to participate in marital therapy to work things out. Regardless of what she does, get involved in a Men's Bible study and ask an older, mature, Godly man to disciple you, and guide you into becoming a man of God with or without her.
---Trish9863 on 1/17/11


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