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Wife Filed For Divorce

My wife separated from me and filed for divorce because she thinks she made a mistake. It won't go through for awhile unless I also file...I've tried everything to get it to work, I didn't want this, but it looks like she is "committed" to leaving...how do I know when to give up and move on?

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 ---T on 1/20/11
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T: My ex wife decided the same thing, saying the same thing. I tried to fight it for a year, in the end she managed without my signiature.

Now I fear I've made a mistake, for after 6 years I remarried, and I feel God did not want that.

But now I don't think there is something I can do to change that, so I must live with my mistake, as well as what I think was my ex-wife's mistake, either in marrying me or in decided to divorce me.

It is a big mess
---Peter on 9/6/11


There is only one judge we all need be concerned with...and that is God..God wants you to stick it out and pray that prodigal back in the fold. It is not your job to worry about when how He will deliver your spouse but it is your job to be your spouse's keeper that was implied by your views...what does God say about reconciliation about divorce read Hosea and read Malachai.
---genaj on 8/30/11


"... she thinks she made a mistake."
T on 1/20/11

As if a parable for this situation:

John 6:

57: "As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me."
59: These things said he in the synagogue, as he taught in Capernaum.
60: Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying, who can hear it?
61: When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you?
66: From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.
67: Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

No one was asked to stay or stopped from leaving.
---Nana on 7/26/11


Did the Holy Spirit guide her to break her vow and destroy our marriage?
*****

Gods Spirit does not guide anyone to act against Holy Scripture

many claim they are led by a spirit to pursue whatever it is they want

if you don't have children and she is ignoring your plea's then she has gone of her free will ...move on and KNOWING you will find a committed women who will honor vows to you and God

if you HAVE children then for sake of family do not file ...continue to make attempts to reconcile until the state grants the divorce

its not so much about giving up as recognizing she is exercising her free will OVER her Christian life IN marriage
---Rhonda on 7/25/11


Trish???: Based on your exchange with Robyn on here I would say that you are in no position to judge another.

It is more than obvious to me that you have enough of your own problems and need to work on your own issues instead of trying to fix and control other people as an excuse not to look at yourself.
---poopsey on 7/24/11




T: 'Did the Holy Spirit guide her to break her vow and destroy our marriage?'

More likely no. The only case where I can even POSSIBLY think so is if God did NOT want her to marry you. But I would take it that once both of you vowed to stay together, that vow is stronger that the question of whether God wanted the two of you married

My wife did exactly the same thing - she decided (after telling me God was telling her to marry me, and so she asked me to marry her) that God did not want her married to me

These things I take to be silly - I always took it that God wants us to keep our vows
---Peter on 2/1/11


This an interesting debate that has begun. I would agree that seeking counsel is not only a good idea in general but biblical. Ironically enough, my wife is also a Christian and has sought no counsel, other than to trust only her personal feelings and follow what she believes the Spirit is leading her. Did the Holy Spirit guide her to break her vow and destroy our marriage?
---T on 1/31/11


Robyn: I did not seek your comments about how and when I chose to date. You criticized me, and I defended myself.

I rarely seek the advice of my ministers. I would discuss my decisions with my discipler. However, prior to my divorce, my husband and I were in counseling with one of them. I truly did not know what to do about dating after my divorce, and was totally unaware of what the Word said about it.

Telling me that seeking the guidance of my ministers is a waste is an unsolicited insult.

Again, I did not address you first, you commented on my reply to the Blog Question. Nobody asked what you thought of how I handled my divorce.
---Trish9863 on 1/29/11


Trish9863: I could ask you the same thing.You seem to focus on all of my posts. I am only commenting on what you have said. You are doing something that a lot of people do that underminds their relationship with Christ.They put more stock in what others say, rather than seek the Lord for his direction. Such a waste!
---Robyn on 1/29/11


Robyn, Given that both ministers earned undergraduate degrees at Bible colleges, and then went on to seminaries for their graduate studies, and I didn't, I trusted that their Bible knowledge was more than mine. I am not deluded.

I was receiving all sorts of pressure to start dating prior to seeking their counsel, and did not want to disobey God's Word.

Why does my desire to obey God bother you so much? What's your problem?
---Trish9863 on 1/28/11




I agree with Robyn:
"But we as people need to put our trust in Christ first and be led by the Holy
Spirit."

God is our counsellor Isa9:6. As we grow as Christians we learn to trust in God and not man for counsel. Pick up your Bibles and trust in God for counsel.
---Haz27 on 1/29/11


Robyn: Maybe he does, maybe not.

BUT Saying 'I'll understand Scripture on my own' is often dangerous - isn't that how we got all the unBiblical denominations

Better find other Christians, well bound by Scripture, to help
---Peter on 1/28/11


Trish9863: That's another lie people tend to delude themselves with. Your pastor may or may not know the bible better than you. I doubt it. Just because he is a pastor does not make him knowledgable. No one knows better than you and God what is best for you. It does not hurt to seek counsel from a pastor, trusted friend or confidant. But we as people need to put our trust in Christ first and be led by the Holy
Spirit.
---Robyn on 1/28/11


Robyn: My ministers know the Bible better than I do, and I wanted to make sure that I did not disobey the Lord in dating after the divorce.
---Trish9863 on 1/25/11


Why do you need two ministers to tell you when is the best time for you to date? You should know this yourself. Pastors look out for our souls not our personal lives. Since you put so much stock in what your ministers say: ask them about blind and delusional christians.
---Robyn on 1/25/11


Robyn: You have no clue what you are talking about. My divorce was final when I sought the advice of two ministers as to when it is appropriate for me to date. I wanted to be right before the Lord.

I went to graduate school, and lived my life as a single woman, and traveled, but I did not date, because I sought to be right before God. My ex did not use me at all, he was moving on with his life. We were divorced.

The advice my ministers gave me was Biblical, and that was why they gave me that advice. I try to live by the Bible. I have no clue what you are living by.
---Trish9863 on 1/25/11


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Too bad you received very bad advice concerning your marriage, Trish. And you are spewing,more bad advice to "T". Praying is our first line of defense as christians but we have to get off of our knees, at some point and fight back! We have to know when to move on and give up. Your husband used you for a doorstop, and you smiled and went along with it. Too bad.
---Robyn on 1/24/11


I spoke with my minister after my divorce was final, and he advised me to not date until my ex remarried. That is what I did. I am now friends with my ex and his wife, which blesses our children, and grandchildren, when they come to town.

It was years before he married, and I prayed continuously for reconciliation during that time.

In the meantime, I sought guidance from my discipler, a mature, Godly woman who helped me seek the Lord to heal.

I suggest you seek a Godly man for guidance, and get into the Word with his help.
---Trish9863 on 1/21/11


Why is it that people think their spouse cannot get a divorce without the other one signing? People get divorces all the time without even knowing where the spouse is. You better see a lawyer.
---KarenD on 1/21/11


We are both Christians, although she has said she doesn't think the Bible should be taken literally (at least not in the case of divorce, obviously). I have been diligently seeking God's will in this, I have learned much, and worked on my part in the breakdown, but I did not commit adultery, I did not abuse her or anything of the sort. I have wanted so much to show her love, but she just keeps pulling farther away and has made it clear she is done for good. Because of my vow, I believe I should wait...but for how long? Indefinitely? Why should I keep hoping for a relationship that is dead...when is it ok to move on? (not that i want to)
---T on 1/21/11


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First of all my brother in Christ,continue seeking God's face through prayer.Believe His word,it's true.My scriptures to you would be,if you think you failed Heb4:15-16,for faith Josh1:5,for your support Ps27:1.This test will be your testimony,have faith Matt6:33.
---minister_qg on 1/21/11


Dear T: The important question is whether she is in a state where Jesus comments on the mount apply (not to divorce) or whetehr she is in the situation where Paul's comments (in one of the letters) about being married to a non-Christian apply (where you should allow her to leave you, and be allowed to re-marry).
For that, you have to work out whether she is bound by Jesus' words or not
---Peter on 1/21/11


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