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Can I Spank My 14 Year Old

My 14 year old son has been acting out in school recently. Not doing work, skipping classes, talking back, etc. We've tried everything but nothing has works. Would it be wrong for me to give him a spanking? We haven't spanked him since he turned 12 but now I think he needs one. Nothing else has worked!

Moderator - What have you tried since a spanking at his age is inappropriate? Try to find out why he is acting out.

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 ---Isaac on 2/10/11
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Heaven knows there were enough times I could've stoned my best friend's kid lol! He was SUCH a brat, somewhat better now at 19 but not what I'd call a great young man lol
---Mary on 2/16/11


I had a good ole laugh at your reply Rev Al,

why not..... stone him to death..... really!!!!!!!

lol lol
---Carla on 2/16/11


\\Deuteronomy 21:18-If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:\\

Actually, Pastor Al, Jewish commentators say that this does NOT refer to those past the age of puberty (set at 13 years and a day).

As one put it, "It does not say, 'If a man have a man....'"
---Cluny on 2/15/11


Pastor Al, I assume you're being tongue-in-cheek? I mean, you're referring to instructions that were given to the Jews at a certain time and place in history--not today!
---Mary on 2/15/11


of course you can spank your child if he is deserving of it.
if he become rebellious you can take him to the Elders to have him stoned to death
Deuteronomy 21:18-If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place,
And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice, he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.
It is the word of God
---Pastor_Al on 2/14/11




Christan, if you really want to use Israel as an example, lets do it.

THEN:
God delivered them from their bondage in Egypt (via Moses and Aaron)
NOW:
God delivers us from our bondage in sin (via Jesus Christ)

THEN:
God shows Israel who He is by the 10 commandments sent via Moses.
NOW:
God shows us who He is by the Holy Ghost sent via Jesus Christ.

THEN:
He supplies everything they need to get from Egypt to the promised land.
NOW:
He supplies everything we need to get from this world to the next.. our promised land.

THEN: During the journey some lost faith and tempted God and He denied them rest.
NOW: The Holy Spirit is warning us in Hebrews 3 NOT to make the same mistake those men did
---CraigA on 2/14/11


ur can give a good old fashion spanking any time over getting disrespected after talking fails [as long as ur da daddy] Your the Father.

However a good old fashioned TALK is also VERY... effective especially if you radiate love respect and understanding!

with plenty of huggs and kisses just so there's no hard feelings.

However if it don't work I'd give a good hard slap on the hand. Aint no big thing it will drive the message home!
---Carla on 2/14/11


Ive read it many times, Christan. That is why I know the doctrine you believe is false. There are far too many verses that teach the exact opposite of what you believe.

If you have 2000 verses teaching one thing and 20 teaching another , would a wise man go with the 20?
---CraigA on 2/14/11


CraigA: "Yeah and after He delivered them from bondage, some turned against him time and time again "So I sware in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest" (Heb 3:11)"

Did I say everyone in Israel received salvation? The physical delivering of Israel from bondage was pointing to the spiritual freeing of the Christian soul from hell. That is to say, the fulfillment of the deliverance is now found in the Christian deliverance.

As you rightly use the verse in Hebrews 3:11, clearly confirming the doctrine of election even in the Old Testament. That is, those God love from eternity will believe in Him and those whom God hates from eternity will turn against Him.

Did you even go read the whole Bible?
---christan on 2/14/11


---Did God reveal Himself to Israel while they were in bondage or after they were delivered from bondage? God first have to set them free and only when they were brought into the wilderness did God reveal Himself ---

Yeah and after He delivered them from bondage, some turned against him time and time again "So I sware in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest" (Heb 3:11)

Did you even go read the chapter, Christan?
---CraigA on 2/13/11




CraigA...I know how Jesus felt when he was beaten. That's why I turned away. Just the sound of the beating was painful enough. I could feel every stripe that HE received.
---karenD on 2/13/11


So to read something in context, you start at the end and go backwards?

Nope - nice try Christan
---CraigA on 2/13/11


CraigA, as usual, you forgot verse 15 to stay in context.

Alan, the nation of Israel was in bondage for 430 years. Did God reveal Himself to Israel while they were in bondage or after they were delivered from bondage? God first have to set them free and only when they were brought into the wilderness did God reveal Himself in the 10 commandments He gave through Moses. The physical now points to the spiritual.

Cluny, if you have more than the sixty-six books of the Bible, I know where you are coming from. For outside of these sixty-six, the RC have 73 books and the Eastern Orthodox have 78 books while the Hebrew has 24. Then let's see where our faith takes us.
---christan on 2/13/11


Amen Alan

Romans 10:13,14
---CraigA on 2/12/11


Christan "I never said in my statements that the theory of salvation supersedes salvation itself" As I said, that is the impression you give

"All I am saying is after God saves you, wouldn't He reveal to you about who, why and how He saves you?" Herein lies our difference. You insist that you are saved before you know about Jesus and sin and the cross. But in truth, I knew this before I chose to follow Jesus in faith.

I know you won't accept that.
---alan8566_of_uk on 2/12/11


\\All I am saying is after God saves you, wouldn't He reveal to you about who, why and how He saves you? That's why we have the sixty-six books.\\

In other words, you're admitting you don't have the whole Bible.
---Cluny on 2/12/11


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Christian parents feel obligated to "spank" in order to teach their children because the BIBLE 'tells'/orders/advises them to "spank", BUT, if a Christian is EVER going to understand properly any new information, understand this...

...The "word" became FLESH (not text) AND the bible never dwelt among us...NOR did the bible hang on the cross or suffer any lashes...NOR did the bible suffer the crown of thorns. The BIBLE is not an authority and cannot tell us what to do (you do not HAVE TO hit your beloved children).

Matthew 28:18
"ALL AUTHORITY in heaven and earth has been given to me".

Jesus does not today tell us to hit ANYONE, "My sheep HEAR my voice" (John 10:27).
---more_excellent_way on 2/12/11


alan and cluny,

I never said in my statements that the theory of salvation supersedes salvation itself. All I am saying is after God saves you, wouldn't He reveal to you about who, why and how He saves you? That's why we have the sixty-six books.

When God brought Israel out of bondage, didn't He reveal to them who He was in the wilderness? Faith from God is not without knowledge, that's all I'm saying.

John 17:3 "And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." 2 Peter 1:8, "For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
---christan on 2/12/11


Thats why I watched it and didnt turn away. Seeing the torture our Lord Jesus Christ went thru helps me to understand the depth of the love He has for the world.

At any time He could have stopped it and prayed for "twelve legions of angels" to help Him.
---CraigA on 2/12/11


Cluny...I absolutely understand your point about wearing a belt. The worst part of watching Passion of the Christ was the whipping scene. I had to turn away from watching it and could feel every lash that HE received.
---karenD on 2/12/11


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christan, I agree with alan.

Our faith should be in Jesus Himself, and not a theory about how He saves us.

This is a distinction that is lost on many people.
---Cluny on 2/12/11


Christan ... What do you mean "your cohorts"?
& I am not rebuking you.

I will reword my sentence "The impression that you give is that one's understanding about the process of salvation is far far more important than salvation itself."

I suggest you read what Jesus said ... such as "Come unto me" and many similar. He did not claim to be a dictator of individuals, which is what your doctrine makes Him.

And I have never said, as you say, that those who don't beleive exactly as I do are "vessels of wrath fitted to destruction"
---alan8566_of_uk on 2/12/11


"It seems that (to you) one's understanding about the process of salvation is far far more important than salvation itself." alan

Are you "implying" then that all the teachings and instructions spoken by Christ during His mission and Paul's epistles which explains the process of salvation is not important for the Christian to know and understand how God saves His people? The Spirit of God does not leave His people after saving them drinking only milk.

And let's not be hypocrites, even you and your cohorts are trying to explain your own versions of salvation to the readers here, and you rebuke someone else who does not agree with your version?
---christan on 2/12/11


Cluny, that is NOT what the Bible is telling parents to do to their children. I believe that verse had grown children in mind, like the prodigal son or Tamar's half brother that raped her. Let's face it, if they end up in prison they're gonna get beat by worse people than MOST parents. That does not include you Cluny. The woman who gave birth to you WAS NO MOTHER!! People like that will not get by for GOD SEES ALL THEY DO!!! Mark 9,42. The man that claimed to be your dad will answer to God for leaving you in the hands of someone like his wife. Cluny, please know that you're not alone any more. We are all here to support & encourage one another in the LORD. You now have a family in the LORD. May God richly bless you.
---Reba on 2/12/11


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Cluny, I did see the movie, Mommie Dearest. Perfect proof that some people should never be parents. I get angry... no, let me be honest here, I GET FIGHTING MAD! when I see things like that! Those people need the living daylights beat out of them to show them how it feels. Children have no defence against bullies like that. Don't'cha just love shows where the bullies get what's coming to them?! O.K., yeah I know that's not the Christian way to look at things, but hey, I can't seem to help myself. I get great satisfaction in seeing the bad guys pay back. It's the carnal side of me I've yet to conquer. When the bad guys fall flat on their face & eat crow, that's always a good day in my opinion.:-)
---Reba on 2/12/11


Reba, did you ever see the "No Wire Hangers!" scene from MOMMIE DEAREST?

Mother and I played that one many times (though not over wire hangers). I learned the only way to win this game was to pretend to be asleep during her tirades.

After my father died, I learned that he was afraid mother was capable of murder, and that's one reason he left her (so she abandonded me to the care of a woman HE felt would murder).

And a few years ago, i learned that her sister and family (who lived in a distant state) were afraid that she would inflict serious physical harm on me.

You see why I won't wear a belt today--and I'm 60. To some people, a belt is what you use to hold up pants. To me it's what you use to beat a child.
---Cluny on 2/11/11


Cluny, I'm sorry you went through that as a child. That is not the way a parent is to correct a child. The Bible tells us to not provoke our children to wrath, & that's exactly what your parent did to you. Any time a parent corrects it should be done in love,concern & respect for that child. NEVER in anger or manipulation for control. That is not God's way of doing things. If the child doesn't love & respect you after the correction then you've done it wrong! Our daughter usually came to us a few hours afterwards(when she'd given it some thought) & hugged us to tell us she loves us & said she was sorry for disappointing us. That's a true sign that your child loves & respects you.
---Reba on 2/11/11


Christan ... I wonder what our God would say about you?

It seems that (to you) one's understanding about the process of salvation is far far more important than salvation itself.

I'm sure God does not see it that way.

Remember Paul said that now we see through a glass darkly. That applies even to you!
---alan8566_of_uk on 2/11/11


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\\I am not against a child being spanked as a LAST resort, but if your son doesnt respect you by age 14, hitting him with a belt wont help. \\

My mother used to beat me with a studded belt until at 14 i simply grabbed it from her and would not let her hit me with it any more.

She then went to psychological manipulation such as threatening to walk down the railroad tracks until she got hit by a train.

Obviously she was not trying to correct me, but simply venting her own hostilities and frustrations on me.
---Cluny on 2/11/11


---CraigA, if it is your intent to mock election and predestination, let me assure you that it is God whom you are mocking and not what I believe---Christan

Really? Scare tactics? Is that how you became a believer in election also?

Your "sound doctrine" has way too many holes in it to be "Truth".

I believe what the word of God says. Christ died for the sins of all men and he is drawing all men to himself. You keep on limiting the grace of God though and see where it lands you.
---CraigA on 2/11/11


CraigA, if it is your intent to mock election and predestination, let me assure you that it is God whom you are mocking and not what I believe. And I'll take it up a notch by saying, your mocking has been predestined by God just like how He hardened Pharaoh's heart. And if you're created in the same vessel like Pharaoh, that vessel called "the vessel of dishonor" was created for one purpose, "vessels of wrath fitted to destruction".
---christan on 2/11/11


\\Have you tried therapy?
---Trish on 2/10/11\\

I assume Trish means family therapy.

I have a friend with 14 year old son and they are having the same issues.
---Cluny on 2/10/11


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Many people prefer to believe that they will teach their offspring a 'correct' form of true love by hitting them and that it is good behavior to cause pain and sadness (he's already learned this for 12 years, why are you surprised that he's "acting out"?).

When he gets married, he will also show his short temper to his wife and kids. In defense of the children of the world (I used to be a child), ask a counselor if it would help to tell your son that you are sorry.
---more_excellent_way on 2/11/11


Trish .. "Have you tried therapy?"

Do you mean for the son, or for Isaac?
---alan8566_of_uk on 2/11/11


---Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.--- Christan

Sounds like a real rod to me.

Christan, I found it ironic that this verse supports your view and mine in this blog but puts a nail in the coffin of others. So simply spanking your child will now alter Gods plan to send them to hell? hmmm
---CraigA on 2/11/11


Have you tried therapy?
---Trish on 2/10/11


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The "rod" that Proverbs 13:24 is speaking of doesn't necessarily mean only whipping. The shepherds used rods to guide their sheep. It was used to keep them going in the right direction if they started to stray. I never heard of an occasion where the shepherd beat the sheep with the rod(maybe they did, I don't know). However, I'm not saying that whipping isn't to be done when necessary, but in my opinion,at this age, it's gone too far for that approach.
---Reba on 2/10/11


I am not against a child being spanked as a LAST resort, but if your son doesnt respect you by age 14, hitting him with a belt wont help.

We were teenagers once. Remember the transition from middle school to high school? Hes prolly getting picked on a lot and is acting out to be one of the 'cool' kids. I was smoking marijuana at the age of 15 so dont cast that possibility aside.

When my daughter starts acting up I ask her if Ive done something that hurt her and inform her that Im not a perfect parent and Im willing to listen. Thats usually when the tears start flowing.
---CraigA on 2/10/11


Hi Karen, I agree with you--people have no business beating their kids. I'm just real confused by what "appears" to be an endorsement of child abuse in the Bible--how can this be? Someone please explain this to me--thanks.
---Mary on 2/10/11


Go to any drug store and buy an at-home drug test. Test him for drugs. Don't spank. Why is it that people want to beat their kids anyway????
---KarenD on 2/10/11


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Dear Isaac,

There's a reason why God blesses us with children, and He never leave us without any instruction through His Word, if you're a Christian. Until the child turns 18, it's really important we deal with them the Godly way as instructed in the Scripture.

The book of Proverbs is one, eg.

Proverbs 13:24, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.",

Proverbs 23:13-15 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine."

Pray for Godly wisdom.
---christan on 2/10/11


Spanking a 14 yr. old will not produce anything but more problems. First, I'd find out what the problem might be that he's having. Second, when a teen make a dramatic change in actions it could be they are using some form of illegal drugs. Three, here are other forms of discipline that might be effective: no IPod Use, take away the cell phone, ground him for a period of time, etc.
You might also talk with the school counselor, if you haven't already. A 14 year old is almost the same as a 2 year old in one way, they are always trying new things out to see what the reaction of the parents might be to see if it's right or wrong.
---wivv on 2/10/11


At age 14 whipping will only cause bitterness, & more rebellion. If you haven't earned his respect by now, whipping will make things far worse. The problem here is not lack of discipline, but rather lack of respect for parents, authority, & his own self. You should sit down & try to understand why he is doing these things. How he feels. Is he hurting for some reason. Or just angry & acting out frustrations. Then work out,TOGETHER, how to correct his problem. Allow him to have a say in his life. Set guide lines as well as rewards for following them. Such as more responsible he becomes the more freedom of choices in his life. He's youth/adult in thinking, no longer a child, so treat him with some respect as such.
---Reba on 2/10/11


If you want him assigned to state care and you are looking to be sent to prison as a child abuser go ahead and spank him.

Why not talk to the school authorities and get their recommendations of what options are available in your area. You will be legal, some of these juvenile boot camp programs can be very effective in turning kids around very fast. Doing squat jumps while holding a mop or broom handle in both hands over his head can make his muscles sour. Group punishment because one member miss behaves the peer pressure from the other members of the group can be a intensified motivational experience for way word youths.
---Blogger9211 on 2/10/11


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If you want him to grow up to be a sado-masochist and associate pain with sexual pleasure, as spanking him at this age will do, go right ahead.
---Cluny on 2/10/11


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