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Wife Tears Family Apart

Once again my wife decides to tear the family apart, packs up herself and the kids and heads to Maine (I live in Florida). I love my wife and kids dearly, but this is not the first time this has happened. I would do anything for my kids, but at what point does enough become enough?

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 ---Daniel_Williams on 2/27/11
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Daniel,
you should check the laws of your state. Im some states, a spouse who wishes to leave must leave alone, unless the children are in danger. That could be a major trump card for you. Worth checking out.

I went through a similar situation, where my wife left me 5 times. I always forgave her and accepted her back. The last time, she took our son who was six months old. He was back with me in less than a month after her "child abuse" claims alomst landed her in jail. We divorced a year and a half later after she stopped trying to hide her boyfriend from me. I still have our son, who is almost 5 now.
---James_L on 3/9/11


Cluny, that was a great answer. I agree with you. There is cases where one person does good and the other wants no part of you. But most cases there is a lot of blame to go around. Usually the person who is hurt by the other leaving, tells everyone their spouse is to blame. They never admit they also had something to do with the results. At first I use to blame my wife when I spoke to people. I wanted others to be on my side. After a time I realize I had a lot to do with my wife leaving. It was not all her fault. Things that I did, I did not think they were important. But they were important to her. We were both to blame. But if one has an agenda without the other to blame, then nothing can be done. God has to change both as He did with us.
---Mark_V. on 3/6/11


cluny - that's what I thought you were referring to but just wanted to make sure. However, please reread my posts. I do not recall putting the complete blame on my wife. Yes, it does take two, even if you're the minority in it all. Please don't make assumptions. The last thing a person needs when their heart is a tornado, is for someone to show up with a fan. Thanks.
---Daniel_Williams on 3/3/11


daniel, wivv words true 1and2. i was an enabler, now, i am not. however, i still have a great capacity to enable. 1 thrives on 2.

the pain of being separated from my kids were excruciating. being totally stripped, i asked God during that time to build me slowly. My speed would only lead back to 2.

He has been faithful. My children are with me physically. He is still dealing with the other issues.

Remember, no matter what any man says, reconciliation is to make peace and reconciliation does not necessarily mean 'to live together again'.

Reconcile with the Lord, first. then, you will be directed how to reconcile with your wife even if that means that you may never live together again to keep the peace.Gal 5:15
---aka on 3/3/11


\\cluny - I'm not sure I follow you. What are you implying?
---Daniel_Williams on 3/2/1\\

I'm saying that usually in such case of estranged spouses and split families, there is usually enough blame to go around.

It's seldom the entire fault of just one person, in this case, your wife.
---Cluny on 3/3/11




wivv - as difficult as that is to hear, I know it's right. Thanks for being honest.

cluny - I'm not sure I follow you. What are you implying?
---Daniel_Williams on 3/2/11


Daniel Williams, I will say here what I usually say about such postings.

There is another side to this story--her side.

And then there's the truth.
---Cluny on 3/2/11


Now that shed a little more, "light" on the situation, here is my comment.

1. It sounds like your wife needs to mature. Her attitude seems to be, "If you don't do it my way, I'll take my ball and go home."

2. You sound like an "enabler" since you state she has done this before.

As long as she's knows you will allow her to return if she's doesn't get her way, she will continue to run from anything she doesn't like. It's easier for her to "run" than to see if there is a more suitable solution since she knows you will "give in" sooner or later.
---wivv on 3/2/11


I'm considering that possibly it is not mainly her intention to tear the family apart. I mean, that is not her strategy . . . maybe. So, if you are putting it in such words that she "decides" to do this . . . *perhaps* you are able to make things out to be different than they really are. And if you can make something more than what a person really intends . . . this is misrepresenting people, though they may be wrong. And this ability to misunderstand can help mess things up, in communicating. You both need to get with God so you can do what is really right, together.
---Bill_willa6989 on 3/2/11


Daniel Williams, Jesus says, that in the last days, "Because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold." Mt.24:12. You cannot force another person to be faithful and to be righteous, if your wife has chosen to serve sin rather than serve righteousness you cannot stop her, just as no partner can stop their partner from choosing commit adultery or do any other sin. You can only account for your own holiness, and not someone elses. When Satan and 1/3 of the angels chose to become antiGod, God did not stop them for he knows their end, neither did he prevent the 2/3 of angels whom continue to remain faithful to him. The 2/3 are blessed, and the 1/3 has chosen to be cursed and destroyed.
---Eloy on 3/1/11




Thanks for the encouragement. It's really starting to get difficult now that some days have passed. The thought of not seeing my son and daughter just devastates me, not to mention all the time and life my wife and I have invested in. I just don't understand how someone can throw everything away and not look back like that. How does one come to be so seemingly hard-hearted?
---Daniel_Williams on 3/1/11


trish, i did not say it applies to everyone.
---aka on 3/1/11


Daniel, pray. "Cast all your anxiety upon God for He careth for you."

Pray at all times, in the Spirit, if you can. Let the Lord resolve this for you. You pray and God will work in your life and her heart what needs to be done. He works all things after the counsel of His Will.
---Donna5535 on 3/1/11


AKA: You paint with a broad brush. Not every reply given to Daniel blamed him.
---Trish9863 on 3/1/11


it is so ironic that when a woman posts any problem...no matter what..., no further investigation is necessary and the man is straight away a dog, who deserves blah, blah, blah....... you hypocrites.

Daniel_Williams, be strong.
---aka on 2/28/11


Well Trish I see you are feeling better and back to your same old tricks. You said in another posts that you would no longer address my posts(and I wish you would) But I see you have not lived up to that lie either. Now who's the deceiver?And since you are so focused on my comments/advice, go back and read what I really said. You were only looking for the hopeful flaws, to try and make me look bad. You failed again. Get behind me demon. Where you belong.
---Robyn on 2/28/11


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Are you both born-again Christians? Start there. If you are both Christians, then you both should pray together, take each others hands and bow your heads and go in front of the Lord and ask him to strengthen your marriage and to lead you and to guide you both in your daily Christian marriage which is honorable in God's sight.
---Eloy on 2/28/11


Daniel: Don't listen to Robyn's advice, because she does not use Scripture in her encouragement. Her answers are worldly, and rooted in Satan's work.

Do you want to obey Scripture, or go with the enemy's ideas.

Enough is enough when she marries again, or you die.

Fight for your marriage with tons of prayer, and try to open the lines of communication. Also, seek legal counsel for custody of your children.

Pray and try to open the lines of communication.
---Trish9863 on 2/27/11


The typical communication ordeals from time to time but that's all I know of...with the exception of the latest event: She decided to move her brother, common law wife, and three children into our house (totaling 9 people) knowing I did not approve. This caused tremendous stress on the entire family. I let them all know, as respectfully as I could, that this was not a mutual decision and, frankly, I felt a little deceived in the matter. I suppose I embarrassed her to the point of just, against all godly influence and council, deciding to give it all up...at least me anyway.
---Daniel_Williams on 2/27/11


Wow...fess up? I love how the husband is automatically the one at fault, as if there's no possibility in having a wayward selfish wife who cares only about herself. Sure, there's always error in both sides. The communication was not the greatest, but I think what finally caused her to want to run is when she invited her brother, common-law wife, and three kids (totaling 9 people in one house) to come live with us knowing that I would not approve. I felt that two families (as we've experienced in the past) puts tremendous stress on a family. Respectfully, I made it aware that I did not approve and that a speedy solution had to be made for them to find adequate housing on their own. So, then I come home from work and everything is gone.
---Daniel_Williams on 2/27/11


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Your wife leaving and coming back is a sign of immaturity. But better yet. What is really going on with you and your spouse? More information is needed before any help can be ministered. Sounds like she is very unhappy about something and the kids are dead in the middle. This is the part I don't like. What adults do to themselves is one thing. But to drag kids in the middle of their mess is really sad.
To try and answer your question. Enough is enough when you get tired of her leaving and coming back and dragging your emotions through the mud. You can rise up and say: no more! But be prepared to follow through when you give that ultimatum. You have a bad situation on your hands. GBU
---Robyn on 2/27/11


yes, women (and men and churches and govts...) do some very extreme things today for control. cliff should know. both of us had our family taken away from us with the help of the church.

you can cave, or if you keep seeking the true Lord, things will work out.

give up your expectations and manipulations to quicken things. just wait for the appropriate time to act and act accordingly. in you time away, form good boundaries and stay within the scope of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5).

i got my kids with me know after 3.5 years, and i did not have to cave into men who took the Lord's Word to control people.
---aka on 2/27/11


You don't mention "WHY" she packs up and leaves. Until I know the reason, can't really comment on the situation.
---wivv on 2/27/11


Enough is enough in two situations only.

When she moves on with a new marriage or one of you stop breathing.

Till then the covenant still stands and is binding.

Work on the problems, put your efforts into solutions instead of blame and reason.

Praying for your family, Paul
---paul on 2/27/11


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Dan. W,: **at what point does enough becom enough?** it seems like your wife reached that point (again) because no woman packs up the kids and moves a thousand miles away for no good reason!
What's the rest of the story?? (fess up)
---1st_cliff on 2/27/11


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