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My Lazy Adult Brother

My 32-year-old brother is unemployed for 8 years after his master degree. Not doing house work, self-center, internet games. Under mom's protection and provision. She thinks that her 5 older daughters should raise the only brother or she will give him all her inheritance.

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 ---JW on 3/11/11
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Very tough situation,indeed. This is a legal and family matter. Mom can do what she wants with her money. If she really want to do the right thing, she can divide the money 6 equal parts. The younger brother will have his share and the other siblings will have theirs. It is tough to have a sibling who is in a shape like this. It is not the other siblings responsibility to raise him. He needs to be forced to stand up on his own two feet. And made to grow up. He needs to have a full physical exam and make sure nothing mentally is going on. No drug addiction and so on. If everything checks up ok, mom and the rest of the family should move out of the way and let this young man take control of his own life.
---Robyn on 3/13/11


\\He needs to become a Christian\\

Laziness or sloth might be a vice, but it doesn't mean he's not a Christian.

Only God knows his heart.

And there might be something more going on here that we don't know, like clinical depression, hopelessness and despair because of failure to find a job in a sluggish economy, learned helplessness (with his mother as an enabler), or a combination of all of these.
---Cluny on 3/12/11


---Donna66 has the very best answer.
---a_friend on 3/12/11


Well, it might be just as well that he isn't working where he could be spoiling things for other people, if he is self-centered. He needs to become a Christian so he cares for others and this decides what his interests are to do with his degree. What is his masters in?

You ladies are older? Why let the inheritance decide what you do? He is of age to decide what he does, but not to decide what you have to do (c: "I will not be brought under the power of any," Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12, considered with 2 Corinthians 6:12. God bless you (c:
---Bill_willa6989 on 3/11/11


I would not think it wise talk to talk your mother about her will!
If she brings the subject up, OK. But proceed with caution. Parents often interpret your interest as "all they care about is my money" (even if you can't believe this in your case...take my word!).

The last I knew, in every state, adult children have no legal right to inherit anything from their parents! When you make a will, if you do, you are free give anything (or nothing) to anybody. It's your money! Or in this case, it is you mother's money, to do with as she pleases!

If you are willing to forgo an inheritance, then go your way and forget baby brother. Your mother will be angry (at least temporarily), but you will be free.
---Donna66 on 3/11/11




Your statement reads like you must have one spoiled brother. As long as he is under his mother's protection, there is not much you can do until he decides to do something. What is the reason for this, "protection"? As far has giving him all the inheritance, this is legal matter. Depending on the state in which you live, she may not be able to do this. You might want to seek advice on this from some legal source. Even if you adhere to her request as best you can, but she doesn't think you are doing it correctly, she might also find something else to "hold over your head" My advice is just to forget trying to please "mom" and move on and live your life without a threat of having to raise this brother or else.
---wivv on 3/11/11


I have observed similar situations in many families. Some were Christian, and some were not. In any case, everyone in the families is presented with some difficult choices.

Many parents are accused of being "Too Hard" on their oldest children, and/or, "Too Soft" on their youngest children. Being a parent isn't always an easy job and mistakes are often made. Nobody's Perfect!

You need to accept your mother's choices about her inheritance.

However, you might want to try -- POSITIVELY -- suggesting that she decide to change her values about ALL the children. Maybe allocate an equal portion of the inheritance for each child. Maybe try setting some goals for the son. Etc. Etc. And PRAY too!!!
---Sag on 3/11/11


Are you asking advice for yourself?

You CANNOT change your mother. You WILL NOT change your brother. Just be thankful that the "responsibility" for this ne'er-do-well brother is split
five ways instead of resting on one daughter alone.

The girls need to get together on this and figure out a PLAN how to share the work, so that none of them feels that their own needs are not being considered. They need to be a support for one another. This is most important!

Of course, you can encourage your brother not to let his education go to waste (and I think that's the way to approach him). But be prepared for the fact that he may still be too comfortable to budge.
---Donna66 on 3/11/11


And the question is....?
---Rod4Him on 3/11/11


How is this a question, exactly?

Your mother is legally and morally free to make whatever disposition of her wordly goods she wishes in her will.

Furthermore, she is free to think whatever she wishes, even if you don't like her thoughts.
---Cluny on 3/11/11




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