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Wife Having Affair Again

My wife threw me out last year to pursue a relationship with another man. That didn't work for her I went back in November. In February she started texting/seeing him again so I made different plans. Want to leave but am not financially able, pretending like nothing is going on is killing me. Advice?

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 ---mushmouth on 4/20/11
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Mary, why the lack of compassion? I'm finding a lot of people who call themselves Christian have no compassion for the hurting and instead need to follow the rules. This leads to cold-hearted legalism. The same rule book you refer to also tells you what love is and what his wife did is definitely not love.

He stated that his wife kicked him out for another man. Then she came back when it didn't work out. He already has given her a second chance and she has taken his love and forgiveness for granted.

He has biblical grounds for divorce in his situation. If he chooses to forgive her yet once more and she really repents and smartens up then fine. But, if she just continues to hurt him like this then what is the point?
---poopsey on 4/24/11


Taking your advice willa. Time for the world to fade away and the Lord to increase, thank you very much.
---mushmouth on 4/23/11


your getting advice from people who dont know the entire story!! read I Corinthians Chapter 7------ Paul talks about marriage...you made a VOW unto GOD! for BETTER and for WORSE.... DO U LOVE HER? DOES SHE LOVE U? CONSIDER THESE THINGS FIRST.... seek the lord for advice, an not so much people... people speak out of their emotions and how they feel.. even if its wrong... all that you need to know is in our rule book called the BIBLE! GOD BLESS U.
---mary on 4/22/11


So, you are not with her. May be you need this time to get with God.
---Bill_willa6989 on 4/21/11


My first question is: why is she seeing another man? Second: why did you go back to her? Third: While you said you stick around because of the financial situation, my question, is it worth it to you.
It reads like she has you where she wants you and has no respect for you for some reason. My suggestion is you see a Christian Marriage Counselor. (If she won't go, go yourself.) You have grounds for a divorce, you seem to be rejecting this option, not for Christian reason, but because of finances.
---wivv on 4/21/11




She threw you out to be with another man? Then when it didn't work you went back? Don't play second fiddle to anybody. She had her chance and she blew it by taking up with Mr. Casanova again.

Don't leave your home. She is in the wrong. See a lawyer and either get a legal separation or start proceedings for a divorce. Since she is committing adultery and obviously unrepentant since she is doing it again you have legitimate grounds for divorce.
---poopsey on 4/21/11


I'm not sure why you would allow her to kick you out if she is cheating but that admittedly is my fleshly retalitory reaction.
Hopefully you have an accountability partner, if not seek a brother in Christ of great maturity in whom you can confide. Talk, cry, grieve and pray without ceasing.
God bless you brother and I am adding you to my prayer list.
---larry on 4/20/11


IF you can prove she's cheating then you can have evidence in court agianst her. I would file since she refuses to change.
---candice on 4/20/11


Are you pretending nothing is going on because afraid your wife will throw you out again?

It appears your wife is angry and very mixed up in her own self-absorbed mess ...what were your different plans when she started seeing him again ...seems like you are running away and PUSHING her to him by having "different plans"

Mary gave great idea's to redevelop a relationship with your wife

it takes TWO within a marriage to create a BREAKDOWN where one seeks out cheating as a means to either get back at partner, or get what they are missing ...working on lack of communication determining needs as PARTNERS

in your partnership it appears you just let her run wild rather than understanding why and HOW to CORRECT
---Rhonda on 4/20/11


//You did not say whether you or the wife is born again.//

yes, he did. habitual lifestyle choices despite others and indiscretions (small or large) are indicated by two different things.

//Your options would be totally different. //

???
---aka on 4/20/11




Life is full of surprises. Your wife fooling around and you went back to her? What a shame. If this relationship did not work for your wife, you should have held on to the last shred of your dignity, and not gone back to her. Let her stew in her own mess and misery. You need to show some inner strength and find somewhere else to live. Your wife seems to be an habitual cheater. Those type never really change. It is complicated. You did not say whether you or the wife is born again.Your options would be totally different. You deserve much better. But it won't get better unless you....make it better!
---Robyn on 4/20/11


Is your wife supporting you financially?
---KarenD on 4/20/11


Sorry to hear that, but try to be romantic, and affectionate towards her. When women cheat, they cheat becasue they're not getting the quality time, and attention they need. I know personally. Show her whith WORDS, TOUCH, AND GIFTS. and spend time like take her out as if you all were dating again, like when u first met.She loves you, but her heart is torn between the two, because you have what he doesnt have, and he has what you dont have. PRAY AND DONT LEAVE HER! MAKE IT WORK... LOVE HER RITE!!
Do new and excitinng things with her or for her. Take her to a spa, be creative in showing your love towards her.. make it so she never thinks about another, research romance. (Ephesians 5:25) love your wife as Christ loves the church
---mary8589 on 4/20/11


I went thru nearly the same thing for years,my wife ran around hiding it tho,and I worked 2 jobs and financed trips for her to hookup,unknown to me.my advice would be throw her out,of make arrangements to get out.
---tom2 on 4/20/11


Go to a marriage counsellor. Even if you go by yourself, you need someone to talk to face to face. Preferably a Christian counsellor.

We can't counsel you just by what you're saying here. We don't know the whole story and we don't know you and your heart. What different plans did you make? You can leave if she is committing adultery on you, can you go and live with a friend or relative until you two sort this out? P.S. I wouldn't live with anyone who was cheating on me, but that's just me.
---Donna5535 on 4/20/11


If your wife does not want to dwell with YOU in YOUR home, let HER leave.
---Cluny on 4/20/11


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