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Husband Never Buys Me Gifts

My husband never buys me gifts. What should I do? Fuss, divorce, or?

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 ---discouraged_wife on 5/2/11
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have taken to Hawaii,Caribbean,Canada, Mexico and every year we take off on our anniversary 4 day weekend. gift each day of the month for our anniversary. She drives 2012 Surburban, 2 seater sports car, 1 , 2 , 3 carat diamond rings.< children own their own homes,college educations and I have bought all them new cars.I never spend less than a $1000.00 dollars on her birthday, anniversay, christmas, mothers day. She has 6 dooney and burke purses and a swimming pool in the back yard.
Guess what, yep, she ignores me.
---Joey on 5/30/12


When a spouse loves the other, whether they give gifts or not, that person will never speak bad against their husbands or wives to the whole world. Love does not demand anything in return. It is not self-fish are even boastful.
Read 1 Cor. 13. There is a lack of respect for their spouses when they have to ask others whether they should devorce on such matters. Of course the answers are not what someone wants to hear, because what they want to hear is not good at all. It is not that man are mean spirit, but they answer that way since they know that if you are married, there is no excuse for a devorce unless a person are children are been abused.
---Mark_V. on 5/16/11


I hope one day soon. He come home and plays.
Kenny Rogers - Buy Me A Rose

Men do so offend take a woman love for granted.
I remember one of the guys at once telling me.
About his home life, before he opened his month.
I said its your fault. He started to say, how I
I started asking him all the things, I knew he wasnt doing.
One of the last things I said, I know when you get home youre tired.
But walk up to her and ask her if there anything I can do for you.
Then simply say because I love you.
Men always want to be men.
Its like men are not allowed to be soft, like a weakness.
---TheSeg on 5/15/11


Hazzypoo: You are getting on my nerves and are becoming a pain in the ***.

You are right about one thing though. I am firey and my husband likes it so put that in your pipe and smoke it. He is man enough to handle me and there are no complaints on his side of things. Never a dull moment you know.

Marriage is not a commercial contract you dumb dumb. It is based on mutual love, trust and respect. Got it? Good! Now relax and have a hot bath and read your Harlequin Romance book.
---poopsey on 5/16/11


i dont know you or your marriage. I have been married twice,to self absorbed takers,at the end of both the judge told them they would get nothing from me because I HAD done enough. its a long story but I gave ,then gave ,then gave more,it was neverr enough,the more i gave the more they took.
---tom2 on 5/16/11




"\\Marriages are reciprocal relationships.\\
---poopsey on 5/15/11

As one woman said to me, poopsey makes marriage sound like a commercial contract.

There are many couples where one partner can't meet all the needs of the other due to health reasons or any number of other issues people can suffer.

Love one another unconditionally is the intention people enter marriage to start with. As God intended.

---Haz27 on 5/15/11


poopsey:
It is unfortunate that you hold disdain for me and so many other men and women here. Your list is getting quite long now.

Bloggers here often can disagree but with so many people at once and with such disdain is unusual.

You do seem to have a firey temper. We do still love you though, inspite of all our disagreements.




---Haz27 on 5/15/11


I am blessed my husband has always been thoughtful about special gifts. Much more thoughtful than I am,although I do give gifts too. If it isn't important to your husband don't bother to buy gifts for him,I doubt it will matter to him but if it does then maybe he will see how you feel. Don't do it with a payback attitude but matter of factly. A better solution would be to make him a calender with all the specaial dates when one buys gifts and always remind him a week before. Don't ask him to buy gifts tell him what you want,if he still won't buy it for yourself and put from him. Better something than nothing. No divorce or iron skillets to hit over the head just keep showing him love. Be the bigger person.
---Darlene_1 on 5/15/11


\\Marriages are reciprocal relationships.\\
---poopsey on 5/15/11


Marriage is FIRST a reciprocal commitment. If there is no firm commitment, there is nothing on which to build a relationship.

If a man doesn't sense an undying and unconditional commitment from his wife, he is a lot less likely to invest himself toward how she "feels" about herself.
---James_L on 5/15/11


Haz27: You don't get it do you? It is men like you that I have disdain for not all men. There are some decent and giving men out there you know.

As for Rhonda? I think she is a joke. A woman who has absolutely no compassion for other women who are hurting in their relationships for whatever reason. She is the last person I would go to if I had a problem.

aka: I was only criticizing men like you and company who insult women who are hurting in their relationships and have asked for advice. Not men in general.

Spouses are to love each other and that includes gift giving. Marriages are reciprocal relationships.

Loving people are generous and cold people are stingy and cheap.
---poopsey on 5/15/11




Rhonda: Since this post is under the category of marriage it is permissible for people to post their marriage concerns on here. If it bothers you that much then maybe you should go to a different category instead of belittling other people's problems and pain.

You do realize that you are hurting this woman by insulting her like this do you not?
---poopsey on 5/15/11


mrs. p,

an apology and forgiveness are two different things. i actually apologized first for a joke that you classified as rude. now you make a joke that you did not indicate was a joke and it is supposed to be so funny.

and, i did not slander you. i called it as i saw it just as you do. you spend a lot of time criticizing others and saying how grand your life is with your husband. yet, you still can't get enough of arguing with other people here.

since you are so wonderful, cannot you see that we need your mercy and not your scorn?

no matter what you did/do/will do Jesus is willing to forgive you, but you, from the start, had no intention of forgiving me or the other bad men here.
---aka on 5/14/11


AMEN RHONDA!!!

You have always been my # 1 Christian Woman!

A TRUE ROLE MODEL OF WHAT A CHRISTIAN WOMAN SHOULD BE!

THE DEBRA OF OUR TIMES!!!

G-d has blessed you!
---John on 5/14/11


Thank you Rhonda.
I hope poopsey takes time to at least consider another woman's views as anything men say here is interpreted by her as misogyny, abuse and lies.
---Haz27 on 5/14/11


ANOTHER whining dissatisfied self-professing christian wife??

how many of these insipid my husband doesn't buy me gifts post are on this site?

FIRST there is NOTHING in Holy Scripture that demands suggests or implies a husband must "give" a gift

SECOND those who DEMAND and EXPECT gifts are deluded and self-absorbed ...how much more petty could any women be than to divorce a man because she didn't get a gift!!!!

how sad I can only imagine the incessant torture you must bring upon this poor man you call your husband
---Rhonda on 5/14/11


//For Father's day, I won't buy anything unless he asks//

Based on the Scriptures, if God is good and really loves us, can't you do a good for someone who does not ...

as God did/does for us?
---aka on 5/14/11


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John you are a liar and take what I say and twist it. I prefer to spend time with a man since I am married. I believe my husband should be my best friend and lover too.

I never said I can't stand women. I don't like cheap shallow women just like I don't like misogynistic men.

I like people of both genders that have morals and intelligence not abusive men.
---poopsey on 5/14/11


aka: First you apologize and then you slander me in the next breath? Your apology was not sincere so I don't accept it.

The try to love one man at a time was a joke. I believe in being loyal and I am a one man woman.

I am not spending endless hours with men since I do not have nor do I seek a relationship with any of you mentioned. And I thought francis was a woman.

Something is not quite right with you when you lie about who I am and you don't even know me.
---poopsey on 5/14/11


My husband the same, even says that I don't remind him. This hurts more. Don't divorce, kids pay tab for it. I want grateful and considerate kids. So, I bought a present for mother's day asked him to give it to kids as their gift. I'll do the same for other celebrations. For Father's day, I won't buy anything unless he asks. In my case, I think he is in his comfort zone. I don't know if your husband was always like this, but try talking to him in a nice way first. Mine used to be thoughtful when dating. If he doesn't change, celebrate yourself, love yourself and get an extraespecial treat and think that God really loves you. God is good, marriage ends in earth and the ones carrying a big cross with our spouses can be free and joyful in heaven.
---Lucy on 5/14/11


I'd rather spend my time with a man than any woman.
---Poopsey---

And so you have confirm my post that said...
"Most woman can't stand woman!
(A statistical fact!)"
---John on 5/14/11


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I think 1Peter explains how a women of God should handle everything in a marriage.
---willa5568 on 5/14/11


Haz27, I appreciate your kindness, but mrs. p. does not owe me anything. Jesus paid it all. Therefore, I do not seek what an individual doesn't have in them.

It's ironic that the outspoken proudly claim " I call them as we see them". We cannot do anything else,but call the a we see them. however, we are instructed to tame the tongue (fingers) and not blurt out everything. Because what we see might not be what actually is. Expressing everything the way that we want, the way that we want leads to spiritual quagmire.

If someone says that they "try" to love one man at a time, yet spends endless hours with the keyboard and other men like John, Haz, aka, francis, ... something is not quite right.
---aka on 5/14/11


poopsey, i expressed my sorrow one time. I apologize again and ask for your forgiveness please.
---aka on 5/14/11


As to the question, not in answer to anyone this way no one gets hurt. I believe that it is a good jesture to give a card or flowers sometimes to our wives. It is an act of not only kindness to our spouse, but what it really does, is it changes the hearts of our wives towards us, and keeps the relationship going in a blessed way. But woman should not feel that it's necessary since many cannot afford it. Some forget the days because to a man, this things are not that important as it is for a woman. The do's and don't's are not in Scripture but are tools to keep the marriage more alive. Taking another for granted is not good for the marriage.
---Mark_V. on 5/14/11


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John: You have misquoted me. I said "It is because of men like you that the divorce rate is so high."

Actually, I love men. I'd rather spend my time with a man than any woman. I just try to love only one man at a time. My husband is a man and I don't hate him so you are a liar. I just don't like men who are ungodly and jerky and those are the types I stay away from.

Haz27: You're welcome. I could care less about your abusive man justifying himself rant. I lack empathy? What a joke!

I'm not apologizing to aka since I am not sorry and I found his comment rude.

I've been married for 18 years and have been through many things in my life and I think I know about true love. But thanks for your concern.
---poopsey on 5/14/11


It is because of men that the divorce rate is so high.
---poopsey on 5/13/11

IS THIS NOT YOUR TRUE ATTITUDE TOWARDS MEN? HATE!!!
---John on 5/13/11


poopsey:
Thanks for your unqualified, uninformed judgement of John and I. It confirms my suspicions of narrow-mindedness.

And feminism has caused much damage in society. When I see women acting like cranky feminists abusively judging men I do stand up against them. Especially when they advocate vengence, unforgiveness etc. The divorce rate is too high to tolerate such selfishness.

The rest of humanity is not just like you. People are different. You clearly lack empathy.

By the way you still need to apologize to aka. Apologizing for mistakes is okay.

And please read the Bible and learn about true love and life.
---Haz27 on 5/13/11


Haz27: How long do you want to keep this going? I'm not a feminist and you are just saying that to antagonize me.

It is because of men like you that the divorce rate is so high.

Spouses are to love one another and take care of each other. Also they should not do anything immoral to hurt their relationship. Relationships really are simple but people just complicate them.

All I can say is thank God that my husband is not like you or John.

As for reading the Bible? I do read the Bible and I suggest you read the Bible yourself since you don't understand simple concepts like love and respect and how the relationship between husband and wife should be. It is based on love and being one and acting as a unit.
---poopsey on 5/13/11


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poopsey:
Good to see you mentioned the Bible

You still don't understand aka's un-offensive post though. Are you sure your not some cranky feminist who interprets anything a man says as "nasty"?

Your complaint about John seems hypocritical considering your "nasty" comments against "cheapskate". John's humorous points about women are valid. Whilst not all women are like this, so many are that it's a recognized reputation. This is, as you yourself said, "I call them as I see them".

Your expectation of meeting each others needs to prove love thus avoiding problems? Hmmm...
That's why there's high divorce rates. Life's not that simple.
Please read the Bible.

---Haz27 on 5/13/11


Haz27: Well I guess according to you me, my husband and my son are all narrow minded since we all think her husband is a cheapskate.

aka: Defensiveness and spewing venom? I don't think so. I call them as I see them and her husband is a selfish cheapskate.

John: You treat your wife as a human being? I highly doubt that since you are so nasty to women on here. You are a classic case of misogyny and more than likely an abusive husband. Dr. Laura? I am familiar with her thinking. I'm not surprised that you agree with her. That is very telling and not in a good way.

The Bible teaches to value others above yourselves. So in marriage if both spouses put the other first and meet each others needs then there is no problem.
---poopsey on 5/13/11


how do you treat your wives? Like gold or like garbage?
---poopsey on 5/12/11
NEITHER!!! I treat her like a Human Being!

THATs YOUR PROBLEM! It's one or the other.

But as far a hating Woman. Most woman can't stand woman!
(A statistical fact!)

Laura Schlessinger said it the best...

2 woman lawyers battle it out in court and say all sorts of derogatory things to each other. After the hearing they never talk to each other again!!!

2 Men Lawyers battle it out in court and say all sorts of derogatory things to each other. After the hearing they go out and have some beers together.
---John on 5/12/11


Why do you think your husband should buy you gifts? That would never be grounds for a divorce (biblically). There are other, and IMO, better ways to show love to your spouse. The most loving couple I've known, could not afford to buy each other gifts, so they gave of themselves in some very creative ways. I'm sure you want to feel loved, but being given gifts does not equate with love. It MAY be loving to give, but many give gifts for a multitude of selfish and manipulative reasons.
---christina on 5/12/11


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poopsey,

please reread my post and please do not associate my post with others. my intentions was an innocuous poke about men and women in general. notice the lol?

i actually think it was a good gift. i myself agree with your husband's style of gift giving. i apologize if you took it any other way. the general mood on this site is to post then defend with venom or sarcasm and i hope you get over that.

as far as cheapskate, i have not posted anything about that. your association was really not fair, but that is OK if you feel the need.

i do appreciate the problem of defensiveness and spewing venom in retaliation, and i pray that you get that looked at. it took me many years to be cured of that.
---aka on 5/12/11


Poopsey:
Read aka's post again. I think you misunderstood him as there was no denigration of your husband's gift giving in his comment.

But this shows how people are different. I could see aka's friendly and harmless joke but you were offended by it.

Likewise there are many guys out there who are not into gifts. They show love differently. The whole world is not just like you.

Your suggestion that they are failing in showing love and/or are "cheapskates" is narrow minded.
---Haz27 on 5/12/11


aka: I don't appreciate you mocking me when I gave you a real life example.

I like playing with the 4x4 and we play with it together. He never takes it out on his own so he did not buy it for selfish reasons. You are probably just jealous because you don't have that kind of a female companion. I like to fish too and me and my husband go fishing together. I suppose you also think my husband buys me a fishing rod that I use for himself. LOL

As for cheapskate? I asked my husband about this and the first thing he said was the guy is cheap. I also asked my son last night and he said the guy is cheap and a jerk. So there you go. At least two men in the whole world disagree with you and Haz27.

Knock yourself out! LOL
---poopsey on 5/12/11


//Just for something entirely different one Christmas he bought me a remote control 4X4 that cost him a couple hundred dollars. We take it out once in a while and have loads of fun.//

ummm...poopsey...was that gift given to you really for you?...lol.
---aka on 5/12/11


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poopsey:
Huh..!!? "bad attitudes about women"? You haven't been listening really...have you (and it's usually women criticising us guys for being poor listeners).

Please read my posts again and see the type of women I spoke against. They are selfish, demanding, critical and unforgiving. Are you condoning such bad attitudes from women?

---Haz27 on 5/12/11


Poopsey:
Sorry, it's me again. I clicked "submit" post when I actually had more to add to my previous post.

Reading through your comments I noted no reference to God's counsel and you have a fantical insistence that gift giving is proof of love and/or not being a cheapskate. Seems a very limited and shakey view of love, dont you think?

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Christian women and men should read the Bible more often. God is love and His counsel is best. Perhaps then we won't have blogs with Christians (who should know better) suggesting that lack of gifts, or some other trait/weakness of mere males, is cause for divorce.

Remember, love one another as God loves you.
---Haz27 on 5/12/11


I quote Apostle Paul who quoted the Lord Jesus Christ saying, "It is better to give than to receive" Acts 20:35. If you are a Godly giver yourself, God will ensure you receive sufficiently in return. Please do not expect us to sanction divorce because of gifts.
---Adetunji on 5/12/11


Haz27 and John: Are you two married to each other? You sure think alike. You guys are bordering on misogyny with your bad attitudes about women.

Just for the record I like fishing and go with my husband when he takes me. I usually end up scaling the fish too. I don't read romance novels since they are stupid and I prefer the real thing. And gossip is a waste of time and only for those with small minds.

Are either of you two married and if so how do you treat your wives? Like gold or like garbage?

You can't teach anyone anything if you are not willing to learn yourselves and you both got a lot to learn about women.

Have a nice day and enjoy reading your book entitled "Men Who Hate Women".
---poopsey on 5/12/11


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Of course same applies to men who indulge in fishing/cars etc having no time for the Bible.
---Haz27 on 5/11/11

I AGREE 1000%

I use SHOCK and humor to teach and open up the eyes of those who call themselves "Christians", but are really just Bourgoise Carnals who just go to a Social Club and engage in Secular activities (I.e Potluck/Mens Breakfast).

These are the 180degrees antithesis of what the early Christain or the OT believers were like.

So these Pseudos will be the FIRST to anxiously take the Mark of The Beast/roll over.

As they did when HBO had a commedy about urinating on Jesus face. Not a peep from these LUFFY/DUBBY (I'm ok,You're ok/Judge Not) neutured so-called "Christians".
---John on 5/11/11


John:
Although your posts are confrontational the humour in them is always good.

You said:
"Better to spend your time reading the Bible, than wasting it on Harlarquim Romance.
---John on 5/11/11"

True. Many Christian women spend too much time reading romances or even worldly self help books and gossiping amongst themsleves instead of reading the Bible. Is it any wonder many of them are hard of heart and so high maintenance.

Of course same applies to men who indulge in fishing/cars etc having no time for the Bible.

God is our counselor (Isa9:6) and so many Christians avoid His counsel.
---Haz27 on 5/11/11


Poopsey ... Don't be offended by John ... He delights in upsetting people.
---alan8566_of_UK on 5/11/11


John: I don't appreciate you calling my husband "Luffy Dubby Hubby".

My husband gives me gifts because he wants to. He doesn't give me the usual gifts like perfume, jewellery. He gives me what I want or need which means he puts thought into it.

Just for something entirely different one Christmas he bought me a remote control 4X4 that cost him a couple hundred dollars. We take it out once in a while and have loads of fun.

As for your other insulting remarks? "Bath Bubbles"? Don't like them, I take showers. "Silly Card"? I've got some really nice cards and I keep them all. "Romance novels"? Don't bother, waste of time. Better to have the real thing then just some stupid fantasy.
---poopsey on 5/11/11


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Poopsey (silly name he he he) and Mary, The reality is both of your Luffy Dubby Hubbys. HATE giving you gifts. It,s NOT in ANY mans nature AT ALL.

They just will not tell you, because they rather not face the ramifications of bursting your Bath Bubbles and telling you the cold hard fact about men! It's one of those battles to be avoided.

The only thing worst than gifts to men is wasting 3 bucks for a silly card. Men reallty hate greeting cards.

Better to spend your time reading the Bible, than wasting it on Harlarquim Romance.
---John on 5/11/11


Mary: Thanks! I like to be silly and I kind of act like a poopsey, at least some of the time.

You can make your husband even more amazing. If you don't have any you might be interested in collecting My Little Kitchen Fairies by Enesco. I assume you are in the US so you can look up their website. That would keep your husband busy for at least a couple of years.

Happy collecting!
---poopsey on 5/11/11


I agree with poopsey (love the name hehe), my husband delights in buying me fairies for my fairy collection and he is just an amazing man all the way around. I am so blessed.
---Mary on 5/9/11


John and James_L:
Amusing and valid responses you gave. I liked them. I guess sometimes such confrontational approaches are appropriate in cases like this.

It's commonly recognized that it's usually the wives who are excessively critical, demanding and unforgiving (of course there's good loving women who do not fit this mold too).

Many husbands continue to love such wives without keeping the same unforgiving festering lists of their weaknesses, failures and gender traits as these women keep on their husbands.

Has anyone noticed its usually women criticizing their husband's behaviors (with divorce as an option) on CN blog topics.

As Jesus said in Matt 19, it's hardness of heart.



---Haz27 on 5/10/11


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John you are grievously wrong. You speak for yourself and not all men. My husband happens to be a man and he likes to get me gifts and it is not out of obligation.

Sometimes he will bring me home a cappuccino which is a little gift just because he knows I love cappuccinos.

And he always likes the gifts I get him. His eyes light up like little stars.

Are you a cheapskate like this woman's husband too?
---poopsey on 5/9/11


Yep! Another Squawking Hen!

I thought we already had this exact Blog before.

Well Vain and in denial Femme Fetale!

I WILL SEND YOU TOOLS!
SO YOU CAN BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT!!!!

For the record... Men hate to give gifts! Hate to get Gifts! They only do it out of obligation THATS ALL!!!!

In a mans world (Which is logical)we would circumvent the stupidity and give each other CASH!

Vainity Vainity thy name is Woman!(W. Shakespeare)

I WILL SEND YOU A MIRROR AS WELL!
---John on 5/8/11


Since when is your husband not buying you "gifts" a reason to divorce?
---KarenD on 5/4/11


Sweetie, don't worry, He LOVES you, and LOVE is the best gift that any one can recive from a loved one. To me nothing is better then a kiss or a hug and even the words I LOVE YOU.If he is doing all three then why worry about anything else.

LOVE & PRAYERS
---Mary on 5/4/11


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My friend. This is a great strain on any marriage. Seems he has gotten comfortable with you, way too soon. If it bothers you that much, it is going to spill over into other areas of your life. He is just not that type. Perhaps you need to just accept that, but it is a hard pill to swallow. My heart goes out to you. I love to give and receive gifts from my spouse. If this was omitted in our relationship, I would be torn up inside.
---Robyn on 5/3/11


No matter how much you love someone you can never make them love you. Giving gifts is one way to show that love.

If you give him gifts and he never gives you any then stop giving him gifts and then see how he likes it.

I asked my husband about this and he thinks the guy is cheap. I think he is selfish and cheap.

Unfortunately with people. What you see is what you get.
---poopsey on 5/3/11


Discouraged, does your husband work & help support you? When you go out to eat, does he pay for your food? Does he ever compliment you on a job well done or how you look? Does he seem content to be married to you? There are other ways to show you care without giving gifts. There are so many things to be grateful for in a relationship that get over looked. Don't keep looking at petty things like gifts. Gifts will never give you peace of heart like a warm, caring relationship will. Work on having & keeping that. Only then you'll be content.
---Reba on 5/3/11


Discouraged, talk with your husband and try to find out why he does not buy you gifts. (But,) was he like this before you two got married? Did he buy you gifts before you married him, and then he stopped after your wedding day? But, my dear, please, this is no reason to divorce him. He himself, as your husband, is worth more than any gift he could buy you. But, talk with him about it. Don't think it "too insignificant and silly" to bring it up to him. After all, you're about ready to throw in the towel over it. Just be open to him about it, in a spirit of love.
---Gordon on 5/3/11


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You should take the time you are using waiting for gifts to grow up.
It appears to me that he has too many children to raise in his marriage to think about gifts.
---Elder on 5/3/11


This is not the first time I've seen this complaint here.

Have you asked your husband about it yourself, or would you rather complain about it here and enjoy the moral superiority of being a victim?

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/3/11


Dear Discouraged:

You seem to be under the mistaken impression that marriage is a 50/50 proposition (or perhaps 70/30 in your case). It is not! Marriage is a 100/100 proposition. You are to give 100% of your ability to your husband with no thought of reciprocity - that's the true meaning of love. In time, he will fall in love and then give 100% to you. Then you will have a real marriage, rather than a negotiated settlement. When you both trust in God, then God will bless your marriage. He did mine.
---jerry6593 on 5/3/11


If your husband doesn't buy you any gifts, you should sue him for negligence.

Then you can get awarded everything he owns and buy your own gifts.

Sheesh.

Next month it will be "My husband spends all his time working to buy me gifts, and I never see him. Should I divorce?"

How about "My husband spent all our vacation money buying me gifts and now we can't take our vacation. Should I divorce him?"

Or "My husband spent all the money for my bi-polar medicine to buy me gifts. Then I went crazy and he left me for a sane woman."
---James_L on 5/2/11


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Do you ever buy him any?
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/2/11


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