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Old Son Living At Home

Thirty year old son, lost job, back home. Most days are spent sleeping and socializing with other unemployed people. Smokes pot at night(day), talk on phone. Tired of this monkey on my back. What now?

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 ---Anonymous on 5/5/11
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What do you want you son to be? If you desire him to continue in the way he is, then let him stay that way(my father in law is doing the very same thing). If you desire him to be a man, then he will have to learn to take care of himself. Can he learn that in your home? I believe so, but you have to set some ultimatums for him that he has to stick to or he will have to leave.
It won't be easy but if you love him he needs training, which sometimes can be painful to both parties.
---willa5568 on 5/15/11

Next time son smokes pot at your house, call the police and have him arrested. That ought to take care of the problem.
---KarenD on 5/13/11

Anonymous my facts?

LOL the facts are there are MORE whining parents complaining about their adult children in the past few months than in the past 4 years!!!

those ARE the facts and I understood the ignorant remark the poster made about her own adult child and the simpleton analogy it represented

what most FAIL to understand is the parents who have adult children who are this disrespectful are REAPING what they SOWED.
---Rhonda on 5/13/11

Rhonda: Please get your facts straight and understand what the post is saying. Monkey on one's back means, a problem or burden one is trying to get rid of, or solve. I have never called my son a monkey or any name like that.Monkey on the back is simply a phrase.
---Anonymous on 5/9/11

//adult children do not turn to a life OUTSIDE of whatever was or WAS NOT taught at home//

Would that this were true!
But it is not! I've seen many youngsters from fine and sensible Christian homes who disappoint everyone.

Psychologists have too long blamed parents for everything a child does. Children are individuals!
There comes a time when a parent should quit feeling guilty and realize that, whatever mistakes they may have made, (all parents make some) their child is now an adult and accountable for his/her own behavior.

Don't enable an adult son or daughter to act like an irresponsible teen. It's your home. Set rules that he can follow or live elsewhere. He may thank you later.
---Donna66 on 5/8/11

sorry to let you know the insult you hurl at hour own flesh and blood by calling him a monkey on your back only OPENS yourself to MORE judgement

adult children do not turn to a life OUTSIDE of whatever was or WAS NOT taught at home

did this adult child go to college have a job or responsibilities during high school ...or did you OFFER no discipline responsibilities during teen years and literally MOLDED him into a passive sponge and he has been living off of you since age 18

come on now these boohoohoo my adult child is a loser blogs are getting old ...PARENTS WAKE UP YOU created your adult childrens nightmare!!

YOU REAP what you SOW
---Rhonda on 5/8/11

Anonymous with older son, Who owns your house? You or your son? Who pays for the overhead, the up-keep, the groceries and sustenance....You or your 30 year old son? Who's the authority? YOU or your son? Letting your son free-load off of you without him taking some kind of helpful responsibilty around the house is only enabling him to continue in that mode. Be the authority figure that you are and make the decision for yourself to give him an ultimatum. Either he looks for work and helps around the house until he finds work, or he is out of there! Real Love is tough sometimes!
---Gordon on 5/7/11

The bible says that if a man doesn't work, he shouldn't eat.

Don't feed him. Tell him he needs to go out everyday searching for a job, even if it's at McDonalds.

Smoking pot is illegal, why are you allowing that? Throw him out if he continues to smoke it after you tell him to STOP. Tell him you are going to call the police if he doesn't stop, it's an illegal drug.
---anon on 5/6/11

Pot in your house? I would give him one warning (no illegal drugs in the house)and the next time I would call the police and let them deal with him.
---Bruce5656 on 5/6/11

Tell him you love him, but hes got to go!!!!
---a_friend on 5/5/11

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