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Husband Views Online Photos

Caught my husband looking at photos on the computer. We are trying to move on. He knows he messed up bad and is very sorry for hurting me. I need the strength, still very hurt, any suggestions or passages from the word that I can lean on. Sometimes I want my husband to feel the pain I felt.

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 ---Isabella on 5/10/11
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Caught my husband looking at photos on the computer.
---Isabella on 5/10/11

First I will not judge you or your husband, there has been enough of that.
I would like to ask some questions that only you and your husband can answer.

Why does your husband feal the need to look at pictures?
Am I doing all I can do to take care of my husbands needs?
Please look at 1 Cor. 7:3-5 than ask your self and than your husband am I fully living up to this?
Only you and your husband can answer this with Gods help.
I would start with praying with him if he will let you
I hope it works out
---dowanor on 5/28/11


poopsey, Don't get too discouraged. Stay on C/N and continue to give advice.
---Elder on 5/24/11


Poopsey: I am sorry I offended you. I seem to have hit a nerve and I am sorry for that.
---Trish on 5/24/11


Trish: Keep your condescension to yourself. If you want a person to disciple you that is your business and if I am not interested in that that is my business.

Are you trying to control me and make me do things your way? I'm not interested so back off. And I still think believer's should treat other believer's fairly even though we live in an imperfect world. I am entitled to my own thoughts so no need for you to push your agenda on to me.

If you think I am immature then that is your problem and not mine. You don't need to talk to me and I don't want your unsolicited advice.

You raised three children? Good for you. I raised two and am now raising my grandson. So what?
---poopsey on 5/24/11


Trish: I think you are coming across as self-righteous and you do not judge fairly. You may think being fair is immature but I think it is Christian.

I never said I was too mature for discipleship. YOU DID! I just don't believe in it. The Holy Spirit is the teacher and it is the Holy Spirit that sanctifies me and helps me.

Again, I think you protest too much and you did judge me. I'm not a victim so I have no idea where you get that from I just don't like your controlling behavior towards me and you don't even know me.

Believing that you have the right to control other people and their thoughts is certainly not a sign of maturity so please worry about yourself and refrain from imposing your rules upon me.
---poopsey on 5/24/11




Trish: Some groups deem discipleship as mandatory and that is cultic since they are out to control. If I felt led by the Holy Spirit to get a boss I would but I do not.

I think you perhaps have a problem thinking on your own and perhaps you need someone to tell you what to do and what to think.

Perhaps you are displaying some co-dependency characteristics that you need to look into. Other than that I am free in Christ and I intend to remain that way.

Also I must correct you on your feminist stance since feminism is not biblical. If you don't believe in fair then why are you fighting for women's rights? That I believe is hypocritical and could also be a tad immature don't you think?
---poopsey on 5/24/11


Poopsey, I am sorry you believe you are too mature for discipleship. I have been a believer since 1974, and I have been in a discipleship relationship for the past ten years, and still seek the woman's guidance. Being a Christian for thirty years does not mean that a person has Spiritual maturity anymore than being an adult means a person is mature.

Again, I did not judge you. You are free to play the victim and believe I did. And, I raised three children and taught hundreds more, and all of them learned that "Life is not fair." I used to have a sign up in my classroom that read just that. Believing that life should be fair is a sign of immaturity.
---Trish on 5/23/11


Trish: We don't see things the same way. I've been a believer for over 30 years and I am not going to go out now and get some old woman to disciple me.

I have a personal relationship with Christ and who is to say I am not growing? Sanctification is a lifelong process and no one is perfected this side of heaven. It is the Holy Spirit that does the work and I am not complaining.

And God is just and it is clear from scripture that he teaches one to judge righteously and not show partiality.

And Jesus voluntarily laid his life down and then took it up again. He did this out of love and the subject of being fair has nothing to do with it.
---poopsey on 5/22/11


Poopsey ... "alan8566_of_UK: I'm basing John's lie on the continued dialogue with him and his response to my question to him directly"

But it may have been different Johns who made the conflicting statements!
---alan8566_of_UK on 5/20/11


Poopsey, I did not judge you, I exhorted you to behave in a different manner. I do not think you are a bad person, nor do I look down on you. I encouraged you to try to do things differently.

You appear younger than me, and you are new here on Christianet. If you had been here for a while, you would see that I encourage a lot of women to get into a discipleship relationship, and focus on growing in the Lord, and arguing less. You are not the first woman I have suggested that to.

Fairness is not necessarily a Christian concept. If God were fair, we would be condemned, and not heaven bound. Think about what is fair to Jesus. He suffered for us. That certainly was not fair.
---Trish on 5/20/11




Haz27: I was responding to women who were hurting in their relationships and who were insulted by some posters. That is what I was speaking out against.

Trish: Earlier you implied you never had a problem with John and company as per "I have never been offended by any of the men you have accused,". So obviously you do not confront what does not offend you.

God is just and being fair is important as a Christian. If you are going to judge then you need to judge righteously and not show favoritism and bias.

alan8566_of_UK: I'm basing John's lie on the continued dialogue with him and his response to my question to him directly.
---poopsey on 5/20/11


Poopsey
You are new here, so don't know that John insults as many people as he can ... but he is only one of the various Johns here ... so don't be too ready to accuse him of lying

Trish has suffered like you by being hounded and insulted. She's got hardened to it, and is right to recomment that you do as well.

You have suffered a lot at home ... but (although you may not intend it) you seem to blame the men here for that ... and to assume all men are the same.

But we are not

Both men and women are vulnerable to hurt.
---alan8566_of_UK on 5/19/11


Poopsey, it may seem unfair, or unloving that I not confront John, but my posts were to you. John does what John does, and experience has shown me, I would be wasting my time confronting him.

Since you are a new woman, and I saw similarities between you and my past self, I felt moved to talk to you.

You will always meet rude people, and sexist people, especially in the Church. How you handle it is up to you, and you can either glorify the Lord, or bring shame to your testimony.

Life is not fair. That is a Truth that even is rooted in Scriptures. We are not called to prove the unfair stuff in people. We are called to bring glory to the Lord in the unfair times.
---Trish on 5/18/11


Trish: I see some of what you are saying but you are not being loving by not understanding what I am saying about John and company and the types of behavior they show towards women who are hurting in their relationships.

John got caught in a lie and denies it. What kind of Christians are those?

How come you don't confront him on his lying and abusive behavior towards women? Is that not a poor testimony as you call it?

You are biased and not being fair or righteous in your judgment.
---poopsey on 5/18/11


poopsey:
When I first came across CN my early posts did sometimes involve some strong criticisms of others who I found judgemental and wrong.

I realized this was not helpful and tried a more diplomatic form of debate.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you might be new to CN and you are going through the same early stages of adapting to debate forums as some of us here have also gone through.

Your firey temper has got more hits than you expected. Regardless of this you are welcome here. Bloggers here may disagree but generally the love continues.
---Haz27 on 5/18/11


Poopsey: Yes, I have been loving to you. You are a woman, and I am exhorting you on how to handle the negative things that have transpired, as a Christian woman should. You are responsible for your reactions to the things you perceive as unloving and unkind on these blogs.

I spoke to you, because I used to behave the same way you are behaving, and have learned that I was a horrible testimony, and that I was sinning in my anger.

Being right about things does not mean you need to argue about it. Love does not have to be right all the time.

It is because I love you, that I got the courage to exhort you in this matter.
---Trish on 5/17/11


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Trish: I really don't want to be here anymore but since you decided to sling scripture at me why don't you practice what you preach?

You have made a very poor judgment. I have already proven that John is a liar. Does your Bible support lies?

Is it love to insult women who are having marriage problems? Is it love to call women HENS? Is it love to lie about who I am as a person and mock me and my marriage?

You have totally ignored what I have stated and I gave you proof of the insults I have received yet you say nothing.

Seek out John and rebuke him using the Bible regarding lying, slandering, and being disrespectful towards women.

It is more than obvious I am not welcome here and you see what you want to see.
---poopsey on 5/17/11


Trish: Are you loving me when you ignore the insults I have received? Are you loving me when you rebuke me but not those who lie and degrade women? Is calling women "Hens" love? If it is not then why not speak out about it?

Here are some verses for you to consider.

Psalm 26 NIV
4 I do not sit with deceitful men,
nor do I consort with hypocrites,

Matthew 7 NIV
4 How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye.

Romans 12 NIV
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.
---poopsey on 5/17/11


Poopsey:
Matt 22:39 "And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.

1 Corinthians 13: "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Ephesians 4:15 "15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

Ephesians 4:26 " 26 In your anger do not sin
---Trish on 5/17/11


Trish: You are telling me that degrading women and calling them HENS is not wrong? I came here to offer support to those women in bad marriages and you tell me to have a mentor? Everyone has their own personality and you and your friends are the types of self-righteous legalists that turn people off to Christianity.

I'm honest and direct and down to earth and I don't need your put downs on who I am as a person.

A mature woman to disciple me? What kind of crack is that? Do you think I am some kind of 20 year old punk kid? My testimony is lost? Name calling? Arguing?

I would suggest you stick your nose in your own business since your judgement is neither fair or appreciated.
---poopsey on 5/17/11


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Trish: I guess you are not very observant or are only on one side of things. I have received my share of false accusations and insults from your crony friends. Some examples follow.

"As one woman said to me, poopsey makes marriage sound like a commercial contract."

"since you are so wonderful, cannot you see that we need your mercy and not your scorn?"

"Haz27, I appreciate your kindness, but mrs. p. does not owe me anything. Jesus paid it all. Therefore, I do not seek what an individual doesn't have in them."

"Are you sure your not some cranky feminist who interprets anything a man says as "nasty"?"

There's more but I'm sure you get the point.
---poopsey on 5/17/11


//[Isabella] has been told to TALK TO HER HUSBAND.//

Isabella, I hope this matters to you. If your husband goes to such measures to comfort something within that also hurts you, you can be sure that he is hurting on many levels.

We are all here for each other. Sometimes the truth hurts. At different times, the leader needs extraordinary love and mercy that supersedes the natural to become a good leader. Don't concern yourself with yourself. Our Savior did not.
---aka on 5/16/11


Poopsey, I have been observing your discussions, and accusations, of many here, and believe I need to step in and encourage you to seek a more gentle and quiet spirit. I used to be argumentative, as you are, and found it to be a terrible witness of my faith in the Lord. I have never been offended by any of the men you have accused, nor any of the women on this site that you accuse.

I would suggest you seek a mature woman to disciple you, and guide you in becoming a Godly woman with a gentle and quiet spirit. Your testimony is lost by your name-calling and argumentativeness.
---Trish on 5/16/11


poopsey:
Your firey temper certainly has got you a lot of attention in these blogs.

Anyway, I wont be taking your advice reading Harlequin romances. That is only about fake love.

You would do better advising people to read the Bible about the God who is love.
Perhaps you should read it more often too.
---Haz27 on 5/16/11


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John: I'm glad that you are refraining from making a further comment. Now you little monkey, GET OFF MY BACK! And just like Hazzypoo I suggest you also take a nice hot bath and relax and read your Harlequin Romance novel. You know the ones you talk about so much!
---poopsey on 5/16/11


The husband has the greater responsibility for the marriage---Poopsey---

WOW!!!!!
NO FURTHER COMMENT IS NEEDED!
---John on 5/15/11


---poopsey on 5/15/11
One of the many things which you have choosen to overlook in this blog, is the number of time that she has been told to TALK TO HER HUSBAND.

Are you so narrow minded that you cannot see that this is something which requires her to TALK TO HER HUSBAND rather than trying to make him feel her pain?
---Francis on 5/15/11


There are some men on here who are lopsided and only do what's good for them. The husband is the head and has the greater responsibility for the marriage and that includes loving his wife and treating her with respect.

1 Peter 3 NIV
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
---poopsey on 5/15/11


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I thing every marriage has difficulty. the husband is already feeling guilty and when you hurt him because you want him to fill what you felt you are going to make every thing worse, now forgive him and let him promise you that he will never do it again.
---Natamba_Raymond on 5/14/11


Maybe a better question would be why would a loving christian man be looking at dirty pictures to cause his wife pain?---poopsey on 5/12/11

who said they were dirty?
How do we know that it was not national geographic online?
---francis on 5/13/11


Haz27: If I were you I would be a little more careful before you start accusing me of being a feminist because I am calling you out on your misogyny. I am about as traditional as it gets. I am a keeper of the home and love serving my husband. By the same token I don't put up with brown sugar and if he does something wrong I confront him on it.

And as for God's ways? God calls for personal accountability and Jesus said not to be immoral and lust after women. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. Did you miss all that?
---poopsey on 5/13/11


Poopsey:
It seems you condone unforgivness and revenge in wanting husbands to feel pain.

You never refer to what God says about these matters either.
This is a Christian blog and assuming your a Christian we usually refer to God's counsel over worldly advice such as inflicting vengeful pain on husbands.

You seem more like a man-eating feminist than someone who follows God's counsel of love. Please read 1Corinthians 13 if you want to make a start.
Many here can confirm God's ways are better than the world's ways.
---Haz27 on 5/12/11


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francis: You stated "Why would a loving christian woman want her husband to feel pain?"

Maybe a better question would be why would a loving christian man be looking at dirty pictures to cause his wife pain?

You stated "I think he is just looking at a motocycle which he would like to buy and it has a female rider."

Read the original post. What does it say? Read between the lines. If her husband was just looking at a motorcycle then he wouldn't say he knows he messed up bad would he?

If you have a husband and he was doing this would it not bother you? So you would say you like and even encourage your husband to look at smut? Do you also look at naked men? If so how does your husband like it?
---poopsey on 5/12/11


Hi little francis: You stated "Who said it was lust?"

Are you for real? If a man looks at dirty pictures then it obviously is out of lust. He can look at his wife anytime he wants and if he doesn't like it maybe then he should look at himself. I bet you he is no prize peach so he should be building his wife up and not tearing her down like this.
---poopsey on 5/12/11


Her husband needs to address his own problem with lust or possibly an addiction and make it up to his wife. End of story.
---poopsey on 5/12/11
Who said it was lust?
---francis on 5/12/11


francis: I think you have a problem and you are being ignorant on purpose. If you can't be supportive and nice to this woman then maybe you shouldn't say anything. Perhaps you should develop some empathy or at least have some tact.

For the record. If my husband did something like that, believe me, he would feel some pain.

This woman doesn't deserve this kind of treatment and it is not her fault. Her husband is responsible for his own actions and doing the blame game or minimizing doesn't change a thing.

Her husband needs to address his own problem with lust or possibly an addiction and make it up to his wife. End of story.
---poopsey on 5/12/11


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A woman is in pain, asks for scripture to help her, confesses she sometimes wants her husband to feel her pain,
---Christina on 5/12/11
Yes she wants her husband to feel pain. WHY? Why would a loving christian woman want her husband to feel pain?
---francis on 5/12/11


I've read the original question 5 times, and I still haven't found any reference to nude women in the pictures.

Maybe she's on a diet and he was looking at pictures of biscuits and gravy. That could be pretty upsetting, i guess.
---James_L on 5/11/11

THANK YOU
we have NO idea what he is looking at. I think he is just looking at a motocycle which he would like to buy and it has a female rider.
---francis on 5/12/11


A woman is in pain, asks for scripture to help her, confesses she sometimes wants her husband to feel her pain, and some put her down, tell her to look in the mirror, or blame her for her husbands actions. This is not biblical or Christlike. That she forgive is crucial, and not seek revenge. How does it help to say "May be the problem is with you lady. If you knew how to satisfy your husband he would have no need to look at pictures on the Internet. I think you are sexually ignorant, very immature and are looking for sympathy to justify your own petty party." or "A contented cow, (in this case, Bull), never leaves a good pasture." These are excuses, the blame game and did not come from God.
---Christina on 5/12/11


Could the women here discreetly raise your hands if you have looked at a man (whether a photo or in the flesh, doesn't matter) that you found attractive. Can you also include any novels you read on forbidden love too.

As Cluny said earlier:
"How many novels of that genre called "bodice rippers" have illustrations of lusty men on the cover?

How many soap operas exploit women's fantasies of forbidden love?
---Cluny on 5/11/11"

I don't hear husbands wanting their wives to "feel the pain" like some women here want for their husbands.
---Haz27 on 5/12/11


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Isabella, When we get caught at anything, don't you think there is something going on that needs to? conviction, correction, and direction is vital to us all. since two become one, these belong to both of you as your individual sin belongs to him.

//To lust after another woman is adultery//

Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

There is much subtly in what Jesus says. As in other Scripture, His words are like a sawed-off shotgun blast...hitting his intended target and all those around who need it but don't expect it. Adultery, whether physical or not, like a tango, takes two.
---aka on 5/12/11


I've read the original question 5 times, and I still haven't found any reference to nude women in the pictures.

Maybe she's on a diet and he was looking at pictures of biscuits and gravy. That could be pretty upsetting, i guess.
---James_L on 5/11/11


John, you must have someone deeply in love you with you {rolled eyes}!
---Mary on 5/11/11


"A contented cow, (in this case, Bull), never leaves a good pasture." What he is doing is a "sin", since it hurts you, but what is the REASON for his doing it. The best way for you to find out is to ask him, but without putting a guilt complex on him,since this won't work. For him to simply "feel the pain I felt", is not the correct approach and it won't solve the problem, that's revenge
---wivv on 5/11/11


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Aw Isabella, you poor poor thing, your husband look at pictures on the Internet. Has he run if with another woman? Has beat and abused you? Has he left you hungry and destitute? Are you fearful for your life? All he did was look at pictures on the Internet.

May be the problem is problem is with you lady. If you knew how to satisfy your husband he would have no need to look at pictures on the Internet. I think you are sexually ignorant, very immature and are looking for sympathy to justify your own petty party.
---Blogger9211 on 5/11/11


christina on 5/11/11
I do not disagree with your post. We just do not know WHY he is doing this. Lets say he was a photographer would it be lust if he phographed a nude female? My post ask: What is the problem TALK to him. You will never know WHY he is doing this unless you ask. Does he desire them, or does he simple like the human anatomy?

Wow! I think you have a problem now if you think there is no problem.
---poopsey on 5/11/11

Again unless you TALK to him and find out why everything else is just speculation.
---francis on 5/11/11


Oh, you ask for "passages from the word" to help you > "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2) This helps me not to be too fast to look down on others who have sin problems . . . different than my own, different specialties > "let the one without sin cast the first stone" (not an exact quote from John chapter eight) > "It could be me" > Galatians 6:1.
---Bill_willa6989 on 5/11/11


Francis, Jealousy may or may not be a factor. In any case, it does not negate his sin. It is written that If any man lusts after another woman it is adultery, or sin. The lusting after another woman has nothing to do with whether or not the man has a chance of being with that woman.
---christina on 5/11/11


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Something to think about.....

How many novels of that genre called "bodice rippers" have illustrations of lusty men on the cover?

How many soap operas exploit women's fantasies of forbidden love?
---Cluny on 5/11/11


He caused the problem and he is the one that has to fix it.
---poopsey on 5/10/11

Are you so sure its "HE" who caused the problem and not "SHE"?

Your Post is nothing but..
He! He! He!

Vainity! Vainity! thy name is Woman. Denial Denial Denial is all I ever hear from all you Squawking Hens.

OH MY! I can't imagine why he would do this this!

I simply have NO clue. I'm soooo innocent of this relationship.

I did his laundry and cooked.

HENS....

I HAVE MIRRORS FOR SALE AND THEY'RE NOT VANITY MIRRORS!!!

Please take a number, it's a loooong line!
---John on 5/11/11


francis: Wow! I think you have a problem now if you think there is no problem. And what are you talking about "he husband start looking at other men"? Are you now saying her husband is gay? That is even worse.

Bottom line is this. What he is doing is wrong and immoral and will, if not already, destroy the trust in the marriage and ultimately the marriage itself if it continues. No decent woman with a backbone will put up with this kind of nonsense. The wife deserves to be treated with respect and love and her husband is not loving her by doing these types of things.

Again, he caused the problem with his immoral actions and it is up to him to fix it and make it up to his wife.
---poopsey on 5/11/11


Why not talk to your husband find out why. This may have nothing to do with you at all.
You do understand that the chance of him ever being with any of these women is ZERO, and he understands that too.
So instead of getting angry and jealous, talk to the man.
---francis on 5/11/11


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Isabella


You have the right to be angry ,but sin not, in your journey to recovery from this addiction with your husband, but understand that in most cases it has nothing to do with the woman.

You could be the most beautiful and kind wife in the world and your husband still would find a way to fulfill this addictive behavior.

Your husband is getting a fix like an addict would with no regard to consequences in his mind for he is in an altered state of rationalization impaired by the intoxicating effect of euphoria.

He has the problem, and your not it.

Praying for you and him in this situation.

God Bless, Paul

---paul on 5/10/11


He caused the problem and he is the one that has to fix it.
---poopsey on 5/10/11
What problem?
She has a problem when he husband start looking at other men.
---francis on 5/10/11


Dear Isabella,
You have every right as a self-respecting wife to feel hurt and disrespected. Your husband would probaly react much differently(worse)if you did this to him. You see. Some people can give more than they can take. You need to find out why he has the need to view and lust after photos of other women. If is is women. If he is receiving everything at home that he needs. Then there are some deeper issues in your relationship they you and he need to address and..quick! You have no choice but to forgive, if you choose to stay with him. try in heart to forget this incident,if possible. But do let him know if he is caught doing this again. There will be repercussions.
---Robyn on 5/10/11


Isabella,This is a fairly common problem and I'm sure a lot of women understand your pain. To lust after another woman is adultery, and so it's a betrayal. I would suggest to keep praying, keep forgiving, and allow the Lord to be your strength and comfort. Many of the psalms have been a help to me when grieving for my broken marraige.
---Christina on 5/10/11


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There sure are a lot of heartless people that call themselves Christians.

Tell your husband what he did has broken the trust in your marriage. Then ask him what he is going to do to restore that trust. You need more than his promise to regain trust. He will have to consistently show you that he can be trusted.

He needs to be transparent with what he is doing on the computer and if you really need to for your own sanity then install a keylogger.

He caused the problem and he is the one that has to fix it.
---poopsey on 5/10/11


My question is: Do you know WHY you are hurt by your husband looking at photos?
---francis on 5/10/11


I don't think pain and fear are what can get your husband to do what is good. In Philemon, we see how Paul used love as the reason for Philemon to do what is good. Also, guilt alone can not make a person stop what is wrong. And it says about Jesus that, "when He suffered,

He did not threaten,

but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously." (in 1 Peter 2:23) The perfect revenge is not to hurt or kill people so Satan can keep them, but forgiving people and getting them with God in His love so Satan can't have them, any more.
---Bill_willa6989 on 5/10/11


\\Sometimes I want my husband to feel the pain I felt.\\

I've noticed this happens a lot on these blogs.

People feel the best comfort they can get is revenge.

Actually, I commend you for being honest.

How about this passage from the Word: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"?

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/10/11


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