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Loving A Married Man Wrong

Is loving a married man against God's will? Deuteronomy 24:1 says divorce is permitted. He is going to divorce his wife. I pray for her as well as us often that whatever happens is God's will, and we have no contact.

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 ---Born-again on 5/12/11
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Just to answer a few questions, they dont have children together all adults from previous relationships and no we werent seeking marriage. I wouldnt be foolish to say hey when u leave the court house and meet me at the chapel, but thanks for all remarks. We really try no contact. Ive only seen him face to face 3-4 times this year we do resist each other.
---Born-again on 6/14/11


you are so right, my exhusband is the king of lying and manipulation. he lies to cover up his cheating he did throughout our 25 yr marriage.he has told liess about me to everyone i was close with and they beleive him now i have no freinds my family is distant from me i have no social life im always depressed. he is the master of narcissim.this man is so evil it makes me sick. no one listens to me when i need to talk, i get treated with no respect, he has brain washed my son to not have anything to do with me. he has payed and lied to people to ignore me and keep away from me i am sooo angry and hurt ive been thru hell with him.
---cynthia on 6/12/11


men who LIE to their wives by not saying anything are far worse than those who LIE by actually saying words to cover up their deceit

Divorce is permitted for adultery ...in other words if this mans wife decided to obtain a divorce due to her husbands ongoing adultery

he is not permitted to remarry however she is

If this man seeks a divorce for purpose of re-marriage and leaving his first wife he is still committing adultery

find a way to value and build yourself up ...YOU deserve a man who will respect honor cherish you

men who cheat on their wives for whatever purpose do not honor their wives and without honoring the FIRST wife it is IMPOSSIBLE to ever honor another women while living in deceit
---Rhonda on 6/8/11


I know its hard to control who you fall in love with at times and it will be hard to separate yourself from this man, but consider the pain his wife is going thru. Do you want to be the cause of that pain? Do they have children? Once youre together with her soon to be ex-husband will you ever be able to trust him knowing that he left one wife whom he used to love to be with you? Why would he not leave you to be with another woman 5 years later?

God has someone planned for you and its not another woman's husband... that much is for certain. Just try to be patient and it will be worth the wait. (Isaiah 40:31)
---Jasheradan on 6/7/11


MATTHEW 19,6 So then are no longer two flesh but one flesh. therefore what God has joined together , let not man separate.

MATTHEW 5:28 But I sat to you whoever looks at a women to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
---RICHARDC on 6/5/11




Thank u to all advice, without the yelling...some ppl can be imature, this may not make it to be posted. Funny thing is i never yelled or swore and cant figure out what happen to 3 post...hmmm
---Born-again on 6/5/11


Yes it is against God's will.



Ex 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's WIFE ,nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

If your "neighbor" is a woman, that would include her husband....
---Jasheradan on 6/5/11


NO! AS LONG AS HE'S MARRIED TO YOU!
---John on 6/5/11


Well,for sure a difficult situation.we have feelings,sometimes those feelingsget us into the worst of circumstancesthis - left,one thing not really clear - they do not explain..why?clearly,a divorce ? He obviously,leads us to believe - he wants out/what about the wife? She has a bigger part here..shemay not even know of this..emotionalaffair- perhaps..the two people believethey are n love...it may not even be all they're making it out to be... i would say.. Yeah,she the lady here n love with the married man but,feelings..do not another "marriage" make... Feelingsare "wishy washy" any given momentI say take your time before God n prayer.. Be carefull...
---ELENA on 6/4/11


Born again ... I think you are being foolish and naive

You told us that you still hoped that "we are in love" Do you really think it is right or wise to have that hope still?

Now later, you tell us that you did not know he was married until you were in love. Can you trust a man who would let you get as far as loving him (and it appears, being intimate with him) whilst keeping quiet the fact that he was married.

That, Born-again is lying. Even if he did not say the words that he was free, he still let you think he was.

I would call him a rat, and a cheat. He has cheated his wife, and he has cheated you already. Would he do this if he truly loved you?

Run away as fast as you can
---alan8566_of_UK on 5/19/11




Born_again:
A correction on my previous post. I had mistakenly assumed you were still in contact with your married lover. Sorry.

I hope our advice here was of help.
---Haz27 on 5/18/11


He is going to divorce his wife.---Born Again---

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I DON'T KNOW OF A SINGLE MARRIED MAN THAT DID NOT SAY THAT TO HIS MISTRESS! NOT ONE!!!

The mistress believes it so she can continue to fornicate without feeling guilty. In her mind she thinks she will eventually marry him...BONK!!!

When he is through with you he will find another to have an affair with and will dump you!

LET ME GUESS...

He is much older than you and your vainity is thrilled to have an older man attracted to you. But its not YOU, but your younger body he attracted to. Something his older wife no longer has due to childbirth etc.

ALL YOU HAVE IN COMMON IS YOUR BODE. (NOTHING ELSE!!!)
---John on 5/15/11


Born-again, let me clarify something.

It is one thing to be "in love with"--or probably merely attracted to--someone else, even a married man. After all, we don't get to choose our temptations.

But if you TRULY love him, you'll want what's for his best, which means his being reconciled with his wife.

I'm sure you don't want to be a home-wrecker.

And on a strictly practical level, if he divorces his wife for you, he will divorce you for someone else. Think about that.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/15/11


bornagain,

If he is divorcing her for you turn and run, it will destroy you. Consider this, he is divorcing his wife whom he supposedly made a covenant with to make a covenant with another women. I can promise you this is not God's will because He hates divorce. Also if you are a child of God then you are committing a wicked, unloving and selfish sin. Encourage him to stay, that is what a godly women would do. Another thing. Have you committed adultery yet? And believe me if this is so it IS NOT LOVE!
---willa5568 on 5/15/11


Born-again you asked:
"would God forgive our union after all this has happened IF it came to be."

WHY are you even contemplating such a thing? This temptation is of the devil.

God will forgive but what makes you think he will condone/bless your union/adultery with this guy as well?

Get TOTALLY AWAY from him. Why are you both indulging in this temptation staying in touch with each other?

If he's a truly loving empathetic person as you say then he will be trying to save his marriage. Not divorce so he can be with you.

His attitude to his marriage shows how he would eventually treat you too.

Jesus said divorce comes from hardness of heart. And this is the type of person you dream to be with?
---Haz27 on 5/14/11


born-again...As I said before, there are no words that will ever justify you being "in love" with a married man. Let me guess!!! He didn't introduce you to his family or his friends who would have all told you that he was married!!!! Since you must be very young and naive, let this be lesson number one in relationships! NEVER, EVER go out with a man who will not let you meet anyone who knows him.
---karenD on 5/14/11


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Born again, if you are truly born again, you should already know the answer. You already know devorcing his wife because he now love another is wrong. If you are really praying for them, then you already know that no one can stop it but God. And if He doesn't stop it, it is not because God wants them to devorce, it is because God permits are allows those who don't follow His teachings to go further into sin without stopping them.
---Mark_V. on 5/14/11


John: You are nasty and obviously a woman hater. I am not vain and I like cutesy names as you call them. Me and my husband have pet names for each other and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you are saying I am useless to God then you are a liar and all lies come from the Devil who is the Father of Lies.

Who needs your abuse? Why don't you do something useful instead of insulting women who are hurting on the internet?
---poopsey on 5/14/11


\\Second when i found out he was married we WERE in love and thats when the intimacy stopped.\\

Why were you intimate--if you mean having sex--if you weren't married?

Get yourself out of this mess before it gets any messier.

If he was untrue to his present wife, he'll be untrue to you, too.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/13/11


is this gentleman also a christian?if so both of you should know that falling in love while one of you is still married,means you have had contact,contact which is in appropriate,not unusual in the world,but should be something that those who claim be born again do not practice.
---tom2 on 5/13/11


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John sometimes its not what u say but how u say it.
---Born-again on 5/13/11

Finally, good advice/criticism!

I will consider it!
---John on 5/13/11


Thank u poopsey from just being a voice i am very open to all critisim...and John sometimes its not what u say but how u say it. I came here for advice and thoughts and thought i could get good Christian scriptures to help me. Once again its Born-again not Know-it-all. WHEW its some scary Christians out there...LOL
---Born-again on 5/13/11


OK, when the question was posed i was not given the opportunity to explain because u have to use 50 words. First, i did not seek him out I dont involve myself with married men. I am not that kind. Second when i found out he was married we WERE in love and thats when the intimacy stopped. HE then later told me he was in the process of divorcing and didnt tell me bcuz he didnt want to lose me. I believe him, Ive have dated in the past and never met someone so empathetic. I have prayed for God's will to prevail and no one to hurt, YES even his wife. My question was basically would God forgive our union after all this has happened IF it came to be. Thats the short part of it and i would be more than happy to give more detail if anyone is interested.
---Born-again on 5/13/11


Back to the real question. It is wrong because it is coveting. Wanting someone that belongs to someone else.

You need to ask God to help you get over this person and then have no contact.

As long as he is married he can never belong to you and it doesn't matter what he says or promises. Stick to reality and what is. He is married now and off limits.

Other than that this is just a temptation sent by the Devil to try to make you fall. Keep that in mind and distance yourself from this man physically and in time you will get over him.
---poopsey on 5/13/11


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Calling women HENS is abusive and derogatory.
---poopsey on 5/13/11

Don't try to take the SPOTLIGHT off yourself by generalising.

FYI>>>

I DON'T CALL WOMEN HENS!

I call woman who engage in these self-indulging posts HENS. The "ALL ABOUT ME" vain women. Who are useless to G-d. An afront to real woman. Using vain cutsy names(i.e. Poopsey)

FOR THE RECORD...

I HAVE GIVEN TONS OF PRAISE TO CHRISTIAN WOMAN ON CN. (I.E. DARLENE1, RHONDA) EVEN TO WOMAN WHO DISAGREE WITH ME(DONNA66).

I HAVE ALSO POSTED LESSONS BASED ON WOMAN OF THE BIBLE(DEBRA, ESTER, RUTH, ALLTHE MARYS, JAEL,)

If the Glass-slipper doesn't fit Poopsey. It time to get real/focus on G-ds business. NOT SELF-INDULGENCE!
---John on 5/13/11


"Born Again", Consider this! God will never lead a Christian into a relationship that is against His Laws, i.e., adultery. You are guilty of adultery , even in a spiritual sense if you dwell on the "feelings of love" you say you have for this man. As was already stated, He will probably be as true to you as he was/is to his current wife. I would strongly suggest that you forget about this man, confess your sin to God and then move on.
---tommy3007 on 5/13/11


What kind of born-again woman gets involved with a married man? NONE!!!!! You gotta be kidding us!!!! God says what HIS will is and HIS will is that we keep HIS commandments. You can use all the words to explain why you "love" a married man, but they won't ever justify your ADULTERY!!!!!
---KarenD on 5/13/11


Feelings are what they are. Its what you do with them that causes the sin.

Consider this: What does having these feelings for someone you cannot have do for you? It holds you back in your walk with God. It holds you back in your personal growth.

He says he is going to divorce his wife, but is he really? Is he just leading you on? Ask yourself, how many holidays have you spent alone while he is with his family?

Do yourself a favor.. move on..
---NurseRobert on 5/13/11


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Here we go AGAIN

You know it is against Gods will so why even ask?
---francis on 5/13/11


(c: I'm not going to say that all women are hens, or that any are!!! But I have known a number of ladies who have been involved in divorce and have justified remarriage, and them they seem to be running around like chickens with their heads cut off. This includes ones with Christian leadership reputation in Bible churches . . . they can get emotionally involved, but not deeply in God's love with Jesus Christ's "rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:29) And then they get broken and frustrated, because they have not first gotten wise to how they fooled themselves into marrying the wrong person, and keep fooling their own selves.
---Bill_willa6989 on 5/13/11


Did you notice why Moses allowed divorce?

Matthew 19:8, "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."
---Bruce5656 on 5/12/11


Yes it is wrong. He is still married. And for all you know he could just be telling you that. You shouldn't even been dating or involved with a married man. If he leaves his wife for you,then what if he turns around and does you the same way he did her.If anything you should be praying for him to realize what he is doing is wrong,not continue a relationship with you,and work on getting his marriage right and making his marriage work. And you should be praying for God to send you someone that isn't already married,get your own life right with God. And stop dating married men,cause if you don't,you are just breaking up marriages and familys.How you would feel if you were in those men's wives shoes and their kids shoes?
---alice on 5/13/11


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John: You are not spiritual at all and you don't reflect any love either. God is love and that includes emotions. Jesus was God and he got angry(emotion), he showed compassion(emotion), and he cried(emotion).

Calling women HENS is abusive and derogatory.

You are so wrong on so many things. God doesn't give me gifts? You are spiritually blind. God gave the greatest gift of all. He gave himself in the form of Christ for your redemption.

The Bible says there is no greater love than to give your life for another. Who would you give your life for, John?

Other than that I think you may be religious but you have no mercy or grace and don't manifest the fruits of the spirit. Maybe you are just a troll.
---poopsey on 5/13/11


Born-Again, I believe the Devil is trying to trap you. No doubt about it. As long as this man is still married, it is wrong for you to be in love with him. What if he doesn't get divorced after all? It does not matter whether he "will get" a divorce sometime in the future. The point is, is that he's married NOW. And, therefore, he is his wife's property, not yours. Best leave him be and you just trust GOD to prepare some other man JUST FOR YOU. Get out of that mess.
---Gordon on 5/13/11


You would be more accurate if you read the New Testament view of this as presented by Christ. Matthew 19 (NASB)
3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." Verse 9 in the one you need to really pay attention too. Even if the wife commit adultery and he divorces her, he still is not free to marry you. My advice, forget him and move on.
---wivv on 5/12/11


YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER MISS "BORN....AGAIN???"

Maybe you need to be born a third time.


Someday one of these Hens posting this stuff will Put down the Harlinquim Romances and pick up that Black book the is now gray with dust. Read and ask spiritual questions about G-d!

HERE A COMPROMISE FOR YOU HENS.
TRY THIS BLOG..

G-D DOESN'T GIVE ME GIFTS!

(There are the Marys and there are the Marthas)
---John on 5/12/11


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i am so appreciative of all responses. i understand vows and thats why we have stopped all physical contact, but the feelings are strong and we are in love (i hope). when i pray, i pray for all parties involved salvation, protection from the enemy, and guidance. i would NEVER want to cause a divorce.
---Born-again on 5/12/11


//I'm sure he will be just as true to his marital vows to you as he was to his first wife.//

and I am sure that you will respect his boundaries as little as you do now.
---aka on 5/12/11


\\ Deuteronomy 24:1 says divorce is permitted.\\

And do you remember what Jesus said on this very topic? "But **I** say unto you....."

If you really love this man, you will want what will result in his salvation. That includes reconciliation with his wife.

In any case, consider this: I'm sure he will be just as true to his marital vows to you as he was to his first wife.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/12/11


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