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Bad Son Back At Home

Let grown son move back in home against better judgement four months ago. He is back to disrespecting me. Lying and saying things about me that are untrue.

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 ---Robyn on 5/13/11
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I love rules. I have rules in my house and always will. If someone has a problem with rules, they do not have to come to my house. I respect others households and mine will be respected,too.Everyone is expected to pul their share of the housework,bills,manners in the home etc.. We also respect one anothers personal property and things. Everyone knows thier position in the home. This keeps down a lot of confusion. Dad is the king and mom is the queen. The kids are the prince(s) and princess(es).
---Robyn on 5/22/11

well honey you made your bed now you can lie in it

you raised a disrespectful son or did your son suddenly become disrespectful

what responsibilities did he have while growing up ...did he have chores and a job during teenage years ...goals for his high school grades and future aspirations ...was he disciplined and TAUGHT to respect?

or are you the SAME "robyn" who incessantly whines about the same son across multiple blogs ..or do you have many disrespectful sons ...gosh I could go on very interesting there are so many "robyn's" who have awful sons ..or the ONE robyn who loves to belly ache

my oh my how clueless parents forget WHAT YOU SOW you reap
---Rhonda on 5/22/11

Why did you let him come back home? Where is your mate and why aren't they defending you?
Give him his "walking papers"!
No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. His behavior is probably the result of previous training. When you give him his "walking papers" don't let him talk his way out of it and he will try. This is known as, "tough love".
---wivv on 5/21/11

//The rules may be part of the problem. Rules only make people want to break rules.//

Nevertheless, most adults follow the rules whether they want to break them or not!
RULES, are NECESSARY for a peaceful, safe household or a peaceful safe society. This young man is going to face rules no matter where he goes in life, whether he likes them or not. If he WANTS to break the rules, he must realize there is a penalty for doing so.

You may set up whatever rules you desire in your own home. NOT enforcing these rules, does a DISERVICE to your son, who will be expected to follow rules the rest of his life.
---Donna66 on 5/21/11

Cluny: I post questions as do others. I am no different. No one has all of the answers to problems and concerns in life. If I can help someone with my experiences and knowledge, I am happy to do so.I hope someone can do the same for me. Call it what you may. I have been here at CN for many years now. Love the site and the interaction here.
---Robyn on 5/21/11

You know, Robyn--unless there is more than one person using this name--you frequently complain here about how others treat you.

A few weeks ago, you started a thread about how the church isn't meeting YOUR needs--as if any church WAS about meeting your needs.

Maybe you need to take a look at yourself.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/21/11

I agree with James. Sometimes the "conditions" just go to show how "conditional" our love is. Instead of a legal document of jots and tittles, why not offer two unharmful choices for each situation and allow him the opportunity to make a choice that doesn't displease you. And before you do that, take a step toward reconciliation. If you are the one who is to express the heart of God toward him, reconciliation is the heart of God. Maybe a simple "I'm sorry for hurting you and making you feel like you can't please me. I am pleased with you because you are my child. Please forgive me for when it has seemed I wasn't pleased." Go ahead. At the very least, you will have planted a seed.
---Sophia on 5/20/11

\\he says he is going to abide by the house rules. He does for a while,then back to the same old thing.\\
---Robyn on 5/14/11

The rules may be part of the problem. Rules only make people want to break rules.
---James_L on 5/19/11

Looks like you are having insulting comments from the women haters on here too.

Maybe you need to give your son one warning and tell him if his behavior continues that he will have to find other living arrangements. Give him a couple months so he has time to prepare and this time don't second guess yourself.

It will be good for him to be independent on his own and he will hopefully learn his lesson well. Hopefully he will smarten up and not have to leave but that is his choice.
---poopsey on 5/15/11

\\You know the devil don't like anyone who stands on God's side.\\

Has it been established yet that you indeed ARE on God's side?

In any case, the Devil doesn't like anybody, period.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/14/11

Robyn, I love my children also, and found it intolerable to live with, and support, an active drug abuser. He wound up being arrested, and then moving in with his Dad. That lasted a year, when Dad found out he was using drugs as well, and he ended up in rehab. After rehab, he tried two different recovery houses, and got kicked out of them. His sister took him in, and he got kicked out of there too. Antisocial behavior should not be tolerated.

All of this took place between 2001 and 2004. Son is now living on his own, six hours away. We have gotten along wonderfully since he moved to his sister's in 2003.

There is nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries, and enforcing them with adult children.
---Trish on 5/14/11

I love men. I love my son. I love my husband. I treat all of my family with respect. You know the devil don't like anyone who stands on God's side. I suspect this is the problem with my husband and son. If I condoned all the wrong things they want to do like pot,alcohol among other evils they would love me to death. I will never compromise who I am and what I am in Christ. I have always shown love to my son and people around me. The bible has already said christians will suffer in this life,for His(Jesus) sake. Your family can be your worse enemy sometimes. I offered everything I could to my son. he says he is going to abide by the house rules. He does for a while,then back to the same old thing.Thanks for all comments.
---Robyn on 5/14/11

"If he doesn't respect you, I think I know where he learned it."
Cluny on 5/13/11
Wow! What great advice.
Send the boy packin' as Trish said....
---Elder on 5/14/11

Forgive me, Robyn.

I confused you with Rhonda.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/14/11

Prayer for us all to do better with God . . . and see what this brings for how we handle people in our lives (c: God bless you, Robyn!
---Bill_willa6989 on 5/13/11

You don't like your husband and you don't like your son, either.

What's this about you and men, Robyn?

If he doesn't respect you, I think I know where he learned it.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/13/11

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Other than family therapy, I can only suggest kicking him out. I had to do it when my younger son was using drugs, because his behavior was similar, disrespectful and lying as well. I empathize.
---Trish on 5/13/11

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