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Hurt By A Church

Has anyone ever been hurt by church?

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 ---brownie on 7/17/11
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Yes, Why do you ask? If you mean, "Have you ever been offended by a person in a church?" Yes I have more than once. I have been in churches where sinners have quenched the Holy Spirit, and have been very disrespectful and rude, and have preached from unholy books, and yelled loudly from pulpits and played the volume of the speakers up way too loud to the point of hurting our hearing, have talked on money rather than on the gospel for the whole service, and I have also been personally lied to.
---Eloy on 7/25/11


No one is hurt by the body of Christ. They might be hurt by a member. As Donna and KarenD stated, we want others to measure up to us. And when they don't they blame the Church. The church does not have the problem, the person hurt has the problem. If the matter is concerning the teachings of Scripture, then as members we should ask, with Christian love, in private. If they do not want to answer, or you don't like the answer, move on. No one is going to please everyone at all times. But we are mature enough to know how to respond in a Christian way.
If you are a genuine Christian you will put it behind you in order to move forward with Christ. Otherwise you are stuck with anger.
---Mark_V. on 7/25/11


// Stop expecting people to measure up to what you think they should be and do and you won't get hurt.//

Well Said.
Remember, people may have been hurt at times because you didn't measure up to what they think you should be and do...

No one can be all things... to all people... all the time. Not even Christians (nor churches) are perfect.
---Donna66 on 7/23/11


Thanks Karen: You are right in that my husband's rejection of me hurt me. I guess I had hoped that the church would have practiced church discipline and rebuked my husband for his adulterous behavior. Had he stopped attending church, it would not have been an issue to concern the church. The fact that he was welcome into the fellowship while committing adultery just compounded the issue.

Does that make sense?
---Trish9863 on 7/23/11


Amen KarenD

hurt by the church experience or people in the church

is the church preaching contrary to Holy Scripture and you are hurt because you were seeking understanding?

or have members hurt you because you don't "fit in" to their social groups and cliques?

I think KarenD made a very good point if your expectations are high then sometimes the smallest events can lead to hurtful experiences
---Rhonda on 7/22/11




Most times that someone has gotten hurt in a church is because they expected something that they did not receive. Stop expecting people to measure up to what you think they should be and do and you won't get hurt. In Trish's case it was her husband that hurt her, not the church.
---KarenD on 7/21/11


Do not let the rights and freedoms of a culture fool you.
The Lord said his kingdom. He didn't say democracy, republic or such.
The bottom line is that the children of Israel were always commanded where, when, how and how long to assemble and worship.
Philip was commanded to join himself to the eunuch and Cornelius was commanded whom to send for and listen to.
Jesus Christ has a kingdom and those whom are a part of it do as he says.
Pray about the situation and assemble in obedience unto him and he shall bless your obedience in the long run. If he says stay then stay. If he says move and the cloud lifts then move.
---Frank on 7/20/11


I'm sure that many have been hurt by a church member, sometimes by the pastor himself. That happens. What we should do is weight what is said and why it was said. Give the benefit of the doubt. Then if we feel we cannot forgive, and they won't repent, then its to move on to another church. Sometimes people don't like the music, too loud, too fast, not the right songs. And others like John who does not like potlucks, will complain about the "hens" as he calls them, and will then talk bad about a church. They find all kinds of things wrong with the Church that they spend their lives all negative. No church will help their problem.
---Mark_V. on 7/20/11


Donna66: Or Whatever You Are! Nothing wrong with denial? That is really stupid. Denial hurts you more in the long run. Short term bandaid solutions don't fix long term problems.

You mock and ask if I live in a pretend world? To answer your question no I don't think I do. You don't know me or what I have been through so watch your mouth. People should be nice within reason but people shouldn't be doormats for others or mistreated.

You say I often seem unhappy? You don't know me so you can't say that. I have times where I am unhappy and others where I am not. All depends on what is going on in my life.

But, if I am unhappy I try to deal with it and fix it if possible and sometimes that takes time.
---poopsey on 7/20/11


Sag: My ex used to speak bluntly to people, as you described. I understand your responses, even if they were not the most appropriate.

I will say that your statement to the guy who said he studied women at college, I thought it was a great one. That was a loving rebuke, which seemed appropriate, though maybe not appreciated by the receiver.
---Trish9863 on 7/19/11




I must confess that I've probably hurt some people in church. Simply because I didn't have the proper response.

A mother once requested prayer for her son. Who had been in jail multiple times. I told her:

What Does Your Son Expect After He Has Willingly Shot Someone And Seriously Injured Them?

One guy told me that he studied Girls and Drinking in college. I just couldn't believe that a CHRISTIAN man would be a womanizer. I told him that that bad, bad behavior is what has brought down several men. From David in the Bible to modern day preachers. My friend looked at me scared.
---Sag on 7/19/11


Mary--You explained it. I couldn't imagine why any woman would STAY, unless some man wanted her to.
---Donna66 on 7/19/11


Hi Donna, no I wasn't there to please a man, I was single and quite happy lol :D I was just looking for the right church for me and this wasn't it.
---Mary on 7/19/11


considering Jesus said," Follow Me !" i would expect to be damaged by religious leaders... ooops wait? i think i might be one O8
---kevin5443 on 7/19/11


When my ex first moved out, he started dating immediately, even though the divorce was not final for over a year. He still came to church services where we attended while together. The elders never rebuked him for this behavior. I left that church because it was too painful to try to worship where we were a couple.
---Trish9863 on 7/19/11


Karen D makes a good (but not always comfortable) point.

Nothing wrong with "denial",in most cases, when your feelings are hurt. It's a natural defense mechanism.
If denial doesn't work, try changing your situation.

For those of you who are employed, are you paid what your work is worth? Probably not. Do you expect your employer or supervisor to praise you for every good thing you do? I sure hope not! Some people whine about their work. Some people just work and make the best of it. Guess who tends to be happiest over the long run.

Or do you, Poopsie, live in a "pretend world of your own", where everybody should be nice?
You often seem unhappy.
---Donna66 on 7/19/11


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mary---Yes, in your case, you were hurt by a "church".
Did you have to stay there? I generally assume people can change churches, but it's not always the case (not for children, nor in some cases, women). Let me guess...you were there to please a man.
---Donna66 on 7/19/11


Hi everyone, in my case where I was indeed hurt by the church, it was because women and even girls were treated as 4th class citizens, it was made absolutely apparent we were not as valuable to God as the men and boys were--and trust me, that hurt this woman.
---Mary on 7/19/11


Nobody can hurt you unless you let them

that is arrogance for you don't obey what the pastor says

changing the pastor? what happened to the people who died in waco tx & jamestown. camping does not want to change & he misled people

didn't christ rebuked the pastors who think that they are always right NEVER wrong? he said that pastors are messengers of god who stumbles & are lovers of money
---mike on 7/19/11


What Augie said is very true. Love is action and when you are ignored, criticized or taken for granted then what's the point? There isn't one.

KarenD: "No one can hurt you unless you let them"?

That is not true. Unless you live in denial. People can and do hurt you whether you let them or not.

Living in a pretend world of your own making doesn't negate the facts.
---poopsey on 7/19/11


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Augie--I couldn't agree more...and would have said as much except for the word limit.!
Thanks is just common courtesy. Praise is also a great motivator. I try to provide these to those around me, when I can.
But I'm not about to get upset if it isn't forthcoming from others. I think I'd be unhappy most of the time, if I did!

And usually, I help because I want to make things easier for someone else, anyway...If I feel succeessful in that, I'm satisfied.

Intimate relationships are something else entirely... but with people outside that relationship...maybe it's only me, but appreciation is just frosting on the cake.
---Donna66 on 7/19/11


Never been hurt by church. Nobody can hurt you unless you let them. The majority of times that people say they have been hurt in church is in their own mind. Also, a lot of the people who are saying they have been hurt by a church are church hoppers who have serious problems in their own lives. Have seen it several times when people come to church who try to tell the pastor and the church what they are doing wrong and how they should change. The last couple that came to our church like that couldn't stand each other, so they wanted to change everyone else.
---KarenD on 7/19/11


If someone doesn't give me thanks for helping...well, was that my motive for helping?
---Donna66 on 7/19/11

You seem to think that we should help for nothin.

Working For The Lord or Giving Out Of The Goodness Of Your Heart. That's all true.

But remember that people are people. We are encouraged/uplifted by praise, including thanks. And we are discourgaged/depressed by silence, criticism, rebukes, etc.

A marriage counselor discussed all of this with myself and my ex before our divorce.

Even in Christian circles, like marriages, churches, Pastors, etc. Giving Thanks, Praise, Encouraging Words, etc. goes a long way towards building others up. And strengthening the marriage, church, friendship, etc.
---Augie on 7/19/11


//While I have been so busy with feeling hurt and rejected and slighted by people, they likely did not even mean it that way, plus they aren't even thinking of me while I'm keeping something going in my own imagination.//

ME TOO
I take things personally that weren't meant that way. Several different people may hear the same sermon and be convinced the pastor was talking about THEM. If someone doesn't give me thanks for helping...well, was that my motive for helping, anyway?

Christians may be insensitive, inconsiderate, unhelpful, uncaring etc...(I'll bet I have been too, or have been seen that way...maybe without realizing.) I sometimes have to FORCE myself to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I feel better if I can!
---Donna66 on 7/19/11


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chria9396, I don't think an error of teaching would obviously hurt a person so the person would remember being hurt by the error. But when people do things that hurt you, you could remember this.

"Has anyone ever been hurt by church?" People hurt people. "Church" itself doesn't. And, of course, we can very cleverly go to places where we will get hurt so we can blame "church" or a certain group. If we trust people whom God does not lead us to trust, yes we will get ourselves hurt. Jesus' "sheep" hear His voice and do not follow a stranger (John 10:1-30) or trust predators in sheep's clothing. So, it is my own fault if I go along with wrong leaders.
---Bill_willa6989 on 7/19/11


no, i don't think so. they just chose differently than i would.

i do wonder how many i have hurt in the body of christ.
---aka on 7/18/11


A group of six helped move a piano from the church to a townhouse. Nobody else offered to help. Not even a Thank You from the Pastor.

I helped a single mom move and her kid went ballistic in my car. Several church members told me that I should have been more understanding of how hard single mothers have it.

I tried -- once -- helping with the worship team's technical job. I just couldn't handle it and quit. The Pastor berated me in front of the whole church.

Another Pastor asked for help painting the church. I told him ONLY if he helped out, but he didn't.

I eventually threw in the towel on these so-called more SPIRTUAL churches and returned to the church that I was raised in: the Catholic Church.
---Sag on 7/18/11


Yes, I have been hurt by a church and by the pastor. I am soooo thankful I'm now at a church where I am valued! :) Very thankful to God. I always wanted to write a letter to the minister of the other church saying why I left but just never did.
---Mary on 7/18/11


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Yes many times. This is one reason I fellowship at home with people & donot associate with big churches, however again I stil lhave fellowship.
---Candice on 7/18/11


brownie, do you mean by a church Pastor? or the people in the church? For me, it's BOTH.

I was a new Christian and two sisters in the Lord were jealous of me so they made trouble for me. I wrote the Pastor a letter and he did NOTHING about it- they were his pets. Then the Pastor preached against me for his sermon, said I was betraying the church, so I left and never looked back. Oh I shook his hand and said, "I forgive you" and THEN I left the church. Two months after I left, God closed the church down and he hasn't been a Pastor since (that was back in 1987).
---Donna5535 on 7/18/11


Bill_willa6989, I can relate, been there, done that...yet, as you say ""And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13)
I wonder if the poster meant hurt by people, or the church itself, for instance, a church that one finds has been teaching them error? I took it the way you did.
---chria9396 on 7/18/11


"And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13)

I have felt like I was hurt, until God gave me the correction I needed. Jesus expects me to love all people, including in any churches where I go, no matter how they may be . . . still He expects me to love all people.

While I have been so busy with feeling hurt and rejected and slighted by people, they likely did not even mean it that way, plus they aren't even thinking of me while I'm keeping something going in my own imagination.
---Bill_willa6989 on 7/18/11


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