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In Love With A Single Pastor

I fell in love with a single pastor we are having a very chastened relationship not even kissing! He is always busy never really has time to talk we spend no time together! He says he isn't seeing anyone else.... but I am lonely and unhappy. I don't think he's in love with me. Should I end this?

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 ---sauda4957 on 8/4/11
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Dear, if he doesn't have time NOW, the time isn't going to increase when you are married.

That is one reason why our Priests don't get marry.
---Nicole_Lacey on 8/26/16

I know how you feeling. I am also in love with a single Pastor and believe me it's not easy. I don't think it will ever be. From time to time I realize how rough things can get on his side to a point I could go to his church and leave without even uttering a word to him. It hurt at first thinking is this what I am getting myself to type of thing? I prayed a lot for and about him. Got closer to God in this time and I'm at peace. We are currently in two different cities and honestly I don't have any doubt whatsoever of his love for me. I take this time as a preparation for what is yet to come.Meanwhile work on your self, keep busy and pray, study or something so you don't find yourself being needy or clingy. Its not going to be easy but worth it.
---Busi on 8/26/16

It may be a good idea to end it as his behavior could be a preview of things to come. Your instinct about him seeing or being interested in someone else is probably right. Most men have no problems with pursuing a woman they are interested in and the fact that he is not pursuing is sending a clear message.
---pg1 on 1/31/14

Hi there!
I also did experienced that! He told me we r compatible because of my character and his are matching. We are not churchmates. However, when there are church gatherings he dont show he likes me. I feel like he doesnt love me. He never says he likes me too.
The best thing I did was to stop texting him and move on with my life. Prayed to God if it's His will that we be together, then it will happen.
Let's just hang on to God and pour out our heart to Him, so He may hear our hearts desire. :) God bless sis!
---jinri23 on 1/29/14

I think that you should pray. You have to pray and ask God to show you if this is the man for you, He will. Be patient and wait on God to answer, he may be showing you and you don't even know it because you are too close to the situation, try to get to know the pastor outside of church without being too aggressive, ask him out for coffee or something, find out what he likes to do and plan to meet up with him, if he is interested he will make time to go out with you, once your alone you can find out what he wants out of a relationship, it is hard for them too, they have to be very careful, make sure that you hear from God, and may He bless you to receive your heart's desire
---gemma2 on 11/21/11

hello,Bro.Andy3996 This is ELENA. I think you gave good strong helpfull advice. I remember,a good chat friend told me one time- made lot of sense.. it's not always coming out 'n print like I mean... my mother reply "say what you mean!" & "mean what you say!"...
---ELENA on 11/21/11

Move on! If he's too busy to "court" you now, it will only get worse once you are married to him. Pastors, in general, have a hard life, to find time for the family is hard even under the best of circumstances. It could also be that he doesn't really love you.
---wivv on 11/19/11

What is he busy with? I think both of you really need to have an open discussion about your relationship and your feelings.Find out what the issue really is with him. He may not necessarily be seeing someone else. He may be showing his love to you in a different way. Be honest with yourself, what do really want.
---adeba5968 on 10/21/11

Sauda, that's nice what you said, but before being hurt by those who adviced you "wrongly" you should realise that most (thank God not all) are ministers who wantr you in their church with their doctrines, if you really wanted good advice you wouldn't have posted in the first place, be real certain questions are NOT for open blogs. but now you received these blogs instead of being hurt, take them and learn from them.
---andy3996 on 9/26/11

I hope all the hurtful cold commentors are not saved and holyghost filled! I did mistype all we do is talk on the phone. I am saved and living holy. I mentioned that we were not kissing to show the innocent nature of our relationship.Some of You guys have very carnal minds. yes i'm 35 mother of 1 honor roll student,a nurse,done outreach with his ministry and with my own church home,i'm not a member of his congregation,a faithful member at my church and full tither, a member of a community prayer band. I'm so glad i'm deeply rooted in god cuz wow! I thought this was a loving environment. It's more love with sinners on facebook or myspace! This is sad!
---sauda on 9/23/11

Yes,if he loved you enough to marry you he would definetly be loving you enough to spend time with you.Minister or not he is human if he loved you like a wife he'd find time.
---shirley on 8/13/11

Jesus compares the Lord to a physician. He was talking about relationship to God. ignorant, huh?

and WHICH one of THESE verses is speaking ABOUT marriage ??

so now we go one step further you claim marriage is a sickness?

oh boy I should exit this topic it has become far more delusional than I thought possible

so disturbing how many DEFEND the single persons ability to guide a married couple in the BOND of marriage ...a BOND they have NEVER experienced!!!

maybe that's why divorce is better than 60% the single people believe it is a "sickness"
---Rhonda on 8/13/11

//ignorance you suggest is - HEALTH issue equated to relationships?// ---Rhonda on 8/7/11

Jesus compares the Lord to a physician. He was talking about relationship to God. ignorant, huh?
---aka on 8/7/11

\\maybe divorce would end if married people started seeking guidance from successful marriages rather a single person who has no clue what marriage is about
---Rhonda on 8/7/11\\

Did Jesus and St. Paul have no clue about what marriage was about?

As I recall, God (and Jesus is God Incarnate) invented marriage.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/7/11

Rhonda it appears that whilst Cluny and i refered to healthy spiritfilled ministers, you want to pin this to"asking advice ofa child".an unmarried counselor can give divine advice, because a christian counselor tends to pray and listen to he Holy Spirit, as he tends to read directly from the manual (bible and other christian sources), without risking for the yeahbutcarnal filter to lessen God's truth.
many ministers who where succesfullunmarried counselors , affirm that after two years of marriage all came in a state where they could nolonger genuinly counsel. naturally if these counsemlors are honnest it turns for the better afterwards.
Rhonda, you know what I mean
---andy3996 on 8/7/11

\\single people LACK experience and WISDOM of engaging in married LIFE\\

Would you consider St. Paul's advice to married people meaningless because he himself was unmarried?

How about Jesus? He wasn't married, either, but had some things to say about marriage.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/7/11

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one does not need to experience broken bones to warn against it,

no need to have broken bone experience to warn more successfully either

ignorance you suggest is - HEALTH issue equated to relationships?

a single persons successes ABOUT their SINGLE life verses success WITHIN the BOND of a married RELATIONSHIP - absolute polar opposites

children are single ...would you seek a childs "unclouded non-experienced vision" and their idea's about what marriage could/should/MIGHT "be like"

maybe divorce would end if married people started seeking guidance from successful marriages rather a single person who has no clue what marriage is about
---Rhonda on 8/7/11

Andy & Paul, I just looked up the profile. Of course it may not be true but that is what sauda4957 posted.
Now.... all this time you guys thought I was just another pretty face ... huh?
---Elder on 8/7/11

Rhonda, i tend to agree with Cluny.
one does not need to experience broken bones to warn against it, and often the advice of single ministers is biblically more pure, they don't have all that "experience" blocking their vision.
i believe that is one reason why we sometimes hear my pastor counseled and we brokeup.
another group to ask are those with a good marriage, that's why Pauls advice about bishops and deacons was One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity, 1 tim 3:4-5

---andy3996 on 8/6/11

In the same way, a doctor who has never had cancer is unable to treat it.

profession of doctor TREATING sickness requiring years of study about human biology aka mechanics of body - APPLYING knowledge to a set of criteria - cancer is not a relationship with another human being auto mechanic computer technician --- there is an analogy

RELATIONSHIPS require experience single person has any valuable information to offer a married couple - single people LACK experience and WISDOM of engaging in married LIFE wonder divorce continues to rise!!! ...married people receiving advice about having a successful married LIFE from non-married people living a successful single life
---Rhonda on 8/6/11

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\\without living a life himself he has no basis on how to INSTRUCT or guide

In the same way, a doctor who has never had cancer is unable to treat it.

BTW, Rhonda, St. Paul was single, and he said in so many words, "For me to live in Christ." Are you saying he did NOT have a life?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/6/11

Elder, i was wondering, how d'you know she is a 35 year old single mom?
---andy3996 on 8/6/11

I missed that myself.

---paul on 8/6/11

"Hummm" ~ me too Andy! :)
---Leon on 8/6/11

andy3996 ,
Elder found out about the blogger by the same means available to all of us, the chat and penpal profile.
For example, you are Male, 38 years old, married with children, live in Togo and love Bible history.
---Nana on 8/6/11

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crushes are sweet however a marriage based on love is reciprocal

you simply have a crush - you are not "in love"

secondly TRUE ministers of God make time for family THEY MUST keep their homes showing responsibility there

the single minister has no ability to minister to married couples and he is using his "work" as an excuse to escape living ...without living a life himself he has no basis on how to INSTRUCT or guide

I'm unsure what it is you think you are "ending" seeing you spend no time together???
---Rhonda on 8/6/11

Elder, i was wondering, how d'you know she is a 35 year old single mom?
---andy3996 on 8/6/11

Oh, so he told you he isn't seeing anyone else. So, this shows me you have had some kind of communication. But have you fallen in love with his image while not really getting into sharing? In love together you can feel for each other and deal with things personal like you being lonely and unhappy. And a pastor can tell how his sheep are doing, and help you about being lonely and unhappy. I would become able to feel for each other, instead of falling for someone I don't even know.
---Bill_willa6989 on 8/6/11

//1) how do you know he is feeding the homeless. //

metaphor, work representing the many works of the Lord Jesus Christ.

btw...she asked.
---aka on 8/5/11

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Quit the bashing guys. 1) how do you know he is feeding the homeless. Many pastors spend 60 to 70 hours or more just doing internal church stuff. 2) It takes time to promote a relationship and working together at a ministry does not count.
---Scott1 on 8/5/11

Hummm.... now... you are a divorced 35 year old woman with children, he is a single Pastor. Do you see any reason why he might not want to get involved with you?
You need to consentrate on serving the Lord before chasing someone for "companionship."
---Elder on 8/5/11


I look at life this way. If it is important to me, then it is worth the effort to attain. Education, wealth, wisdom, serenity, even your faith in God all take time to mature.

I think love and marriage also fall into this category. I think to find, attract, and secure the right person takes time and work but it is worth the effort.

The world and Hollywood have convinced us that we should be star-struck on the first date, have relations right away, and expect to be married within the week.


I even think that this pastor may be testing YOU to see just how interested you really are. If you fall away, you were not right for him. Because, being a pastor's wife is not for the weak.
---Mark_Eaton on 8/5/11

Sauda: IF you are God's choice for him & he is God's choice for you, all things will fit. IF NOT things between you & him will never fit but dwell in the zone of endurance & tolerance. IF you are a follower of Jesus Christ ask God that question you asked us, HE knows best.
---Adetunji on 8/5/11

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You have no relationship. All you have is a fantasy, and hence, nothing to end.

If you've never been alone with him, no wonder you've not kissed.

Were he really interested, he would make time for you.

Two other things?

1. If he's the pastor of the church you attend, professional ethics would prevent his dating you.

2. "Chaste" and "chastened" do not mean the same thing.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/5/11

sauda4957 it sounds like he could be detecting (since he is a Pastor) that you are not in love with Jesus yet and haven't made Jesus your Husband yet. Isaiah 54 says, "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name."

God says to us in Jeremiah, I will betroth (marry) you to me.

Once you fall in love with Jesus, the overflow of your love for the Lord will SHINE through you and then this Pastor will see the love of Jesus you have.

Turn your eyes, mind and heart to Jesus and Worship Jesus and fill yourself up with the things of the Lord. Study the Word of God, the bible and let Jesus's words become Spirit and Life to you..then the Pastor will notice Jesus in you!
---Donna5535 on 8/5/11

Sauda, i believe it is a differnce of ideas. the pastor just wants to be holy before the Lord, whilst you want to be holy before the Lord. he sees any fysical contact before marriage a sin, whilst your desires are more "modernised". my advice, if as you say' you have a relation, see toghether a senior pastor or a spiritual father of this young man, and start to understand that hugging and kissing is not nesecarely a sign of love. (for indeed one can easely fornicate with no love attached as one can just as easely be austere but full of love. last but not least (PRAY). since it appears to me you're new in his denomination (am I right?)
---andy3996 on 8/5/11

AKA you win the BINGO award. Your answer was perfect. Some never realize that if we would desire and try to be like Jesus then maybe those who love Jesus would like to be around us. There are too many Martha's and not enough Mary's to go around.
---Elder on 8/5/11

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All you state is not important and some ways, except for one thing, it's plain to see (from what you state), his job is more important than his relationship with you. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but you must understand that things will not get any better after you are married to him. It's a mistake many pastor and others in full time Christian work make - they are out to save the world but don't pay any attention to their families. (It happens in other occupations too.) If I were you I'd move on.
---wivv on 8/5/11

//Should I end this?//

End what???? it seems that he cut this off at the quick.

Why? ---> //I am lonely and unhappy.//

as a man of God, do you think that he does not have some discernment? he has probably seen this behavior often with teenaged groupies.

this man seems to be about God's business and not yours. maybe, if you followed suit, he may see a different you.

you have never kissed him. have you ever fed the homeless with him?
---aka on 8/4/11

Your asking the wrong person, you need to speak to HIM.

He's the only one with any productive insight for you, how could we tell you if he loves you or not.

With all due respect he may wish to hold out for a more mature Christian lady with some Godly wisdom to be a Pastors wife to him.

---paul on 8/4/11

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