I cheated on my wife 8 years ago and repented of it..... recently i told her and begged her forgiveness.... i needed to do it as my conscience was killing me....and I love her. God placed it on my heart to do it.... i still carry memories of the time.. even though our saviour has forgiven me ..guess ill have to carry it forever with these memories ... have mercy on us all father GOD
---Casdakiwi on 1/12/12|
nathaniel, don't hurt your wife by telling her about affairs...pray for God's forgiveness and don't ever do it again.
---shira4368 on 1/2/12|
I'm stuck on this too. I cheated many times over our 12 year marriage. Sometimes if was because she pissed me off and others just because it was available. I want to come clean. its killing me! I know there are consequences to face but I dont want to lose my family. I feel so terrible!
---Nathaniel on 12/31/11|
James L, I believe this question will have consequences for their marriage. Sin always brings terrible consequences. Some times not so bad.
But the one question I thought about for a long time and could not answer was the one a sister posted about whether she should or not, tell her daughter that her father was her grandfather. Born of a incest relationship. I could not find an answer. If she found out it could destroy her whole life. If they don't tell her, she could find out from someone else and never speak to her mom again. Such a shameful act to answer to. In a marrigae both lives can move on without the other, but in this case, who knows what could happen.
---Mark_V. on 10/18/11|
---James_L on 10/17/11|
James L, I read all of the answers for this blog and I agree with your answer very much. I thought about what I would do if I had done such thing, and I know it will hurt a lot if I told her, but hiding a lie I believe would be worse if she ever found out. It's better to take the beating now then later and also there still a chance of her getting a health problem.
He needs to think about her health. Telling her will hurt her very much now, but let her decide what she will do. She might forgive him. The blogger said he would not do it again, but most who have will do it again, maybe not with the same person, but with another. When a person shows love and forgives, the spouse many times takes it for weakness and take advantage.
---Mark_V. on 10/14/11|
Rhonda, You are mighty judgemental.
---Donna_Brown on 9/29/11
fact is men do not always GET std however they can be carriers
hurt her? you mean hurt HIMSELF ...you forget he will always CARRY this lie around with him FOREVER having this cherished memory ...you see just because you don't admit to something doesn't mean you are not lying about it you do get that right? probably not....
judgmental? very funny how adults today ERASE any kind of responsibility in their lives by LIVING lies ...no small wonder when people who call them on their LIES are "harsh" and those who pander to their lying selfish ways are so "sweet and loving"
---Rhonda on 10/8/11|
If you think she is going to find out you better tell her before someone else does. But if you think she will never find out then don't say anything. And in the future make sure you only hook up with people in different cities so she is less likely to know.
---Jim on 10/3/11|
Rhonda, You are mighty judgemental. Sounds to me like you know it all. Maybe he should pray and ask God what He would have him do. Actually, if he is truly sorry and does it no more (God will know if he is truly sorry) maybe he doesnt have to hurt her. And he can be checked to make sure he hasn't contracted an STD
---Donna_Brown on 9/29/11|
This may be a life changer for you two. I would seek out a person who is a mature Christian, preferably a councilor or Pastor who you can confide in and go from there. You definitely need more than we can give with our 125-word responses. You need Godly counsel and accountability from another man who is a strong believer and is not afraid to challenge any excuses you may bring to the table, but can still be understanding and compassionate. You should look up Every Mans Battle It is a book/program to help this sinful behavior there are even workshops around the country, pleas look into it. Dont take it lightly or it will happen again. Hold on to Jesus!
---Poppa_Bear on 9/29/11|
Paul...It is now obvious that you are a total control freak.
---KarenD on 8/15/11
Ha. Except with himself.
He's a modern day preacher. Same thing as a CFrk.
He told me to use spell check one time. I found about 15 of his misspelled words on as many post and posted them. Moderators didn't them go through. Maybe didn't want to humiliate his self installed potentate.
Beware of the scribes, which desire to walk in long robes, and love greetings in the markets, and the highest seats in the synagogues, and the chief rooms at feasts,
---Trav on 9/29/11|
Mrs._Chaney by your misunderstanding of the Scripture you quoted by your reasoning one is to assume that by telling his wife his wife will be "stoning him"? leading this man to arrogance to HIDE the lie from his wife "in christ" wow a new take on lying-love
He violated his wife and her health if he respected his marriage and vows and his wife then he would let her know so she can be checked by a health care professional - MANY std's do not have symptoms
if he does not respect his wife and SELLS himself on the idea that she would leave then there is nothing anyone can do/say/suggest to release him from his own lies
tell one lie it's easy to keep telling more to cover up the one
---Rhonda on 9/29/11|
Don't hurt your wife. Read, John 8:4-11 "Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The Law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?" They demanded an answer, so He stood up & said, "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" Then Jesus said to the woman,"Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?" "No Lord," she said. Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go, sin no more." Jesus didn't condemn her of adultery, neither did he ignore or condone her sin. He told her to leave her life of sin. Jesus is ready to forgive, but confession and repentance mean a change of heart.
---Mrs._Chaney on 9/28/11|
dont disrespect Her more than You already did,she deserves to know....
---kevin5443 on 8/17/11|
Paul...It is now obvious that you are a total control freak.
---KarenD on 8/15/11|
Are you truly repentant or are you only looking to make yourself feel better? Have you confessed your sin to God because you really understand the error of your ways - not only having betrayed your wife, but grieving God & the Holy Spirit? I would really do some soul-searching here before telling your wife, although, I think you should tell her. If you are truly convicted of your sin & seek forgivenss from God, then pray He will help you tell her. She may still leave, but you should have thought about that before allowing yourself to be in this place of temptation.
---Cathy on 8/11/11|
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hello! Thankyou,Bro.Paul..hey,my apologies not meaning to cyber holler or offend people, o my God no! Please forgive me... everyone! I am smile! One day maybe! I tell my age.. ELENAAlso, new day... another Language.. :)
---ELENA on 8/11/11|
Not only cheat'n wrong, sad but, WORSE still YOU MAY have EXPOSE her to STD'S...
---ELENA on 8/10/11
I have notice you have an issue with capitalization.
Please allow me to offer a tip.
When you want to capitalize a letter and use uppercase style, just hold the SHIFT button while you type the 1 letter you want capitalized and let off the shift button and continue typing.
Capitalized words are considered cyber screaming to the reader.
For spacing always hit the space bar after you punctuate.
When you put a period or exclamation mark or question mark always hit the space bar before typing your next sentence.
Look forward to your posts and I hope this is a help to you.
---paul on 8/11/11|
Kyle, here's what you should do.
Find out HOW TO STOP doing this. It's not a matter of "know that it won't happen again."
Repent ALOT and tell your wife. We all suffer the consequences of our sins.
King David committed adultery and God took his child born to him from the affair.
Once you get TRULY saved by Repenting and getting Baptized in the Spirit, then begin a new Life in Christ Jesus.
Then "by the Spirit of God put to death the deeds of the flesh."
That means live by the Spirit of God, walk by the Spirit of God and you won't fulfill the deeds of the flesh.
So that's your homework for the next 2 years. Learn to do this. Yes, tell your wife. She deserves to know.
---Donna5535 on 8/11/11|
What is it that you value enough, that could get you to betray your own wife? If that woman knew you are married, she is a person who is willing to help you betray your own wife. Whatever she could give you, then, is no competition with all that you can have with your own wife in holy matrimony. So, what did she give you, that you valued enough to betray your wife in order to get that??? You might get wise to what these things are, so they can't play you around in other ways, also.
---Bill_willa6989 on 8/10/11|
kyle,May I say "yes" you should tell her!give her the truth! We live 'n a REAL DANGEROUS time.. Not only cheat'n wrong, sad but, WORSE still YOU MAY have EXPOSE her to STD'S... It's WAY MORE...... than you venture to imagine.I pray GOD HELP YOU & GOD MAY EXTEND HIS MERCY......
---ELENA on 8/10/11|
I agree with Reba. To take your marriage and your wife's insecurity so lightly, and then come to the assessment that you will never do it again?
What makes you say you will never do it again? Regret?
There is nothing to be gained by hiding it and carrying a burden of guilt.
Besides, if you feel that guilty it will show in one way or another and she will konw something is different.
At this juncture, I would say that you ought to at least respect her enough to confess what you've done and leave the consquences to her and God.
---James_L on 8/10/11|
she has told me numerous amounts of times that she would leave if I did. What do I do?
---Kyle on 8/10/11
With you specifying numeration indicates this is an ongoing problem which your wife already knows is an issue.
Your wife has a right to know and you have an obligation to tell her.
You have made a terrible mistake knowing what the consequences were for this act.
When you decided to lay down with your home wrecker you knew by advise of your own wife what the end result would be, so you have chosen to break up your marriage.
By telling your wife this will allow her to make an informed decision whether or not she desires to take you back or not.
You've made your decision, now let her make hers.
---paul on 8/10/11|
Kyle, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR WIFE DID THE SAME THING YOU HAVE DONE? Your wife must've felt insecure about your willingness to be faithful by warning you that she could not live with you if you chose to be unfaithful to her. You say that you know you wont do it again, yet you chose to do it knowing the risk of losing your wife. So, saying you wont do it again is ,in my opinion, a waste of breath. It is my opinion that your wife has a right to know. You should be honest with her & face up to the consequences. It may help you begin to grow up & think with your heart & brain rather than your lesser anatomy.
---Reba on 8/10/11|
Would telling your wife help her or hurt her.
Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/10/11|