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Husband Love His Stepdaughter

I married a man younger than myself 12 years ago. We had 12 years together. Last year he informed me " He loved me but not in love with me" and he loved another woman. The woman was my daughter, his stepdaughter of 12 years, (he and she are 37) Any advice as to how I should handle this?

Moderator - It may have been that way from the beginning since that is more natural due to the ages involved. I am not sure if there is much that can be done. Interested in what others have to say.

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 ---Laura on 8/21/11
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It's hard to believe he had an affair with your daughter and you didn't suspect it. Is she married? If she is, is her husband aware of this? There are only three options available to you, as far as I know - 1. Grin & Bear it, knowing you are only a "pawn" for him to get the person he really wants. 2. Get professional Christian Marriage help. 3. Get a divorce - which you have a right to do, based on the Bible, since he is guilty of adultery.
---wivv on 11/18/11


Laura, there is not much you can do to change what has happened already. she is your daughter and most important to you. I do not see anyway you can change anyone. only the Lord can do the changing in a persons life so I suggest you pray for your daughter and love her.
---Adam on 10/23/11


hi.I am just wondering how old is your ex husband when you got married? and how old are you right now if he is just 37 yrs old now?just a thought...
---mj on 10/22/11


Please Robyn, You've got to stop. My lungs can't handle that much laughing at your silly comical comments. Please, only serious posts.
---Jed on 10/22/11


Again Jed has no earthly idea of right from wrong. Neither does Paul. Who cares about maturity when something like this happens. Get on their level and deal with them, like they have dealt with you. Thirty seven years is old enough to know right from wrong. These skanks knew better.They both have the morals of an alley cat. The only way you are going to heal is: to get both of them out of your life, forgive them(for your sake and Jesus)if you are a christian, and never do this insane thing again. You were not all that. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. You have learned a very painful lesson, in a very painful way. I am sorry.
---Robyn on 10/21/11




It is certainly a tough and painful spot to be in. Right now you are feeling betrayed by two people you love dearly. I want to say there are no easy answers. But first i pray for you that the love of God will embrace you and hold you at this time. UNDERSTAND THAT GOD'S LOVE FOR YOU IS UNCONDITIONAL. He says he will be with us when we pass through the fire. Don't feel you are a bad person. So my human reply is that you might have to let go painful as it maybe. Find a support group preferably christian friends who can pray with you and give you sound counsel. Your life will be beautiful again.
---adeba5968 on 10/21/11


It hurts me to hear so much condemnation and blame heaped on this woman. Are we followers of Christ, or the councilors of Job? Mamm, I pray that you find the grace to forgive both of these two along with us foolish advisers. I understand that they are probably the two most important earthly people in your life and the truth is crushing, I will be praying for all three of you in this situation.
In His loving grip
Trust in the Savior of men, the Living Water.
---Poppa_Bear on 9/12/11


Nana, the moral law says such things should not be done, the case described by Paul implies quite well that the woman concerned was the wife of the father, and not the mother of the perpetrator. whatever the case it is inexcusable too maryand divorse is allready abomination, and NO the bible does not condemn big age differnce YES according bible standards this is a violation of every familyvalue.
---andy3996 on 8/31/11


andy3996,

FYI, I do understand and in the OT people were stoned to death for such things.
Regardless, the blogger is not the daugther or the husband in this scenario.
It is the woman whose husband told her that he is in love with another
who started this blog. If the other woman had been his same age or
15 years less, I would have advised the woman just the same.
Can't force or enforce love. Should we stone the three of the
---Nana on 8/31/11


Nana, here's another scripture concerning
leviticus 18: 17 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her sons daughter, or her daughters daughter, to uncover her nakedness, for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.
---andy3996 on 8/31/11




Nana, i donot think you understand the situation,
1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his fathers wife.
Leviticus 18:8 The nakedness of thy fathers wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy fathers nakedness.
---andy3996 on 8/30/11


Personally, I see no issue with the age difference.
This situation is defined in Cor 7. The man is "not pleased to dwell with" you.
It makes no difference as to the with whom is the man "pleased to dwell" with.

Age difference? Rather look at unequaly joked hearts: Surely two young love
birds born shortly of each other marry, total bliss! Supposse now that an accident (God forbid!) cripples the 'youth' of one? What would you who judge do in the same situation? Take your hormones elsewhere?
---Nana on 8/30/11


PAUL. Andy This is true and is a mark of maturity...-...Therefore they would not deduce the same rational... ARE HORMONES INVOLVED? :-(
i remember a young girl "hitting on me" when i was 17, though i also "desired" her, because she was allready dating a long distand friend i broke every contact.(neverthelees she was on the point of giving up the boy over me) i guess i was born middle-aged. :-) basically today people blame "hormonal fluence", meno-and-penopause, to "justify"sinfullness. my parents and grandparents had the same problems yet they didn't giveinto lust. its rather a sick and twisted modern society. are the oldendays better? no but the former generations respected themself better.
---andy3996 on 8/29/11


This situation has nothing to do with love. It is all about lust. Women and men who choose to date people who are the ages of their children are wanting to build their ego up. Nothing more than that.
---KarenD on 8/28/11


agreed but if my father (god forbid would marry a girl my age) i would allready know she's off limits
---andy3996 on 8/26/11

Andy

This is true and is a mark of maturity on your part.

However you are 39 years old, this man and her daughter were 25 when they were introduced.

This is at a very impressionable and hormonal driven point of ones life.

Therefore they would not deduce the same rational that you as a 40 year old man would.

I still say the mother made a huge mistake by bringing this man into her daughters life as she did.

I just hope she has learned a lesson and the daughter realizes what kind of man she is dealing with.

Paul
---paul on 8/26/11


ok so i am trying to do the math,YOu were 12 when You birthed Your Daughter? anyway,my suggestion is,Take a nice long vacation....
---kevin5443 on 8/26/11


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KarenD When a person marries someone who is the same age as their children, they are putting their children at risk due to the fact that the spouse and the child have more in common than the parent and spouse.
agreed but if my father (god forbid would marry a girl my age) i would allready know she's off limits
we are no victims of love, we can decide to love and how to love.
what goes on in this situation is LUST.
---andy3996 on 8/26/11


What does your daughter feel for him? The unregenerated mind man/woman takes depravity as exciting or fun. It is only a surrendered mind to God that will not easily fall into such temptation because of the understanding of God's instructions. Pray the prayer of David that God should confuse their interest in each other.
---Adetunji on 8/26/11


Laura, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I don't believe there is anything you can do. You cannot change him or her. The only person you can help is yourself. you will have to be very careful how you handle this problem. That is why our faith is in God and not in man. Ask God to give you strength to cope with what is happening to you. I suppose from what you said, you opened the door for him to be close to her from the beginning. He probably had eyes for her from the beginning. Because she was already old enough at 25 to know what she was doing. Yet do not blame yourself because you trusted him. Trust in God only, and you will not fail in what you have to do. I'm praying for you.
---Mark_V. on 8/24/11


When a person marries someone who is the same age as their children, they are putting their children at risk due to the fact that the spouse and the child have more in common than the parent and spouse.
---KarenD on 8/23/11


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Just read Paul's answer below. That's pretty much all there is for this situation you created.
---Jed on 8/23/11


KarenD "Marrying a much youger man may have built your ego back then. But, it didn't work out too good, did it? Shame on you for putting your child in this position"
37 - 12 = 25 years. i think the daughter might have guilt as well, or a girl of that age is supposed to be stupid? imeant innocent.
and why are you acusing the victim? unless you know something we are unaware? enlighten us please.
---andy3996 on 8/23/11


When I hear of things like this happening , my heart feels as if it wants to come out of my body. What a terrible thing to hppen to someone. People do such evil and heinous things to themselves and others. It makes me want to puke. I hope I never have to go through such pain and torment as I am sure you are going through. So much can be said about the people who did this to you but it would not be godly or nice.
I will refrain. I pray God's peace will be with you and you find it in your heart to forgive these animals.GBU
---Robyn on 8/23/11


Wow! My heart,goes out to you! I do not judge you Sis. I believe you should just pray n ask God to give you more strength,your daughter will need you let not your heart be troubled,let God be your all! you been hurt enough,none of us is capable of seeing "the real person" probably,you got your emotions wrapped up and so,forgive them.. God has a better life for you,discover (build) a more closer walkwith a loving God who loves...Go Sister,be at peace get active in church,draw closer... Love of Jesus... ELENA
---ELENA on 8/23/11


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laura, sorry to hear this, aren't there laws against this kind of atrocities?
when i read this i was discusted actually
i hope your daughter isn't stupid enough to engage in this relation, probably allready has, and if so i hope she doesn't have a daughter . this kinda man are called cuccoo's (like the bird)
all i can say spiritually pray, and bind this demonic manifestation, and yes for that you'll probably 'll have to find a nondenominal church
the bivble does condemn this in a hard way.
---andy3996 on 8/23/11


Marrying a much youger man may have built your ego back then. But, it didn't work out too good, did it? Shame on you for putting your child in this position!!!!
---KarenD on 8/22/11


First of all stop dating men that are your children's age.

This has probably been going on for 12 years, and why not, I f he was old enough to be in a relationship with you then she was old enough as well.

I think you should handle it by addressing your issues you have within yourself that would allow you to be attracted to a man the age of your child.

Then accept the fact that you brought this on yourself by moving a man into your home that was more suitably matched to your daughter.

I feel more sorry for your daughter for the poor example you have been to her and hope she does better with her children.

Paul
---paul on 8/21/11


(he & she are 37)...your husband is the same age as your daughter??? What does your daughter say about all this? Is this all in his head or is she actually part of it?
---Reba on 8/21/11


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