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Daughter Is Pregnant

I sent my Pastor an email to tell him and his wife that my 16 year old daughter was pregnant. I had explained in the email that she knew it was sin, has prayed and asked forgiveness. As her mother I also had forgave her. I never received a reply. I feel as though we are being rejected?

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 ---Lisa on 9/11/11
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People make mistakes. We have all made mistakes and we are all sinners.
Her sin has been forgiven if she has asked with sincerity. Christ came to save us all, because we were sinners.
Your daughter is the world of being between a child and adult. It is a very hard place to be, especially in this world. She needs support and the help of those strong in faith.
Talk with your pastor or at least phone him. If he is not supportive find another church.
When the shepherd lost a sheep, he searched until he found it. This now is a critical time when she needs love. Now is the time your church should be fighting for her to bring her back into the fold. Not with recrimination she has probably done enough of that herself.
---chris on 1/3/12


While I can't really comment as to why the pastor never responded, I can state that e-mail is NOT to way to deal with an issue as important as this. It could be considered not important to the the person receiving the e-mail since you didn't feel it was important enough for you to call him. What I would do is set up an appointment to see him and ask him why he didn't respond to your e-mail, and tell about the situation.
---wivv on 11/19/11


Mom: Your daughter knew what she was doing. Most of these young girls look at the other young girls having babies, and they follow suit. This is why pregnant girls were not allowed to mix with the unpregnant girls, back in the day. That was a great idea then and could work today. But the teachers, principals and society as a whole, is godless and afraid to speak out. They have basically thrown up their hands. The legal system is corrupt. From top to bottom is riddled with sin.No one fears God or even trying to do the right thing. Your daughter is the product of society's ills.
---Robyn on 10/6/11


Unless you can win your daughter over to Christ and yourself too by knowing and actually living the literal word reading daily and applying the information to your daily lives.
Starting from the new Testament( you'll be surprised what you learn about virginity and marriage 1 Corinthians 7)



Start getting ready for the next baby!

How important is is to know the word, when you know it you will not depart from it's guidance.

And for the antagonists those people who you are going to draw an analogy of so called "christians" SIMPLY did not and COULD Not have accepted the word, not read it ACCEPTED THE TRUTH.
---Carla on 9/30/11


/America has a moral problem and I know that.

And the problem is further compounded by what we hear in our churches today regarding sexual orientation as a civil rights issue.

The church I used to belong to decided that sexual immortality was like any other sin and that those guilty of such could be ordained as church officials.

I can understand the feeling some would have in seeing their love grow cold.

There is a judgement coming and we will not like it, but we should stand on the truth and hold our ground regardless of the price.
---lee1538 on 9/27/11




Lee1538, I have never had that problem either. America has a moral problem and I know that. If it was my daughter, I would love her and support her. I surely wouldn't turn my back on her. I do agree with you about the pastor. I would still see him face to face. I would seek the council of a man of God...not a therapist.
---shira4368 on 9/27/11


shira3877//Lee, go to your pastor face to face. Embrace your daughter and stand by her. She needs her parents now. If your pastor won't talk to you, find another church.
---
If it was my daughter that was pregnant and my pastor would not counsel us, then I would either go to another pastor or seek a Christian counselor not affliated with any church.

Fortunately, all of my family holds and has held the same high standard of morality as I myself have been taught so have not been plighted with that sort of problem.
---lee1538 on 9/26/11


Lee, go to your pastor face to face. Embrace your daughter and stand by her. She needs her parents now. If your pastor won't talk to you, find another church.
---shira3877 on 9/26/11


Obviously the pastor is not doing his job. All too often the parents will decide on an abortion.

I recently found out that my wife's niece had a baby when she was 16. The parents sent her into a program for pregnant teens, and after the child was born, decided to place the child for adoption. My youngest son found her in one of his classes and as he also was adopted compared notes and found out that this girl had as his mother, my wife's niece.

As my wife's niece already had 2 divorces and it appears she is successful with her 3rd marriage, we decide to let it remain a family secret.
---lee1538 on 9/24/11


Shira, no problem, whoever pastor he is, he is a godly pastor. He handled the matter with the love of God instead of been angry and saying words he could never take back. That is what happens many times, once words come out they can be very hurtful for life. I was angry at my daughter at first and didn't talk to her for a month. But it was a weight on me because I knew God wanted me to talk to her, He convicted me, and I knock on my daughters door, and told her everything was going to be fine, that we would help her no matter what. And she cried and we hugged for a long time. Now my grand daugther is 24 years old, and a beautiful person who loves the Lord so much. I'm so glad God brought her into our lives.
---Mark_V. on 9/16/11




Markv, Bro. Larry wasn't my pastor. Sorry if I implied that. He is a pastor I know and have been to his campmeetings.
---shira3877 on 9/15/11


Shira, that was a great testimony by your pastor. Praise God he handled it very good. The love of God can do miracles in peoples lives. I know all stories don't turn out that way, because many times the parents do not answer the godly way, and the results are different.
---Mark_V. on 9/14/11


Bro. Larry Brown would not mind me telling this since he has told it many times. He is pastor of a large church in South Carolina. His daughter became pregnant and when her parents found out, they reached out and hugged her, prayed with and for her. Called her boyfriend, hugged him, prayed with and for him. The daughter and her boyfriend are now married and he is the choir director. They are serving God together. Now imagine if he had handled this the wrong way...3 lives ruined.
---shira3877 on 9/14/11


John your parents must have been out to punish the whole world then.
---Elder on 9/14/11


This was due to YOUR lax, adsence and uncaring abandon parenting.
---John on 9/11/11

So, are you saying that:

* Every Not-So-Good choice that I've made

* Every Sin that I've committed

* Everything that I've done that displeased God

Can be blamed on my parents?

And, I'm assuming that the same standard applies to everybody else?

Nope!

The Bible teaches that WE are individually responsible for our failings. Parenting might have influenced our choices, but we are still responsible for them. Good or Bad.

I think that you owe everyone an apology.
---Sag on 9/14/11


I think the most valuable lesson we ALL learned on this particular post - is just how much of a troubled person John is. Im sure we all have had to listen to his ranting a raving back and forth, blasting all of us who will not right away 'toss tables', or may have a different view. He is disturbed and has some serious issues. May God only be glorified here, and we be humble servants, moldable and teachable - Peace.
---Mikeman on 9/14/11


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\\Usually an e mail is not the best way to deal with a problem.\\

wivv, while I understand what you are saying, my pastor is extremely busy, and I've learned the best way to get in touch with him is by e-mail.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/14/11


Please don't jump to conclusions, if your Pastor is a Godly man he will handle this in a Godly manner.

Paul
---paul on 9/13/11


Why not telephone him or make an appointment to see him? Usually an e mail is not the best way to deal with a problem. I've know cases where girls will break up with guys via texting or e mail - and sometimes the other way - guys breaking up with girls. An e mail is sometimes a cowards way out without having to confront the problem head on.
---wivv on 9/13/11


\\Cluny you are mistaken since you are addressing what I wrote.\\

No, I'm not.

Lots of babies have two teenaged Christian parents.

It's just the way life is. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but we have to face reality and not find something or someone else to blame it on, such as the "wrong crowd."

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/13/11


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You probably are being rejected. Most pastors are in awe as to how much authority people hand over to them, in the name of Jesus. He probably can't believe it himself. I have always believed a pastor should stay out of one's personal business. Take care of the spiritual things that concern the church and kingdom work. What we do in our personal lives is none of his/her business.
You/daughter/father/baby daddy are the only ones who should be dealing with this situation. Or any other family members who care.
If this is a large church, your pastor may not even know who you and your daughter are.
Teen pregnancy is a very serious issue. Your daughter is in trouble and need a lot of answers and help, at this point.
---Robyn on 9/13/11


I believe David said, against God and God alone have I sinned.

The man asked to leave the church in Corinth was asked to so so because he was still with the woman. So as long as one is continuing to live in a sinful relationship YES, they should be brought under conviction of the Church Body.

However, what should the 16 year old do ??? GET AN ABORTION? Absolutely not. Be shunned for how long?

This family needs the Church and the Love of the Church to embrace this young girl who is about to bring a life into the world. The LAST thing you want is for her and this child to end up being so separated from loving Christians.

I wonder what would happen if the Pastors daughter got pregnant?
---kathr4453 on 9/13/11


My mother once told of how she used to take pride in the way I turned out (served the Lord all my life, then a pastor etc.) vs my sister and brother who were not christians and had very messed up lives. She said the Lord challenged her that if she was going to take credit for how I was, she would have to take credit for how they were too. She then realized that we each make our own choices in life and they are beyond the parents control in the end.
---Bruce5656 on 9/13/11


MarkV Totally agree with you, then again i did not say that the pastor was obliged to put her under restriction or anything (because this is a mejure for the unrepentant)
i only mentioned it as one duty of the pastoral body (for indeed such a thing should not be done by one pastor alone but a group of elders and even the entire church should participate. on the other hand i did not read that the daughter wasn't a member of the church maybe i overlooked that post.
---andy3996 on 9/13/11


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Andy, I agree to judge the sinners who committed sin within the church, not the parents. Why would you judge the parents? That was the arguement I had with John. Blaming the parents. The only reason the sinners within the church are kickout is to protect the church and bring conviction to the sinner once he is out to bring him to repentance. You are making this a big issue.
The pastor in this blog question, has no need to know what the sons or daughters of others are doing outside the church. They are there to teach the gospel of Christ and not to condemn anyone. A pastor judges sinners in the church to protect the flock but outside the church God judges. If a member ask for advice, they should be able to give it not condemn them.
---Mark_V. on 9/13/11


MarkV with all due respect,Judging is Gods work indeed, but chastening, is one of the governmental duties. one most churchleadedrs will avoid, but nevertheless this is a nessecity at times"
WHERE DID I SAY that i was talking about this particular case? i was responding upon your post. which confused judgement with chastening.

funny thing is you DISAGREE with BAD ANDY, and then you give an example from the early church that establishes ANDY'S point.
//Sinners who committed adultery and other sins, in the Apostolic Churce were Kick out to bring conviction to them and protect the rest of the Church. Those were requirements of the Church//.
so next time you disagree, do it because of what i said and not who i am
---andy3996 on 9/13/11


warm the baby's bottle in hot water and not a microwave.

discuss important issues f2f and not in an email or text.

take care of your daughter and don't worry about your pastor.

Be Comforted.
---aka on 9/12/11


John sounds like someone who has never had a child. Not a clue about raising a child.
---KarenD on 9/12/11


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Cluny you are mistaken since you are addressing what I wrote. It had all to do with the wrong type person that girl got invilved with. I am well aware of teen sexual urges,isn't everyone,but before she met that boy she participated with the Christian Club at school. The people anyone has as friends influnces their choices. That is why the Bible speaks against a Christian having a relationship with a nonChristian 2 Corinthians 6:14,17 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers--. Therefore come out from them and be separate.
---Darlene_1 on 9/12/11


\\And their child gets involved with the "wrong" crowd and ends up in trouble.\\

It has nothing to do with being in the wrong crowd.

Christian teens have sexual urges, too. Haven't you heard?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/12/11


Andy, it seems I'm disagree with you more each day. I don't know what kind of Church you teach in Africa, but it's not what the Bible tells us to teach. Why would you a preacher judge the parents when they did not sin but their sons or daughters? If there is 20 or 30 parents who have daughters pregnant would you judge the parents? They did not commit the sin. And you have no clue what is said in their homes. You don't live with them, and have no knowledge what descipline they are giving. How can your judgment be righteous? Sinners who committed adultery and other sins, in the Apostolic Churce were Kick out to bring conviction to them and protect the rest of the Church. Those were requirements of the Church.
---Mark_V. on 9/12/11


Raised right can go wrong.
---Darlene_1 on 9/12/11

As you said, parents and other folks can do their BEST to instill good values into a child. And their child gets involved with the "wrong" crowd and ends up in trouble.

Other kids might have had the "worst" parenting in the world, yet choose to turn their lives around. For good.

It all comes down to what that child CHOOSES. Good or Bad choices, we are responsible for the consequences. Yet, this subject seems to come up a lot.

I find it hard to believe that some people don't seem to have any idea about the responsiblity of being a parent. Once their pregnancy is over, and the baby has been born.

What were they thinking?
---Sag on 9/12/11


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Hi Lisa, first please know that your daughter didn't commit the unpardonable sin and there is forgiveness for her at the Cross of Jesus.

Second, you don't need your Pastor's approval or advice, I think you know the right thing to do is to raise the child along with your daughter and do all you can to support her.

Teach him the ways of the Lord and he/she will never depart from the faith.

Make the best of this. You need God's forgiveness, not your Pastor's. Go to God and ask for forgiveness and I'm sure He'll give it to you because your daughter didn't commit the unpardonable sin which is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. (((huggss))))
---Donna5535 on 9/12/11


Amen Patty!

I believe Patty has offered some great insight.

I have to ask - why an email? although email has been around for more than 2 decades it is still a very impersonal way of communicating especially in light of the situation

unless you are seeking advise their isn't much your pastor can do I believe you are taking it personally to believe it is rejection ...Christ did not REJECT the adulterous HE simply told her to sin no more

mankind is imperfect your daughter made a life-changing mistake ...now look to how you may have contributed to this and guide your daughter through this with strength and learn from this lesson ...THEN build an amazing relationship with your daughter and soon to be grandchild
---Rhonda on 9/12/11


John I want to share with you something I know is true. A parent and others can do everything to raise a child right in the Lord with high moral teaching,and they can get with the wrong crowd in their teens and be led astray. I took a girl with me to church from the time she was a toddler and she was taught about the Lord,faith and prayer in the home. The parents never did anything that didn't include their children and it was always wholesome things. When the girl was in her teens she still went to church. Then she met a bad boy type and fell for him. That led to having his baby,sneaking out of parents home when baby was a month old and moving in with boy at his parents house and turned against her parents. Raised right can go wrong.
---Darlene_1 on 9/12/11


YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR HER. YOU FAILED!!!
AND NOW YOU REAP YOUR SINS!!!
---John on 9/11/11

John, you come up with some really off the wall things, but this is the stupidest thing you have ever said.
---NurseRobert on 9/12/11


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What is it you want from your minister? Counseling/advice/acceptance/forgiveness/support? I don't know how "connected" you are at your church, but it seems like you would want to have a meeting with him, and get some advice about what to do next. Do you want counseling for your daughter? What is she going to do with her baby?

I think you have not gotten a response from your minister because 1) you did not talk to him personally and 2) your email was more of an FYI message, and then you ended it with a statement that both you and her have settled the matter and don't really need his advice or support. Maybe he felt like his response simply was not needed.
---Patty on 9/12/11


MarkV with all due respect,Judging is Gods work indeed, but chastening, is one of the governmental duties. one most churchleadedrs will avoid, but nevertheless a nessecity at times.
---andy3996 on 9/12/11


John,
Your answer is exactly like I would imagine the Pharasies would have given.
---Bruce5656 on 9/12/11


\\Did your daughter forgive you for the neglect, abandonment, and bad parenting that lead to this. \\

John, you're not okay, and your post here proves it.

There's a saying, "Bad girls don't get pregnant." An oversimplification, but it DOES illustrate that good Christian teens not infrequently find themselves in positions where they were NOT counting on getting, and bit off more than they could chew.

This girl is NOT the first or second, and she won't be the last.

Let's not condemn anyone but offer grace, forgiveness, love, and support.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/12/11


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call the pastor, maybe he thinks you've allready settled it, and he will be very surprised to hear, your' still worried. and yes i know normally.... if smith
is never around. perfect pastor's neither so call him and ask him.
---andy3996 on 9/12/11


What did you want from the Pastor? Sounds like you and daughter are preparing for the newborn and realized it was not the best for your daughter and asked for forgiveness. Did you have any questions in the email or concerns you wanted to discuss. You know what to expect during a pregnancy.
---Scott1 on 9/12/11


Lisa, I believe if your pastor is like John who answered you, you should be glad you did not get an answer. It's not the job of pastors to chastened the members but to teach the members what the duty is parents. Chastening belongs to God, not to man.
I too have a daughter who got pregnant. It was not my fault that she did. You can teach your children all you can, but the choices they make are their own choices. What we pray for is that they make good choices but we cannot stop them from making bad ones. I was very angry at my daughter when I found out, and for a month I did not speak to her. She ask me for forgivess, I did. Now my grand dauther is 24 years old and a blessing to all of us. My daughter made a choice I could not control.
---Mark_V. on 9/12/11


Bless you for forgiving your daughter and my God bless her as she struggles with the issues of being a parent at such a young age. Instead of fretting about not getting a reply from your Pastor, ask him about it and explain his lack of a reply caused you concern. Perhaps he was just not sure what to say, did not think you expected a response, or as others have mentioned did not receive it.
---Rocky on 9/11/11


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Lisa, whether or not you should have emailed your pastor, is between you and God. it's done. Please don't dwell on rejection, real or perceived. rather, set your eyes on Him, things above. I imagine, having been through this with 1 daughter, that you could use support, encouragement, prayer, as could your daughter. It's a hard time, but our wonderful God can make something beautiful of this. Hold fast to Him, May He bless you both.
---chris9396 on 9/11/11


Seems to me that you aren't very close to your pastor if you told him this news in an email. Perhaps your pastor is like a lot of pastors who don't check their email a lot because they are very busy sheperding their church. You are imaging things instead of talking directly to your pastor.
---KarenD on 9/11/11


The Bible says, "Children are a blessing from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." There's nothing in the context to suggest that the circumstances of conception vitiate the blessing in the least.

It might have been better to have made an appointment to discuss this sensitive matter personally. What exactly do you expect your pastor to do about it?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/11/11


Did your daughter forgive you for the neglect, abandonment, and bad parenting that lead to this.

Did you apoligise to her for NOT being there for her Spirtually or physically?

This was due to YOUR lax, adsence and uncaring abandon parenting.

The fact that you placed other things above your daughter. Her moral and ethical and spiritual upbringing were NOT important to you!

YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR HER. YOU FAILED!!!
AND NOW YOU REAP YOUR SINS!!!
---John on 9/11/11


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first it wasn't the pastors business unless they asked specifically. second the pastor might not have gotten to your email yet so it can take awhile.Remember to love your daughter,not reject her. the sin to have 'fun' before marriage is there,but the child is Gods gift out of the whole mess. Sometimes airing our private affairs can get us into deeper trouble.
---candice on 9/11/11


How do you know that the Pastor ever received your e-mail? Did you request a reply?
Don't add more problems to what you already have. If you are really concerned about how the Pastor reacted then ask him. Don't ask a bunch of strangers who really don't know anything about you.
---Elder on 9/11/11


I don't understand why you felt like you needed to tell the Pastor and wife because frankly it is a family matter and none of their business. If a Pastor rejects you in this time of stress for your child and you then you need to find a church where the pastor has more compassion. A Pastor should be there to support you and her at this time not cast stones. Call him or make an appointment and see him and ask him what is going on,be sure you aren't jumping to conclusions. The most important thing for you is to support your child,love her,and make that love without strings.
---Darlene_1 on 9/11/11


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