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Tell Pastor Of An Affair

My husband Had an affair with a Christian woman. Her hypocrisy angers me. Can I tell her pastor what she did?

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 ---Martha on 9/14/11
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Why do you want to tell the pastor? Your questions reads more like a woman who wants revenge than anything else. Why should the pastor believe you? Better just leave it alone. If it's like you state it is, it will be known sooner or later without you getting into possible trouble as a bitter woman.
---wivv on 12/16/11


If you are single and looking for a mate, you select from people who are "eligible". If your ideal candidate later turns out to be ineligible...then you have just wasted your time
****

ABSURD how is it that so much TIME can elapse???????

yes there are married men and women who deliberately LEAD single people on however MANY do this WITH A RING!!!

if a single person spends and inordinate amount of time with someone they "believe" is single ONLY "to later find out they were not" they are beyond foolish for ASSUMING

how sad that today's singles are incapable of, or socially inept they cannot MAKE SIMPLE conversation to determine this BEFORE they invest their time
---Rhonda on 9/17/11


Rhonda, while many married people may take off their ring to appear as though they are not married. I've never met someone who puts on a wedding ring to appear married when really not. So if you see a ring on someone hand, that means leave them alone, they're taken. You don't continue to have a conversation of that type with someone who is wearing a wedding ring. Get it?
---Jed on 9/17/11


"A simple ring can aleviate alot of misunderstanding and minimize causing a woman to stumble by pondering the chance."
Paul
Paul it is the same reason that I don't wear a Mohawk haircut. I don't like them, nor necklaces, bracelets and so on.
A ring does not make one married and it can be easly removed.
Again I say, I know I'm married no one else needs to know.
There are also women that seek married men for affairs. So is it wrong to wear a ring and attract those women?
---Elder on 9/16/11


Rhonda:

If you are single and looking for a mate, you select from people who are "eligible". If your ideal candidate later turns out to be ineligible (for example, they are married, engaged, seeing someone, etc.) then you have just wasted your time. Or, if you don't care about them or about what is right and wrong, you might try to grab them despite the fact that they're already taken (either by trying to break them up with their current spouse/significant other, or by having an affair with them - both of which are Not Good.)

If, however, you can tell from a distance that they're already taken, it may well discourage you from going down that path altogether, and concentrating on someone who is not yet taken.
---StrongAxe on 9/16/11




Please try and follow what the Lord Jesus taught in Matt.18: 15-17. After praying for her & yourself & if God allows you, (1)with a humble heart[Gal.6:1] tell the offender her fault 1st (2)if she is not sober,with 2/3 witnesses talk to her again (3) if she is not sober, then tell Pastor & church.
---Adetunji on 9/16/11


However it is a visible shield of protection from those who are looking for a mate.
*****

insinuating people CHOSE their mates simply by "looking" at them?

or without even a SIMPLE conversation they have "chosen" their mate in some game of chance?

when I was single I wasn't looking for "protection from" married men posing as single men for lack of a ring

rings don't make a married couple faithful no more than wearing one "helps" single people discern who IS NOT single
---Rhonda on 9/15/11


Rhonda:

You said: a wedding ring does not make one have some invisible shield "protecting them" or others from themselves

This is true. However it is a visible shield of protection from those who are looking for a mate. Someone should be able to see a wedding ring from 20 feet away, and read it as "Sorry - I'm already taken, and off the market".
---StrongAxe on 9/15/11


Pro 17:9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
---aka on 9/14/11


sure, you can, Martha.

is it HER hypocrisy that angers you?
---aka on 9/14/11




Unless it is a medical reason why would you not ware one?
*****

my husband and I chose not to wear rings before we married too

a wedding ring does not make one have some invisible shield "protecting them" or others from themselves ...the ring is simply a symbol nothing more we decided our symbol would be much deeper than something you wear ...much like worshiping in truth and spirit

the stumbling occurs from lack of communication ...women today believe in "equality" ...initiating contact and aggressively pursuing men at all costs ...no communication is not listening - married people do not HIDE their spouses ...a SIMPLE conversation would reveal a married person who doesn't display this WITH a ring
---Rhonda on 9/14/11


tattle on the women and that makes it go away?

will you tattle to the pastor of EVERY women your husband has an affair with - how do you know she is the ONLY one or she is the LAST one?

hypocrisy? because she is "christian" and made a mistake?

what about the hypocrisy of your husband?

what about your OWN hypocrisy?

whining to OTHERS about your marital problems will not build a happy marriage

your anger is misguided and misplaced seeing this women is NOT part of your life and should not be part of your husbands any more

work on your marriage with counseling
---Rhonda on 9/14/11


A woman asked me why I didn't wear a wedding ring so women would know I am married? I said as long as I know it that is all that matters.
---Elder on 9/14/11

Elder

A simple ring can aleviate alot of misunderstanding and minimize causing a woman to stumble by pondering the chance.

Unless it is a medical reason why would you not ware one?

Paul
---paul on 9/14/11


\\Shouldn't it be the Pastor's responsibility to throw him out of the church? (for beating his wife?) Why can't this woman go tell the Pastor?
---Donna5535 on 9/14/11\\

Donna, it sounds to me like you are projecting your justifiable anger at your ex-husband onto this case.

If telling your pastor did NOTHING to help matters between you and your then husband, then why will the original poster telling the other woman's pastor accomplish anything?

At any rate, your case and her case are NOT the same.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/14/11


Are you going to go to your Pastor and tell him what your husband did too? Really now, the important problem is with your husband. The woman could have been anyone.
A woman asked me why I didn't wear a wedding ring so women would know I am married? I said as long as I know it that is all that matters.
The first person that needs correcting is your husband.
You and he need to seek out a Godly Pastor for proper instructions dealing with this problem/sin. Forget the woman and just pray for her.
Never try to "fix" a spiritual problem while running on high emotions. You were done wrong so correct the action that caused that to happen so it doesn't occur again.
---Elder on 9/14/11


Donna: It sounds like your prior pastor did not handle your situation correctly. My comments below addressed the motivations you raised - the victims right to be angry and hurt and desire to expose the sin. Martha can talk to the other woman and, if she does not seem contrite and repentant, escalate it to talking with the pastor. Note, things might be a little complicated if they dont share the same pastor. If not, I suggest she first talk with her own pastor, who knows her, as another pastor has no knowledge of her to help guide him in addressing the issue. Hopefully whatever happens will result in the other woman repenting and residing in the Lord rather than being expelled from the church.
---Rocky on 9/14/11


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Rocky and Cluny, I get your points, points well taken, but here's where I'm coming from.

Our Pastor KNEW my husband was beating me up. Our Pastor knew because I called him and told him and asked him to intervene and tell my husband to STOP beating me up or he'll be thrown out of the church.

The Pastor refused to do that. It's 10 years later and the Pastor retired and left my ex-husband at that church and now I'm hearing everyone is angry that my ex was never dealth with-and he's now a danger to other women in the church.

Shouldn't it be the Pastor's responsibility to throw him out of the church? (for beating his wife?) Why can't this woman go tell the Pastor?
---Donna5535 on 9/14/11


//Can I tell her pastor what she did?//

Was your husband involved in this or did it happen in his sleep? The woman is not your problem, your husband is.
---michael_e on 9/14/11


Donna: The scripture you cite has nothing to do with a right to be angry or to expose sin. Note that the commandment is first to talk with the offender, and only go further if the offender will not hear Thee. Thus there is no exposure, others are only involved if the offender will not hear. Also note the final verse of that chaper:
Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
After forgiving, the one treaspassed on has no more anger.
---Rocky on 9/14/11


\\She has every right to be angry and hurt and want the sin exposed.\\

To whom?

Sounds to me more likely she simply wants revenge on the other woman.

If she REALLY follows Matthew, Donna, the poster will first go to the other woman by herself first. If she gets an apology, that should be the end of it.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/14/11



Exactly right Cluny,

It would seem this woman wants vindication through vengeance which is totally unbiblical.

Go to her first, the Pastor is the last coarse of action.

And even then you must weigh your motives against the Word of God.

Paul
---paul on 9/14/11


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\\She has every right to be angry and hurt and want the sin exposed.\\

To whom?

Sounds to me more likely she simply wants revenge on the other woman.

If she REALLY follows Matthew, Donna, the poster will first go to the other woman by herself first. If she gets an apology, that should be the end of it.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/14/11


Cluny, it was HER HUSBAND who cheated on HER. She has every right to be angry and hurt and want the sin exposed.

Martha, read Matthew Chapter 18, verses 15, 16 & 17.

Here it is (Cluny's advice is not biblically based).

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
---Donna5535 on 9/14/11


what could a pastor do? ban her from the church?
---michael_e on 9/14/11


Why do you want to tell him? To shame her, for sympathy for yourself, so pastor will get her, If any of these reasons or similiar NO. If you have a close, trust built relationship with pastor, and pastor is good at marriage counciling then and humbily go to him for advise to YOUR problem of anger and forgiveness yes (which is expected). I am not condeming you, you have done nothing wrong yet. I just do not want you to fall into sin through your anger.
---Scott1 on 9/14/11


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Only if we can go to your pastor and tell him YOUR sins.

Fair enough?

Now, just what do you hope to accomplish by this, other than destroying her reputation and getting a bit of your own back?

You know her sin (supposedly). Do you also know her repentance?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/14/11


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