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Youth Leader Dates Student

Is it OK for a Youth Leader(28) to date a girl (18), after she graduates?

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 ---Melissa on 11/13/11
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I find it disturbing that someone who works with the youth of a church would allow themselves to become that attracted to one of his charges. This youth leader should not be working with the youth of a church at all. He should have been able to detach himself emotionally so that he would not develop that intense of a relationship with a young lady in his leadership.

My church has a way of avoiding such dilemmas. We have a youth pastor who leads the Bible teaching portion of our Youth Ministry, but then the group breaks into two, with the girls going to a separate room to continue discussing the Bible teaching with a female leader. Throughout the week, the women meet with the girls for personal discipleship and relationship building.
---Trish on 11/21/11

IF it is in God's plan that the 2 come together as husband & wife in the future, then it is OK.
---Adetunji on 11/18/11

I like your advice Candice. I think she should change their student teacher relationship. In that environment she may be too heavily influenced by seeing him in top form all the time. She should start studying with older, more mature women as she starts to consider marriage and the responsibilities that go along with that role. I also think that the relationship should be made known to her parents and the Pastor to make sure there are not some blind spots that are being accidently or purposely overlooked, and so that a line of accountability can be established in order to have support and guidance from people who care about them. Pray, study the word and be obedient with whatever God puts in front of her on a daily basis.
---Poppa_Bear on 11/16/11

With "editorial comment", my answer would be, "no" While the age difference is not that much, the ratio is. He has had some of life experiences, but she probably hasn't. He would be "cheating" her out of some valuable maturing time and he is taking advantage of her. While his "brain" is mature as far as making a rational decision, her's won't be until she is about 23-24. At that time, she may come to the conclusion that he has manipulated her. If he is so much in "love", it can wait another few years. Since he is Youth Leader, there may be under laying situations
---wivv on 11/15/11

if the Youth Leader is not taking advantage of His position? He likes Her? She Likes Him? why not?
---kevin5443 on 11/15/11

"after she graduates" > if she's already 18 before graduation, graduating would not matter, if being 18 means it is ok.

But I consider it to be God's choice. So, the age and graduation questions can be decoy issues that can keep our attention away from first being honest with God and discovering what He desires.

If you like the guy, please consider that others may also have feelings for him > love them as yourself, by not wanting him only for you (c: Trust God about this. Selfish love can get you in trouble, and God is able to bring us to more and better, as we get more mature.
---Bill_willa6989 on 11/15/11

wait a couple years, if God truly put these two together they can wait. I would advise this girl to find another youth teacher or wait till she can't be in the youthgroup anymore so there are no problems.Maybe she can transfer to a young adults class.
---candice on 11/15/11

\\If God put the two together, then I see no problem with it.\\

The question, KarenD, is if God really put them together to start with.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/15/11

If God put the two together, then I see no problem with it. Why wait until she graduates? Meslissa, if you are the girl and you have an infatuation of the youth leader, stop it!!!!!
---KarenD on 11/14/11

I don't know exactly what you mean by "youth leader" in this question, but if you're referring to someone who is officially on the church staff (paid or unpaid), then change the question slightly:

Should the pastor date a member of the congregation, regardless of age?

Answer this question, and you've answered your own.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/14/11

Well, the girl of 18 years is an adult, now. Isn't she?
---Gordon on 11/14/11

From a legal standpoint, both the Youth Leader, and the girl he's dating, are ADULTS. They are both 18 or older. No problems there.

Spiritually, she might be able to learn some things from the Youth Leader and so can he.

However, several of my friends have fallen into the trap of "being too friendly" with someone who is several years younger. Premarital sexual relations are a temptation for everyone, and especially for people with a large age difference.

I would advise them to just be friends for now. Pray for God's protections from falling into sin. See where this relationship goes.
---Sag on 11/14/11

Are you the girl? If not this is called gossip and you should stop it.
---Scott1 on 11/14/11

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