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How To Love An Alcoholic

My husband is an alcoholic. He is battling a disease that I cannot help with. He is mean. I have been very close with God/SIL lately. We have been married for 11 years. My 2 children have lived this long enough. How do I continue to love him? Prayers please.

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 ---Cindy on 1/20/12
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Hi...i am a recovering alcoholic...i know first hand what it is all honesty there is absolutely nothing u can do for ur husband...he needs to find and hit his bottom and until then it is in Gods hands. All the coaxing, the "if u love me-u'll quit" did absolutely nothing for me. The altimatums dont work with an is a powerful disease! Its cunning, baffling and powerful. I had to find my bottom...i went to AA...found God...found friendship...found support...and i am now celebtrating 12 yrs at the end of the month! Praise God!!
So with all of this being said...take care of u!! Build urself up...keep drawing closer to refuge in Him...continue to seek Him...and i will keep u in my prayers
God bless
---elana on 2/15/12

There is a way you can help your husband,do what you need to do to get him admitted to a treatment center for alcoholics. A study found a person commited unwillingly for treatment gets as much good from it as one who goes because he realizes he needs it and commits himself. There he could also be checked for the root of his mean ways. Whatever you do, the most important thing is to protect your children. Don't worry about loving that man worry about showing your children there can be peace and love in their lives without the mean man upsetting them. Pray for your husband but take action to protect your children before anything else.
---Darlene_1 on 2/3/12

Trish, don't worry. I did read it correctly since I had a brother who died last December who was a very smart guy, very kind, but he was a weekend drinker, and when he drank he was so mean with his wife. Since I was a kid, I remember him beating her up. Once I got married he moved with his family to California and I saw the real him. They have six children and his wife would come with all the kids to hide at our house.
---Mark_V. on 2/2/12

MarkV: I finally did see where she said he is mean. So sorry about that.
---Trish on 1/31/12

MarkV: Where did she say her husband is mean? Not all alcoholics are mean. I searched this thread, and can't find one post that says that.
---Trish on 1/31/12

Cindy, it would be my advice for you to first read ( 1 Cor. 13) at least a few times so that you can know what love really is. The love most people share has conditions. Your husband has more then one problem. He not only drinks but is also mean. You cannot change him, he needs to want to change. God has to put that conviction in his heart. Just make sure you and your children are safe. Otherwise I would suggest to leave, and I don't mean to devorce, and put pressure on him to do something about his problem. If he cares for his family, he will do something. I'm praying for you and for God to change his heart.
---Mark_V. on 1/31/12

I was in AA for forty years. I'm still sober. I know what I'm saying.
---John.usa on 1/30/12

JohnUSA, if someone really wants to stop drinking, they will. They will find a way. If your statistics really are acurate (which I highly doubt), then I would say that only one of the twenty really wanted to quit. The others didn't really have their heart in it.
---Jed on 1/30/12

John USA, AA meetings are not the AA program. The AA program is the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once a person works all 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, their chances at permanent sobriety increase greatly.

Your statistics have no validity, because AA is an anonymous program, and no valid study of it can be done as a result of the tradition of anonymity.
---Trish on 1/30/12

Cindy, "How do I continue to love him?"
Only by relying on God, to empower you to do so. Seek Him above all things, He will direct your path. Blessings
---Chria9396 on 1/30/12

If someone wants to stop drinking and goes to AA meetings, the chances that he will be sober a year later are about one in twenty. And if someone wants to stop drinking and does not attend AA meetings, his chances of being sober a year later are still one in twenty. Sad, but true...
---John.usa on 1/29/12

rhonda, Please do not address me ...For by your foolish dissing, you acquire sin upon yourself.

"eloy god" has spoken!!

per Holy Scripture SIN is breaking GODS LAWS Rom 7:7 not "eloy law"

your childish use of "dissing" does not make anyone who does not subscribe to your theories as taking sin upon themselves simply because YOU are not a god

your insipid statement makes you far more delusional than I originally thought

Eloy if you snap back to reality choosing Gods Truth about sin then I MAY allow you to address me again ...until you understand sin is breaking GODS LAWS not "eloy's" you are without GODS TRUTH drowning in your self-imposed "truth"
---Rhonda on 1/29/12

rhonda, Please do not address me until that time that you are ready to receive the truth that I post. For by your foolish dissing, you acquire sin upon yourself.
---Eloy on 1/28/12

Eloy did I merely instruct the wife to pray! NO! I did not! Did I not say "seek counseling" which would be counseling for HERSELF and HER CHILDREN

your post contradicts itself seeing it is her husbands who is in bondage to alcohol ...the women is in bondage and a prisoner in her own marriage by a man who it appears is in no condition or does not want to seek help for his condition (so he will remain in bondage) .... after 11 LONG years and children to consider you offer up an idea the women will magically transform her abusive husband when what this women and her children NEED and REQUIRE NOW is counseling from professionals otherwise she will forsake her children for her warped idea of "love"
---Rhonda on 1/27/12

Rhonda, did I merely instruct the wife to say words? No! I did not! Did I not say "Pray for and with her husband?" Yes! I did! Therefore rhonda, stop dissing the power of God to deliver alcoholics from their addiction! God can easily save an alcoholic, a drug addict, a cigarette smoker, a prostitute, he can easily save any body from any thing, even raise the dead, for Jesus is the Almighty. It is up to each soul to go to the source of salvation, otherwise remain in bondage.
---Eloy on 1/23/12

Eloy although you may have meant well NOBODY can convince anyone of anything do not offer hope that by simply saying to someone whose BODY is craving a substance that their words will make that person seek help

an alcoholic's body is addicted to alcohol and often a person whose body is addicted can WANT to change but cravings are so overpowering it takes more than simple words of hope and encouragement from someone who has never experienced this addition and their own self-wishes of wanting to end their addiction

After 11 years of living with an abusive alcoholic and you want to continue to abuse yourself and your children by staying as they martyr and enduring THEN you NEED counseling not prayers
---Rhonda on 1/21/12

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//He does not need it, convince him that he would be healthier and happier without it. //

an enabler, once they accept they are an enabler, must realize that they cannot convince the addict of anything. in fact, that advice just strengthens the grip of the addiction.

it is the holy spirit that convicts. an enabler needs to rest in Him and be quiet. addicts do not want to hear...killing the voice are what they are trying to do and if the enabler makes enough noise to drown it out, all the better to the addict.
---aka on 1/21/12

alcoholism is an addiction, an addiction to the drug alcohol. He is addicted or hooked on alcohol. Pray for him and with him, and get him help to get off of the alcohol. Many lives are destroyed because of alcohol. He does not need it, convince him that he would be healthier and happier without it. There are detoxification clinics to help him get dried out, and there is also Alcoholics Anonymous support group meetings.
---Eloy on 1/21/12

i am a recovering enabler such as you. there are also christian based recovery groups such as celebrate recovery which not only have programs for the addicts, it has 8 and 12 step programs for any with hurts, hang-ups, and habits.

remember, the enabler and the addict are on polar opposites, but they do share the opposite sides of the same coin. you are in no way obligated to live in the same place as a family destructive person. i am not suggesting divorce. but, i am encouraging you to do what you have to do for your family.
---aka on 1/20/12

First, pray for your husband to desire recovery. Buy Stormie O'Martian's book, "The Power of a Praying Wife." Prayer is very powerful.

Also, find an Al-Anon group and start working the 12 Steps. There is hope for you, your children and your husband. I am in recovery for alcoholism because of God and the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
---Trish on 1/20/12

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until about the mid sixties, addictions were correctly classified as an illness.

rubella is a disease, typhoid fever is a disease, influenza is a disease...or it is genetic.

we call many conditions and illnesses a disease when it is really not.

try approaching this from a perspective of accountability on your part.

love him from a distance...

until he stops making excuses and takes responsibility for his illness.
---aka on 1/20/12

There seems to be a strange phenomenon thats extremely prevalent around here. So many are gushing, no, overflowing with opinions about the problem, but dont really offer any practical solution or Christian understanding and support. Hindsight is 20-20, but clucking our tongues and shaking our heads doesnt really seem to reflect the tender grace of our Lord and His deep compassion and His abilities to Sheppard wandering and lost sheep. Around here it seems that we are like Mafioso leg breakers with bats waiting for somebody to get out of line and dare to seek help. So many seem to always be shouting, I told you so, I told you so!! Then, kick! Stay down there! And still have the nerve to say God Bless
---Poppa_Bear on 1/20/12

Too bad you didn't know he was an alcoholic when you married him. Or did you?
---KarenD on 1/20/12

My aunt went through this. I wondered WHY my aunt's mother, my grandmother, didn't like her daughter's fiancee.

Now we ALL know WHY. It's just TOO LATE to undo all the problems that the alcohol brought into their marriage, and destroyed it too.

I think that the children suffered the most from the bad outcome of all this.

It remains difficult for me to understand WHY any woman would put herself in danger by marrying an alcoholic.

Maybe women are too naive, or they just wrongly believe that an alcoholic will give up their idol. Not!
---Sag on 1/20/12

Try to keep your head up, he is probably on the edge himself and needs your prayers more than you can know. I also agree with Cluny, try Al-Anon, it is helpful to realize you are not alone and to be able to gain some answers and insight through others simular experiences.
In His loving grip. PS, this isn't just a drinking problem, there is a Spiritual battle going on for your family, marriage and soul. It is easy to cut and run, or continue in the cycle, but don't give up, or give in, press on and keep striving to seek answers and God's strength through your pain and distress.
---Poppa_Bear on 1/20/12

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You might want to consider Al-Anon.

It's a 12-step support group for people affected by the alcoholism of a loved one.

It could be the most loving thing you could do for him would be to leave him. This might help him "hit bottom"--but I don' know.

In any case, Al-Anon will help you stop your enablement of his self-destructive behavior.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 1/20/12

Too bad you didn't know he was an alcoholic when you married him. Or did you? PRAY FOR HIM. That's what you can do.
---KarenD on 1/20/12

Cindy, I knew a couple from church whose husband was an alcoholic. He left her alone in the house while he went out to the garage and sat and drank all night, every night, all weekend long. He wasn't abusive. Is your husband being abusive when he drinks?

What is your definition of "mean?"

I believe if he is bringing you harm, you can separate yourself and your children from him and go and live somewhere peacefully. You can only continue to love him if you are walking in the Spirit 24/7 and that's hard to do with him right there. I say separate yourself and your children until he seeks help for himself.
---anon on 1/20/12

So, be glad for the good relationships that you have. Plus, if you did not marry him, would you have the children you have? (c:

Keep after what is good, instead of letting mean stuff decide how you are and what you do. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21) And you have our prayers. Is your sister-in-law a Christian who is helping you get stronger in Jesus and loving? God bless you, Cindy (c:
---Bill_willa6989 on 1/20/12

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