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Affair With My Old Boyfriend

I have been married for 23 years and had an affair with my old boyfriend whom I had an abortion when I was 14. My husband and I were separated but now we are trying to work things out and are going to church and getting our lives straighten out except I can't get the old boyfriend out of my head. Not sure what to do.

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 ---Beth on 6/6/12
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Hello,this is for Mark Eaton, wow! Really,fantstico your afvice on this blogg,it is a first, see someone say something in that,interesting,I had recently read online by a emminent pschistrist,myself had a son who died suddenly,when I was young about 19 and I find myself crying over that Baby born too early,when many times think about the daughter healthy,alive,married to rich guy,never comes around and.if she does come,trouble most time
.she seems to be not the daughter, I have known all her life.Thankyou for your advice. God bless you brother.
---ELENA on 10/4/12


You should pray to god about this, have you talked with your husband about it. If not you should talk to him about it that might help you.
---anna on 7/19/12


Hi, Beth (c: Now you have us praying for you.

God wants you to love the one who was your boyfriend, love the one you killed and love the ones who helped to kill that one, and love your husband by being faithful to him and a good example of this. But none of us could get something like this right until we "first trusted in Christ" (Ephesians 1:12).

Jesus calls to "all" > "'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30)
---willie_c: on 6/9/12


Hi Beth,
You and he have a complicated history. I would assume that feelings were involved. That kind of connection and memories will not go away overnight. It does not matter how much you love the Lord or how much you put him first. The memory is not designed that way. That is why it is important to be careful about who we connect with emotionally and sexually because there can be long term effects. Unless the Lord wipes your memory clean through a supernatural act, you will probably think about him more than you want. We cannot just forget people or experiences that have left impressions on our hearts or helped shaped who we have become. God knew this would be your struggle and He is more than willing to help you get through it.
---pg1 on 6/8/12


Work on improving your marriage and forget the old boyfriend. Once you have the priorities correct, things fall into proper place. Sounds easy ... but it isn't easy. Keep in mind that the old boyfriend is just that - an old boyfriend. A person has a tendency to only remember the good things about a relationship and not the bad, but there must have been some bad or he wouldn't be an, "Old boyfriend". Concentrate on your marriage and how to improve it and this may require some professional help You state you are, "going to church", but are you Christians? This would be your first step in improving your marriage.
---wivv on 6/8/12




Do you think in a passive aggresive way that there is maybe something you need to talk with your husband about in some way and of something that you are feeling and you just have not told your husband about some way you might want him to treat you or something you want from him and you have not told him and have begun to act it out in your mind with someone else like your ex? Maybe you need to tell your husband your feelings and see if you all can talk about it rather than you keep what ever you are feeling in and then you act it out
---barbara on 6/7/12


Beth,

I believe you have unprocessed grief about the loss of your child and the loss of this past relationship.

Unprocessed grief is very powerful, more powerful than most people realize. Many people want to find past loves because they have not processed the grief associated with the original loss. Many have affairs like yourself after they find the past love.

I suggest you speak with a counselor qualified as a grief counselor and discuss ways to eliminate the pain and trauma associated with this past love and the loss of the relationship and child.
---Mark_Eaton on 6/7/12


Beth, let me add to some of the good advise.
I am curious that you mention "had an abortion." What is that about? Does that somehow tie you with your ex? Have you repented of murdering a life? Did your ex agree with the decision? Have you forgiven your ex for letting you do that?

Here's an idea, every time the ex pops into your mind, let it be a reminder to seek Jesus.
---Rod4Him on 6/7/12


Beth...You can't get the old boyfriend out of your head because you don't want to. Sin is very enticing. When you want to serve the Lord more than yourself, you will stop thinking about the old boyfriend.
---KarenD on 6/7/12


Beth, Sexual activity is a very spiritual experience. Two souls connect at these times. That's why the LORD said that the man will leave his father and mother and join his wife and the two shall become as "one flesh". The sexual act unites souls together, regardless of who they are, be they married or unmarried. You will have a pull towards your ex as a natural result. So, you need to re-new your mind DAILY. Ask GOD for Forgiveness and repent from ever doing that again. And, pray that those spiritual ties of Satan be supernaturally cut off by the Holy Spirit in the Name of YAHUSHUA (JESUS). And, re-new your vows to your husband, and love only him, but, most of all, the LORD. It may take time. Be patient and keep going forward with it!
---Gordon on 6/7/12




In order to overcome tempting thoughts that we become obsessed with, we must fill our minds with the Lord's thoughts.

Get involved in a Ladies Bible Study. Ask a mature believing woman to mentor you, and hold you accountable for your walk with the Lord. Make a gratitude list and verbally thank the Lord for the stuff He has provided you, His grace and forgiveness should be at the top of your list. Romans 12:1 & 2 are verses you should meditate on. The more time you spend in God's Word means you's spend less time being tempted to see your old boyfriend.
---Trish on 6/6/12


Beth, first of all you need to understand why you had an affair. You need to go asap to a marriage councelor. I would also recommend that you have a daily devotion. The old boyfriend should move on with his life. Your husband sounds like a good man trying to work through the pain this has caused him.
---Ron on 6/6/12


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