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I Married A Lazy Man

I am in the situation that my husband is a musician and will not seek gainful employment. He has not worked for over half of our 17 year marriage. Now his parents are living with us. He does no laundry or cleaning. He makes me feel like I have no say in anything. He throws fits and curses me.

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 ---Susan on 7/19/12
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Your husband treats you abusively because you allow him to do this to you. how many times have you attended counseling together? To stay illow yourself to be abused, support him, let him throw fits and curse you. you hold the keys to your freedom because he has broken his marriage vows. Staying and complaining makes you a martyr.
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/3/12

My husband of 12 years refuses to get a full-time job or help with any house work unless I ask! I stayed at home for 5years and took care of everything. Bills,household, groceries ..etc
.now we are in massive debt due to him not helping with money. I work full-time and also do all the household work as well ..I've tried talking with him since this has been over 2yrs. I love my husband but think it's unfair that he won't help with anything ..I've been patient and understanding but that only goes so far with finances. I'm ready to leave I think because I don't know what else to do. He is always on the internet while I'm working. Please help..anyone :(
---Vanessa on 7/30/12

Tanya, I gave a smart answer to Willie, NOT to Susan.

And you are just proving my point: Women NEVER fight for control.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/21/12

No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. It could be he doesn't know how to do the laundry or clean. What did you know about him BEFORE you married? Was he lazy then? I bet if you let the his clothes pile up and not wash them, and be sure to tell him why they aren't being done, he would become more interested in learning how to do the laundry. Why are his parents living with you? Can they help you get him moving? Is he trying to find work or just waiting for something to come his way?
---wivv on 7/21/12

Cluny: I notice you give a smart a - - answer on most of these blogs. They are most annoying and I'm sure not very helpful to the person seeking an intelligent answer to their question. Wonder how you would feel if that was done to you.
---Tanya on 7/20/12

\\ His cursing is probably over-compensation and fighting for control.\\

Women, of course, NEVER fight for control.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/20/12

There's no music that I would pay for,
but there is music I would pray for.

It says, "making melody in your heart to the Lord," in Ephesians 5:19. So, if he's throwing fits and cursing, it doesn't sound like he is playing music in his heart to the Lord.
---willie_c: on 7/20/12

The chief sin of man is passivity, the chief sin of woman is submitting. Men think problem-task-solution-reward. If there is no problem (or something not considered a problem) then men are free to be lazy. For example if laundry is done no need to seek a task-solution-reward for the laundry. His cursing is probably over-compensation and fighting for control. This is what I see so it probably more reflective of me than anything.
---Scott1 on 7/20/12

\\The Bible says if a man won't work he should not eat.\\

There is obviously more going on here than meets the eye--or that the poster is saying.

As I often say to posts like this, I'd be curious to hear her husband's side of this story.

BTW--There are frequently women here bemoaning their single state. Yet, this posting is one of many from women who are miserable in their marriages. I hope the single women draw a lesson from this. Marriage is NOT a one-way ticket to happiness.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/20/12

First of all, you need to pray for your husband. Read Proverbs 31 to learn the attributes of a Godly wife.

Then, start attending a Women's Bible study. If your church does not have one, ask if someone in the Women's Ministry would start one. If that doesn't happen, seek a mature, Godly woman and ask her to mentor you. Ask `her to hold you accountable to Bible study and prayer. Ask her to pray for your husband, and your marriage.

God can do mighty things.

God bless.
---Trish on 7/19/12

Cluny just for information sake not all marriage vows include"for better for worse,in sickness and health". The Bible says if a man won't work he should not eat. I just wonder why you have stayed with that man for so long. You pay the bills don't take his foul mouth rotten slave master attitude. He is abusing you in more ways than one. Know that you have more value as a person than the way you are treated. If he isn't good to you,be good to yourself,do what you need to to do to take care of you physically,and emotionally.
---Darlene_1 on 7/19/12

Many musicians are gainfully employed in music. Why isn't your husband?

In any case, do the words, "For better or worse, for richer or poorer" mean anything to you?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/19/12

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