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Divorce After His Affair

Would a woman be considered (by other Christians) NOT to have truly forgiven her husband if, after ending his adulterous affair, she will not go back to live with him as his wife? Please answer scriptural if possible, not just personal opinions.

Moderator - You can divorce after an affair, however if possible given your situation, God would have you forgive and try to restore the marriage. A Christian counselor could be of value. Now as to what other Christians think - that is a can of worms. Take the Dating / Marriage Bible Quiz for the scriptures.

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 ---Rita_H on 8/14/12
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Rita my pardon. It should have read the inability to forgive will lead to bitterness. Peace
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/21/12

Rita, don't worry about what Christians think about you. Many here have their own opinions and beliefs. Only you know if you have forgiven your husband or not. Only you know how you feel and what happened to you. Only you and you along have to face the Lord in the end. Make sure your conscience is clear. Don't look to justice what you are going to do, just follow your conscience. The Spirit speaks to our conscience, so you will know what you have to do. Everyone's situation is different. Don't go by what others have gone through, it is never the exact thing. Peace I leave you, God will guide you.
---Mark_V. on 8/21/12

I don't understand these words from 'Follower of Christ' (forgiveness leads to bitterness. to force your husbands hand,by living apart you have abandoned your marriage)but will pass on all the answers given here to the lady concerned and a copy of the quiz plus answers. Thanks for the link to the quiz moderator, the texts were very helpful.
---Rita_H on 8/20/12

Well, if we remember that Scripture says divorce was allowed based upon our own hardness of heart.....

And that his affair, is really his abandonment of his marriage. A biblical foundation for divorce.

And that were we in a just society he would be stoned to death.

The issue is really: must she keep him just because she is no long allowed to have her father and brothers and townsmen kill him for his betrayal?
---Chip on 8/18/12

you ask as a Christian? a follower of the Lord is asking to have their past sins removed and seeks forgiveness it is through love that we practice forgiveness. the purpose of marriage is to provide each other with sexual relations. 1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. due benevolence is sexual relations your body is no longer your own. forgiveness leads to bitterness. to force your husbands hand by living apart you have abandoned your marriage, your husband would be free to divorce and remarry however you would not.
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/17/12

All of the misinformation I have been reading here is exactly the reason I told Reta_H to consult a local attorney so she will know what her legal options actually are. I can't tell her and none of you can tell her as we dont know where she resides. This is strictly a matter of civil law and nothing else is germane.
---Blogger9211 on 8/16/12

The involvement of the secular civil authorities in the regulating and registering of marriages has NOT changed the essential spiritual nature of the institution, aka.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/16/12

\\Marriage is strictly civil in nature and the rules vary between civil legal jurisdictions.\\

Wrong. For centuries, marriage was under the jurisdiction of different religious groups. Only recently did civil authorities get involved in it. ---Cluny on 8/15/12

blogger did not say what marriage was, he said what it is.
---aka on 8/15/12

It does say divorce is permittable when fornication/ adultery has been comitted. Just because she forgives you dose not meen she has to subject herself to another future possible betrayal. My abusive husband I forgave for cheating and the abuse but it never made anything better by staying and praying about it. Simple truth is once trust is destroyed on that level you can kiss it goodbye forever. Unless your your going to allow god to show you how to love her and meet her needs as she tries to heal wich will be torturous you will never have a chance.
---angela on 8/16/12

Willie C, I completely agree with your answer. Before God we answer for our actions. Not the others. We have no control on the others. God is able to bring trust as He is able to bring change in the other person who cheated. But our concern is the one who was hurt. He or she has to answer for themselves. Not for their spouse. You might trust them, and they could cheat again, but your heart is right with God. Theirs isn't. It is a personal relationship with Christ that we have. We have no control over other people and what they do. God might want to restore the marriage. But we are responsible for ourselves so make sure you are right with God. You cannot make sure for your husband, he has to do it himself.
---Mark_V. on 8/16/12

Cliff has said, "Once adultry has taken place a person can forgive their mate,but they never will be trusted again." This can be true of how things work in human nature in Satan's kingdom.

In God's kingdom, though, in His loving, it is possible with God to change the cheater into a trustworthy person. Jesus does say, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (in Luke 18:27) Also, God is able to make us able to pray and find out if and how to trust someone we have forgiven. "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

What is true of others does not have to be true of us > "do not be conformed to this world" (in Romans 12:2).
---willie_c: on 8/15/12

\\Marriage is strictly civil in nature and the rules vary between civil legal jurisdictions.\\

Wrong. For centuries, marriage was under the jurisdiction of different religious groups. Only recently did civil authorities get involved in it.

This, btw, is one of the times that marriage was redefined.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/15/12

Blogger, what makes you think marriage is a civil issue? Marriage is and has always been a religious institution, long before the government came along and took over it. Marriage is rightly governed by God, not the government.
---Jed on 8/15/12

Basically you are asking questions of the wrong people. Marriage is strictly civil in nature and the rules vary between civil legal jurisdictions. To ascertain what your options are please consult an local attorney and totally disregard any other dribble on ChristiaNet blog sites or anything like them in areas of law and your legal rights.
---Blogger9211 on 8/15/12

Forgiveness is like an onion. You peel, and cry--and then there's a new layer.

Is your husband asking for reconciliation?

THAT is an important issue here. You've not said so.

Only God Himself knows if you've truly forgiven your husband. Not anyone else.

But be assured that God Himself will rejoice if you are reconciled.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 8/15/12

Out of the can of worms comess this tid-bit:
Once adultry has taken place a person can forgive their mate,but they never will be trusted again.
It's called "human nature"
---1st_cliff on 8/14/12

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Jesus says, "'And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25) So, yes Jesus wants her to forgive him. But it also says, "Test all things, hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) She needs to test how she should trust him. But if she forgives in God's love, I understand that His love will have her seeking more and more intimate sharing with him > "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2) Seeking this loving is included in forgiving.
---willie_c: on 8/14/12

I have heard of marriages where the husband asked his wife for forgiveness, and their relationship got stronger. One can get one's mind away from one's spouse and get into...pornography. You need to stay on top of working on the marriage, all the time. And they have got to see the value in each other. You can be married so long that you take each other for granted. You need to keep the love fresh between you, you need to keep God first in your life. You need to pray with each other and be friends, and like each other and get along. 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, "Charity never faileth:" "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)
---tweety_bird on 8/14/12

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her,
12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery. Mark 10:11-12 NAS

Based on the Bible, you can divorce your husband, BUT you can't remarry. However, my advice would be to get some professional advice from a Christian Marriage Counselor.

Don't worry about what others might say, it's your life, not theirs.
---wivv on 8/14/12

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