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I Had Affair With My Pastor

I had an affair with my Pastor. I told him no, until eventually I just gave in. Unfortunately, deleted all text messages, phone calls, and so forth so I have no proof. It has came out in the open and he has denied it 5 times now. What do I do?

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 ---Angie on 9/17/12
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any pastor, priest, bishop or whoever has anykind of affair with anyone, he is not fit to pastor.pastors have a place in the church that is over the flock and are brought to a higher standard.God will not use a pastor who has affairs with anyone.
---shira4368 on 10/3/12

Tamar did not have an affair with Judah. Her husband died and Judah did not fulfil his obligation to her. She took matters into her own hands to secure her future and no where is Scripture is she condemned. As a matter of fact, she is mentioned by name in the lineage of Christ in Matthew.
---pg1 on 10/2/12

Take David's example of asking for his sins not to be remembered...

For only You and You alone have I sin against oh lord,include my self and the Holy temple which is my body... wash and cleanse me of my sins, that I be made whiter than snow, forgive me and take not they holy spirit from me, restore unto me the joy of my salvation...And renew the right spirit within me.

Forgive the pastor whom I led to think I could have a sexual relationship and try messing him up, forgetting it took two, I pray that he forgives me for what I did to him, and that you will show him his faults that we can both move on from this and to ultimately sin no more.

---Carla on 10/2/12

Family,this is for Angie, hello,just wanted to say very much, please forgive if I was too,harsh on you..I have some flaws,as we all know ,really my point was like another person said. It will forgoten but,you the most important don't let this bad pastor, and all the lies,make you bitter, you put it behind, I know
many people, older and young suffer wresle with the flesh,they.mention a christian book try help both women and the other book for men, it is in the bloggs, battle the flesh for women.going to check it out myself.I believe Christianet mention it online,advertisment pgs. Be blessed! ELENA
---ELENA on 10/1/12

David had already taken Bathsheba as his wife BEFORE he was confronted by the prophet Nathan and then repented. That is why he kept her as his wife. To divorce her would only have been to commit yet another sin against God, it would not have righted the wrong that he already did. Two wrongs don't make a right. If you notice, the child that was concieved during their fornication was cursed and died as Nathan foretold. But after David repented before God, He and Bathsheba conceived Solomon, and the Bible says that God loved him so much He renamed him Jedidiah, meaning "Loved by God". If they were still in sin and fornicating, wouldn't Solomon have likewise been cursed like the first child, rather than loved and blessed by God?
---Jed on 10/1/12

You don't actually think that YOU do, do you?

I regularly quote Gods Word you don't. You have stated in several posts Gods Word is not all there is. and by your own admission do not believe every word of God. I believe every word of God as holy scripture teaches and believe the words stating King David repented, seeing you have reasoned out David did not repent essentially rejecting holy scripture that states he did!!

I simply have the Word of God, who is Christ Jesus.

All glory to the soon coming government of God and return of the ROCK of salvation the Lord of Lord and King of Kings Christ Jesus!! Amen
---Follower_of_Christ on 9/30/12

\\and many do argue with holy scripture because they do not believe every word from God.\\

You don't actually think that YOU do, do you?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/29/12

Sister,I had a friend when I was not even saved ,she was very much like you say you did here,she tried to "devulge" that pastor,she even got vendictive(not saying you are ) just saying my friend, left the church but down thru the years her behavior continued becuz the ROOT was not cut out from her heart, she continued and finally,we broke our friendship,she tried to go.with my boyfriend at that time. They giving good advice on here.may God bless you to humble, be built, stay away from that church and ask God to help you,stay n God and forget this past mistake, but learn from it,move on.God bless you, I say all this in love,agape.amen.
---ELENA on 9/29/12

One could argue that if David had truly repented, he would not have married Bathsheba, nor would he have conceived another child by her.

and many do argue with holy scripture because they do not believe every word from God. Most cannot discern the difference between their own human reasoning of holy scripture to rightfully dividing truth, those without will reason. as I already stated denial is the highest form of proof one has not repented and I guess you could say by repeatedly denying you have a full pin head, peace
---Follower_of_Christ on 9/29/12

\\cluny I guess you missed the part where David repented!!!\\

One could argue that if David had truly repented, he would not have married Bathsheba, nor would he have conceived another child by her. As St. John Chrysostom said, "Adultery is not marriage. It is not even the beginning of marriage."

Tell me EVERYTHING you know about this pastor, and how you know he has not repented. I bet it would fill pin heads.

BTW, there's nothing here about the original poster's saying that she repented, is there?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/24/12

cluny I guess you missed the part where David repented!!! Where is the comparison?? If this pastor is denying the affair openly he has not repented. I never stated people do not fall or anything else. When people do not repent they generally repeat.
---Follower_of_Christ on 9/23/12

\\your Pastor is not ministering to the flock he is only ministering to his lust?\\

Anyone can fall, FoC.

Did David stop "ministering to the flock" as King of Israel when he "ministered to his lust" with Bathsheba?

Or did he remain God's anointed--and after God's own heart?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/23/12

Angie, it doesn't matter if you said no 100 times because the end result is you said yes and agreed. Saying you eventually gave in is not taking responsibility for your actions. I'll assume from your post you are not married because this coming out in the open has not affected your husband? Why are you still involved in this church when your Pastor is not ministering to the flock he is only ministering to his lust? It doesn't matter if he is married or not, or if you are or not, let him deny the affair because he has not learned his lesson and will find someone new to prey upon. You have (or should have) learned yours. Leave this church now and let go of finding proof!! Repent and move on.
---Follower_of_Christ on 9/19/12

Do now what you should have done the first time he approached you - change churches and find someone you can confide in about what is going on. You should change churches now, and even denominations and just "grin & bear it". Soon, people will forget about it. (If you really want to "get him" you can get into his computer records because even though he deleted them, they are not really deleted, but this may require legal action.) Somehow, you need to find someway to bring this out because he may try it with someone else.
---wivv on 9/19/12

Also, what made you able to get into this could get you into something like this, again. So, it is good to see how your own ways can get you into this kind of a thing. And trust God to change you so you do better.

Not saying this is you, but it is possible for a woman to be immoral, dress in a way that attracts men for what is not love, and she then attracts ones she does not want, says she does not want to do it with them, but then gives in. So, she has helped to tempt the man.

And, of course, you can get pretty bonded, more than you expected.
---willie_c: on 9/18/12

Where is your church. What's the name of your church? Would love to know so I could reveal who he really is. No wolf in sheeps' clothing should be allowed to continue on
---weatherbill on 9/18/12

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\\I told him no, until eventually I just gave in. \\

Angie, why did you let him continue his blandisments?

You really could have made your first, "No!" stick had you really wanted to.

When he tried the first time, why didn't you leave this church then and not go back?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/18/12

Angie: How did this affair become known by others? What is your own aim for agreeing to his advances. Why are you looking for proof of his contacts with you again? Did you seduce him into this mess(that is how your question looks to me)? Remember you are both guilty in the eyes of God on this issue.
---Adetunji on 9/18/12

Denied it 5 time???? She's counting. Now, come on people. Can't you see there is a serious problem with this lady?
---KarenD on 9/17/12

Angie, you can't unscrable eggs, and you cannot fix mistakes of the past. I know you are hurt. You have every right to feal that way!
My advice is:
1. Go and sin no more - John 8:11
Go to another church.Do not have anything else to do with this man or that church!
2. Ask the Lord to forgive you, he is faithful and just to forgive. 1st John 1:9
3. Pray for him, and pray that the Lord will speed your healing.
Luke6:28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
4. I know you would like to hurt him and punish him for hurting you, but remember.
Rom12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.
---trey on 9/17/12

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Trying to prove that you did have that affair will reqardyou not a thing.
The only thing you can do now is repenta nd ACCEPT THE FORGIVENESS OF GOD

Psalms 32:1 Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.
I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD, and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.

Psalms 51:1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
---francis on 9/17/12

Actually Cluny is 100% right on my friend. Leave that church, though, and don't look back.
---Mary on 9/17/12

Angie...Why did you delete the text messages, phone calls, etc? How did it come out in the open? Did you tell people? If you don't answer these questions, I'm not going to answer yours.
---KarenD on 9/17/12

Something I read just this morning. (The blog on which I was going to post this has been removed.)

There are no perfect marriages.

There are only REAL marriages between two REAL sinful people with REAL issues.

Think about it.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/17/12

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The Bible says, "In the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established." (in 2 Corinthians 13:1) So, if you do not have another witness, the Bible does not require you to take this any further, I consider.

And make sure you delete him from your feelings etc. And find a real example pastor (1 Peter 5:3, 1 Timothy 3:1-10).

By the way, if he lies to real Christians, he is betraying trust and lying to the Holy Spirit, like Ananias and Sapphira. This you "might" tell him before you move on, in case he has any basic ability to care about him and God.
---willie_c: on 9/17/12

All you can do is say your piece once to the leadership of that church. You cannot make them believe you, so don't bother trying.

But, it will be necessary to leave that church.

Most importantly, confess and repent before God. Also, get into an accountability relationship with a mature woman in your new church, to help you in your Spiritual growth and obedience.

If the pastor is lying about it now, the truth will eventually catch up to him. The important thing is for you to move on, and ensure this does not happen again.
---Trish on 9/17/12

Why does everyone have to know? You said it's already come out in the open right? So he denied it. Who cares? Just go to a different church then if no one believes you. You're making it sound as if you are placing all the blame on him. It takes two to tango, so to speak. I don't think anyone is buying the "I told him no until I eventually gave in" garbage. You wouldn't have gave in unless you wanted it too. Perhaps you should just leave the church and start a new life. There are consequences for these kinds of things, for the both of you.
---Jed on 9/17/12

Same as the other woman who had the affair in the Bible, who without sin cast the first stone and to her go and sin no more. Read Judah and Tamar Genesis 38 the sinner (Tamar)vs the self-righteous (Judah).
---Scott1 on 9/17/12

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change churches.
God will let the truth be known concerning this man.
in the mean time, you need to work on your resolve not to let this happen again in your life.
much prayer.
---chip on 9/17/12

There is nothing you can do except let the matter run its course. It is your word against his and more than likely people will believe him because he is the pastor. I have seen way too many women fall into this trap with pastors. I pray you are able to get through it and come out a better person.
---pg1 on 9/17/12

You are not the first woman to fall for the wooing of the wrong man. Nor will you be the last. (This, btw, is the plot of the novel THE SCARLET LETTER, Hester Prynne had an affair with the pastor, too.)

What good would be accomplished to try to prove yourself the wronged woman?

Ask God to forgive you, you forgive yourself and forgive him, go to another church, and get on with your life.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/17/12

Angie, Eventually, the Church Board or Council, which the Pastor answers to, must know. The Pastor has violated a Principle he is supposed to be upholding. And, of course, his wife (if he is married) must know. If you were to decide to keep quiet since you have "no evidence", then, I guarantee you that it WILL be found out, and your silence will be a greater condemnation against you then what it would be now if you speak up about it. But, know this, that you are as guilty of sin, as he. Please, get before GOD in humble repentance and do what you can, on your part, to make things right. No good comes out of sin. Sin will always bring some kind of death. GOD's Grace is great to forgive, but, repentance is vital in entering GOD's Kingdom.
---Gordon on 9/17/12

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