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Arrogant Mom's Boyfriend

Since my mom's boyfriend learned I'm Christian, he's always trying to preach to me. He's arrogant, brags about his "spiritual" accomplishments, but he drinks, smokes, and fornicates regularly. He even tried to convince me he can go months without sinning at all. How can I deal with this?

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 ---Isis on 11/22/12
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Isis: (1) Let there some good gap between you and him.(2)Whenever God gives you the opportunity, let him know that he needs to repent. Christianity is much more in practice than bragging. (3)Be careful so that he will not add you to his list of conquest.
---Adetunji on 2/12/13


Well, I ought to be an expert! It is difficult sometimes to speak only the words God gives to me, when someone goes off on a toot. But because I am truly chosen I have certain gifts, one being discernment. How do I deal with it? It is not easy. Sometimes I roll my eyes. If the words are there I speak them, if they are not, I keep them.
---pat on 2/11/13


Just ask him to document what he is saying with Scripture.
---wivv on 2/10/13


Trish, I'm sorry for calling you that.

Also, as I pointed out to Cluny, Jesus told the woman at the well although she had been married five times, she was not married to the man she was currently living with, showing a clear distinction between marriage and mere cohabitation. There are several mentions of wedding ceremonies in the Bible as you pointed out. There is certainly nothing that suggests you can just move in together and you are as good as married as Cluny says. That thinking is more harmful to the sanctity of marriage than same-sex marriages.
---Jed on 12/6/12


Jed: I am sorry I misunderstood to what you were referring. I saw your quote of him quoting your words, and thought that was what you had issue with. There is no need to insult me. I prefaced my statement with an apology.

I agree with you on the marriage vs. shacking up issue. While Scripture does not specifically discuss a marriage ceremony per se, it is clear that there were marriage celebrations throughout the Bible. Our Lord performed His first miracle at one such celebration.
---Trish on 12/6/12




Trish, stop being stupid. This was the part where I said Cluny was putting words in my mouth:

In other words, you have no idea about what the Biblical criteria for being truly married are.
---Cluny on 12/4/12


That is not what I said. The point I made is that just because Cluny doesn't recognize any difference between marriage and shacking-up doesn't mean the rest of us are that ignorant. Make sure you know what's going on before butting into conversations that are over your head.
---Jed on 12/5/12


Jed: Sorry to butt in, but Cluny quoted you exactly word for word. Check your last post on 12/3/12

Cluny: The Old Testament is full of examples of men giving their daughters to men in marriage. I don't know what ceremonies, if any, were performed. Also, the fact that the Gospels give an account of Jesus attending a wedding, and that He performed his first miracle there, must give it some importance.
---Trish on 12/4/12


\\ I know perfectly well the difference between marriage and shacking-up. \\

Then please give the Biblical difference, with BCV.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 12/4/12


\\Whatever you believe the criteria should be for being truly married,\\

In other words, you have no idea about what the Biblical criteria for being truly married are. Thank you.
Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 12/4/12


No that's not what I said. Don't put words in my mouth. I said whatever YOU think the criteria should be. I know perfectly well the difference between marriage and shacking-up. You're the one who seems to be confused about it.
---Jed on 12/4/12


\\Whatever you believe the criteria should be for being truly married,\\

In other words, you have no idea about what the Biblical criteria for being truly married are.

Thank you.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 12/4/12




This for bro.Cluny, just wanted let.you know brother how much I love your joke on the "SantaClaus blogg" you cheered me up! Smile! Thankyou, so much! Love JESUS forevermore..ELENA
P.S hope Santa knows now most my hair fell out! & brings me some 'silky Indian wig human hair!' ha!ha!. tell him Rush it!
---ELENA on 12/4/12


Cluny, I think you're the one missing the point. You came down on FOC for saying that this woman is fornicating. Whatever you believe the criteria should be for being truly married, I doubt this woman would be considered as such if her own daughter says they are only dating. A married couple makes a public commitment to God and spouse to live as husband and wife until death, with their family and friends as witnesses. If you don't want to have all the legal paperwork and stuff, that's one thing. But you still need to have witnesses to hold you accountable, and your family and friends would definately know that you are married. You don't just move in together and say that you made a commitment to eachother in private.
---Jed on 12/3/12


Jed and FoC, you're missing the point.

We all agree there is a difference between lawful marriage and living together.

But how does the BIBLE define the difference?

I admit I don't know. Do you? If so, please give BCV.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 12/1/12


the difference is consummation. even today, if a couple who has married and has no consummated the marriage can still get an annulment as if they were never married.
---aka on 12/1/12


Please tell me, according to the Bible, what the difference is between being married and mere cohabitation. Give book, chapter, and verse in your answer. If you can't admit that you don't have a clue.
---Cluny on 11/28/12


Apparently Jesus thought there was a difference between marriage and mere cohabitation, since he told the woman at the well that she had been married five times but the man she was living with at the time she was not married to. So apparently, In the new testament, there was a difference. There are other examples, that's just the easiest one to remember. Can you admit that you don't have a clue?
---Jed on 12/1/12


Please tell me, according to the Bible, what the difference is between being married and mere cohabitation.

Give book, chapter, and verse in your answer.

If you can't admit that you don't have a clue.


so yes yes yes, please please cluny please do share!!! tell us what is the difference, don't keep us all in the dark any longer!!! we beg of you, please tell us from Gods holy word! tell us all please!!! what clue do you have from holy scripture that will shed light on our darkened understanding about cohabitation and being married

eagerly waiting your reply (snicker) seeing you never quote scripture I won't be waiting with baited breath on your own godless misunderstanding
---Follow_of_Christ on 12/1/12


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\\Cluny, I think it's pretty clear when a couple has been married and when they are just dating. You don't just move in with someone and claim that you are married in God's eyes. That's not how a marriage works. \\

Please tell me, according to the Bible, what the difference is between being married and mere cohabitation.

Give book, chapter, and verse in your answer.

If you can't admit that you don't have a clue.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/28/12


Cluny, I think it's pretty clear when a couple has been married and when they are just dating. You don't just move in with someone and claim that you are married in God's eyes. That's not how a marriage works. The original poster said it was her mom's boyfriend so I'm going to assume it's pretty clear that they are not married. You're making it sound like there's little to no difference between marriage and dating, and that is a serious mistake.
---Jed on 11/27/12


\\Fornication is sexual relations outside of marriage so whether by your mom or others is irrelevant.\\

And what are the criteria for a couple to be truly married in God's eyes, FoC? Please give us book, chapter, and verse.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/25/12


Claiming to oneself the title" Christian" will be tested. The connection between Christ and christian are meant to be tested.

The use of "christian" in the Scriptures appears to have come out of contempt and derision, not nobility. Much like saying, "Oh, your one of those litte-christs".

I do not consider it an honor to apply the title to the saints.

Paul never called us "christians". Look it up. It is used only of the Jews.

As said by others, the least contact with false brethren the better. The spirit they harbor is vile.

"Mind your own business" may be harsh medicine. It is worth considering.
---Phil on 11/24/12


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Isis since this is your moms boyfriend (I'll assume she is divorced or widow) I'll assume it is your mother he is fornicating with, and likewise your mom would be fornicating with him. Fornication is sexual relations outside of marriage so whether by your mom or others is irrelevant.

As for all of his poor character traits, foolish preaching, and claims of a sinless life you are not his keeper or your mothers. True followers are instructed to work out our own salvation not others. Instead of complaining about all of his shortcomings work on making yourself a better person and insure you are not around when he is so you are not influenced by his lack of character in conduct and his lack of spiritual fruits.
---Follower_of_Christ on 11/24/12


About ones saying to talk with your mother because of his "infidelity". Are we to assume his fornicating is with others and not with her, only? I'm not assuming. If she's doing it with him, she's making the choice.

He may not be able to understand how it is wrong to use someone else for what he wants. If he does not know how to love, he does not know this.

About not sinning > "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) So, he's not sinning? Hasn't been arguing? Hasn't been complaining? These are perversion from God's way of loving. Who can throw the first stone, then? (c:
---willie_c: on 11/24/12


First off, he's your mom's boyfriend, not yours. You're not called upon to deal with this.

But I would talk to your mother about his infidelity. Drinking and smoking are the LEAST of his problems, and even these are not sins in themselves.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/23/12
---francis on 11/23/12


\\I'm guessing that he has, at some point, responded to a call to repent (maybe in an evanglistic rally) and feels that he is saved but has never had the (much needed) follow up teaching.\\

This is the typical fruit of American evangelicalism.

But how can YOU deal with this, Isis?

First off, he's your mom's boyfriend, not yours. You're not called upon to deal with this.

But I would talk to your mother about his infidelity. Drinking and smoking are the LEAST of his problems, and even these are not sins in themselves.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/23/12


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Hi Isis,
The Apostle Paul tells us:
"As Much as Lieth in You, Live Peaceably With All Men"

My only other advice is to try and avoid this hypocrite.

Lord bless you my dear Sister in Christ. I hope the Lord will deliver you and your Mom from this heathen.
---trey on 11/23/12


Firstly pray for him. Ask God to convict him of these sins which he, obviously, does not see as being sins. Ask God also to guide you as to how to speak with this young man. Quoting verses of scripture isn't always the best first approach to helping someone but saying that God would not approve of certain behaviours often prompts a person to ask "why" and then you have an opener to explain, from scripture, why his behaviour should change. Telling him what God has done for you, personally, might help also and start a much needed dialogue. I'm guessing that he has, at some point, responded to a call to repent (maybe in an evanglistic rally) and feels that he is saved but has never had the (much needed) follow up teaching.
---Rita_H on 11/23/12


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