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May Not Fully Love My Son

Fiancee has a 7-yr-old daughter, I have a 3-yr-old son. He is the only dad my son will know. He says that he loves my son as a son and may grow to love him as much as he loves his daughter (but he can't guarantee it) but the bond will never be the same. I don't know what to do-I feel so sad for my boy.

Moderator - Is he a Christian?

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 ---shann on 12/28/12
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If he is not sure that the bond will ever be the same as the one he has with his daughter I'd say he is not ready to marry someone who already has a child which is not his.

This is probably a relationship best left on the back burner for some time. God is the only one with the answer so seek Him and listen to Him.

I wonder how this man would feel if you said the same about his daughter
---Rita_H on 1/1/13


Hello,Pastora Karen. Yes,you right. Good see you again.Muchas gracias.thankyou, happy new year & God bless you. Love of JESUS! ELENA
---ELENA on 12/30/12


There is so much not told in this question. It does not say his wife died as suggested by one answer. It also does not say why a 3-year-old boy would not have a father other than the one this woman is thinking of marrying. If this man cannot love the little boy like his own, this woman doesn't need to waste her time on him.
---KarenD on 12/29/12


shann Your son is only three years old. The bonding between man and boy usualy takes place at an age when they can share activities.
AT the age of three, your Fiancee can only be a provider and caretaker to your son. When your son grows a little older, and they can share activities the bond will come.
Men are able to form strong bond with other men who share activities, this will laso happen with your son and his step father

NOTE OF WARNING:
If there is ANY form of competition between your Fiancee and your son's biological father in anyway, including competition for you, or your attention, your husband will not bond with your son.
---francis on 12/29/12


Yes it is sad, yet life is not valued today. It's interesting how adoptive parents love their adopted children as if they were own (biologically speaking) almost from the instant they have contact.

Yet people claim love for their own children have a warped sense of love and inability to accept their new spouses children as their own??? Strange, yet byproduct of the new term "blended".

Why insist on marrying someone who openly admits they will never have love for their children like their own. If a fiancee cannot love your children (as if they are his too) most likely he's deceived himself on any love for you too. Maybe your focus should be on your child not a new marriage partner.
---Follower_of_Christ on 12/29/12




bro.Trey, it's got to be the love unconditional as you stated, my mother got with a younger man. We were kids, right off he told my mom the girl I like the boys have to go else where! My older brother told my mother "he's no good!" Believe it or not my mother so in love eventually put us all out.My brother was right! After some bad times, my mother & her husband got the message Protective services stepped in it was a new day! He really changed for the good.He turn from his evil ways and actually, God got a hold of his mind.He was a better father than my real father.So,you never know God.can change a person deep down! Thankyou, love of JESUS!
---ELENA on 12/29/12


Thankyou, bro.aka all women or dads my advice take care of your kids FIRST! It hard but, will"pan out" in the long run..if the person is for real in time you will find out. Wish you God's best for you. Love of JESUS! ELENA

---ELENA on 12/29/12


Well, Jesus loves everyone, He suffered and died like He did for each and every person. So, Jesus wants us to love any and all people > "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" He says in Matthew 5:46.

So, I'm interested in what he considers to be love, if he can have more for one person than for another.

But Jesus had special relationships, like with Mary "who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word," (Luke 10:38-42) and "the disciple whom Jesus loved" (John 21:7). So, if he is Christian, the boy can grow into the relationship they have, which will be unique, not to be measured by some comparison and quantity thing.
---willie_c: on 12/29/12


good post elena...

do not sacrifice your boy's well being for your loneliness.

wait until he does love him. as elena indicates...things will shake out. may be good...may be bad.
---aka on 12/29/12


Consider how long ago his wife died (the memories might still be fresh and he cannot "adjust" yet).

It is ALSO completely understandable that he would view his daughter as a "living keepsake" of his wife...DO NOT BECOME A THREAT (DO NOT CHALLENGE his marriage or the protection/stewartship of his "keepsake"...he WILL "protect").....Drop the subject immediately instead of making something out of it, it should become a "non issue" in your heart (you are on dangerous ground, BE SMART!, leave it alone before you wreck everything).

(maybe it is YOU who have to be more understanding and reasonable about this).
---more_excellent_way on 12/29/12




Elena, I believe you are correct! I have a step- Grandaughter and a natural Grandson. I love both of them with all my heart. If a man or woman has the love of God in their heart they should love unconditionally as Christ loves us.

Joh13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another, as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Lord bless you sister.
---trey on 12/29/12


Please, listen if you are able. Forgive me but I pray you will think very very hard before you into a big mess.. once I had a similar situation. He had a son 9 and my daughter was about 2 years old. I talked it over with my friends and they told mr " tone it down ..hold off a bit. They were right! We did tone it down. He had another woman in the " wings" all the time. He married her. She had a child, & was a friend of mine. I had no trouble with her. They were divorced in 3 years. He didn't know his "foot from his sock" of you get my drift. Bless you. ELENA
---ELENA on 12/28/12


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