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Why Hard To Leave Someone

Why do some of us find it so hard to leave a person that's so bad for us? Why do we have to love them so much it hurts to walk away and something keeps pulling you back to them?

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 ---karen on 3/8/13
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Hi,This is a subject/ forever/ men & women,have found our,selves- there! The mind functions/ until we get ",in a selfish & toxic" relationship, darlene1 valid point..however, I will let you in what you could be missing! Smiles . .who ever you " feel" you love or got you "in the outer limits"! Don't put all your life, into rthis selfish ,self subservient- slave relationship! Pr.22:17a cheerfull heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.Ps.34:8-10,Ps.84:11.
God will always do good to those whi love Him, give yourself sometime in prayer, He loves you! For real
---lidia4796 on 7/22/13

Karen it is so hard to walk away from a toxic relationship because it is easier to bear the known than to step out by yourself into the unknown. No matter how bad the situation is for you it gives you more fear to walk away into something different. Pray God to give wisdom and strength to do whats best for you. Seek God,put him first in your life and ask Him to give you wisdom on your next move.
---Darlene_1 on 3/12/13


I don't believe Christianity anywhere teaches people to remain in abusive relationships

a previous poster suggested it as well as many others across several topics on marriage, however biggest offender is the catholic religion, where their members report to priests about spouses abusing them physically, emotionally, or mentally, and the priests tell abused spouse they are the problem and to remain in the marriage. However, my response was to the poster who insisted it is a religious doctrine to remain shackled to spousal abuse where the topic is about people who willingly remain shackled to an abuser (aka someone who is bad for them) because that is not love because they do not know love
---Follower_of_Christ on 3/12/13

Strongaxe, you are correct. If everyone followed the commands of God we would never have a problem with divorce. The agreement between the two was that man should love the Lord and if they did, they would not abuse their spouse. What that tells us is the not many are saved to begin with. Second, there is many reasons why people stay when they are abused. Not just the children, but many do not know how to do anything and are scared to be along. Others have no funds of their own because many times the man controls the bank accounts. And then there are those who somehow, and I don't know why, they enjoy been abused, at least it seems that way. True love of God is different then the love humans show for others.
---Mark_V. on 3/12/13


I don't believe Christianity anywhere teaches people to remain in abusive relationships. Jesus said God hates divorce, but seeing how infrequently the Bible mentions it, it's quite clear there are a lot o other things God hates MORE. Jesus didn't condemn divorce - he spoke only about divorce and subsequent re-marriage. In many pathological marriages, it can be much better to be separated (or divorced) and remain single for the rest of one's life, than to remain married and abused.
---StrongAxe on 3/11/13

to me its not as semple to just walk away kids are involved i dont want them to think dad just left them god was all about change and i dont think he ment for us to be unhappy but if it means to hurt my kids ill wait till their grown life isnt worth messing up their world to be happy
---jim on 3/11/13

God made us to get into one relationship in our life, and stay there

No that is a lie!

God understood mankind was imperfect, nothing in bible stating any person to remain in abusive marriage relationship to be tortured by spouse

no small wonder people openly speak of hating their spouses when religion teaches people to remain in an abusive marriage turning marriage into an evil union

those without spiritual understanding apply their religious teachings to marriage and these are directly opposed to marriage as defined by holy scripture. If your religion teaches you to remain in an abusive relationship then obey your religious sickness, however holy scripture does not teach that wicked idea.
---Follower_of_Christ on 3/10/13

Karen D, on 3/8/13 said, "Most times people become addicted to the drama." I can see this, including ones do not know how to handle anything else . . . maybe like how a noisy mouthy person can't handle being with a peaceful quiet date.

"They have a hard time enjoying peace and quiet and cannot give up the abuser for fear that he/she might find someone else if they leave." If you mean staying with an abuser, in order to keep the person busy away from another victim . . . I think there might be ones who would be willing to give themselves, like this.

Jesus maybe kept Judas around, by letting him have the money to keep him busy . . . until Jesus used Judas for Jesus' purpose.
---willie_c: on 3/10/13

When it is a person, there is also the fact that God made us to be in only one relationship.

So leaving anyone is going against what God made us to be

God made us to get into one relationship in our life, and stay there, so if we want to leave that person, we break what God made us to do

If the person is bad for us, we have to, but it is not haw we were made initially
---Peter on 3/9/13

\\The problem is that the world says treat the problem, list above, (AA meetings, anti-bulling, etc).\\

AA is not simply about stopping drinking.

Actually, AA and other 12 step groups are trying to get at the underlying causes of substance abuse and other self-destructive behaviors.

Have you ever read the Twelve Steps? AA grew from a Christian group called the Oxford Group (not the same thing as the Oxford Movement in the Anglican communion).

And what does this have to do with what you misspelled as "anti-bulling"?

Jed, what you are talking about is called the Stockholm Syndrome.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 3/9/13

I agree with Scott all of the self help groups do not address the underlying problem because when you don't value or respect yourself, it is easier to convince yourself you have feelings of "love", however if you don't love yourself first it is impossible to have any kind of love for someone else, although many will argue and defend their love for someone despite the fact that they put themselves in a position to be mistreated by someone else because they claim they are allowing themselves to be mistreated for "love". The "love-sick" person continues in their lie by believing the person who mistreats them loves them. Most would rather be shackled to an abuser than be alone.
---Follower_of_Christ on 3/9/13

Same reason people are addicted to over smoking, overeating, over drinking, over lazyiness, over shopping etc because it is there idol even though it hurts them. having something even if it hurts is better than nothing.
The problem is that the world says treat the problem, list above, (AA meetings, anti-bulling, etc). However usually that bad activity is a temporary solution to a deeper problem, usually an identity problem. self-worth, lonlyness, purpose, depression.
---Scott1 on 3/8/13

Most times people become addicted to the drama. They have a hard time enjoying peace and quiet and cannot give up the abuser for fear that he/she might find someone else if they leave.
---KarenD on 3/8/13

When I was studying psychology in school, I read an article about a girl who had been kidnapped by a stranger and held hostage for several years before she finally escaped. The girl stated how she actually began to feel empethetic for her abuser while she was being held hostage. Even though she knew she was being abused, she began to develop an emotional bond with him over time. Because she was with him most all the time, she got to see his human side. It got to the point where he would actually take her out shopping with him and she had opportunities to escape but she didn't because she felt guilty leaving him alone. Eventually, she did finally escape. This type of thing happens alot.
---Jed on 3/8/13

Simply human nature.

But we frequently love other things that are bad for us. There are substance abuse, bad books, and so on.

There are many things that make a relationship toxic. Someone one (or both) might be an enabler. I know that in the past I was.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 3/8/13

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